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Self-harm support thread v. 3

^^ D's, it's totally natural to feel guilty or ashamed after a relapse. But please try not to dwell on those feelings for too long. Use those feelings as motivation towards further recovery. Are you sober again now, or working towards it? Have you got someone you can talk to about how you're feeling regarding slipping-up with your sobriety? You'll feel so much better having talked about it and worked through the emotions that way, rather than resorting to cutting.

Remember how bad it feels to wake up with fresh cuts, how awkward it is for people to ask about the scars.

I know you don't want to feel like that again man <3
 
I started cutting at 17 to try and cope with PTSD and the like. I haven't done it since the summer of 2008. Lately, I've had this overwhelming urge to start again. It usually passes after a while, but not this time. It's been almost two weeks, I just can't shake the feeling. Anyone have any ideas on how to prevent slipping up? Or any ideas on why this is lasting so long?
 
^^ Welcome to the thread hun <3

Cutting is like any other addiction, we can get "cravings" or urges any time for whatever reason. It could be months later, it could be years down the track, but the most important thing is that we do NOT act on our urges, but find a more constructive outlet for our emotions.

For me, I find that if I'm obsessing about cutting again, I talk to my boyfriend about how I'm feeling. He reminds me about why I can't do it any more, and how bad it makes me feel, because often when you've got the urge to cut, it's like a haze over your brain and you forget about how shitty it makes you feel after you've done it and after the endorphins wear off. So it's good to have someone who can remind you at that moment, of how much it does NOT solve your problems.

If my boyfriend isn't around I distract myself with something else until the urge subsides, like taking the dog for a walk, doing some weights, or cleaning the house etc.
 
My drug counsellor looked at my arms during my appointment today and said "you've been busy".

I should have worn a long sleeved t-shirt. :\
 
I've been feeling better...sort of.
fucking pigs wanted to tear us apart with an intervention order (won't go into it, hurts too much) but we managed to get it wiped (to a point) yay (:
truely wanted to cut the other night when I thought that I'd never see him again.
we're also discussing life again, we're kinda engaged again (:
 
Back to cutting and overdosing on panadeine (paracetamol + codeine) tablets. I'm under so much stress and heartache at the moment. Broke up with the person I loved, facing multiple charges in court in two weeks times, I'm lonely as fuck, and I'm just feeling depressed to the core. A waste of space.
 
Sweet P, I really hope this stint of self-harm doesn't continue for very long. It's so heartbreaking to see you feeling this way.

Please, at very least, do a cold-water extraction if you're going to take panadeine. I've said it before and I will continue to say it, overdosing on paracetamol is absolutely not worth it.

Are you going to see your psych sometime soon?
 
^ I have no idea when I'll be seeing the psychiatrist. My counsellor is trying to set up an appointment, but it's taking ages. There are one or two psychiatrists in the service who refuse to see me, which makes things difficult...
 
Sweet P, im not too sure whats happening at the moment as i've been out of the loop for the past week or two. please like neo has said, if you are using panadiene as a way to get an opiate high please use a cold water extraction to bring the level of paracetamol/apap down to a non toxic level. i know you use this as a form of self harm, permanent liver damage is not one of the 'slow methods of self harm' like smoking can feel like at times.

it is something which will follow you far past depression and bad times, a lifelong torment, and perhaps a life ending one as well.

as far as counselors and help goes, when deemed a suicide risk, or risk regarding personal injury, i believe the health system will place priority for you over other cases. please try talk to someone about everything thats going on right now in your life. it seems like a lot to bear on your own, reaching out is a step towards a brighter future.

we've all loved before, and all been hurt before, and we've all risen from the ashes to love again. please try see this future for yourself as well. i hope you are doing alright
 
versd said:
it is something which will follow you far past depression and bad times, a lifelong torment, and perhaps a life ending one as well.
Click to expand...

My depression, bad times and torment will never go away. I have recurrent major depressive disorder which is non-responsive to medication or therapy. And frankly, I think it will be that which ends my life. Maybe sooner than the paracetamol.
 
since i have not had personal experience with major depressive disorder, perhaps my comments here are inappropriate, so please forgive me for any offence that this may cause.

major depressive disorder sounds like something which you have carried as a burden for your entire life, or at least the past few years. even through that, i am sure you have seen some happiness and some hope for the future. even if those reasons have come crashing down recently, the hope for you to find that shining light again is still there, the possibility of being happy is there.

you have commented in the past that speaking to a counselor or professional regarding your personal issues have helped a lot with your current mood and emotions. please reach out again and try find that same relief as you have in the past.
 
^ No offence taken - was just saying. It's been battling the depression for over half of my life, and I have had moments when things seemed ok, but they never last. The amount of time that I'm depressed outweighs the amount of time that I'm not, so those moments of happiness are only brief respites. I can't be bothered trying to cling onto those little moments any more. A miserable life is not worth living.
 
Fucking sick of feeling so useless & helpless. I got called a bunch of shit today by someone who only heard one half & one side of the story....they called me a fucking shitty gf, a psyhco etc....told me to get some fucking mental help (I'm fucking trying to) and all it's resulted in is me sitting here feeling like the scum of the earth & cutting.....again.
I wish I was fucking dead.
 
I don't know why, because it is certainly not intentional, but every time there is a twloha day, I end up having an overwhelming urge to cut. Same thing happened last night.

I didn't end up doing it, but it was a very intense feeling. I'm sure it didn't help that I was tripping, but I'm glad I was able to talk myself out of it.

Things have been pretty hectic in my house this weekend. My parents are constantly fighting, my mom threatening to leave my dad, etc. It's all a lot to deal with. I'm not good at dealing with fighting and yelling and it all just wears me out.
 
Hi, Im a new bluelighter, Or greenlighter I guess. Ive gone without cutting for 6 days now, But with all the bullshit, Its getting really really hard. I try to subside the need with my other habits but it doesnt seeem to be working. God forbid my parents find out im cutting again.
 
Sweet P said:
Back to cutting... it's been a while since I last cut, but now I'm doing it again.

[editing out triggering material - n3o]
Click to expand...


heh...looks like the mod Nazi's are at it again...why can't we
NSFW:
hm?


makes no sense...its been 2 months for me...blades and sharp things scream out at me...
[editing out triggering material - n3o]...but thus far I've resisted...pray I can keep on going...<3
 
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Hey Hannah, I feel you, You may not care to talk to somone as young as me, But there are certainly people here who can help you threw your problems. I was about to slip this morning myself but people on my thread helped me threw it, Its nice to know that people care.
 
Tonight was one of the worst I've ever done.
I was in the shower and when I snapped out of it, there was just red all over.
I honestly don't even know how it happened :? :|
 
are you seeking any professional help for your blackouts? disassociating through certain events like that is something which can probably only be addressed with professional therapy to work through why it happens.

other than that, please look after the wounds to avoid infection etc.
 
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