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Say something you can't say to their face

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I dont give a shit what people think. I usually tell em' stright to there face. Most these posts seen to be directed at me. WTF
 
I'll miss how suave you are. The faces you made. The sounds you made. I miss your sexy body. Your partner must be one lucky guy but I could make you just as happy. Things happen for a reason though and I wish you the best of luck with everything.
 
I’ll always love those big titties. ( to all the busts I’ll oogle over this summer )
 
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you in your last days. I'm sorry for ending things with you. I'm sorry you didn't get help. I'm sorry I didn't push for it harder. I'm pissed as hell at myself for not being there in your last days, just to give you comfort and support your choice. I'm really sad now. I'll always miss the good times we had. It was some of the best fun I've had in my life and I'll never forget it. I'm crying just typing this.
 
^ Oh my gosh, that's really sad.

You have a right to feel what you feel. You did what you could about being in his life as far as I could tell and more.
 
You have no idea how bad I feel. No one should have to feel this way. I need barbiturates just to get sleep; high dose BZD's are not working. The doctors are fucking shit here. I need to leave the US forever I fucking hate this country. I need to sleep this off for a few days and not cry it out. This is fucking insane.

I miss you so much, I wanted you to go through rehab and get better. I had no idea your support network would approve of your decision for passive euthanasia. I wish I knew, so I could have said one last goodbye and farewell. One last hug. It would have helped.

It's not that I feel alone. I feel sad you didn't get to find peace and prosperity in life that you deserved. I'm angered that I don't have the same civil right for euthanasia. I wouldn't subject my body to the ravages you did. I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling guilty about this whole situation.

I worry I won't come to terms with this in the weeks and months to come. I'm afraid I'll need to get into therapy again. I'm afraid it won't work.

I will come to visit your grave if they don't just burn your ashes and dump it somewhere. Not like I'm religious, fuck that shit. I just want to find inner peace and acceptance with this situation. Absurdism is real and I am struggling deeply with it. I think we both were.
 
Looking back now I see you tried contacting me about twenty days ago. I think I didn't reply because I was trying to move on mentally. I didn't know you wouldn't be here by now or I would have made greater effort to stay in contact. I am so sorry. I can never say goodbye, and I hope you found it in your heart to forgive me while you were still here.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Looking back now I see you tried contacting me about twenty days ago. I think I didn't reply because I was trying to move on mentally. I didn't know you wouldn't be here by now or I would have made greater effort to stay in contact. I am so sorry. I can never say goodbye, and I hope you found it in your heart to forgive me while you were still here.
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I'm really sorry for your loss. Please try not to be so hard on yourself! Getting into therapy again could be helpful. ❤
 
I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you in your last days. Perhaps you wanted to feel young again and I would have just messed that up. I can understand. Maybe it's better this way. I'll never know for myself. I wish you would have left a note, but I understand if you did not.

I'm incredibly grateful to have had so many good experiences with you. I am sorry if I messed things up. I feel a renewed sense of wanting to live and purpose in life but it feels so empty here. I get numb. I'm cooking a good home-made meal like you would be proud of. And I'm still thinking what your last days must have been like. I am so sorry. I wish there was more I could have done. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry I can't go back in time and make things work out different. I feel guilty for being alive. I hope I can move on. I miss you more than anyone could ever know.

I am sorry for not reaching out again.

I hope you are at peace wherever you may or may not be; in the latter sense, I hope you felt peace in your last moments here on Earth. I feel personally devastated but I'm going to move on.

GOD DAMN THIS XANAX BAR CANNOT KICKIN QUICK ENOUGH I AM TIRED OF THE TEARS

CoastTwoCoast said:
I'm really sorry for your loss. Please try not to be so hard on yourself! Getting into therapy again could be helpful. ❤
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I don't want therapy. I want to work on acceptance alone and I want some time I can't have to myself. I want to not feel mentally broken from PTSD. I want to remember the good times. I want to not remember the bad times. It's not going to work that way though, I can't always have it my way. I have to learn to live with this. I don't want therapy. I really don't. I can't stand talking to therapists.

I just want to sleep well and eat well and be thankful for the little things.
 
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You'd be proud of me. For the third night in a row, I successfully created a delicious spaghetti meal. Timed it correctly. Didn't ask any stupid questions. You used to say you needed me to learn how to take care of myself for when you were gone. Perhaps on some conscious and/or subconscious level you knew you were killing yourself slowly over time.

I am sorry I didn't understand what you were really saying. I am not as smart as I'd like to think I am.

I'll be there to fill in your role in life. I will take care of your final wishes as you told me. I'll think about you every day for a long time. I am so sorry.
 
I am so sorry and I still care deeply about you, even though you're gone.

I spoke with your mother today. She cried and I cried. I hugged her. I told her you were a good person beneath the addiction that killed you.

I am so sorry you weren't up for fighting. There was a chance you would have lived. I accept your decision. I just wanted to say goodbye to you. To have some closure.

I heard you valued our friendship deeply and that you held no resentments against me. This is all I needed to know. I'm going to be crying a lot in relief and sadness in knowing this. I miss you. And I am sorry.
 
I valued our friendship together deeply, otherwise, I wouldn't be so devastated right now. You left behind a family full of people who loved and cared deeply about you. I won't be able to fill your shoes. You had a fighting chance and you threw it away and I forgive you for that. I'd use it as my ticket out of this shit world, too. I don't want to live anymore most of the time. Except now I feel I have to. I now want to live, and it's going to be so painful here without you. I don't want to leave my family behind with a corpse to bury or incinerate. I don't want to be a burden in their minds until the day they die. They don't deserve that. I'm sorry you gave up, but because of the odds you'd have died anyway, perhaps this was the best call. We'll never know now.

I remember at least ten vacations we took together. We used to do everything together. You were such an amazing person when I first knew you. Your addiction made you devolve into a shell of what you were supposed to be. In an alternative universe, your life could have been awesome. I'm sorry you didn't get to be what you deserved in life.

It makes me worry I may one day give up too, and not achieve what I was supposed to. I am afraid I won't live past roughly another decade past your age. I don't think I'll have it in me. I don't think I'll want to. I think I've accepted death in my heart already and I'm no longer afraid. I just feel I have to live, for now. I can't believe it was you that went before me. All you had to do was take the help being offered any one of numerous times, and you didn't. I still can't believe how this played out.

Your mother looks just as devastated as I do and I fear it's going to shave years off her life if I don't step in your shoes and show up at least once a week to connect with her. I want to because she's an amazing woman. You left an amazing family behind and I hope you know how much they all miss you.

I know you were hurting from a deep-seated trauma and don't blame you for your slow-motion suicide. I just wish I didn't have to witness it as closely as I did; closer than anyone else did. There's sadness in at least a dozen people's hearts right now because you gave up, and I don't blame you. I just grieve for you in a way I didn't think I possibly could.

Rest in peace, my friend.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I heard you valued our friendship deeply and that you held no resentments against me. This is all I needed to know. I'm going to be crying a lot in relief and sadness in knowing this. I miss you. And I am sorry.
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Captain.Heroin said:
Your mother looks just as devastated as I do and I fear it's going to shave years off her life if I don't step in your shoes and show up at least once a week to connect with her. I want to because she's an amazing woman. You left an amazing family behind and I hope you know how much they all miss you.
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???
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you in your last days. Perhaps you wanted to feel young again and I would have just messed that up. I can understand. Maybe it's better this way. I'll never know for myself. I wish you would have left a note, but I understand if you did not.

I'm incredibly grateful to have had so many good experiences with you. I am sorry if I messed things up. I feel a renewed sense of wanting to live and purpose in life but it feels so empty here. I get numb. I'm cooking a good home-made meal like you would be proud of. And I'm still thinking what your last days must have been like. I am so sorry. I wish there was more I could have done. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry I can't go back in time and make things work out different. I feel guilty for being alive. I hope I can move on. I miss you more than anyone could ever know.

I am sorry for not reaching out again.

I hope you are at peace wherever you may or may not be; in the latter sense, I hope you felt peace in your last moments here on Earth. I feel personally devastated but I'm going to move on.

GOD DAMN THIS XANAX BAR CANNOT KICKIN QUICK ENOUGH I AM TIRED OF THE TEARS


I don't want therapy. I want to work on acceptance alone and I want some time I can't have to myself. I want to not feel mentally broken from PTSD. I want to remember the good times. I want to not remember the bad times. It's not going to work that way though, I can't always have it my way. I have to learn to live with this. I don't want therapy. I really don't. I can't stand talking to therapists.

I just want to sleep well and eat well and be thankful for the little things.
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Understood. I'm just sorry you're in pain. ?
 
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