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Bluelighter
Using crystal Meth is a slow death.
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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only
- Thread starter chicpoena
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Using crystal Meth is a slow death.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
^never hav there bn truer words.....
uacvax - yes, meth fucks with ur rolls
it stops u 'feeling the love' so much and can almost leave u a bit exhausted even during the supposed 'high'
thats IME anyway
gd reason to test ur pills and make sure u dont hav a meth bomb
and zeph - u and i hav had such a similar experience with that stuff its uncanny! i slept on it too....and just like u, i either took more to sleep (usually substantially less than if i was to go off and party harder) or id shoot opiates, usually homebake/morphine though wen heroin was available here i preferred it over evrything else
ive tried once to come off methamphetamine cold turkey.....i had a psychotic episode and lay down in the middle of the road (apparently)
thank god auckland has a free detox facility that got me over and over again off meth and opiates
uacvax - yes, meth fucks with ur rolls
it stops u 'feeling the love' so much and can almost leave u a bit exhausted even during the supposed 'high'
thats IME anyway
gd reason to test ur pills and make sure u dont hav a meth bomb
and zeph - u and i hav had such a similar experience with that stuff its uncanny! i slept on it too....and just like u, i either took more to sleep (usually substantially less than if i was to go off and party harder) or id shoot opiates, usually homebake/morphine though wen heroin was available here i preferred it over evrything else
ive tried once to come off methamphetamine cold turkey.....i had a psychotic episode and lay down in the middle of the road (apparently)
thank god auckland has a free detox facility that got me over and over again off meth and opiates
f13nd
Bluelighter
I've been trying to lower the tweaky addiction to the amphetamine high and just get the positive effects it gave that made me a happy functional person who was able to put together thoughts and be organized and motivated.
Abstained about 8 days or so.
Slept a lot, but I still cannot maintain a sleep schedule that isn't totally fucked. Ate a ton of food too.
Today I dosed with a medicinal dosage time released, not crushed up or taken any way to get a rush..
And I felt fine the whole day. Basically felt the way I used to feel. Social, able to handle every task at hand and like conscious parts of my mind were able to keep up with if not dictate the spiraling whirlwind of thoughts that normally make it too hard to concentrate or focus on one thing at a time and complete the task at hand not find a million reasons why I should do something else or wonder if this is worth the time or decide that if I don't instantly know what to do that I can't be bothered to figure something out.
My question mainly is this - has anyone found its better to dose a single larger dose to maintain therapeutic benefits or does re dosing do the job better?
I'm not completely sure if its redosing that makes it feel as if im trying to maintain something that has peaks and then lows rather than a steady smooth duration...It seems that after the first time I dose during a day, any attempt to take more doesn't help extend anything or keep things balanced.
I'd imagine tolerance builds with frequent re-dosing, but I also think that taking larger doses at once would raise tolerance, any opinions on which seems more managable?
Is there anything I can take that would block dopamine thats OTC rather than seroquel or something? When I want to just stop and conserve my DA I feel like taking benzos only takes the edge off and makes sleep possible, but I'm unsure if it actually makes any difference in terms of stopping the DA firing when its no longer needed.
I take tyrosine, soy protein shakes with most of the essential amino acids, Chelated Magnesium, Piracetam and GPC.
I'm prescribed a certain amount XR and then a second dose IR for later in the day (adderall)
The reason I'm asking the question about dosing is because I've taken a morning dosage and felt fine for a while, but if it starts to feel like its wearing off when I need it, its the re-dosing that makes it feel like im chasing a high vs the initial dosing which actually did work for what I need it to do. So, as this drawn out question comes to a grand finale (I'm sorry I think I may be a bit long winded but its hard for me to know how to ask this so I want to be precise...but I can see others viewing it as a speed fueled ramble..I hope its not X_X), I haven't tried taking a smaller morning dosage and then re dosing throughout the day, even with XR, and I'm not sure if taking more initially and then just not redosing and hoping I don't crash rather than smoothly return to baseline.
I really dislike even talking about any of this because I really would like to be able to fix myself and not bother others, but I figured perhaps you guys may have some similar experiences and advice, so its coming all out at one![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I've been taking this for over a year and a half and have been fine for the first year, but after kicking opiates and benzo abuse and not smoking weed or drinking anymore I found that embracing my thoughts was more rewarding but I let it get out of hand for a while using that illusion of productivity to try to convince myself that the escalating usage was for positive reasons when it honestly started to become a replacement to make me feel not so socially isolated with everyone around me rolling or tripping balls or blazing alllll the time, even the most boring things and burnt out people became interesting. I'm working on getting myself away from the druggie crowd more now so that theres more of a chance to find motivation and stimulation outside of myself, I have no urges to take any other drugs, which makes it reeeeeealllllly dull to sit around with a bunch of stoners or drunk people I realize thats behavioral and something I have to do myself, I allowed myself to be in that situation.
Oh and finally, while I still feel up to it to actually say these things...
Anyone else find that after long term amphetamine usage, and I mean just plain amp, and at doses around 40-80mg a day, that DARI's realllllly don't feel good at all.
These questions are ones that are out of interest, although they probably seem to make the above seem hypocritical. I don't plan on doing Coke anymore anyway.
But does cocaine, even good quality coke, not really seem to have that spark anymore?
I used to feel so amazing a long time ago when I did coke. A while ago, I used it on a few occasions and it was not shitty coke but it just sorta felt good for the first few lines then kinda sucked the further into it I went. And ritalin, which I know has always sucked, 2 years ago I took it and I felt some euphoria and at the very least focused...and now it gives me horrific shakes, headaches and anxiety and NOTHING more.
Im assuming my DA is on down regulation from not using amp and that a DARI can only stop re uptake but if the DA isn't firing at a normal rate then reuptake inhibition can only go so far.
I know that coke is mesolimbic and amp is moreso i thiiiiink the pf cortex and nucleus accumbens (This is really just a shot in the dark, i used to know this much better)
anyway, I hope that this post isn't inappropriate or just irritating to read. If it is I'm sorry
Abstained about 8 days or so.
Slept a lot, but I still cannot maintain a sleep schedule that isn't totally fucked. Ate a ton of food too.
Today I dosed with a medicinal dosage time released, not crushed up or taken any way to get a rush..
And I felt fine the whole day. Basically felt the way I used to feel. Social, able to handle every task at hand and like conscious parts of my mind were able to keep up with if not dictate the spiraling whirlwind of thoughts that normally make it too hard to concentrate or focus on one thing at a time and complete the task at hand not find a million reasons why I should do something else or wonder if this is worth the time or decide that if I don't instantly know what to do that I can't be bothered to figure something out.
My question mainly is this - has anyone found its better to dose a single larger dose to maintain therapeutic benefits or does re dosing do the job better?
I'm not completely sure if its redosing that makes it feel as if im trying to maintain something that has peaks and then lows rather than a steady smooth duration...It seems that after the first time I dose during a day, any attempt to take more doesn't help extend anything or keep things balanced.
I'd imagine tolerance builds with frequent re-dosing, but I also think that taking larger doses at once would raise tolerance, any opinions on which seems more managable?
Is there anything I can take that would block dopamine thats OTC rather than seroquel or something? When I want to just stop and conserve my DA I feel like taking benzos only takes the edge off and makes sleep possible, but I'm unsure if it actually makes any difference in terms of stopping the DA firing when its no longer needed.
I take tyrosine, soy protein shakes with most of the essential amino acids, Chelated Magnesium, Piracetam and GPC.
I'm prescribed a certain amount XR and then a second dose IR for later in the day (adderall)
The reason I'm asking the question about dosing is because I've taken a morning dosage and felt fine for a while, but if it starts to feel like its wearing off when I need it, its the re-dosing that makes it feel like im chasing a high vs the initial dosing which actually did work for what I need it to do. So, as this drawn out question comes to a grand finale (I'm sorry I think I may be a bit long winded but its hard for me to know how to ask this so I want to be precise...but I can see others viewing it as a speed fueled ramble..I hope its not X_X), I haven't tried taking a smaller morning dosage and then re dosing throughout the day, even with XR, and I'm not sure if taking more initially and then just not redosing and hoping I don't crash rather than smoothly return to baseline.
I really dislike even talking about any of this because I really would like to be able to fix myself and not bother others, but I figured perhaps you guys may have some similar experiences and advice, so its coming all out at one
I've been taking this for over a year and a half and have been fine for the first year, but after kicking opiates and benzo abuse and not smoking weed or drinking anymore I found that embracing my thoughts was more rewarding but I let it get out of hand for a while using that illusion of productivity to try to convince myself that the escalating usage was for positive reasons when it honestly started to become a replacement to make me feel not so socially isolated with everyone around me rolling or tripping balls or blazing alllll the time, even the most boring things and burnt out people became interesting. I'm working on getting myself away from the druggie crowd more now so that theres more of a chance to find motivation and stimulation outside of myself, I have no urges to take any other drugs, which makes it reeeeeealllllly dull to sit around with a bunch of stoners or drunk people I realize thats behavioral and something I have to do myself, I allowed myself to be in that situation.Oh and finally, while I still feel up to it to actually say these things...
Anyone else find that after long term amphetamine usage, and I mean just plain amp, and at doses around 40-80mg a day, that DARI's realllllly don't feel good at all.
These questions are ones that are out of interest, although they probably seem to make the above seem hypocritical. I don't plan on doing Coke anymore anyway.
But does cocaine, even good quality coke, not really seem to have that spark anymore?
I used to feel so amazing a long time ago when I did coke. A while ago, I used it on a few occasions and it was not shitty coke but it just sorta felt good for the first few lines then kinda sucked the further into it I went. And ritalin, which I know has always sucked, 2 years ago I took it and I felt some euphoria and at the very least focused...and now it gives me horrific shakes, headaches and anxiety and NOTHING more.
Im assuming my DA is on down regulation from not using amp and that a DARI can only stop re uptake but if the DA isn't firing at a normal rate then reuptake inhibition can only go so far.
I know that coke is mesolimbic and amp is moreso i thiiiiink the pf cortex and nucleus accumbens (This is really just a shot in the dark, i used to know this much better)
anyway, I hope that this post isn't inappropriate or just irritating to read. If it is I'm sorry
From a basehead in the uk (amphetamine)
I think it's the crashes that have kept me off the stuff lately.
It's certainly not will power.
I want the euphoria, motiavation and confience again, but not if I have to take speed, at this time.
f13nd
Being from the UK I dont know what tweaky is.
Base, although much weaker than meth, was what I loved.
I want the positive effects. I want to be a happy functional person who isable to put together thoughts and be organized and motivated.
I guess this returns if we dont take speed for a bit.
I have been having vitamins and I had tyrosine for a few weeks after I last took base.
Base is still a phet, and I found to start small is best.
If I start big, I want more big redoses, or the smaller redoses just space me out, and make me faff about wasting time aimlessley.
I guess redosing any phet is a bad idea, but hey, we're speedfreaks innit? hehehehhe
For me, starting small and increasing the dose (if I cannot fight the urge to redose)
To me, speed tolerance builds up, for base, what ever amount you start on, when that wears off you have to double up to get that rush. This can mean a steady increase in speed eating.
I would imagine an antipsychotic could kill the speed dead in its tracks, but someone with more knowledge on this may tell you.
Valerian, kanna, benzos, sleepers, any one of those makes the comedown smoother.
Speed is all too easy to fall into a habit with.
I think thats why I cant face base at the minute, I overdid it.
I get pissed off with myself for redoseing, when I know I dont need to, like I am weak against base.
I dont know what DARI is, so cant answer that question.
The few times I took coke, it took over everything. Everyone else was enjoying the weed pills and booze, but not me, the damn coke wiped them out.
Horrible comedown too, even a speed comedown is better.
Cokes a creeper, it feels subtle, then bam, your talking non stop, feeling like king kong.- totally different to speed for me.
I am not well up on the chemical brain side, but too much dopamine did give me some psychotic episodes, as I used to sit up awake, long after my last dose, and the psychosis would nip in before the sleep, making it even more harder to sleep.
I love base, but can't be doing with that psychosis or depression malarkey at the minute.
I think it's the crashes that have kept me off the stuff lately.
It's certainly not will power.
I want the euphoria, motiavation and confience again, but not if I have to take speed, at this time.
f13nd
Being from the UK I dont know what tweaky is.
Base, although much weaker than meth, was what I loved.
I want the positive effects. I want to be a happy functional person who isable to put together thoughts and be organized and motivated.
I guess this returns if we dont take speed for a bit.
I have been having vitamins and I had tyrosine for a few weeks after I last took base.
Base is still a phet, and I found to start small is best.
If I start big, I want more big redoses, or the smaller redoses just space me out, and make me faff about wasting time aimlessley.
I guess redosing any phet is a bad idea, but hey, we're speedfreaks innit? hehehehhe
For me, starting small and increasing the dose (if I cannot fight the urge to redose)
To me, speed tolerance builds up, for base, what ever amount you start on, when that wears off you have to double up to get that rush. This can mean a steady increase in speed eating.
I would imagine an antipsychotic could kill the speed dead in its tracks, but someone with more knowledge on this may tell you.
Valerian, kanna, benzos, sleepers, any one of those makes the comedown smoother.
Speed is all too easy to fall into a habit with.
I think thats why I cant face base at the minute, I overdid it.
I get pissed off with myself for redoseing, when I know I dont need to, like I am weak against base.
I dont know what DARI is, so cant answer that question.
The few times I took coke, it took over everything. Everyone else was enjoying the weed pills and booze, but not me, the damn coke wiped them out.
Horrible comedown too, even a speed comedown is better.
Cokes a creeper, it feels subtle, then bam, your talking non stop, feeling like king kong.- totally different to speed for me.
I am not well up on the chemical brain side, but too much dopamine did give me some psychotic episodes, as I used to sit up awake, long after my last dose, and the psychosis would nip in before the sleep, making it even more harder to sleep.
I love base, but can't be doing with that psychosis or depression malarkey at the minute.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
basically, fiend, maybe ur on too high a dose of adderall
technically (if its for AD/H/D) it shudnt give u any euphoria
i take dexamphetamine for ADHD and theres no euphoria - it just makes me able to focus and motivates me
it certainly doesnt make me tweaky or want to talk on for ages
id see whoever prescribed u the adderall if u really want some answers
technically (if its for AD/H/D) it shudnt give u any euphoria
i take dexamphetamine for ADHD and theres no euphoria - it just makes me able to focus and motivates me
it certainly doesnt make me tweaky or want to talk on for ages
id see whoever prescribed u the adderall if u really want some answers
I take adderall for add and i can seriously see how someone could get seriously addicted to amph's.
That confidence that everyone's talking about... and I DO get so much done...
But how the hell do ya'll get to sleep at night? I don't know if the positive feelings & study skills are worth the losing my ability to sleep...
That confidence that everyone's talking about... and I DO get so much done...
But how the hell do ya'll get to sleep at night? I don't know if the positive feelings & study skills are worth the losing my ability to sleep...
The Chemist
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2008
- Messages
- 3,438
^^dude, adderall makes me come to baseline so ferociously that all i want to do is sleep after it's worn off. i started taking Vyvanse for my ADD and i love it, wayy smoother comedown.
f13nd
Bluelighter
What I was trying to say was that I wasn't getting euphoria from it until i went from 40 to about just to have a night out...then that went to 80 crushed...then snorted...then up to 140 or so...thats on nights when i stupidly tried to do it recreationally.
Normally I never felt euphoric in an exxagerated sense, I just felt like I was confident with my ability to think things through, clear minded, and I enjoyed accomplishes my goals, I felt satisfied with who I was.
Its when I decided to take that for granted that the endless trying to recapture just feeling ok, functional, focused and determined, capable.
Now I either end up feeling mediocre and knowing I could make this better or feeling a tingly body sensation like my blood is electric and my mind already thinks out what I'm about to consider, like my subconscious already knows and tells me exactly what I want and can do. Although that just sounds like grandeur and egotistic self indulgence. which i dont like
i just want to be content, motivated, capable...i dont want to get high, but i also dont want to feel like im in limbo when i take my meds.
wingnutlives
Bluelighter
That's why I love it too... but I am going to come off of it soon because I'm only taking one class next term and don't feel that I will "need" it so much. For some reason it doesn't affect my sleep - I can fall asleep after it wears off just fine - but for you I'd recommend taking valerian root when it's starting to wear off. You could also get prescribed seroquel - it's prescribed a lot for insomnia and doesn't have any addiction potential or withdrawal like benzoes do.
Speaking of coming off adderall - do you guys have any recommendations for detoxing faster? Also I'd love to find a cure for the weak/restless leg feeling that I get when I'm not on it.. that drives me nuts!
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
seroquel is a bad idea for anyone with ADD to take cos it actually blocks off ur (already-low) dopamine supply purposefully (thats wat all antipsychotics do)
ADD is a condition that basically means u hav a lower dopamine supply than other ppl, hence why amphetamines help
wingnut - coming off adderall wud b like coming off any amphetamine
ur best to go to a doctor for advice, or a detox centre if u become psychotic/paranoid or r on a high dose
that or u cud wean urself off it
most ppl r given a course of valium for a couple of weeks and as long as they dont abuse it this shud abate all the nasty symptoms
gd luck!
becky - again, my guess is ur either on too high a dose, or taking ur meds too late in the day
that or ur on the wrong drug
adderall doesnt suit evryone - the one ive found to help my ADHD the best without interfering with my life in any other way (having minimal side effects) is dexamphetamine
fiend - i guess u hav to decide whether or not ur going to use ur adderall as prescribed or abuse it
snorting it is technically abusing it - and i wud doubt u need 140mgs
weigh up the pros and cons between using as prescribed and abusing ur meds and make a choice based on which list is longer
if u feel tempted to abuse the pills and u dont want to then give them to someone else to dole out to u
it makes u feel like a bit of a baby i know, but at least u end up only getting the dose u need and staying healthy
my mum holds all my pills and im nearly 25 - id just rather she do this than i end up hooked on speed again!
speaking of my speed addiction....relapse city!
yesterday i had a fight with paul, a fight with mum, and my favourite guinea pig adele died cos i stupidly opened the hutch wen my rottweiler was standing behind me - quick as lightning he grabbed her and she died of internal bleeding
i called up my friend who still uses and i guess u can guess wat happened next
i used the pipe rather than IV, since my mate is a meth-smoker
now i feel like.....shit
id forgotten how awful meth crashes r!
i feel all the usual guilt, shame and anger at myself
and i want to use - IV this time please 8(
*sigh* i guess i can only pick myself up and start again.....
ADD is a condition that basically means u hav a lower dopamine supply than other ppl, hence why amphetamines help
wingnut - coming off adderall wud b like coming off any amphetamine
ur best to go to a doctor for advice, or a detox centre if u become psychotic/paranoid or r on a high dose
that or u cud wean urself off it
most ppl r given a course of valium for a couple of weeks and as long as they dont abuse it this shud abate all the nasty symptoms
gd luck!
becky - again, my guess is ur either on too high a dose, or taking ur meds too late in the day
that or ur on the wrong drug
adderall doesnt suit evryone - the one ive found to help my ADHD the best without interfering with my life in any other way (having minimal side effects) is dexamphetamine
fiend - i guess u hav to decide whether or not ur going to use ur adderall as prescribed or abuse it
snorting it is technically abusing it - and i wud doubt u need 140mgs
weigh up the pros and cons between using as prescribed and abusing ur meds and make a choice based on which list is longer
if u feel tempted to abuse the pills and u dont want to then give them to someone else to dole out to u
it makes u feel like a bit of a baby i know, but at least u end up only getting the dose u need and staying healthy
my mum holds all my pills and im nearly 25 - id just rather she do this than i end up hooked on speed again!
speaking of my speed addiction....relapse city!
yesterday i had a fight with paul, a fight with mum, and my favourite guinea pig adele died cos i stupidly opened the hutch wen my rottweiler was standing behind me - quick as lightning he grabbed her and she died of internal bleeding
i called up my friend who still uses and i guess u can guess wat happened next
i used the pipe rather than IV, since my mate is a meth-smoker
now i feel like.....shit
id forgotten how awful meth crashes r!
i feel all the usual guilt, shame and anger at myself
and i want to use - IV this time please 8(
*sigh* i guess i can only pick myself up and start again.....
rangrz
Bluelighter
overly simplicstic. While you are correct that seroquel is not a good treatment for ADHD, it is a very good treatment for acute amphetamine intoxiciation, amphetamine come down, and if you just cant resist the stuff, taking a seroquel or other (perferably a stronger, more DA specific) AP will render the amp in-effective and thus help break your addiction to it.
oh yeah, its also like the only way to turn your batshit insane amped up brain off without the dreaded and horrible come down...
It can have its place if your abuse of amphetamines is interfering with using them for ADHD properly, or more generally, to make being a tweaker a little bit less taxing on your head and body. (cause lack of sleep and malnutrition are at least as bad for you as the drug it self, and AP's sure do make sure you get your zzz's and some noms after doing stims for a bit.)
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
I moved house yesterday and still got lots to do. Am so tired and sore. Found my old old pipe. Smoked some chloral hydrate from it a while back to see he it worked. It sort of did. I wanted nothing more than meth to make it through the weekend of moving.
So. Tired.
So. Tired.
wingnutlives
Bluelighter
I'm sorry to hear you relapsed, DW, but I'm sure you'll pick yourself up and brush off. Maybe delete your buddy's number though? It's not good to have all that contact info to people with drugs when you're trying to stay clean. Part of your problem seems to be that you have TOO much access to drugs when you want them, you want to stay away from people that will automatically sell it to you. You want friends who will refuse you drugs.
I'm weaning myself off adderall and it's going alright, down to 10mg at a time now, the I'll go down to 7.5, then 5 etc. (I'm extremely lightweight and also careful, so I never take very high doses of anything). I think I might get more benzos for every few days - I've never abused them so I think it should be fine.
I'm weaning myself off adderall and it's going alright, down to 10mg at a time now, the I'll go down to 7.5, then 5 etc. (I'm extremely lightweight and also careful, so I never take very high doses of anything). I think I might get more benzos for every few days - I've never abused them so I think it should be fine.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
i dont pretend to b a pharmaceutical expert nor an expert on how drugs work on the brain
thats why im a mod of TDS not ADD
im just speaking from experience - antipsychotics hav always made my ADHD worse....ive never actually abused my meds so i cant give any better advice than that
tbh if u abuse ur meds and then use antipsychotics to come down then its defeating the purpose of having the meds and ur best to cease use of them
wingnut - ur right about deleting all my contacts and ftm i hav
its just this chick, friend X, is most likely going to end up in jail for a little while (like 3 months or so) soon so i do still see her - we were pretty close a while ago (shes my best friends cousin and we went thru rehab together)
she never offers it to me - but then if i ask for it she wont turn me down
i usually just keep in touch with her by phone, MSN, email, etc but there r times wen i feel kind of obligated to see her too as she sold her horse in order to pay off my heroin debt while i was in detox
she did so mainly cos her bfs dad was the one dealing the smack to me and he (her bf) got me the connect - of course thats her bfs (and my) fault not hers (she had no idea) but she feels guilty about it so she sold this beautiful horse her dad had bought her as a reward for getting clean last time
i therefore feel i cant just 'drop' her cos if it werent for the meth she and i wud probly b gd friends again
its very complicated
and i know i sound like im making excuses (and i probly am)
thanks for the concern hun - take care, and b proud of urself for choosing to get off the adderall if u cant help but abuse it!
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2006
- Messages
- 19,420
Im sorry you relapsed DW. That sucks 
. Don't beat yourself up about it though and if all that shit had happened to me in the run of a day id have relapsed to most likely.
Wingnut if you can get a script for some benzos and gabapentin that should kill any restless leg syndrome. I take clonazepam and gabapentin everyday and that's why i don't get RLS during opiate withdrawals. The combo totally kills it though benzos do a pretty good job on their own.
. Don't beat yourself up about it though and if all that shit had happened to me in the run of a day id have relapsed to most likely.Wingnut if you can get a script for some benzos and gabapentin that should kill any restless leg syndrome. I take clonazepam and gabapentin everyday and that's why i don't get RLS during opiate withdrawals. The combo totally kills it though benzos do a pretty good job on their own.
habboz
Bluelighter
its wierd how most people here say their tired all the time which is how i am after not using for about 2 months i can necer get enough sleep it seems. Am i thr only one? Im cobstantly sleeping i think it may be because im trying to just escape reality cause i have no money and am going to court for shit. But who knows
habboz
Bluelighter
Oh yes and one more thing stay away from caffien it makes u want to use again badly if u drink a medium amount of pop, this is qhat made me want to use again.
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