I have used DMT more than any other psychedelic, smoking it sometimes up to 10 or more times in a day. Until recently I have had nothing but awe inspiring experiences that have been truly incredible and rarely too traumatic. Throughout my experimentation I have remained the rational atheistic materialistic individual I was before smoking.
Two recent experiences have truly shook me up though.
Trip one:
was with a bowl filled to the brim with DMT, well over 200 milligrams. My usual smoking method is to pack it up as full as possible and smoke it until I no longer know what I am doing. I was in my bedroom, lights out, chill music playing. I was in a relatively positive state of mind.
The second it hit me I knew it was going to be horrific. I immediately thought, "I hate this" and this thought was reflected back a 1000 fold as "we hate you" by the entities I suddenly found myself surrounded with. I found myself in a self reflective state where entities picked me apart, where I picked myself apart, I realized I was depressed, that I was physically ill, that my life was a joke. I looked up and saw a window on the wall where there isn't a window, and through it a creature peered at me, I stood up shocked and began to reject the experience. With this rejection I got the feeling of "well fuck you too" from this creature peering at me from the window. This same interaction occurred as I walked through my house now inhabited with beings who swarmed every room. I forgot I had smoked the DMT and ran upstairs at which point I began to come down and regain control.
I knew after this experience that a break was needed to stabilize my life and health. So I took that break.
Trip Two:
Using a traditional dmt freebase pipe and a torch lighter my friend loads up 200 milligrams for the 5 of us in the woods. He heats it up and hits it two times and hands it to me. I hold the pipe in my hands, happy and calm and ready to return to the DMT realm.
I light the torch and push the flame towards the bulb. As I do this the flame physically bends away from the bulb refusing to touch it. I relight it a few times and every time it does this. I am at this time absolutely sober and baffled. I push the lighter closer trying to force the torch to heat up the DMT and it goes out. Frustrated I pass the pipe to my friend who proceeds to hit it.
I ask for it back and attempt again, everyone is watching and notices the same thing once again occuring. The flame refuses to touch the bulb of the pipe. And if I get it too close it goes out. I have smoked with this device and lighter multiple times and am quite familiar with how to do it so at this point I am quite baffled. I hand the lighter to my friend and say, hey how bout you light this for me I seem to be having trouble. So he puts the torch up to it and the flame heats up the bulb but no smoke at all. We assume it is empty so I pass it back to him to refill. But before he does he gets 2 massive rips from it.
I laughingly ask him to refill it and heat it up for me and then pass it to me so i can inhale it. He does this and hands it to me and as i put the pipe to my lips the smoke vanishes from the pipe before I can inhale. Baffled we try again and again it vanishes. I once again try lighting it myself and the flame bends again. At this point I declare, "Alright I get it, I reject rationality, now please....", and attempt once more.
But it still refuses. So I try my Bic lighter, much more difficult to light a freebase pipe with properly but with practice i can do it pretty damn well, and once again no smoke. After multiple tries, much laughter and confusion I give up. No one else had a similar experience. Everyone else witnessed it.
I was previously certain that heat+dmt=smoke, that torch lighters don't just go out repeatedly, that the flame doesn't bend at 90 degree angles when pushed towards glass, that basic chemical reactions were immutable facts, so I am left with no logical explanation for the events that happened. Frankly I doubt I ever will be able to explain it. For me this inability to smoke DMT was the most intense DMT experience I have ever had.
The fact that this experience followed up an experience in which I rejected and was rejected by the being I encountered makes this all the more strange to me.
Frankly I have never been so baffled by a psychedelic.