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My last Day 1 (Recovery Journal)

Burtles, I'm so glad you are hanging in there! I agree that it's surprising that my appetite isn't back yet. The first few times I did this I was starving after the first 5ish days. But this time I'm struggling pretty bad with the eating. It's like I have a mental block about it. Food and smells just aren't my friend right now. And it doesn't really matter what it is. Not sure what it's about, but I certainly won't starve to death. I will say my eating habits weren't great when I was on the opiates, so maybe it's just something I need to work on changing. It used to be I didn't like to eat much cause opiates seriously curbed my appetite. That's pretty common, isn't it? I need to make healthy choices in every aspect of life, including this one.

Plum, you are at a "blah" time for sure. Just hang in there, the blah lessens every day. What day are you on, again? My blah time was between day 8-14 I think...it was pretty lengthy this time around. Push through it and when times get tough - just remember the first 5ish days and put it in perspective. It super sucks, it's not easy, it's harder than pretty much anything I've ever done....but if I can do it, so can you. I was so worried about you a couple days ago, but you bounced back!!! It encourages me to keep going, thank you for that.

Diquil - thanks for stopping by and for the words of encouragement. I am prepared for my pink cloud. I'm gonna wallow in that pink son-of-a-bitch as long as I can. And hopefully get some sleep while I'm at it! However, what I won't do is opiates. This is my third quit attempt in 12 months and I won't soon forget any of the 3. Also, I have a relapse plan. I am a chronic pain patient, I've never gotten opiates illegally, I wouldn't even know where to start with getting any. And my doctor has agreed to not give me anymore for 6 months, at least (that's how long I think it will take to fully asses my pain levels). now, if I go in there and cry about how much of a mistake I've made by deciding to get off these (my choice, not something my doctor forced on me or even suggested) - I do think he will cough up a script. However, I have a plan for that too! I've got a loved one keeping a close eye on me - and tough love is their specialty. The last two times I did this without telling anyone, including my doctor. This time, if I relapse, it'll just be what I make of it - not a "oh shit, time to start over." More like "oh shit, time to get back on track."

- VE
 
I am so proud of you VE :) I feel kinda like a human watching a little birdy take her first flight! You're so beautiful VE, finding your own wings, its awesome. As I said, I'm so very proud of you for all the significant progress you're making.
 
That's great VE, with the appetite there is a possibility that I have a solution for you. In the past when I've tried to come off of opiates, I had used essential oils to try and stimulate my appetite. What I found worked great for me was:

Peppermint AND ginger oils, this one especially for the nausea. I'd start just trying to smell the peppermint, it's very strong mind you, and it could be enough just by itself to do the trick. If it doesn't work, what you might do is put the bottles close enough together that both of the pleasant smells get into your nasal passage.

Bergamot oil, or earl gray tea (because it has bergamot) helps a bit with general depression. I believe that since depression is a form of stress, that alleviating the depression will allow the rest of your body to ease up and it could help to "get the juices flowing" per se.

And lastly, anything citrus, I especially like lemon essential oils. They can give you a bit of energy, and put you in a slightly better mood, not as well as the bergamot though. However, the citrus oils I like the smell of the best, and I recommend them anyways, just for a pleasure experience if nothing else. Keep it up VE, so good to be among others that are going through this as well, I hope that what worked for me will help you also!
 
I've heard the same thing about peppermint and ginger essential oils, never tried it myself tho. I dont think any of us ever had the best eating habits while using opiates... they definitely suppress the appetite in their own way. Regardless, your appetite will return on its own time VE... hopefully some of diuqil's suggestions can help you out in the meantime. Just take it as slow as you need to and take vitamins in the meantime. You've been drinking a lot of juices, right? Your body may just need time to adjust to solid food again.
 
xburtonchic said:
aplum it's good to hear that you're still going :) have you tried Pepto or anything for help with your stomach?
Click to expand...

No I'm pretty scared of constipation using Pepto. I'll do anything not to have "cement" gut.

It won't kill me to have this pain, in fact it helps keep my mind off my neck/shoulder pain.

Thanks for asking tho.
 
It encourages me to keep going, thank you for that.

VE, you are the hero here. If anything I do encourages you, well I'm humbled. I'll check in every so often, but honestly I can't feel I'm doing anybody good and I'd hate to be a "trigger" for anyone here.

Today is day 11 for me.
 
Thanks for the suggestions. I need to make a trip to the store tomorrow. I will absolutely pick up some oils. I have been drinking a load of peppermint tea - but haven't been inhaling it. At this point, I had to take another immodium and more vitamins and supplements and still haven't eaten. The only thing that may save me from this worn down feeling and awful stomach issues is sleep at this point. Now for the task of trying to choke down something for dinner. Ugh, where is my pink cloud when I need it?

The good news is I'm on day 16. I'm gonna start cutting back on my eddible consumption considerably in the coming days. I dont plan in spending my life stoned every night. So this is the next med to go. I'm smoking about 1/3 of what I used to, and less all the time (doesn't help the stomach issues one bit). I'm gonna give the cigarettes up by the end of the year at the latest.

For what it's worth, even with all my complaining, I still feel better today than I did 18 days ago. At least mentally I do. When I'm exercising I tell myself I'm preparing for war - and Mr.Clean is gonna get me to listen to heavy metal while I do it, too! Beautiful video on the artistic thread you started, by the way, Mr.Clean!!

Hang in there everyone!

- VE
 
aplumgirl said:
It encourages me to keep going, thank you for that.

VE, you are the hero here. If anything I do encourages you, well I'm humbled. I'll check in every so often, but honestly I can't feel I'm doing anybody good and I'd hate to be a "trigger" for anyone here.

Today is day 11 for me.
Click to expand...

You could never be a trigger for me. Today is day 11...you are doing so awesome!! I know it's a struggle right now. In fact, check out where I was in day 11:

^ thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I'm not sleeping. Not even Ativan can put me to sleep I guess...

I'm having a rough time. Roughest yet in terms of mental attitude and resolve. This not sleeping is worse than acute withdrawals...I think.

- VE
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I'm five days ahead of you and I'm not anywhere close to all better, but it does get better each day. I have to trust the people who are helping me through this that have been here before and they say that it gets better.

Can I ask how old you are? Just in round about numbers? One of the reasons I quit (there were so many...someday I gotta write them all down) was cause I'm fairly young, in my 30s. I have a chronic condition that, unless they start growing organs on trees, will be with me forever and get progressively worse. I have another one that is worse that is latent...the likelihood of my needing pain medications in my old age is massive. I'm terrified of having a 35 year habit behind me and trying to control pain at 65 years old. Besides, I'm really hoping the exercise and clean/healthy living is going to make my prognosis more positive somehow. Do you know if surgery will fix your chronic pain?

- VE
 
Lol I'll try to make some more metalness for your walks/hikes VE l..l,

I just realized something that's kind of disappointing. I haven't had a pink cloud :( I remember the cloud coming off other ops but I guess we sub jumpers don't get that feeling?

We just get an orange cloud. Its like the hytop brand of pink cloud. :p
 
Hahahaha, nothing like a good ol knock off hey haha. Hey VE, let me know how the oils work for you, I'm curious to know who else that it will help. For me it was paramount for eating, just a half hour or so before you eat. Not just for wd either mind you, that shit works for pretty well any appetite issue. Gonna be heading off for the night pretty soon here, I'm going to work tomorrow. Want to attempt to get some sleep so I can make it, not really sure how it's going to go, but wish me luck! :p
 
Guess who slept over 7 hours last night? That's right - ME!!!

It it wasn't the best sleep I've ever had, but it was good enough. I'm feeling like I can face the day.

- VE
 
That's great that you got a full night's sleep, VE! I'm fairly new to the insomnia game but I know how much that can mean.<3
 
After my first 2 weeks off , I had like 2 months of instantly waking at 5:30am wide awake and ready to go ( which sucked on Sunday mornings ; ) ....started going to bed earlier and still do about 8:30-9 - I am NOT a morning person and could sleep in till 11 sometimes - not anymore thou .... Nice little side effect of sobriety I guess .....

Hope y'all are hanging in there and having an even more wonderful day today !! Keep on truckin' ; )
 
It's day 18, I think. I feel fairly well, my remaining physical symptoms are stomach issues and chills. There is a general lack of energy and I'm not getting the best sleep in the world, but it's sleep.

I think I might be out of the woods...

I have spent a shit ton of time on BL over the past couple weeks. Like an actual shit ton. It's been a lifesaver. I'm gonna stop updating my thread, as I don't feel like I need any more support at this point - at least not regular support. I do plan on hanging around SL for a long time to come. Encouraging other people is good for my long term success in this endeavor. I also have no intentions of attending regular meetings, nor do I have any intention of seeing a therapist. So I have to do something to keep me on track - and this is my something.

- VE
 
As sobriety can mean much more than merely abstinence, much much more, I for one have found SL to be an incredibly useful place in terms of supporting my ongoing efforts in recovery from the once habitual harmful patterns of behavior I used to engage in (addiction at large).

I hope you stick around VE. I can totally see you continuing to be a very meaningful resource to so many people other than just myself. Keep up the great work compañera!
 
best of luck to you VE and thanks for helping me out with all my questions
23.gif
 
You better stick around VE. I'll find you and stub your toe or something if you don't! :p

I came here expecting to see prettyful naturey pics as well. :)
 
Quick update from day 23.

I'm back at work and feel ok, I guess. Pretty blah and anxious throughout the day. My remaining physical symptoms are stomach and temperature regulation issues and I'm still not sleeping great. I am realllllly tired at about 10:30 and can sleep until about 3:30 and then I'm WIDE awake. That's been rough. 3:30 a.m. - 10:30 p.m. Is a lonnnnnng day.

I get cold, unbelievably cold, throughout the day. It didn't matter so much when I was at home all day because of my heating blanket, but now that I'm at work it's a lot less ok. And eating, it's damn near impossible. I'm still probably only getting 1000 calories or less per day. Combine that with the fact that I've been trying to work out hard the past few days and my five hours of sleep per night...I just feel run down. I'm trying to eat more, but even sitting here thinking abort eating makes me feel sick. Ugh, my doctor is gonna have a fit when I go in next time if I don't start eating.

My smoking is right on track for quitting on my quit date in November. That's good, I guess. My exercise goal is on track. I'm doing as well as I can on nutrition, given the fact that it's so hard to eat. If I ever get my appetite back I'll be doing great with the nutrition.

I wish I felt good.

- VE
 
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