☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

[AutoTripper]

Separately, I did acknowledge to myself, just upon sudden realisation, no denial, that on reflection I maybe entered a state of psychosis about 4 months ago, after the
plugged overdose, I've not had an experience like that before, being so outside myself afterwards, and due to the high stress levels involved, I also withdrew and alienated myself from family life, have had little contact with others in life too, being very in my own head.


So yes, unhinged I have become, mentally & emotionally, not entirely unseen by myself. But more evident to members here.

It doesn't mean I have lost my mind, even if I have a bit in a sense.

I have however, just recently gotten into a very deep depressive state like I have never experienced before.

Lots of factors again. But the high dose LSD trips lasting days, so frequent has a direct bearing on this. It's like intense, crippling withdrawals for days at first, then feeling even higher, luminous sparkling world but so intense and overloaded by senses, until week to two on, all settled again.

It's a vicious circle too, and it's been months since I had more rhan one week off.

I have been on verge of actually deleting my entire post history and simply withdrawing, but it would take a while for a start and I try not to be too rash, some posts are wrth having made too, for others.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Separately, I did acknowledge to myself, just upon sudden realisation, no denial, that on reflection I maybe entered a state of psychosis about 4 months ago, after the
plugged overdose, I've not had an experience like that before, being so outside myself afterwards, and due to the high stress levels involved, I also withdrew and alienated myself from family life, have had little contact with others in life too, being very in my own head.


So yes, unhinged I have become, mentally & emotionally, not entirely unseen by myself. But more evident to members here.

It doesn't mean I have lost my mind, even if I have a bit in a sense.

I have however, just recently gotten into a very deep depressive state like I have never experienced before.

Lots of factors again. But the high dose LSD trips lasting days, so frequent has a direct bearing on this. It's like intense, crippling withdrawals for days at first, then feeling even higher, luminous sparkling world but so intense and overloaded by senses, until week to two on, all settled again.

It's a vicious circle too, and it's been months since I had more rhan one week off.

I have been on verge of actually deleting my entire post history and simply withdrawing, but it would take a while for a start and I try not to be too rash, some posts are wrth having made too, for others.

Don't sweat it too much man, it's just a forum. Oversharing on these things comes with, uhm, you know...
There's not much to repair here. Gotta focus on repairing the in real life stuff, and just treat all this as a simple forum. When it comes to BL specifically I think you sometimes just lack some perspective on the things you say. Then I remember you're likely on benzos and acid...

I agree with you though when you say that you haven't lost your mind. But if we say look it at it from mine and other members' perspective, then it seems pretty logical that something has/is/will snap eventually, since you're seemingly falling deeper and deeper over time. There's something tragic to it, I've seen it with Charlie (different ofc) multiple times, some other members too, and to some degree myself when I was trying to make sense of what was happening with me while taking an unhealthy amount of drugs on top. And probably many more 'cases' when I wasn't even here. It's just not fun to witness, I'll be honest. Not that you never have good things to say, that's not what I'm saying, I think you feel me here.

In the grand scheme of things... why leave? I don't think BL is particularly "enabling" for you, leaving would maybe imply further isolation and you would of course miss out on the timely slaps on the wrist

Dunno if all this makes very good sense, I'm on Ritalin you know. I have grown to appreciate the methylphenidate effects, I can honestly think quite clearly and straight forward on it but it like completely erases any inherent creativity spark. It's enormously flat but there's some value for certain things. You can't put me in a social situation while on it at all though, I'm worthless, boring..... flat. I guess that's the price to pay huh

 

[AutoTripper]

Don't sweat it too much man, it's just a forum. Oversharing on these things comes with, uhm, you know...
There's not much to repair here. Gotta focus on repairing the in real life stuff, and just treat all this as a simple forum. When it comes to BL specifically I think you sometimes just lack some perspective on the things you say. Then I remember you're likely on benzos and acid...

I agree with you though when you say that you haven't lost your mind. But if we say look it at it from mine and other members' perspective, then it seems pretty logical that something has/is/will snap eventually, since you're seemingly falling deeper and deeper over time. There's something tragic to it, I've seen it with Charlie (different ofc) multiple times, some other members too, and to some degree myself when I was trying to make sense of what was happening with me while taking an unhealthy amount of drugs on top. And probably many more 'cases' when I wasn't even here. It's just not fun to witness, I'll be honest. Not that you never have good things to say, that's not what I'm saying, I think you feel me here.

In the grand scheme of things... why leave? I don't think BL is particularly "enabling" for you, leaving would maybe imply further isolation and you would of course miss out on the timely slaps on the wrist

Dunno if all this makes very good sense, I'm on Ritalin you know. I have grown to appreciate the methylphenidate effects, I can honestly think quite clearly and straight forward on it but it like completely erases any inherent creativity spark. It's enormously flat but there's some value for certain things. You can't put me in a social situation while on it at all though, I'm worthless, boring..... flat. I guess that's the price to pay huh

Thanks Buzz, you are never worthless, boring or flat to me. I really appreciate those thoughts, which they are not just words.

I can't dispute you on a point. Just woke self up after a little sleep, stoned and very cained all round. So hard to keep myself awake presently.

Kava and weed chilled me out made me sleep as well!

Thanks Buzz for your considerate, very honest and always polite & respectful words and thoughts.

As far as making sense goes, I have missed also the times you didn't.

 

[JackARoe]

Autotripper you are one reaon i come to BL. Keep throwing out ideas but keep it light and it is a win/win. As you see we have billions of people walking the Earth with their own vision of what Earth should be.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

A strange bunch together, right. That's about the least we can say about ourselves.
General BL activity seems way down again though, we need another lockdown or what??

 

[AutoTripper]

Autotripper you are one reaon i come to BL. Keep throwing out ideas but keep it light and it is a win/win. As you see we have billions of people walking the Earth with their own vision of what Earth should be.

Thanks mate. I am just walking through an experience really. Like all. I've just tried to point out the impact and significance of life itself overall underlying what may appear as typically something else, to say it one way.

I mean, just a very short while ago even, pave a way for me I was all good.

And I don't believe in things so solid for so long against all the elements suddenly getting lost.

You can get into a bad way at times though. And can be consequences if you aren't careful.

Flu is a real killer though. It's always a test of strength, focus, drive.

You can't sap your strength with it or it really pulls you down every way including mentally and emotionally.

I wasn't anticipating influenza so early, and IME LSD is the most energy demanding drug, I had taken 2.7 mg's at Flu's onset, and I have struggled to keep track since 3.5 weeks ago. Hence, recent major deep physical and mental mood crashes after each one.

Saturday, I was just breaking that wave of mania before feeling okay again, possible to live.

Then I went and did it again. I just get myself into ditches like not many I reckon. Still it's an experience as I say. I have had multiple post trip kindof psychotic periods, feeling alien, came back so clean and fresh, but the going again and again, until now.

Hence. So, if same applies. 2 weeks, just memories and reflections (Because I never think about or make a fuss about any of my past trips even weeks or months ago it's water under the bridge it's only the very present which always forces and proves to be worthwhile in the long run until now unless I'm proven wrong) then this will be incredible to feel back together again.

Energetically. Focussed. Together. From there. I say there because I'm already on it!

Just finished 65 grams of Fijian Kava, lots good weed and no gauge of Etiz atm.

Bottom jar, always powder, ned to stir entire bottom regularly.

So atm, 0.5 ml on paper 0.6 = 2 mg's, is estimate 12 mg's.

Looks thick and I did take that way maybe 35 mg's 10 days ago. Was a messy risky affair that.

But even that 0.5 ml yest morning, I walked to Morrisons supermarket, it was messy. I lost stuff. My bank card. No receipt. Spooked a man put talking to for a second, can't remember what about but it was clear and sensible I must have looked wasted, on back of 2.4 mg's Acid too. He lookd scared lol, buttoned his lips.

Lost a portable weed vaporozer, torch one.

I bought strawberries for my mum in Aldi first, tried to pay for them in Morrisons, left them there lol!

Got home, showered, had to crash out all day and night. Needed to anyway but still messy. Was only trying to guess a sensible dose too.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Also started a food journal this morning because I seriously have to get my stomach healed. I keep slipping up and eating stuff that gives me flare-ups, and this should help a lot. Really I need to cut out caffeine completely but it's so hard, I feel like a shell of myself without it.

I can identify with this sooooo much. Trust me though, if you have stomach troubles, it's totally worth quitting caffeine. It's a hardcore drug IME.

The way I stay sane is to not create a definitivev belief system and put everything in the "maybe" file in my own brain.

That about sums up my beliefs lol; nothing concrete but open to suggestions. I don't buy that mantra, "If you don't believe in something, you'll fall for anything." It simply isn't true.

 

[TripSitterNZ]

The aliens in our galaxy have intervened on earth a few times to save our planet from destruction. I no longer trust sciencetists. This vaccine just killed somebody I knew 23 year old. Went to hospital complaining of chest pain after his second shot and now had cardiac arrest rip. Ots becoming clear my generation has been targeted for mass depopulation by the elites and their twisted plans. It's no longer able to be denied. My heart and chest still have pains.

 

[Pfafffed]

TZ, I'm concerned about your mental well-being. It really sounds like you've been going through a hell of a lot and have been experiencing considerable distress. The last year and change has been rough on all of us, and we're not out of the woods yet.

We're all a bunch of out-there people here on BL. There's not much that will cause us to bat an eye. If you're getting raised eyebrows in a group like this of open-minded people from all over the world that care about you, it may be time to consider trying to find some grounding and balance.

Do you have any resources for someone to teach out to for help with your feelings of anger, grief, and despair? I think it could be good to have someone to process stuff out loud with.

 

[perpetualdawn]

Hey BL gang hope you're doing awesome

 

[AutoTripper]

I got in big trouboe here. My life swings in balance. I will pray actually because miracles are realand the holy does intervene.

I don't have a memory of enough of the details. But I am sure I have broken ribs n my back after I fell backwards into the bath about 4 pm maybe.

Little memory after that. Snippets. I was blacked out. I made a mess round the house attempting food.

I don't actually know what I ate. Iuswda Nutribullet and spilt whatever it was O think I recall going to try and top it up somehow.

I don't know know what I used. From the empty glass this a.m. it was itber porridge oats, or millet seed. My chest isn't worse than it should be so I onow O didn't eat anything I "shouldn't" except indigestible orraw foods, for all I know.

My mum has been very unwell mentally for a long time too. Not my fault. Just life, and hard life. She also has had nerve based long covid.

We falked a long time ago about the idea of an apocalypse where people are left to starve n peace, at best.

And how the wonderful dog we so love, would suffer the most mentally, having no understanding.

I hate that idea. I love my dog. So I suggested in theory that in such a situation for the dogs sake, a car hosepipe job all together.

As a very last, practical measure.

For years drugs aside, I have come so close to death so many times. Miraculously I survive still.

But it has been too much stress for my mum, who has always refused to seek any help herself. An old "School" (literally) catholic, super repressed like never talk about your feelings type.

So she bottles up. I don't. Hence- AutoTripper.

I came to 10.30 pm last ight, spilt a mess, thought it was about 6 am, my mum went nuts and bananas and ballistic. Worst ever.

This morning, she tried to persuade me to do the hosepipe! All 3 of us.

She has,ost the plot from stress. That is my fault. But 2 days ago, life was still insufferable. A week ago, a year ago.

I feelpretty sick. No idea what I ate. No gauge of Etizolam currently until I have a fresh solution. I Bet over here 50 mg's yesterday as I resorted to powder afetr the extreme rows kicked off last night.

I am about to do my steam inhalation to clear my lungs out. My back hurts a lot, and oxygen is the best remedy so pain is halved after my lungs are cleared.

I have been in messes many times. This is next level, but I realise I am not ready to die just yet, but all odds are against moving onwards with life here.

I will try. My hand is actually a notch better. The flu has eased off a bit.

If this was the initial onset of flu and pneumonia no chance here.

So maybe it isn't meant to be yet. Whatever happens to me in life, being an inpatient in hospital is no option. My allergies are too unordinary and complicated.

I would only be going to hospital to die, unless I eat nothing while I was there.

So it's damn lucky there is no actual need for a hospital for a fractured hand and ribs.

I am in shock and trauma though. I will treat my allergies, will be fun coughing up mucus with broken ribs.

I will likely take a big dose of magnesium oxides with ACV to flush my intestines out and detox with oxygen at the same time.

And see what way of life is possible from here if any, I will try, but also I realise I don't want to be so uncomfortable and depressed when I do die.

It's a horrible feeling and mindset, which drives me on for now.

I will try and clean up. See what stands.

I apologise for the drama as well. This is the lowest moment I have lived though.

 

[Dreamflyer]

I raise my delta-8 vape to you good sir!

I just tried a nice mild strain of Delta-8 Indica nuggets from the local smoke shop. I named it "Weed Lite".

Man I miss the times of watching Twin Peaks season 1 & 2, it was a great time in my life.
I love that about TV shows, some are forever connected to certain periods or events.

I haven't seen the newer one, but I was absolutely *obsessed* with it back in 1991-92! The fact that half of the scenes made no sense made perfect sense to me.

"I am the arm."
"Garmonbozia."
"I'm as blank as a fart."

 

[Bagseed]

just tried a nice mild strain of Delta-8 Indica nuggets from the local smoke shop. I named it "Weed Lite"

how are those produced? d8thc infused cbd bud? as far as I know there are no strains producing d8thc naturally.

 

[Img_9999]

Been struggling with productivity lately. Still I don't feel like I have a lot of free time. Somehow I feel like weeks fly by and there's little to no time to do a lot of the things I wanna do.

I haven't been coming here often, today I thought I would drop by to say hi. Hope everyone else is doing great.

 

[AutoTripper]

I have made a bit of progress through hard work managing allergies my back is very painful but that's just karma and it's only broken ribs I'm bloody lucky because I don't actually need a hospital there's nothing they could do anyway it's only 100 m away but I actually avoid the place like the plague mostly because they've failed to help me through 16 years of illness for my own particular needs and I have found my own help elsewhere albeit at a cost but life is more valuable than money.

That did appear extremely dramatic what I typed above because this is a dramatic situation but it may actually be for the best in the long run because I had lost my fight and will for life just a week ago and a situation or experience like this has helped me realise that I am choosing to keep pushing on and fighting with a kind of new perspective it's not exactly an NDE but the same effect.

Raw quinoa seeds lol! I added to rice milk with cocoa, coconut oil, Redmond salt and water, but I use sunflower lecithin too, as it's an excellent ingredient. Sunflower lecithin is a very good health supplements its self being high in choline but also is an emulsifier and thickener.

So I always add it to a Nutribullet. But, the auinoa seeds, Are in an identical tap with green lid to the sunflower lecithin.

So it wasn't actually really such a calamitous error obviously I was blacked out and hallucinating and I just didn't pay attention I probably only added 3 or 4 teaspoons or raw seeds.

So that itself wasn't actually the worst bit. My mum also told me that they were Halloween fireworks going off solidly every direction from 5.30 pm to 10 pm.

My mum is an incredible lady but being a Sagittarius ox she is the bull in a china shop and she knows how to rage as well as any woman or man when under stress or in pain.

So the fireworks had literally just died down off the five hours last night of the dog trembling refusing to go to the toilet or eat dinner and my mum is always usually fuming and screaming at these times luckily I was to blacked out to suffer the trauma that that experience usually is to me I think she thinks I remember stuff because she acted like the news of the fireworks was not news to me I never said it was I'm trying not to make the situation any worse for the moment.

So I walked into a war zone where I was already going to get it anyway big time.

And I wasn't quite so recklessly haphazard preparing food in the kitchen as I imagined when I saw those quinoa seeds in my empty glass this morning.

I need to have a shower now my back is so sore I can barely move or bend over but like I say I'm so lucky it's just a matter of healing which it will I don't anticipate any lasting consequences even it's amazing what the body can recover from but still this is the wake-up call I guess I've been waiting for considering of missed the other thousand already!

The mssage is through now. I want to live. I want to be a better person and clean up my act. Amend my living routines to support healthier happier living.

Because it's either that or find the most comfortable and convenient way to end life and I don't mean drastically because I've never been a suicide person but I don't actually see the crime in choosing to starve in one's own peaceful space if life is just not worth its pain and suffering but that's a different matter and again a last resort always.

Thank you everybody for putting up with me here recently and being so tolerant and sensitive and supportive.

Painful shower now could be worse then I think I am going to actually need some cannabis because I have just started to come out of depression I did not think humans could know. Weed will cheer me up.

I may have a chance here I mean I do have a chance but a chance is not a guarantee but can be all that you need at times.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

"I am the arm."
"Garmonbozia."

That all makes a lot more sense if you watch season 3 in fact those two things play a heavy role

I just tried a nice mild strain of Delta-8 Indica nuggets from the local smoke shop. I named it "Weed Lite".

I just buy the bulk distillate from an online vendor out of state. Cuts costs exponentially, but delta-8 distillate is so... fucking... sticky! And so fucking solid at room temp, I have to heat it to a point where I can't touch the jar before it becomes liquid enough to put into a syringe and fill carts, make edibles, etc.

how are those produced? d8thc infused cbd bud? as far as I know there are no strains producing d8thc naturally.

They make some sort of liquid spray and essentially lace CBD buds. I've had a few pre-rolled CBD/D8 laced joints, it works pretty well. People I share those with think they're just smoking some reggie, they get stoned.

 

[Xorkoth]

I just buy the bulk distillate from an online vendor out of state. Cuts costs exponentially, but delta-8 distillate is so... fucking... sticky! And so fucking solid at room temp, I have to heat it to a point where I can't touch the jar before it becomes liquid enough to put into a syringe and fill carts, make edibles, etc.

yeah it's such a pain to work with and good luck getting it off your fingers or any surface it touches even for a second. I got some THC-O recently and that stuff is so comparatively easy to work with, it's the consistency of thick syrup at room temperature, and not very sticky, you can lick it completely off.

But yeah delta-8 in bulk distillate is so insanely cheap. I don't even buy weed anymore because I rarely use any cannabinoids so delta-8 is plenty strong for me, in fact I usually prefer it. And I have so much of it I may literally never need to buy more in my whole life. $250 for a lifetime supply of getting weed high... can't beat that.

 

[deficiT]

"Accidentally" took way too much k last night in public and made an absolute bozo of myself. Not even gonna go into it but I'm an idiot, as usual. You would think I would've learned by now after making the same mistakes again and again.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I make it a point to never do k in public. Mostly because it makes me unable to utter a single sentence within an half decent time frame, makes my stutter 100000x worse, it's like my whole mouth locks up lol. Thus I always refuse when offered

 

[deficiT]

I make it a point to never do k in public. Mostly because it makes me unable to utter a single sentence within an half decent time frame, makes my stutter 100000x worse, it's like my whole mouth locks up lol. Thus I always refuse when offered

If I had done a reasonable dose it probably would've been fine but I made myself k-tarded expecting it to be of poor quality. Basic hr principles I should know that I utterly disregarded and made an ass of myself.