Yess err to the side of quation. caution.
yes.
I brushed me gums very hard too hard as it would happen, but so it happens, so what.. moving along. and placed three 800 mic ion exchange papers to new wounds/buccal region.
within five minutes alert.
10 minutes.. am i just hyperventilating? I sort of raced into it. I wasn't relaxed. I was going all day. Went and got new speakers that I only just powed to a few songs, and wish i could say the rest but of course there's music. songs. I think I listened to, if you want to read this, like I sometimes don't, but am envious of those who can with such ... laser-like.. minds, and carve through and actually come up with relative, valuable shit for all of us.
I'm on this stuff right now.
It hit really quick. I underestimated it. I spit it out within 15-20 minutes, if that. It could have been 10. Something in my body was .. like touching something electricity.. you know.. you don't want to hold on.
that.
if i had perhaps held on a little longer i may have gone a little deeper, but as it is right now, my body is taught. a number of other substances would have to be in my body to allow such a trigger, singular-like this, to effect me. .. again. it was terrifying. the thought of calling an ambulance was very real. all i could do was relax. this was within the first 30 minutes. let go. I took it at 8 P.M., it's 12:12 now. Numbers letters, it .. is really all neat... the way it comes together, and the way you wait on things- to move, and suddenly miles away something else decides it's time to move, too. "Decides"... like strings. We're all pulled. And through.. and I can't comprehend right now, right now..
Stop. I'll give myself that.
I imagine the substance to be effective to many, and all, even if it means death.
Would I ever take it lightly?
I didn't think I was, but apparently, I was... and that's ok, because it happens. I forgive you. I'm talking.
On this stuff.
..................
space.
Wild. I wish I had a stronger body, but even then I feel I'd be aware of the energies I am aware of. And I can change them, they are very neuro-electric.
And I wish I could get over that being let down by what I am. I'm singular. I'm ready to be inserted. Of course... molding needs to be done, first.
Yea.
What's my fucking deal.
?
Molding, structuring, learning... I admit I'm mud like everything else (to say). That's empowering.
I try to think.
I'm not quite capturing it, sometimes.
I may have been earlier, but it hurt- a lot.. much of the time. I'm afraid it would, now.
At 4 hours in...
I do feel like I'm coming out- but the nature of these psychedelics are in and out, sometimes. Waves. Breathing. Your brain needs to breath out. Phenethylamines. I have not explored the rich ... abundance of options... I would like to .. try cactus. I justify not doing so because of these sick feelings- but they happen anyways, and are a reflection, as I came, to, of my present self.
Allergic reaction?
Just another day, unfortunately. Most phenethylamines feel this way to me, but oddly I feel more powerful over my allergies after using them. My words. I used 2C-E one summer, while exhibiting symptoms of a food allergy that I was unconscious of at the time... but knew I was feeling the pain. 2C-E, or that experience, taught me to master this extreme.... these extreme feelings, in a way.. to calm myself among them. It's all just to find peace, for me.
But truth is, I understand how we check and everything, I am a hemp seed eater. Anything else causes an immunological reaction.
And these phenethylamines all seem to go into those "allergy" places. I wonder if I'm just allergic to them. But quite honestly, I'm not sure if I'm not "allergic" on some level, to everything. A lot of the way I get through it is just ... like I taught myself.. like what happened to be taught on 2C-E (just to some extreme level, like now), how to get through situations. Every fucking day is a situation. I've accepted my life as a "situation"- not to completely fail myself in explanation... but it happens and happens again, and I just feel like taking a drive... but not yet.
The ER feelings came from the left side of my body feeling really weird. I couldn't keep track of my heart beat. Impossible 10 minutes in. ER response would have at that point been to give me some ... benzos.. defintitely. enough to zonk me.
Where to fit all the tens.
I am, starting to feel more at ease- and "regular" feelings are creeping in... 4.5 hours in. Still easy to get lost.
Very interesting stuff. But it felt threatening, at this dose, at the beginning, and probably because it had a pretty direct route as everything passes through me anyways. I touch glue and taste it. I don't have the padding many people do. Mine is there to transmit. That's about it. For all I can think right now to say. Like an old man, of course, I'm definitely not catching something.
I wonder if it hits others with this intensity, this quickly? Did the entire dose manage to take effect? I guess with an "exchange" the way it happens, whatever was in that would be transferred equally in the fluid environment, given the time... and the fact that I'm a lot of water, and very little food... And my heart rate at the time was elevated, as well.
Initial plan was to get everything ready then dose and sit, and wait, and be cautious, and observant... but I of course get ahead of myself, a little, and take the trash out- plan my activities out as I may on a tryptamine-
I am less likely to freak out on a tryptamine. Even if I do, I'm forgiven. This, I almost felt like I might not be. Vasoconstriction not a good feeling. Don't experience the same way with tryptamines. Perhaps don't get ahead of myself the same way. They don't stimulate noradrendaline and whatnot the same way, or i don't know.
But I understand why ... not .. to combine.. this drug.. with anything, except in tiny tiny tiny doses, please.
not to change the subject.
regurgitating what i've heard here, and what i sometimes say oh ho hum too.
Are you ready to step foot on an untested... fucking.. back-country ... rocket?
Or firecracker. You might survive, so says the other roach or beatle-bug that woke up... much later, after we thought it was dead.
Hell, and like us, it might be better for it, in ways. I'm not sure, of course, if I'd go that far, though... so that
feels like the advice I heard on here. thanks, guys.
But it definitely takes you there. All I say, again, is use caution, and maybe not on a first time dose ... not 2.4 mg. Maybe 400 mics. For me. Bleeding gums and fasting for 14 hours.
But I was a tester. Why I would volunteer? I don't know. It was something to do, and I imagined I wouldn't die. I eat only hemp seeds on a daily basis, and I try to eat avocados. I say I try. I do eat them, but understand my body sometimes disagrees with them. Hell, a part of my body disagrees with hemp seeds too, but I can't stop. I need to eat something. It's not ... change subject.
You see this issue, of course. Prevalent. Very much teacher.
I was curious. Do I regret it? Of course not? Will I repeat? Smaller dose- perhaps. Not in a hurry.
To step back,
On the strength of it- had it not been for the way it HIT me-- had I been "chilling", in the right environment (well)... I may have handled it better, and wow- this stuff hit some points. Has hit some points. Still there.
T+5 hours, I guess.
And a this point, I sort of wish I had kept the blotter in the mouth and just held on (or let go, as tended to happen. hold on. let go. hold on. let go....).
There is a sweet spot, where it's very manageable. Usually after the peak- but to say the other spots aren't sweet... haha.
Yes, I will smack that. No, I'm not prepared for.. that. Be nice.
I'll do more to that if you want me to, har har har.
Change.
I wanted to change my name to JJ23A, on x-box live.
thought a lot about my exes. very deeply... only good thoughts. anything less was admittance that i'm imperfect and breath in, and out, and there we go. good thoughts. she is my blessing. she has my blessing. to those i love, i honestly could only continue to, even if they were/are with another. many times, of course- i've learned... this is more satisfying, because i know i couldn't satisfy them- and there's nothing wrong with that- it's just the way things go. we played a part, and might continue to- might not. love is still there. if there ever was love.
Life. All there is. What is there? Love. Find it. Ask for it. Give it.
Beyond these words, Love.
I kind of want out of this territory, now. Nothing personal. I feel you'd be better off without me

I mean really, you would be. Think positive. You know it. I'll be here, though, if you need me- maybe. I might be doing something else, though, but if you REALLY NEED ME, well, I might be there- again. but I guess if you really needed me, I'd be there.
I love like that, and expect nothing less, but more is appreciated, and... helps. I know. (And I've failed miserably. So haven't we all?)
A lot of artistry. In this. I would rate this, right now, as a peak psychedelic experience- even if I didn't agree with many of the effects, and how it took me from where I thought I was going, even if I wasn't expecting much... our eyes do face forward.
or didn't agree.. I said that. I have no choice but to agree, but to reconcile.
Is this compound potentially... something valuable? Yes. But I found myself deriving value from the same life-pool that I do normally- but more precise, and amplified, and whatnot- and sometimes a little confused, but really very little of that when you got down to it.
Really very awesome- still.
Made me realize I want to start moving more. If anything, just to walk. I know this- but I don't do it. I know I can't handle heavy stuff, because of my weaknesses, but I used that as an excuse, sometimes, to not do anything physical. Walking... is uncomfortable, for me... unless I'm on some certain kinds of drugs, or a really good strain of marijuana, or have endorphins running from exercise, of course. Regular exercise would be good, and so many things would have been better had I not been exposed to the sedentary options that I was, now. .. but then again- I'd be without this, but is is worth it? It levels out, really. There's something to it, but that's with everything. Not to say forget about it, but that might be your job... ?
goes into those quantum spaces where everything sums to everything, or something. becomes everything. can be. is with.
It was very humbling. I felt very humble. Of course, because I felt I could die at any second, at points.
"star power"
black hole "guzzlers" (crushers), and star power. and where, and how? Ahhhhh. MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I tried to go with things, as I heard, them. It wasn't in tune, or in perfect harmony, but it was soothing. So starts a sound. Made the difference between a feeling of chest closure, arterial... ventricular collapse, and soothing, loving, hope for another breath- a tomorrow, a next... to say something and to feel love, still. Hear something. Mostly.
Don't we all belong at the center of it all? Dissected by all? Used? Consumed? But the way you're consumed you're with benefit... Stars.
?
Many times I imagined slivers of my own muscle being served, on plates. I was fully aware, and willing.. . but of course, numbed perfectly to it. At times I might be severed- my head. Right from left. It was a desire for surgery, much of it, and also a feeling of owing love to people- for those I said words to, but feel I haven't fulfilled myself, what love really is... getting at something, here, but am sort of not wanting to face it, again.
If I could ask for something, it would be surgery to remove painful things, then I'd be better able to love. That's in my hands, though. I just keep going day by day... smoking marijuana- not that that helps or hurts my routine in this regard. I just need to take care of myself.
Phenethylamines seem to be, in memory- now that I remember- again, nothing to joke about.
Tryptamines like 4-AcO-DMT while still might surprise are
generally, well that one is, forgiving, for me.
10 minutes in "DO NOT REPEAT I wish I hadn't done that, I'd feel perfectly normal going to the ER. I'd be able to rationally tell them things, but would seem irrational about how I wanted certain things to stop, because there's no real... what to call it... way to go about structuring this exact "episode"- because all psychedelics are different, true, but a psychedelic experience is... well.. .. I still feel it can be measured.. quantified, transported... in a way that's valuable to science and ... understanding ourselves, our physiology... the nature of the universe. This went to the core. As we know, indistinguishable from the rest, really... but it's mapping that (back to that)...
beautiful brain...
and experience that it's honed into.
and time.
inseparable.
_______________
I would definitely experiment again, but I would like to be in a more forgiving environment. One where I can walk around naked outside, and not worry about something unless it was going to eat me... in which case I'd probably destroy it, or die myself...
but outside, the one time I have stepped out, tonight, at about T+3... It was a cool experience.. very visual. The stars.. beautiful... the lights.. if only i felt comfortable being CRAZY in this city environment. It may be too much, though, which is why I shelter myself, in here.
This inthe wilderness would be ... very rich, indeed. I may even explore similar dosage if I could be in the perfect, outdoor environment. A desert is very well suited, yet with access to water. Like Robocop- this compound, sort of, reminiscent of what it came from- sort of... "mescaline"- but not without some "static" that nature still is trying to make sense of, but will, because it doesn't have a choice (thank God for that and infinite).... But I have never tried mescaline.. . but .. something about it felt that was "it's" home... like a hybrid organism (worlds apart, or just bubbles, or membranes) stumbling upon some finally relatively perfect environment for it's dominant make-up to accept. It was, although not, "Mescaline", or at least what is mescaline is part of the environment that it was honed in, over time. Therefore-relative.
(That would be, primitive values within a system.) <- brain attempt
Where to fit all of the tens.
I never learned to surf. I imagine I could. It might be kind of nice, as long as I don't try to get ahead of the wave.
Where is that wave? Where does it start? You know, you can make them... But we're here. We smile. I like your music. I can shut up, too.
You know.
Let go..
I need to let go.
I'd like to listen to some music, but I don't want to disturb neighbors. Even though I remember at times opening my eyes to hear the sound of running water, and activity, and I get to say... "not yet".
I am smiling much more now, at T+5 hr 37 minutes approximately. As terrifying as it was, I am sad it's over... it's being over. It is definitely leaving the body. I feel I'll recover, fine... But this definitely ...
if you have a heart condition... please advise!!!!!!!!!!!!
alllllllsooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
DOSE TITRATION
I have a feeling this would better be administered very, very gently. ... the method of administration for such a compound for optimal satisfaction and harm reduction would be almost surgical/laboratory- well would be enough to satisfy the costs for a small surgery, and with the attention.. yada.
Start slowly, I mean levels where the body can't hardly register anything foreign. over a period of 30 minutes or so, building from there, exponentially and shut of the "pump" at a certain time... say 30 minutes or so in. I don't know, really. But that's one thing about these substances. BAM. Where as.. cacti, or mushrooms... digest.. takes time.
This would really be useful, I think, if I could control my dosage in such a way hinted here. Like... a gentle blast off.
I may, next time, dose less, and cut the pieces up and have them at my disposal, to apply to my gums, less to begin with, then on a schedule, put more in, more... more... finally all of it at 20-30 minutes.
Hmm.
T+6 Hr 18 minutes
I have recognized something, with emphasis, about smoking, in general. It is bad. My body rejected smoked marijuana... both joints I rolled were met with instant pain in my left lung. I stopped smoking. It hurt. I tried-again this pocket vaporizor that I picked up, but was much more finesse with how I handled it, and hit it like a joint. This helped. Not a bad substance. Hard to convince body otherwise smoking.
Very physical, very spiritual... Found myself thinking about so many people, not that I really wanted to- nothing personal. I'd find myself in this fantasy of meaning with those that I have had life with, who ... capture my attention- me... and whatnot, and my reality... but then there are suddenly these other people, down the line.. just here.. like life. not "just here"- but like that, like you.
I am still very much in it.
Easy now to get lost in music, if I want, but I have to find myself in it. I have to groove. Easy if you just let yourself, but of course, here we are, anal-raping ourselves, I guess?
It goes with the territory, but not something I take lightly. It happens sometimes. Not sure if it's necessary.
Moving along. Where was I?
The asshole.
God Jesus can we not escape!
(I do this in honor)
Wouldn't the sacrifice be a simultaneous event? A sacrifice? It is meant to bring more life, in action of taking it. The Christ on a Cross is like fission/fusion. He heals, but he is healed, there. That's the culmination of all ills, illnesses, wrong-doing, disasters, everything. A conduit. Trans-warp, and all that mega-awesome, awesomeness. And more. There, thereafter.
There are easier things on the heart, though. The body, and the mind that gets dragged along (sort of).
Listening to Pandora, Ulrich Schnauss radio. Enjoyed it, but the moods change. The moods to change with this, as I seem to remember, somewhat, with 2C-E, and D.
Perhaps just not digging current song.
But did notice mood shifts.
Early in the trip I learned to rely on the steady music, from my neighbor, as I was naked on my dirty, sticky carpet, sweating, somewhat unaware. He is Mexican/"Latino" and all the people that are "them", making us, us, and, you know how it goes. It was soothing. it was enlightening. What I was usually almost pounding on my floor to get to stop at certain hours, I was very appreciative of the "constant"... Almost a pace-maker... and when it stopped... Things got harder...
...
and the pacifier gets loaded in again- the music continues.
Holding on, letting go.
The rhythm of the insects songs, the environment... the fact that you took that long to stand up, and dogs miles away are now barking, and/or a motorcycle revs up- and with thoughts. Control? Controller? Controlled. Observer. Acting. Strings. Where was I, before I was I? I love it. God. I love God. But I'm definitely trying to be in awareness of how I was humbled, when I say that. That I literally felt death, and made a joke about it. I had to. Satan is a joke, if you're successful. It is a sparker, catalyst, fighter, wall, anything that changes the path YOU were on... HA-HA. There's no place, other than that. What remains is a space where things are made.
In the end, Love. Try to. Admit it. Shepherd it.
But, Love. (Obviously not butt-love, I'm trying to distinctify it from ... FRACK)
I admit I wanted to eat her ass. Not eat, but even now it sounds, not... what I wanted/want, but I wanted to lick her "whole undercarriage". Pleasure her. Of course, but I've never wanted to do it quite like what I felt about her. I know there's something to it, but it's very sacred. Shit. Yes, shit is very sacred. Everything is, you know.
I guess I wanted that "intimacy" to her- though I couldn't have her the same way, with me, at least not... currently. I could never ask... such a thing, as I for some reason had... (just thinking, here, pardon me)... .. like she was a tool, that I could feel myself through. To feel her- her experience, to relate, and get off on her. Not to say it was just her ass-end, but that was a part of it that, like a dog, my mind just went to.
Perhaps scientists are looking at pheremones in humans the wrong way/scent signals... to believe that we are somehow moving past. Our bodies are just implementing them differently, due to a variety (what has been) of factors. They bypass perhaps one main mode of animal scent signals, but there are parallel ways that it runs, just on a more streamlined level, for us. Being complex-task yada communicative this and that beings with brains, we needn't be FORCED to sniff the ass of almost everyone that walks by,
but is it love when something makes you recognize how close you are? A test of. How much can you?
can i?
but back on it- We can't be like animals, but we ride them.
okay, try again... she just had me.
Not to say she doesn't exist in someone else- never to dishonor
her, who- contrary to what I might have thought, never dishonored
her, or
her, or
her (or HER
HER... *gasps* and variations allowed/commanded/requested/suggested/wanted)
Rests.
Understands. Says not.
When says, of course. Changes.
______________
T+8 HR 25 minutes
At perhaps T+4 hours, or so, I was writing in my OkCupid profile. Good times. I said Yahweh, describing something (anything), in and out, on/off, flow. source. Words... This word, Someone comes online- I see. I like a butterfly go to look at her, instantly recognizing features that resonated/made me suspicious that she was of some Mediterranean/Arabian/israli ancestry, which a white war-mut of the north sees as "holy land person" on some archetypal level, not that I am not, or my "people" (not to separate) aren't "holy". Anyways, I thought she was Jewish, or born as a jewish person. I know they don't have a certain type, anymore than christians, but Israeli born, or close to, you know... often.
But that was instant. Yahweh, and her. And I did connect with her profile. I guess I had had her as a favorite, since I can't really honestly offer most of them any more than some warmth... but like to have them around. They also provide warmth.
It connected. I stopped writing whatever I was writing, and explored her, even though I did want to get back to what I would. Of course, wanted to say "Hi", but did not. Would it have hurt? ? Complicated? Yes.
And there it is.
Rest.
...(Oh, and her name Is "YourNewCukoo"...)
Not that I am saying I'll tap into it, or try. She lives in... Berkeley. Not that we'd even be compatible, but our strings did come together somehow along the way/are together.
Much on vibrations. Getting lost in them. And within one string, multiple? Or vibrations within vibrations, it seemed. Music. All of the frequencies. On through the levels.
T+9 HR, I am still "expanded" in thought, sometimes more than others. At times, though I feel down. "Normal" headache, as perhaps mentioned, is returning, but nothing to really COMPLAIN about.

This drug did surely not ignore my body. I am still "taking it easy", from it.
Again, don't rely on this one to be gentle to you- you be gentle to you. Do not bleed the gums and apply 2.4 mg worth of ion-exchange paper to fresh wounds. You will be fluttering and on the brink of disaster, seemingly, in minutes. An alert almost instantaneously. If you want to bleed your gums, and apply... One third of what I did might be tolerable, but as I mentioned earlier- the key to such a powerful compound is proper titration of dose. To effectively using it, in the safest possible way.
This was, in a sense, a problem with catching my breath, and "hyperventilating" in a painful way.
I basically had to have faith that I wouldn't die... at least, then. But hell, in a mind that wasn't ready- that hadn't been primed (as much as one could be) from previous experiences, this would/could have been a disaster. I was, however, confident going in, knowing it may not be easy, but I guess sometimes I have to run into things to know what to do next. Or, that's... how it seems to happen... again, and again. I do find some value in this kind of semi-recklessness (depending on how you take it), though. I now know not to repeat such an experience. I would never, again, do so, in the same manner. Again, I feel the key is titration, to "organically" introduce it into the body.
The vasoconstrictive properties of this one aren't fun at this level and my response... that was a source of a lot of the attention to my body, I think. I very much remember 2Cs being the same, but more forgiving, and I was younger. LSD, although some of the thoughts yes very similar, and where it took you in the mind, and insights... so very similar, actually... LSD is one of the only other compounds, well, DOC did it, too.. to make me see this "core". On 4-Aco-DMT this may have been a color of soft white, perfect light, where on this, it was... something else. Feel the star, this way.
Atomic, comes to mind. Very interesting thinking, and ways of bringing together. Actually very valuable.
POWERFUL. It's no wonder they use these (brains) to build machines!
Jockey.
Anyways.
T+8:30: Definitely coming out. Brain still catching some breaths of the same psychedelic-nesss, but it's fading.
Thought about redosing... a "Homeopathic" dose, almost. Not really, but just to introduce a fraction of what I did earlier, to once again, "test". Even though it was so harsh going in the first time. I do doubt such a small amount would be enough to do much, but I have no idea about tolerance. I'm not looking for much, anyways, and not expecting, but do expect, -actually, that it would alter my headspace. I just may, actually.
I'm thinking a re-dose of perhaps 200 mics. I don't know. On the other hand I want to come out... but I like to satisfy curiosity, too. I didn't die. I'm relatively relaxed... I don't feel I was permanently harmed by it (but could never subject body to such effects such as vasoconstriction ahhhhh this often... but acid does it too.. but it's not painful)
I imagine effects on body at this point, such a small dose would be negligable. But am interested to put the product through the machine again, anyway.
T+8:35 HR...
T+8:54 HR... T+ 10 minutes 200 mics. Perhaps a slight alert is felt. I understand in a way I am chasing elements of my experience, and this might not have any positive effect, but the reward will be with knowledge, in any case.
In any case- it's happening again, but is much more manage-able. Per my first instinct, somehow I knew this was an effective redoser. This adds possibility to more variable dosage methods, in laboratory/clinical settings. Fine tune. Dump gasoline on fire or just enough to ignite a little more?
Earlier in the night, I would be happy being a campfire. Another name for myself on xbox live i thought about... Campfire. Campfire23.
I felt I was burning. Like I was fuel. I was okay with this. I mean I was fueling myself...
Knife through the abdomen, from sternum down, open up portal, white light, bird flies out- life echos. Sick- may be. Don't do it, literally, you dick, or I will.
*Battles with my devils*
Ok... back to burning. Firewood. Me. Free Wood. Sit on me, light me on fire.
T+ ?
Hard not to smile. I am enjoying this now. Powerful. Maybe... more? It could happen... but I don't know. Even at this small of a dose after this many hours (enough to rebound physiologically though, in one cycle or another, adding to receptivity?), I feel activity. Again, much more comfortable. Side effects minimal/manageable.
Now ~24 hours since food.