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Self-harm support thread v. 3

Yep I hear ya. The self-destructive mindset can be really difficult to switch off because it comes after years and years of conditioning ourselves to automatically use self-destruction as our first coping mechanism. It can be a really engrained in to us.
But you can train yourself out of it, and focus on using more effective coping strategies <3
 
Thank you, and I went I cancelled the appointment :X I just couldn't go through with it. The thing is I like heping people when they feel like me, for example this morning I went and did all of my mums shopping and I send the occasional text to her asking if she's alright an she says she is. But I just feel hopeless when I get no smile back from her or from anyone for that matter, and I am not the 'hugging' sort of person when it comes to things like this.

Tonight I am suppose to be going out clubbing with my mates in town but all that is going to be on my mind is how selfish I am for leaving her in the house on her own.
 
By the way I just gave my GP a call after that last comment and made an appointment today for 2PM, I just don't know how to explain in.

Thank you all for your support and will let you know how it goes.
 
Just before leaving for the doctors my Nana's next door neghbour called and said she's been taken to hospital.
 
Went to see doctor and he gave me a leaflet about counselling in my local area.
 
this has been a very bad week. Id actualy made it maybe it maybe 4 or 5 months with out cutting til this week and now i just want to end it all. probably not an apporiate quistion but how long do you think it would take to die from blood loss. cause the only thing i have available right know is a razor blade an.d if i go through with it i realy dont want to be stopped half way through.
 
^ Sorry your feeling like this Gk, :( would you consider taking time to just try and feel what your feelng now without cutting? Whats happened that led up to this and where you are now?
 
lynx, that's good you went to the doctor. Did you tell them about the self-harm? Do you think you will go through with the counselling? Doctors really annoy me sometimes with stuff like that because they just point you in the direction of getting more help, and they don't appreciate how fucking hard it is/was to tell them about your self-harm, only for you to have to tell yet another doctor/cousellor about it as well! But from my experience, it does actually get easier to talk about it with professionals. I've had to mention my self-harm to approximately 10 different doctors now, and yeah, it gets easier.
Sorry to hear about your Nanna, is she okay??


glitter kiss, hun I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad week. You're having a rough time now but you just made it 4 or 5 months without cutting, how did you get through those months without resorting to self-harm? Perhaps you can think back to those times, and try to use whatever methods you used back then to stop yourself from cutting now? Also, I don't know exact figures but dying from bleeding out takes a pretty long time, during which time you would definitely begin to regret your decision and you'd possibly end up calling for help half-way through. Either that or you would be found by a friend or relative and they'd call an ambulance. It's not worth it hun, you can get through this without thinking of suicide okay? Please be strong <3
 
thinking about it know i realize i had actualy only made it a couple months without sh, i didnt remember the last incident cause at first im not realy sure if counts cause the blade was so blunt i could barely break the surface of my skin so i gace up after 10 minutes or so. ive just been realy depressed lately, im tired of being broke and i cant find a job. Then about 4 days ago i got aletter in the mail stating the city is reinstating some charges i got like 6 months ago and if i go to court and have to do a program im fucked since im already supposed to be in one to satsify my parents demands, if they find out i quit im probably going to get kicked out. I hate how pathetic it sounds but the only thing keeping me from cutting at the moment is im scared of fucking up my veins, the only thing i realy care about right now i the rare moments when i get to iv some h and i dont want to lose any more spots where i can hit. I barely made it through last night without doing anything stupid, i made myself go to a friends instead of staying alone. I realy just dont know what to do with myself anymore somtimes it just seems like life isnt worth living, actualy most of the time it feels that way. The only that barely gets my by is the few friends friend i have. I just wish i wasnt such a fuck up
 
lynx, that's good you went to the doctor. Did you tell them about the self-harm? Do you think you will go through with the counselling? Doctors really annoy me sometimes with stuff like that because they just point you in the direction of getting more help, and they don't appreciate how fucking hard it is/was to tell them about your self-harm, only for you to have to tell yet another doctor/cousellor about it as well! But from my experience, it does actually get easier to talk about it with professionals. I've had to mention my self-harm to approximately 10 different doctors now, and yeah, it gets easier.
Sorry to hear about your Nanna, is she okay??
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I told him about the self-harming and he didn't say anything or even ask whereabouts or how long I've been doing it. He just printed me off a leaflet about extra curricular activities, then he said maybe this will help (very bluntly), they are'nt even counsellers and I've never liked sports.
Oh and my nana is fine but she isn't a very nice person to begin with (sounds horrible to say) and I think she's going slightly senile. When my mum was out of the hospital ward she said to me, "Why are you looking so fed up, do you enjoy seeing me like this, you couldn't care less if I was dead would you?"
Now I've got nine 1500 word essays to do by next week or else I am off the course, I just can't cope any longer.
 
glitter_kiss said:
barely made it through last night without doing anything stupid, i made myself go to a friends instead of staying alone.
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Well hun, that is awesome that you actually made it through last night without cutting! It proves to you that you DO have the strength and willpower to abstain from cutting. Each time you feel tempted to cut, you just need to try and remember what thought process you went through last night, when you decided that you wouldn't cut and that you'd go to your friend's place instead.

lynx2051 said:
When my mum was out of the hospital ward she said to me, "Why are you looking so fed up, do you enjoy seeing me like this, you couldn't care less if I was dead would you?"
Now I've got nine 1500 word essays to do by next week or else I am off the course, I just can't cope any longer.
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Man I'm sorry your mum said that to you. I am 100% positive that she is under a lot of stress herself right now so perhaps that's why she said it. But that sure doesn't help you. In times like this you need to try and figure out what the priority is. If it's your school work that is the main stress in your life, then just take each essay one at a time and try to get them done. Try not to worry about what your mum said for now. If you can at least get some of the essays out of the way, ease the pressure a little bit, just take one thing at a time. I know what it's like when things all of a sudden seem too much and it feels like everything's piled on top of you, but just literally take one single task at a time and hopefully you can get through <3
 
Man I'm sorry your mum said that to you. I am 100% positive that she is under a lot of stress herself right now so perhaps that's why she said it. But that sure doesn't help you. In times like this you need to try and figure out what the priority is. If it's your school work that is the main stress in your life, then just take each essay one at a time and try to get them done. Try not to worry about what your mum said for now. If you can at least get some of the essays out of the way, ease the pressure a little bit, just take one thing at a time. I know what it's like when things all of a sudden seem too much and it feels like everything's piled on top of you, but just literally take one single task at a time and hopefully you can get through
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Sorry I made a typing mistake, it was nana who said that, not my mum.
 
But either way it doesn't matter, my mum is the best person I could ask for, I am just a weak selfish piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Ahhhh I see, that was my mistake man, sorry.

You are NOT a weak selfish piece of shit. You're going through a lot of stress. Perhaps you should talk to your mum about what you're going through? Do you think she'd be able to help you?
 
No she isn't that sort of person, when I am upset she thinks I'd rather be left alone, but when she's upset I'll help her (or at least try).
 
lynx2051 said:
when I am upset she thinks I'd rather be left alone
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Well sometimes it's up to you to reach out to people for help man. I know it's hard, but I can guarantee that if you go to your mum and tell her how hard you're finding things right now, she will welcome you with open arms and do what she can to help you.
But sometimes you have to make the first move <3
 
this week just keeps on getting worse and worse. Im so fuckn stupid i just found out the rig my friend gave me to use the other day was dirty and the last person to use it has aids. I thought it was relatively clean cause id used it the week before, but i didnt understand or properly list to my friend when she said it had been used. I guess i was to anxious to push off or something, not thats much of an excuse, im such of a fuckn idiot i realy just need to put myself out my misery before i fuck something else up.
 
im so fuckn stressed/ depressed. Im trying to stay away from cutting for the moment, but its hard. i know its stupid, but can someone just lie to me and tell me everything is going to be ok?
 
^^ Hang on hun, don't panic. Are you absolutely certain that a) it was dirty, and b) the person who used it has been diagnosed with AIDS? How long before did that person use the rig? Try and get all the facts, then go and see a doctor as soon as you can. Keep us updated <3


flf, being that drunk makes a huge difference mate. Alcohol is a depressant, as you know, so you're more than likely going to feel significantly more depressed when you're drunk. It can distort your perspective, making you think things are worse than they really are. For this reason it's really important that you don't make any rash decisions when you're drunk. When you reach that point in the evening it's best to just count your losses and go to bed, get some sleep and wait for the next day to begin.
How are you feeling today? <3
 
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