Self-harm support thread v. 3

Thanks :)

I did buy some pot today though, i was feeling shaky all day and found myself holding onto my arms alot.
 
Sweet P - the darksiders are here to help you. You know you can always send ANY of us a message or even post if you are having a difficult time <3
 
^ Thanks hun. Sometimes I just find it difficult to reach out to people...
 
Very twitchy and irritable. Couldn't fall asleep last night until i smoked the last of that pot. Really want my knife back :'(
 
^^ Don't even think about it man, don't even entertain it as an option. You can cope just fine without it, and each day it will get easier <3
 
I ran into some old "friends" while I was taking home a girl i liked in front of publix. Long story short my window and front headlight are busted and that girl never wants to talk to me again. After it was over i went into the publix stole one of their knifes and cut myself in the bathroom. Just for fun i covered the knife in blood and left it on the floor. Fuck
 
Oh man I'm so sorry to hear that WFL :(
It's really hard when bad events trigger us, when we've been relying on cutting as a coping mechanism for so long. I really hope you can try and find some alternative ways of dealing with negative emotions. It really does get easier with time as well, but you still have to try.

What are your plans now, in terms of stopping cutting?
Please take care man <3
 
I thought about it today when the bf left the exacto knife he always has with him. I don't know why. It is like this sick part of my mind that never really get better. I haven't cut since around Christmas and I don't feel depressed. Just kinda bored.
Its just something familiar I guess. I didn't even consider acting on it but just still having to deal with the thoughts bother me.
 
^^ Yeah I can relate to that hun. Thoughts are thoughts though, and we don't have to act on them. Just try to do something to distract yourself until the thoughts subside <3
 
I know the feeling of cutting cause I am bored or cause I think for some sick reason I am supposed to, that that is the solution. Obviously it isn't, but I just can't help thinking it is.
 
That girl was the one who was holding onto the key to my lockbox, where im keeping my knifes and drugs. Shes giving it back to me tomorrow. Fuck idk what to do
 
^^ I know it is hun :( I'm fighting it hard at the moment as well. Damn hormones get the better of me most of the time :X

That girl was the one who was holding onto the key to my lockbox, where im keeping my knifes and drugs. Shes giving it back to me tomorrow. Fuck idk what to do

You need to trust yourself that you can get through the day without resorting to cutting or drugs. It CAN be done man.

Have you seen a counsellor/therapist about this? Or in recent times? Maybe it's something to consider, just so you can get some things off your chest <3
 
~~~ feeling much happier :)

I talked to my friend tonya about it for a few hours a couple hours ago. But as far as actual professional help im scared they would take my ritalin away [Try not to incriminate yourself around here. Just watching out for ya! -RL]. Kinda neccessary.


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hiya - we try and discourage disscusion like that, no matter how much i agree with you...
;)
good to see you are feeling more yourself though for sure.

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lmao, thanks dude :)
 
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^^ So good to hear you're feeling a bit better WFL!! <3


Holy shit I was SO close to cutting last night. What the fuck was I thinking?! I am SO glad I didn't go through with it. If I had woken up this morning with a fresh cut I would've been absolutely fucking devestated :(
 
^ I'm also glad you didn't go through with it! Well done for resisting the urge. :)
 
"Agreements" seems to help me. or example, years ago when i had to move in w/my mom after a meth problem & ppl leaving me nowhere to go after my lease expired, my mom took me to doc for depression. doc saw my scars and she looked at allll my junior high & high school history. I said I didn't want to go back on meds. She said ok, but if you hurt yourself again make an appt and that may be what we want to do for you. And then i didn't cut for about a year and a half after that, maybe more? and i had moved back out by then. also this summer my aunt, my family knowing my mental history... misread a track mark scar for cutting, so i said that's what it was when she pulled me aside (boyf warned me she was worried about me cutting) and why not? i kind of had been doing it more frequently around that time, or a bit before that time (also had long years span of not doing it until first fight w/current boyf, of course in the time i wasn't cutting i had various eating disorder issues for most of it...) so she was upset and made an agreement w/me for me not to cut anymore, and think i have only twice since that talk around august or sept- tho have burned prob 5 times as in my mind it wasn't in the agreement, oh excuses! the last time was a rather messy affair... but anyhow - other people trying to control me - like a friend going thru my purse and taking away razors, or in high school my mom made me wear short sleeves, as if that's the only place i did it - these make it worse. boyfriend seeing them or wanting to if i mention i've done it is just embarassing, but for some reasons the informal verbal contracts, when i have one, pop up in my head when i want to... it's sometimes hard to otherwise get rid of anger and frustration... but my boyf does drink a couple of beers most days and if we save the bottles, i throw and smash them against each other in the trashcan - that helps vent those types of emotions that can usually only be calmed through self mutilation. now if i could just find a way to get rid of the self-medication brought on by anxiety, worry, lack of life satisfaction, and so on - i'd be something like a real human, long as i didn't get obsessed with my weight again - which i may have to watch for as that time comes, considering i'm the only most-of-life-except-when-extreme-dieting overweight person in my whole family( i was adopted, small bone structure, mom thought i was too thin and overfed me & i didn't burn it off like my siblings! )and most of my friends - tho just living w/one friend now and my boyfriend's weight prob is from inactivity due to perm disability due to car accident - and he still eats like he did whenever he was younger and active - lots! & the drug i'm using has slowed down body functions so much i've put on more weight - while boyf REFUSES to "go hungry" or let me...
but anyhow maybe that could be helpful for someone - agreements with people & having someone to call, plus another way to "get out" the emotion that you "treat" with self mutilation. it can be hard to find one as sometimes it seems like it's the ONLY thing that gets rid of it correctly, but if you can involve yourself FULLY in this other activity it can work! and maybe if that's not enough, turning the water on full-heat and putting your arm under it for 5 secs can also help, and doesn't seem damaging.
 
I'm curious if anyone has cut when not dealing with emotional issues? Just cutting or self harm because it feels good? I have been doing this for a while. Not cutting or peticularly harmful things, but causing myself pain because its pleasurable. Though it can be a sexual thing, in the context I'm doing it it is not.

Anyone else?
 
Sometimes I will do it just because I am bored I guess. I don't think it is that it is pleasurable so much as just something to do that does bring me relief.

I think sometimes when I haven't done it for awhile, I start thinking that I need to because there must have been something I did that I need to be guilty for even though I really have nothing in mind.

Pretty fucked up :\
 
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