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My last Day 1 (Recovery Journal)

VE, you will feel good and I'm sure you feel splendiferous compared to day 5 :p

I do think you may want to relax a bit on working out and exercise if you are only intaking 1000 calories a day. That's enough to make ya feel run down on its own. Your body is likely running out of fuel and like a car starting to sputter.

I know you said you were eating edibles early in your recovery if I remember correctly. Have you tried smoking to help your appetite? ( unless that's the smoking you are referring to quitting in November lol)
 
MisterNotSoClean said:
I do think you may want to relax a bit on working out and exercise if you are only intaking 1000 calories a day. That's enough to make ya feel run down on its own. Your body is likely running out of fuel and like a car starting to sputter.
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I second this. I hope you can find a way to get more sustenance VE! Remember HALT.
 
Wd Ve. I'm on day 7 of massive oxy habit. I've been taking lyrica in small amounts and that is helping me huge. I've tried before and failed. But this time I will do it. Good luck and I hope things going ok
 
Day 24 great news VE! if your not eating so well maybe you should hit Jamba juice up once a day if you have one close by because i agree you are not getting enough nutrients with that many calories for decent exercise. But i can imagine what your going thru i have a 1 hour window 2 times a day after my small dose when i can eat than i have no appt after. My biggest problem now is emotional i need to shit or get off the pot soon cause the taper now is kicking my ass physically and emotionally this emotional shit is draining me i just hope i have enough left in me for the big fight, tommorow im going to a doc that specializes in addiction he is also a general pract. One thing that does worry me is he is a suboxone doc but when my wife made appt she told him im not interested in subs and he said thats fine. We shall see if anything i might let him talk me into a weeks worth to taper at most that shit scares me its the only prescibed op i have never done. anyways best of luck to you sorry for long post my heads a little 8( latlely
edit one last thing i dont sleep longer than an hour at a time prob the thing thats taken the biggest toll on me now!
 
Samiam40 said:
Wd Ve. I'm on day 7 of massive oxy habit. I've been taking lyrica in small amounts and that is helping me huge. I've tried before and failed. But this time I will do it. Good luck and I hope things going ok
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congrats sam! if your doing this with just lyrica alone, no clonidine or any other comfort meds? day 7 that is great man i wish i was there keep going and dont look back!
 
lonidine

Thankyou VE. To be honest I don't even know what clonidine is. ?? If you read my post/ thread in sober living u will see bit more about my oxy habit it huge one. I'm taking when bad parcetamol and naproxen and as you know sometimes are bad. But lyrica is helping me as I say. There's loads more I can say and I haven't apart from partner told a soul about me. And I don't like to burden him as he just keeps saying you doing so well to me. Anyway I'll keep going. It's like the bordem that gets to me when I finish work. At times my brain screaming for Oxys. Not good. But I'll keep fighting it.
 
MisterNotSoClean said:
VE, you will feel good and I'm sure you feel splendiferous compared to day 5 :p

I do think you may want to relax a bit on working out and exercise if you are only intaking 1000 calories a day. That's enough to make ya feel run down on its own. Your body is likely running out of fuel and like a car starting to sputter.

I know you said you were eating edibles early in your recovery if I remember correctly. Have you tried smoking to help your appetite? ( unless that's the smoking you are referring to quitting in November lol)
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I feel like a fucking rock star compared to day 5! Thanks for putting that in perspective.

I took your (and TPD's) advice and didn't work out today. I'm sure you are right, continuing to push my body when I'm not physically up to par isn't the most responsible choice I could make. I am being responsible with my food choices. Like a piece of toast with almond butter for protein, fiber and grains, instead of Oreos or something. Honestly I think saying its a lack of appetite is not the best way for me to explain this. It's more like my stomach revolts at the thought or action of eating. Even getting my supplements down is rough. It makes me gag. The thought of food makes me nauseous. The legal marijuana I ingest from time to time doesn't seem to help one way or another - which is usually not the case. I don't get it. Maybe I'll search the site and see if this happens to anyone else.

I'm quitting smoking tabacco in November. It's one of the reasons I'm pushing the exercise right now. It makes quitting smoking more appealing. I just love smoking (less without the opiates, honestly). Sad but true. I will miss it.

Thanks for the encouragement guys. I had a rough day yesterday. Better day today but it started out rough. I had the worst headache until I ran and got a coffee (only one shot - didn't need the anxiety from too much coffee during my meetings today) and took Ibuprofen. I'm not sure which one helped but it felt better soon after. The day was better from then on out. Very busy and no down time. Which is good for me.

Thanks for listening. I adore you guys.

- VE
 
Samiam40 said:
Thankyou VE. To be honest I don't even know what clonidine is. ?? If you read my post/ thread in sober living u will see bit more about my oxy habit it huge one. I'm taking when bad parcetamol and naproxen and as you know sometimes are bad. But lyrica is helping me as I say. There's loads more I can say and I haven't apart from partner told a soul about me. And I don't like to burden him as he just keeps saying you doing so well to me. Anyway I'll keep going. It's like the bordem that gets to me when I finish work. At times my brain screaming for Oxys. Not good. But I'll keep fighting it.
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Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that is effective for a lot of people during wds. It's widely known as a staple for withdrawing. Some people don't notice a difference, but it's not hard to get if you have a doctor that knows what you are doing they could get you a script.

I have to say that if you are doing well at work already then you are doing awesome! Time is always an issue in early recovery. It drags like you wouldn't believe unless you had been there - and the boredom sucks. You should try to incorporate healthy lifestyle choices in your spare time, which we all have during early recovery. That part is the hardest part for me. In the acute stage you are fighting for every minute but after the first week or so, that part lets up and the mental shit kicks in. That's when the drudgery of it all really hits you and you are exhausted - it's all about just putting one foot in front of the other.

The AA concept of doing the "next right thing" really helps me at the point you are at. It forces me to consider what my next right thing is, so I can't just mindlessly do things like lay in bed all day. You should have seen me dragging my ass on hikes that almost killed me the first three days I did them, but it was my next right thing and I had to do it to get better. And if I can do it, anyone can.

Best if luck, Sami!

- VE
 
Hmm...

Your repulsion to eating sounds like what would happen when I would take pills. Knowing I was going to be taking a handful my mouth would begin to water. Not the good kind of water though. It would be like that drool right before you throw up.

When I had them in my hand I would gag. When I would take them I would have to drink listerine first to " numb" my mouth. I would still gag as they went in and down. ( I lost a lot of pills that way)

I think I just got used to throwing up when high on pills that mentally I was anticipating the puke.

I'm pretty sure in my case, it was all mental.

I doubt that it's same in your case. I'm just fucking weird :p
 
I'm pretty sure that it's all mental with me too. I can't imagine it's actually continued acute symptoms. I'm on day 26 so most of that should be behind me. I also can't imagine gagging on pills cause they don't taste like anything, but it does sound like the same sort of thing. It just doesn't matter what it is, if it has to stay in my mouth for any length of time, it doesn't go well. I've been drinking green smoothies and those go down fine because the taste isn't offensive and I don't have to chew, but I can't just drink my food forever. This is the only symptom I have remaining that I feel like isn't getting better as the days go by.

Today I've managed about 16 ounces of green smoothie (about 300 calories) and a coconut bar (270 calories). I don't know yet if I'll be able to get any dinner down but if I do I'll try for 500 calories at least.

I made it through my first week at work. And I had my first personal trainer appointment. She kicked my ass. Then she sent me an email saying that if I'm sore then I should drink water and stretch. If?!? I was sore before I even got home (less than 10 minutes). I think I'm gonna be exhausted this weekend. But at least I can just wallow around in bed if needed! All in all, I'm doing fairly well, still. No cravings past some far off regret I don't have access to my quick-fix for pain and anxiety. It's not that I want to take them, but I regret the fact that I can't. I was soooooo ready to quit this time, I think my cravings are all used up for now. I've had enough of feeling like that.

- VE
 
Hey vast
Just wanted to say that I'm so glad things are okand that you're staying clean it's fantastic
I'm about two weeks behind you and I am enjoying reading your thread
I think we have a lot in common and I have struggled with a lot of the same things that you have
Anyways thanks for sharing so much of your journey here
peace
 
Day 9. I didn't post last night as u might say I was just sulking lol. But in all of my sulk I even got a call asking if I want any I said no !!! Don't get me wrong for one split second I thought do I ?? But thankfully my son was near me and I said no. It's going to be hard as it weekend and no work but my partner knows and in his words he's going to be making me do things and watching me like a hawk lol I don't have any anyway. I'm on 450mg of lyrica now. How long does anyone know I'm best staying on these for ? Will wd symptoms come back when I stop this ? And due to amount I was on how long do u think I shud stay on lyrica and how high dose can I go. Thanks VE for your words means a lot and I'll taking your advice and getting my ass on a long walk today.
 
Imtrying and Sami, that's for the kind words.

Sami, TPD answered your question about Lyrica on your thread. I have no experience with it, so I wouldn't know the correct doses. Congrats on saying no when the call came to offer you the opiates!!! That is so hard, I can't imagine what it would be like if my doctor was calling me and offering me my regular script - haha, I don't know if I could say no. I'm sure having your son there helped a lot too.

Congrats on both of your progress!

- VE
 
Thanks VE. I'm still going. Day 13 !! ����. Think I lost a day somewhere and was putting me one day behind. But I'm still here taking one day at a time. I must say I'm proud of myself and anyone else doing it. Longest I've been oxy free in years. I'm bit worried about a wedding we got to go this weekend. I don't drink. Never have alcohol I mean. Didn't need to I suppose as had Oxys. So this is making me nervous but I'll try and get through it. I'm still going to work 8 hours a day. And still just trying one day at a time. Hope you ok VE
 
Day 30!

Feeling pretty ok. Certainly not bad. I have very few physical symptoms left from the acute stage. The only one that is still bothersome is appetite issues, but I'm working through that as best I can. So far I've had no major issues because I'm not eating much. I am eating well even though it's not a lot and I've been supplementing.

Sleep is going fairly well, in fact I have to hold myself back from going to sleep too early a lot. I think I passed from insomnia to fatigue. Now I'm tired all the time. I prefer that to insomnia. I am experiencing PAWS. Just the overall blah feeling and not feeling quite right. But I make it through the day just fine.

42 days will be a landmark day for me - it's the longest I've been without opiates in 9 years. I'll check back in then!

- VE
 
Damn !
Check y'all out !! The only reason I come on here anymore , so good to see ppl getting their damn lives back ! It's such a mentally scary mind fuck to get thru but now you get to start actually enjoying life .......
It's been like 5.5 mos. , and I still go to bed around 8:30-9 ..... Because I can ; )
Enjoy your day you rock stars !!
 
Hells yeahs :) I enjoy going to bed early myself these days also because I can. I don't have to worry about a partner who likes to stay up until 2am any more, and I don't have a young child to keep me up all night (yet), thank god.

Since I got off methadone I've discovered I'm something of a morning person. My best work happens before the sun comes up. It's like real me time it is, between the hours of 4-9am. Love it =D
 
VE-

What an amazing thing to come back and see you DOING it!!! Im so proud of you.

I've been doing decent myself. I've only used oxy as needed which I've never been able to do before! I've still got over 2/3 of my last Rx left, I consider that a win. I find my goal now is to make this last Rx last until mid Dec. By then, I should have insurance and hopefully find out the extent of my physical problems. After that, I'll make a long term plan.

I'm proud to have been a witness to your triumph VE. And for those still trying, keep trying!! We are stronger people than society or we ourselves give us credit for! I believe in myself more now than ever even after choosing to use oxy as needed. I know more about my inner strength now and for that, I'm grateful!!!!
 
VE and tooth and ev1 else. I'm putting this post in the two threads I've been commenting in so sorry if u are reading this again anyway
I'm still here and still going good. I'm on day 16 clean. <<< stands up my name Sam and I've been clean for 16 days. :)) Sorry seen that in movies that line and just had to say it. Don't mean to offend anyone if I have.
Cut down on lyrica for last couple of days been suffering for it though. Was taking 450 mg in mornings and was taking 400 at teatime but was knocking me out at night so lowered teatime dose to 150mg but been not falling to sleep till 12/1 gone and now awake at 4ish which isn't good seeing as I at work at 6am. When before when I did same dose I slept like baby. Also sneezing got bad again had couple of panic attacks and no sleep hardly. Again I ramble at best of times my friends say I don't write texts I write essays so sorry for rambles. Also the loo has became my friend if u get me. Not good. Do people think I shud keep lyrica dose up or go up even ? I thought maybe by now the roxis wed be out my system but I b even on them years. So think I'll stick to advice given on here about staying on then 2/3 months. Does anyone know what dose I cud go up to ?
So im still going strong well strongish lol. My mind still saying I don't want them. Which is good. Anyway hope you all good as you all can be.
 
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