Poor quality jokes contrived around drug related puns

[cletus]

A Bra & a Battery go into a pub.

The Bra goes up to the bar & orders some drinks but the barman says, "No, you're not getting served."

"Why not?" asks the bra.

The barman says, "Well you're obviously off your tits & he looks like he's gonna start something."

 

[gannetsarewe]

Who is the blind piano player who loves to sniff coke......
.........Rayle Charles

And the indie guitarist who prefers to shoot it........
.......... Jack White

And then the B list celeb who much prefers to smoke speed.....
...........Billy Piper.

 

[gannetsarewe]

I forgot the ex Everton captain who loves to do coke off other mens cocks..........
...................Mickey Lyons.

 

[jancrow]

Billy Piper, like it, like it.

Q: Which rubbish 80s cop show makes you think there are other people in the room before causing you to black out and suffer retrograde amnesia?

A: Zolpidempsey & Makepeace

 

[jancrow]

Q: What warming bedtime drink should you do a cold water extraction on so as not to fuck your liver with a massive Paracetamol overdose?

A: Cocoa-damol

 

[cletus]

Q: What's the best thing about being a meth addict?

A: Only one sleep till christmas.

 

[discopupils]

I asked a horrible and obese bloke why he snorted speed.

He said because I'm-fat-an'-mean.

 

[Baron_Greenbck]

Which time period does Baron_Greenbck wish never happened???

The Drone Age.

 

[Cornishman]

Why did this guy die from taking heroin?



Because it's die a morph ine.

 

[gannetsarewe]

what rock stars fav combo sees him dance and nod = ian brown

 

[talktomyself]

Q: how many tweakers does it take to change a lightbulb
A: one and a quarter

 

[swanhaggisman]

Q: how many tweakers does it take to change a lightbulb
A: one and a quarter

Nah, it's a trick question. They used all their spare bulbs for smoking the shit.

 

[discopupils]

Did you hear about the dyslexic raver? He died after taking an

 

[captain codshit]

I hear they've invented a new drug in Aberdeen.

They call it Ken-fit-amine.

 

[cletus]

^lol, very good :D

 

[parttime crackhead]

I hear they've invented a new drug in Aberdeen.

They call it Ken-fit-amine.

Hahaha.

 

[felix]

excellent.

 

[TheSpade]

Didn't someone already do that one? I read / heard that recently and can't think where else it would have been.

Good one like. :D

 

[elucidate]

My mate sent me a text the other day saying:-

"If anyone tries to tempt you in the future with ketamine... Just say neigh!"

But thats actuale kinda funny so dunno if it fits in this thread!

 

[tekkeN]

What do you call a water dwelling bird in the middle of an acid trip?

Peking duck