My last Day 1 (Recovery Journal)

[aplumgirl]

Yes I cup, I've tried gabapentin. In fact I've been taking it regularly for sleep at high doses, about 1800mg per night. It doesn't seem to help my nerve pain though. Probably cause my nerves are pinched in my neck.

 

[aplumgirl]

Plum, opiates actually make your pain worse. You can't give up now! What you are currently feeling is NOT what you will feel like in time. You can do this. There is a wonderful life waiting for you on the other side of this. If you give it the time necessary to have a true idea of what type of pain you will be dealing with you will be better equipped to make decisions on how to address that pain. I have clients who are in the same boat as you are. They have legitimate injuries that need to be addressed with medication. Most find themselves on Methadone because it not only address the pain but is also a very powerful tool when used properly to combat addiction. Both you and VE have come so far in this process that it would be such a shame to turn back now. I wish you both the best and have had you in my thoughts and will continue to. ❤

Thanks Vera, what line of work are you in ? IIRC your an addiction specialist right? Well it's good to hear that most ppl feel better after a while.

 

[xburtonchic]

Those brain zaps suck. I never got them until I was forced to go cold turkey in jail... i spent a week in jail literally doing nothing but laying in my bunk and hating the fuck out of life, getting small bouts of artificial sleep, and not eating or drinking much of anything. The brain zaps showed up on the day I got released, and the process of rolling up my bunk and walking around the facility was the most exercise I had gotten in a while. I started getting them bad as I was waiting in one of the numerous cells they were transferring me around to and it scared me enough to alert the guards that "HEY just so you guys know, i might have a seizure." I honestly thought I was having mini seizures. I never did have one, but now they always show up for me like clockwork around the same time.... always at the point in withdrawal when I first start being active again. They're uncomfortable, but a sign of healing - your neurons are firing again after being depressed for so long and just overdoing it cuz they dont know any better yet... that's all. It will balance itself out and go back to normal quickly enough ime.

VE are you a Leo? Just curious hah

 

[I cup]

Well that sucks ! Is it helping w/ wd's at least ?
Have you tried kratom for your pain ? I've been using for wd and PAWS , but noticed it does relieve pain quite a bit - nice little side effect ; ) hope you are doing well , such a mental f'n game .....

 

[aplumgirl]

Well that sucks ! Is it helping w/ wd's at least ?
Have you tried kratom for your pain ? I've been using for wd and PAWS , but noticed it does relieve pain quite a bit - nice little side effect ; ) hope you are doing well , such a mental f'n game .....

Im not sure if it's helping WDs. I hate to say it but I get off pretty easy on WD symptoms. Some people have it way harder than me physically. I just get emotionally beat up while in WD.

I'm terrified of PAWS. That's what I'm expecting due to using so much gabapentin. I've read it makes PAWS so much worse.

Oh well, too late now!

 

[VastEmpty]

How's it going today vast ?? Startin to come around a little ?

hey ICup, thanks for checking in! I do feel better, yes. My remaining symptoms are chills (a lotttttt - I spend a lot of time on my electric blanket right now), nausea and very poor appetite, very poor sleep and still feeling brain-zappy as I posted about a few days ago. It's day 14 still and I didn't think I would struggle so much two weeks in! However, I can feel it getting better the last few days. I'm trying to force myself to do things - you know "fake it till you make it."

I think the exercise/walking/hiking is helping. This is my 4th day making sure I work up a good sweat for at least 45-60 minutes, maybe usually closer to 45 minutes. I'm not what anyone would consider an exercise person. But I'm gonna become one. After the pain of opiate withdrawals - the pain from exercising is nothing.

im still hanging in there - it's been a rough 2 weeks, but I don't ever have to do it again. This CT was so much worse than the first two - and they were bad - that it's scared me out of ever doing another CT again. When you can feel them get subsequently worse, it's pretty scary.

- VE

 

[the last dose]

Hi VE, Did you say you are on SSRI because i have heard many times over the years about brain zaps when using SSRI but mostly withdrawls from SSRI brain zaps are very common. Make sure you are getting plenty potassium and really mega doses of all vitamins espcially C when you push your body that hard exercising, do you take powerade or gaterade with you i hope when hiking. hang in there VE your 14 days long kicking some serious ops ass!

 

[VastEmpty]

Yeah, I'm on an SSRI and do get the brain zaps if I forget to take it for a day or so. The problem is I haven't forgotten to take it, and I'm still getting them. I think the brain zaps are caused by too small of an amount of serotonin/dopamine? I also picked up a GABA supplement at the health food store that someone in BL recommended for the brain zaps. I've only been taking that for three days.

I dont take any water with me but I'm trying to hydrate like mad otherwise. I can start taking some...or Gatorade. Honestly, I've been far more concerned about eating than drinking lately. I'm still having a hell of a time eating. Every time I put something in my mouth (even my handfuls of supplements - those multivitamins and fish oil are HUGE!) I get all baggy. Even if it's something like chocolate or ice cream. The flavor are overwhelming - and not in a good way.

Oh - one positive to report - my 7 day long headache seems to have vanished. At least for now. It's nice not having that constant nagging pounding!

How are YOU doing, last dose?

- VE

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

If you do go hiking again, definitely take some Gatorade or some dihydrogen monoxide. Especially if you are going for more than an hour. I try to drink at least some before and then every hour to make sure I don't have dihydrogen monoxide wds, otherwise known as... dehydration.

I didn't get the prolonged headache this go round which I'm super thankful for. I know that's one of the worst parts. Glad to hear yours has peaced out.

Keep it up madame VE!

~MNSC~

 

[the last dose]

Yeah, I'm on an SSRI and do get the brain zaps if I forget to take it for a day or so. The problem is I haven't forgotten to take it, and I'm still getting them. I think the brain zaps are caused by too small of an amount of serotonin/dopamine? I also picked up a GABA supplement at the health food store that someone in BL recommended for the brain zaps. I've only been taking that for three days.

I dont take any water with me but I'm trying to hydrate like mad otherwise. I can start taking some...or Gatorade. Honestly, I've been far more concerned about eating than drinking lately. I'm still having a hell of a time eating. Every time I put something in my mouth (even my handfuls of supplements - those multivitamins and fish oil are HUGE!) I get all baggy. Even if it's something like chocolate or ice cream. The flavor are overwhelming - and not in a good way.

Oh - one positive to report - my 7 day long headache seems to have vanished. At least for now. It's nice not having that constant nagging pounding!

How are YOU doing, last dose?

- VE

I was a little worried this weekend about cheating some, really every weekend you always get that feeling made it through a week of work time to indulge. Also when im at work it seems my dose holds better than home on weekends, the reason why i was worried oct 6 is my wedding anniv. so me and my wife usually go away overnite to the Poconos in PA and stay at a casino resort well i didnt want to cancel my wife deserves this. So i knew i was gonna have trouble sticking to my dose im at with taper also my buddy and his girlfriend met us there that night. Anyways to make a long story short with alot of drinking my favorite i have not had in a while its half birch beer half Woodford Reserve bourbon on ice or any good bourbon with birch beer YUMMY! also smoked some weed too. With all that going on i thought the little guy on my shoulder would pop up to fuck with me, but had a great time and only did 7.5mg extra roxy that night which aint shit. Besides that im hanging in there at 15mg roxy dose 3 times a day and gathering little by little the things i need to succeed whats coming. thanks for asking VE

 

[VastEmpty]

Thanks, mister. I've been keeping busy today and just checking in to see how everyone is doing. This is the first day I've had that hasn't, literally, druuuuuuug on and on. I actually am dealing with all of the stuff I've put off for two weeks! For the first time in 14 days I'm actually kinda wishing I had more time in my day. Only kinda - but it's a new feeling.

Ill write a more in depth response later tonight!

- VE

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm proud of you for not getting your druuuuuug on VE You're doing great girl! Keep up the good work. You know I'm rooting for you, and not even the Australian meaning of that slang either

But seriously keep up the great work!

 

[VastEmpty]

TPD!!! My mindfulness-hero! About time you showed up Thanks for the encouragement. I'm trudging along.

Day 15, guys!! 15 days! I feel like it's 15 days, finally. Every other day has been pretty rough, I think I might be ok, maybe. PAWS is gonna be a bitch, but better than my last two weeks.

I will certainly try to drink more Gatorade type stuff.

Last dose - that's amazing you made it through this weekend without screwing up your taper. Now you know you can do it and it will be that much easier to do next time!

I am really hoping that I get some decent sleep tonight. I might even take an ambien to help me along with that. Last night I slept from 10:30-2:00 and 7:30-9:30 a.m. It sucked. My goal for tomorrow is to eat more than one meal in the evening - at least something for lunch. So far an evening meal is all I've been able to choke down. Then I take supplements all day and that's making my tummy SUPER pissed off. In fact, I'm gonna have to cave tonight and take an immodium (I try to avoid that at all costs - I know it doesn't get you hugh or anything, but it is an opiate and for whatever reason, i think that it will slow down the healing process).

Still no headache - all in all, life is pretty fucking ok. Like better than its been in years. I know I'll go up and down (mentally) over the next couple of months, but I'm going to enjoy my "ok" for awhile and take advantage of feeling "free." Tired. But free.

Thanks for hanging in there with me through all this, and I'm sure more to come. You guys have been lifesavers and the best support ever.

- VE

 

[MisterNotSoClean]

:D

That is all.

~MNSC~

 

[the last dose]

VE you got this now! you used the one word this is all about FREE!!!! thats the word i dream about, hopefully i will be too after all the years on ops!. FREE

 

[VastEmpty]

I think I do got this, finally, thanks last dose!

im just stopping by to say that I'm feeling better today than yesterday. I managed to choke down a piece of toast and peanut butter for lunch - or at least 80% of it. It's more than I've eaten before dinner in weeks. I'm hoping it makes the supplement experience more enjoyable.

Now I'm going to manage to get my ass out for a hike/walk.

- VE

 

[xburtonchic]

'VE it's awesome to hear you're doing so well!! Sounds like you're getting close to the pink cloud phase... enjoy it while it lasts!! (Just not too much! Haha)

I am surprised youre still having trouble eating though... im already at the point where im eating everything in sight lol

I hope things are getting better for you too, aplum

 

[aplumgirl]

'VE it's awesome to hear you're doing so well!! Sounds like you're getting close to the pink cloud phase... enjoy it while it lasts!! (Just not too much! Haha)

I am surprised youre still having trouble eating though... im already at the point where im eating everything in sight lol

I hope things are getting better for you too, aplum

Im with you eating everything in sight. Taking 8-10 Advil a day is killing my stomach and only eating seems to help.

Otherwise, blah.

 

[diuqil]

VE, from the posts that you made in places where I've laid my words, I had no idea that you were going through this as well. Amazing progress, I just finished reading through this entire thread. I've never turned to these kinds of places in the past with my wd'ing and what not, but this time, I did and I found it to be one of the best choices I've ever made. I don't mean to shed a bad light on your recovery, but I would like to remind you of the pink cloud effect! Remember to ask for help when you need it VE! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[xburtonchic]

aplum it's good to hear that you're still going have you tried Pepto or anything for help with your stomach?