Sexual Preferences vs "Transphobia"

[arrall]

That's pretty risky, wouldn't you agree?

I met up with a woman, couldn’t remember her first name, the bar was loud so I didn’t hear it when she said it. We hung out for several hours then went back to my place and ended up hooking up. Maybe it is risky, I’ve also fucked people in very public places and done various risky sexual shit and have long been open about that on here. I’m not the right person to answer that question.

And perhaps others just feel far less positively about casual sex. There is inherent risk of all sorts having sex with relative strangers. Sex in general has loads of risk even if you know the person.

I agree with this. Casual sex is risky, and everyone has the right to participate or not participate in it. I tend to take fairly large risks in life, and can be hypersexual, so I have lots of casual sex. That is my choice as an adult human. Just as it is your choice to wait for marriage.

.

You don’t need to disclose your life history, you just need to disclose the things that let the person have agency over their body.

Anyway, I’ve gone way off topic so I apologise and also I’m keen to go out for a wee surf! I think discourse is healthy and it’s good to see.

Thank you for genuinely being willing to engage in good faith here. I appreciate your contributions to this discourse, even though we may disagree on some parts of it
And it’s always good to see you on here

I mean that MsDiz seems to think that every sexual rapport which isn't respectfull and about love is a rape.

I think this is a really gross misunderstanding of what @MsDiz was saying.

 

[arrall]

Indeed. But what if they don't wana go? What if they like being around women because they're straight, so to speak? So toss them in with men where arguably gay men now rape them?

This is a deep rabbit hole that I don't entirely expect to get straight or rational conclusions from folks regarding... my bad.

Let them choose in both cases? If someone is genuinely trans then there is no reason not to give them the choice.

 

[Ratel]

I think this is a really gross misunderstanding of what @MsDiz was saying.

To be honest i have trouble following the discussion, my english is lacking me

 

[arrall]

To be honest i have trouble following the discussion, my english is lacking me

Ms Diz was suggesting that consent to sex cannot genuinely occur if someone omits major aspects of their past (e.g. being transgender)

 

[Cream Gravy?]

@arrall I highly doubt you'll get an answer you like from any 'cis' (God I hate that term, sorry) men as to why they wouldn't want to have sex with someone if they found out they used to be male. But can you not see why yourself? Put yourself in their shoes?

Just as it is your choice to wait for marriage.

I didn't wait but you know, that's its own rabbit hole of illogical gut driven feelings that I don't care to get into hahahah.

I tend to take fairly large risks in life, and can be hypersexual, so I have lots of casual sex.

Do you feel that this perhaps flavors your outspoken opinions regarding sex and how others view it?

 

[Ratel]

Ms Diz was suggesting that consent to sex cannot genuinely occur if someone omits major aspects of their past (e.g. being transgender)

Yeah thanks i get it but still, this is bullshit to call a sexual rapport over a lie, a rape!

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Let them choose in both cases? If someone is genuinely trans then there is no reason not to give them the choice.

Aha! But now do you see? Should not everyone get to pick what sex of prison they're incarcerated in now? And once again how is that fair? So now a double standard would exist in this scenario, that arguably encourages the false gendering that conservative folks fear so much.

Yeah thanks i get it but still, this is bullshit to call a sexual rapport over a lie, a rape!

Would you not feel raped if someone knew that they had HIV but failed to disclose it to you?

 

[Ratel]

Would you not feel raped if someone knew that they had HIV but failed to disclose it to you?

Nope, i would get mad, espacially with HIV which i got a phobic issue with... And if i haven't lied to my first girlfriend by telling here i already did it, maybe i would still be virgin... Did i raped here?

 

[phantom_alyce]

@Cream Gravy? I don't think sexual preference changes anything. And to your point, it's a rough topic. To be fair, the US prison system was designed very poorly. Mind you, many people are closeted. But, at this point, I'll stand the ground that all men (cis/trans) be together, and all women (cis/trans) be together. To my knowledge, and I could be wrong, but trans women don't have the sperm production to impregnate someone, and trans men don't have the hormonal capability to get pregnant, but again, I could be wrong on this. This debate could go on forever and get into the smallest of details and factors, so I will bow out of discussing the prison system.

I may have gotten side tracked thinking about pregnancy in prison issues. I know diseases and such are a factor as well.

 

[MsDiz]

Yeah thanks i get it but still, this is bullshit to call a sexual rapport over a lie, a rape!

I want to make it clear to you. Rape is when sex or sexually activity occurs without a persons consent.

When you withhold information from someone that could change their consent if they knew the truth then you are committing rape by deception. It might not be violent at the time but psychologically it can be incredibly violating, it can cause a lot of mental anguish and indeed is just as damaging. If people think ‘well I’m fully passing and they will never know it’s just a one night stand’ that isn’t a good look and it’s certainly a slippery slope to go down.

Honestly though, what trans person would want to have sex with someone who is possibly transphobic. What type of person would actually want to deceive someone into something that may be against their religion or even just their comfort level among many other reasons.

Honesty is always the best policy, not only does it protect the trans person but it protects the person they may get intimate with.

I also think that the rhetoric is incredibly damaging to the trans movement. Wanting people to accept you whilst also saying you’ve no issue about having sex without a persons genuine consent is pretty wild. (This isn’t directed at you @arrall , just a hypothetical).

Thank you for genuinely being willing to engage in good faith here. I appreciate your contributions to this discourse, even though we may disagree on some parts of it
And it’s always good to see you on here

Absolutely, I enjoy discourse in good faith and whilst we may not always agree I’m certainly holding nothing against you.

I’ve missed BL more than I realised!

 

[Ratel]

I want to make it clear to you. Rape is when sex or sexually activity occurs without a persons consent.

When you withhold information from someone that could change their consent if they knew the truth then you are committing rape by deception. It might not be violent at the time but psychologically it can be incredibly violating, it can cause a lot of mental anguish and indeed is just as damaging. If people think ‘well I’m fully passing and they will never know it’s just a one night stand’ that isn’t a good look and it’s certainly a slippery slope to go down.

Honestly though, what trans person would want to have sex with someone who is possibly transphobic. What type of person would actually want to deceive someone into something that may be against their religion or even just their comfort level among many other reasons.

Honesty is always the best policy, not only does it protect the trans person but it protects the person they may get intimate with.

I also think that the rhetoric is incredibly damaging to the trans movement. Wanting people to accept you whilst also saying you’ve no issue about having sex without a persons genuine consent is pretty wild. (This isn’t directed at you @arrall , just a hypothetical).



Absolutely, I enjoy discourse in good faith and whilst we may not always agree I’m certainly holding nothing against you.

I’ve missed BL more than I realised!

Thanks for all that explaination, i had'nt got it already, i'm dumb af sry.....

 

[MedicinalUser247]

What kind of Man doesn't were Woman's under ware at least once in their life ? I mean really....

 

[phantom_alyce]

What kind of Man doesn't were Woman's under ware at least once in their life ? I mean really....

True, cis men do this frequently as I've learned over the years, but this isn't really related to sexual preferences and transphobia.

 

[alasdairm]

I think it's very strange when people try to police sexuality of others. It's weird when right wingers do it -- it's weird when other people do it too. If you aren't hurting anyone else you should be free to fuck or not fuck anyone you want, for whatever reasons you choose.

i read the last few pages and i think this pretty much sums up my feelings.

alasdair

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

How would someone know that it would change their mind?

It would change my mind.

What amount of history is needed to disclose to someone when having a one-night stand?

Not many things I can think of, but having transitioned is certainly up there for me.

I would feel deceived. If it is disclosed before, I can politely decline and wish them luck and they can find someone who exhibits enthusiastic consent.
Isn't that what you'd want, anyway?

what functional difference is there for a one night stand?

It's about more than a functional orifice.

 

[arrall]

It's about more than a functional orifice.

Such as?

Coming from the person who has a history of transphobic crashouts on this site, I’m a little hesitant to believe that the reasoning isn’t transphobia.

 

[arrall]

If you aren't hurting anyone else you should be free to fuck or not fuck anyone you want, for whatever reasons you choose.

Agreed.
You can have whatever preference you want, and maybe it is transphobic or racist or whatever, and that is still your right to have that preference.
There are plenty of people who won’t/only will fuck people of a certain race or won’t fuck trans people who have had SRS or go seek out adults that look super young/look genuinely underage or want to fuck people 3x their age.
People are welcome to have weird as fuck preferences, even if they are bigoted preferences.
Someone else can think they are gross or weird as fuck but as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, it is whatever.
That still doesn’t change the fact that said preference may be transphobic or racist or whatever.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Such as?

Are you saying sex is just about a hole?
If that's the case, why aren't you fucking men?

I'm into women. They are more than cavities and tits.

Coming from the person who has a history of transphobic crashouts on this site, I’m a little hesitant to believe that the reasoning isn’t transphobia.

"Transphobic crashouts" because I don't agree with your semantics.

I don't want to fuck a trans-man or a trans-woman. Maybe that is a transphobic.
That doesn't mean I don't believe in everybody's right to love and be loved.
That is just not MY cup of tea.

 

[arrall]

Are you saying sex is just about a hole?
If that's the case, why aren't you fucking men?

I'm into women. They are more than cavities and tits.

Because I am not attracted to men.
My interpretation of people who are attracted to women not wanting to fuck any trans women in existence seems like it boils down to some combination of:
1) Seeing trans women, even those who are indistinguishable in appearance from cisgender women, as being fundamentally men in some way (and vice versa for trans men)
2) Insecurity about one’s own sexuality and gender, and then projecting these insecurities onto transgender people.

"Transphobic crashouts" because I don't agree with your semantics.

No, because you have previously engaged in vile behaviour towards specific transgender users in past years on here from what I can recall.

I don't want to fuck a trans-man or a trans-woman. Maybe that is a transphobic.

It is transphobic. It’s also your right as an adult human to have that preference, even if it is a bigoted one.

That doesn't mean I don't believe in everybody's right to love and be loved.
That is just not MY cup of tea.

Fair enough. I think we will have to agree to disagree here.

 

[arrall]

Yeah thanks i get it but still, this is bullshit to call a sexual rapport over a lie, a rape!

Most definitions of rape would include rape by deception. I don’t think that invalidating that is reasonable.

Would you not feel raped if someone knew that they had HIV but failed to disclose it to you?

well, that is legally considered sexual assault.
Not disclosing a past gender transition is not, to my knowledge.
That is because HIV affects and harms the other person and can potentially kill them. Having penetrative sex with someone who now has a vagina and used to have a penis does not.