Hey man, sorry you're struggling but I just wanted to chime in to agree with Xorkoth, have you looked into other kinds of options like lamotrigine or (gasp) lithium? The latter would fuck your ability to take psychedelics while on it but other than that, there really is a lot of literature and anecdotal evidence out there supporting the use of lithium as a mood stabilizer in many cases. Antipsychotics obviously can help with the psychotic and manic symptoms directly but I'm honestly not sure they're really getting at the problem in the same way as mood stabilizers. To me it feels like if I was a doctor and you came in showing me you had a giant spike driven through your hand and I left it in but prescribed you a long-term opioid regimen. Just my two cents.
Am I really struggling, I don't know, I feel bad and anxious and then I forget all about it and don't shut up all day. It's at least not as intense as before meds and I'm not really taking any drugs apart from Ritalin so that helps too.
Anyway, I don't think Lithium is really an option right now, a couple of issues with it. First of all, there's no such thing as casually switching to Lithium, it can take months to find the right dose, you need regular check ups, and in the meantime who knows what happens and what the end result is. It sounds great in theory but I kinda need the stable and very functional right now.
There's also the problem that there's quite some evidence that for rapid cycling patients (if I had to put a label on me, I would guess I'm ultra rapid cycling bipolar 2, but I guess it's a spectrum so who really cares) when/if they eventually get off, the disorder can get significantly worse. I'm keeping Lithium in mind though, I can't and won't stay on APs forever. I like to think that I'd regret that on my deathbed, who knows, I'd like to know how I think about these things in a couple decades.
My psychiatrist won't prescribe me Lamictal as mono therapy, also from what I know and have read (studies and user reports) it's really very rare that it will stop (hypo)mania, which used to be my main issue although I'm certainly feeling my share of depression these days. Maybe I should consider, but the science is not at all on Lamictal's side here + the side effects don't look pretty either, they never do though
I understand the way you feel about APs, and I have loads of problems with the idea as well, but if you take them for a long enough time the new atypical antipsychotics can act as mood stabilizers and don't just zonk you out and mask the symptoms. They're a massive pain, unhealthy and ridden with side effects but they're effective. I was very against it at first, but even from a very low dose I had to admit there was a big shift. It's the way forward.
If you are willing to give up tripping for awhile that medication would be able to help, it's much more potent in action than Seraquel.
No way I'm going on Zyprexa, took it a couple times when in crisis, the half life and zonk is insane, II'll try to work the Seroquel IR out somehow, I can't really be a bitch about it too, I've got to realize that I can't solve everything and will have to make concessions where necessary.
Miss you all, CC and Xorkoth...still think about the glory days of PD forum on BL (2005-2007?). Damn, makes me feel old to think that was 15+ years ago!
I've had a rare trip here and there, but have been thinking of dipping my toes in again recently...
