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Self-harm support thread v. 3

^^ I'm glad you didn't get caught up in to doing it often semigenius, because it can be very difficult to let go of it as a primary coping mechanism.

There are various products you can use which may help to reduce the visibility of scars. I'm not sure in which country you live but if you just go to your local pharmacy and ask for a scar reduction product they could recommend something for you. The one I'm using is called Bio-Oil and it's an oil which you rub in to the scars 3 times a day. It takes at least 3 months of continuous treatment to reduce the scars but hey, if you're really that bother by your scars (which I am of some of mine, not all though) it's worth the hassle.
 
Surprise, surprise....guess who has come crawling back to TDS....

I wish I could be still posting happy shit, but something inside me has turned..... I'm not cutting anymore, but I find myself hating me more every single day. It's so bad I'm now throwing up after every meal, just so I don't get fat. I'm living off smokes & coffee....


I don't know what to do anymore, yes I know purging can lead to health issues, but right now I don't give a fuck, I want to be stick thin & beautiful....and I guess part of me doesn't care how sick I get, I don't care if I die either....I just want to get there.
 
^^ I have been there as well hun, it's horrible :(
PM me if you want to talk about it. We also have the Eating disorders support thread which may be of use to you <3
I hope this doesn't last long BW, it's an exhausting and soul-destroying cycle to be caught up in :(
 
semigenius said:
I tried burning and cutting myself before. I did it because people who cut told me that it felt amazing. Well, why the fuck not, I thought. I did it, and felt nothing. Now, I just have terrible scars. I try keeping them hidden, but eventually, people see them. Not very fun to explain that story to people. It would have been a hell of a lot better if I never did it. I'm also lucky I didn't like it, since I know it's very addictive.
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if the wound wont close, it will scar terribly. also if the wound wont close, and you cant make it close with dressings and tape, you require stitches to close it to prevent the nasty scarring. If its just one cut, you can tell the ER you accidentally a chefs knive while cooking, and they'll close and dress it to minimize scarring.
 
the one way i know m fuckcked up is when i start to miss crack, honestly i dont even realy like it alll i wasnt is just a fuckn shot thatll chase all this shit away
 
totaly off topic question but how do you get those fuckn big clouds of smoke, i i can never get shit
 
i've found myself cutting again lately, but its no longer for reasons of depression and sadness... i mean it is, but its moreso because i just actually enjoy the feeling i get from it... whats wrong with me, it makes me hate myself more and more but i still can't stop doing it
 
I posted a couple of months ago (just an estimate of how long ago) about how I was burning myself with cigarettes and continued doing it even after a serious infection developed from the burns. The desire and compulsion to do this was so strong that I was unable to quit.

I'm 27 years old now, but I had a two year period when I was 16-18 years old when I burned myself with a soldering iron, made small cuts on my body, and stuck needles completely through my toes and put a sock on, leaving them sometimes for 2 days. I started using cigarettes to burn earlier this year because it alleviated my mental pain.

I was put on Depakote to help control this behavior around two months ago. For a while, I only had 500mg/day which is a small amount, especially for someone my size, and it did not help. They raised it to 1,500mg/day maybe a month ago, and I only burned myself once after that, just a few days after the dose increase. I still have the urges to do it sometimes, sometimes it is only with great difficulty that I avoid doing it. I told my psychiatrist I was still wanting to burn myself but managing to control that behaviour. I got it raised to 2,000mg/day yesterday, and I am hoping that increase will further reduce urges to burn or hurt myself in other ways. She said that around 3,000mg/day would probably be the optimal dose for me, saying that typically blood levels of Depakote reach optimal levels with 1,000mg/day for each 100lb of body weight and I weigh 320lb. That means they can raise it further if needed, though I think this last increase will probably be enough.

Good luck to all of you who are going through the kind of thing I've went through. It would probably be worthwhile to seek psychiatric help if you are harming yourself and can't control the behaviour.
 
Here is a link to another thread for "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day.
I provided a lot of informative information from research that I have done that may help you explain your self-injury, depression or suicidal thoughts to others.

Warning- the link in nsfw tag contains self-injury scars picture for a cause. May be triggering, please use discretion.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?p=8979224#post8979224
 
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I have never posted here before, as a matter of fact I rarely post on BL. I don't really know what to say, so I suppose I will just offer why I am here.

I burn myself sometimes, and tonight I felt so bad that I performed the wretched act of expunging. Four clean blisters of purification across the wrist. I know its bad, but I do it anyway.

I don't have any questions, just thought I'd post for some support, I guess.
 
^^ You've come to the right place man.
How do you feel after you burn yourself? Do you feel guilty or sad? Or do you feel like it helps you? Do you necessarily want to stop doing it?


Tryptamine*Dreamer it's good to hear that you're at a stage now where you can control the self-harm urges. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences <3 I still get urges every now and then, sometimes they are really strong. But we learn to sit tight and wait until the urges subside, and it does get easier with time and practice.


Tryptamind said:
i've found myself cutting again lately, but its no longer for reasons of depression and sadness... i mean it is, but its moreso because i just actually enjoy the feeling i get from it... whats wrong with me, it makes me hate myself more and more but i still can't stop doing it
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Yeah I've been there too man, it's confusing huh. Do you find that before you even know what you're doing, you're cutting yourself? Or is it moreso that you consciously plan to cut, and then consciously follow your plans through?


billyswifey I'm so sorry I didn't attend to your message before today, I've had exams so I've hardly been online this week :( How are you doing today hun?? How are things? I'm really worried about you :( I hope you're being careful <3
 
I just had a self harm run (maintain clinical skills) that hit an artery. Even someone as distant as the EMS worker who gets your run, is affected. It took my mood from chipper to dour, to see that big messy gash in what should be perfect skin, to start infusion of lost blood. why? What did you accomplished my dear? besides make a soldier and toronto EMS worker wonder 'wtf' and shed some tears...and trust me, we've both seen a lot, so you harming making us feel weak, should tell you how it impacts others. I'm not sure what pysch hold and ICU stay will do for you, but I hope its worth the pain caused everyone from your mom who found you, to me and my partner who kept you alive.

(random 911 call, no one from BL or that I know personally)
 
i don't know why i do (did) this shit, my arms scar'd for life, my last OD i blackd out with a dozen half inch cuts all up and down my left arm, people ask me what i did. it's hard to lie because the cuts all go one way, and they are spaced out a inch or so.

i still feel like doing the shit though, i havn't done anything yet, but the thoughts cross my mind, i'm in rehab as some of u know, and theres so much drama, and i'm always in it. usually when they do a positive and negative vote and i'm voted negative, not because i'm angry, but i'm deppresed, after the vote i went and sat in the bathroom with a kinfe thinking, i'm glad i took a shower instead, but since then the thought still arises when something shitty happens to me.
 
^^ Aww man, you just have to keep fighting the urges. You know how disappointed you'll feel if you do it again. Keep reminding yourself how much you don't want any more scars. That's what I do when I get cutting urges. I look at my worst scars, which are on my legs and quite disfiguring, and remind myself that I do NOT want any more scars. Think of the consequences and choose NOT to do it.

P.S. I've had exams so I couldn't write to you, but now I'm finished so I'm gonna write to you today :) <3
 
whenever I get a SH run, I grab a plastic surgeon by the fucking collar and make him/her close it so it won't scar...but that's cause I'm a tad of an asshole and don't give a fuck about his break.
 
I've been thinking more and more about getting some ink, but I'm already covered in scar designs.. I'm wondering if I can incorporate one of the scars into the tat... Like I have

FEAR

PAIN

on my leg, maybe just adding a 'NO' inked in between could be cool?


Also have a burn scar from a fire on my calf that look just like pac man lol was thinkin about maybe adding two small dots, one big one, then another small one in front of him haha

The other one is a huge eye on my left upper arm, turning it into a chameleon wrapped around my arm could be cool
 
^^ I'm in the process of getting my worst scars tattoo'd over. You should definitely find a reputable tattoo artist and go and visit them to chat about your ideas. The only problem with tattooing scar tissue is that the ink can "bleed" and fade more easily than normal healthy skin. But it can still be done and is worth discussing with a tattooist :)

rangrz said:
whenever I get a SH run, I grab a plastic surgeon by the fucking collar and make him/her close it so it won't scar...but that's cause I'm a tad of an asshole and don't give a fuck about his break.
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The scars on my legs which are huge and keloid, I went to the medical centre the morning after I'd done it, and asked the doctor to stitch me up. She wouldn't do it because it could trap infection in the wound. I insisted that I'd bee very careful cleaning them up and knew what I was doing in that department. But she still wouldn't do it.
So she taped them up and of course they immediately split open the next day. The result was/is the horrific scars on my legs (which, as described above I'm now getting tattoos over). If she just done what I asked her to do the scars wouldn't have been so bad.
 
That's okay n3o, it was a real kick up the ass for me, I've stopped purging, but I'm still not quite there with eating correctly yet. Covered in a bunch of scars from harming but I'll bounce back.

I've been talking to people about what is going on so they understand me better, so far so good.
 
I used to cut myself. I didn't do it for over a year now but both of my hands are covered in scar tissues from my wrists up to my shoulders. It sucks so much.. During one very unfortunate accident I almost got to my veins and I had to get stitches for four deep cuts on my wrists. Going to the health center in the morning wrapped up in blood-soaked bondage and asking for help was one of the worst experiences of my life. I remember the confused, judging, almost disgusted faces of receptionists that started to tell that "it's been too long since you cut them, we don't have anyone on the staff now to do it, why did you do that, etc". I told them that I tried to kill myself but failed in cutting deep enough and I am bleeding and they should do something about it because that's their job. I felt horrible. They ended up calling someone in and I got my stitches. The nurse who did it made sure that there are no records and they charged me nothing instead of 50 dollars for a stitch. I was very grateful to that person... That event really changed that habit. I didn't cut myself since then but there were many times when I really wanted to do that but I knew that if I start again there's no way I will stop.. So far so good, I am holding on.
For all of you cutters here. Keep it up.. The instant gratification and this sweet sharp pain, beautiful blood are not the ways out. They just leave permanent marks of your depression. Having mental scars sucks but having physical reminders for the rest of your life is even worse.
 
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