Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

[Flynnal]

The lockdown im convinced caused ptsd from thinking about what went wrong just before. I have frequent temptation to get high on things like tramadol, however I won't as I'm on mirtazepine, and want to get clean of this before therapy.

I absolutely can see how PTSD could have been caused by the lockdown - the isolation, the unemployment, the loss of opportunities and the general inability to feel well has definitely contributed to what I've been experiencing. I believe my PTSD was caused by something else that I also discussed in The Dark Side, but I know that a lot of underlying stuff like mental illness made things much worse and made it much harder to cope with.

I see you're taking mirtazapine. That's the same stuff I'm on, and I was wondering how you were coping on that? It's a pretty heavy duty sedative, and it didn't even help me sleep during the recent trauma, but I will report that I'm sleeping much better the last couple of days, but emotionally I'm still not where I want to be.

Are you considering coming off the mirtazapine? I can't stop using it, as I won't be able to sleep at all. Believe me, I've tried a couple of times with near tragic results. It's something I'm afraid I'm stuck on...and I hope it is always available.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I like NA a lot better than AA - which I attended years ago. The NA people are more tolerant of talking about mental health issues and about taking medication. The group i went to last nice only had 5 people but they were warm and welcoming and everyone gave me a bit of advice that I found useful in one way or another. If I had not gone I definitely would have scored and got high. Even as I pulled into the carpark I was still waiting for a text back from my connect from earlier in the day when my cravings were insane. luckily she never replied and the NA people all watched as I blocked her number later in the meeting! And not getting high for another day has meant I could work today: have written 1,000 (good) words when my target was only 400 so I'm feeling pretty positive. Still, I could have a delicious spike in my arm and a pussy on my face in less than 15 minutes if I let my attention and focus waver (so probably shouldn't be reading BL). My wallet still full of the money I took out to do it yesterday....

They're both good, but personally I enjoy AA a lot more, even though all my true drugs of choice are narcotics.

In my personal experience NA is lacking in diversity and members, most people who go are court ordered to and don't want to be there. I never experienced this in AA. But every meeting and every area is different.

 

[Jabberwocky]

In my personal experience NA is lacking in diversity and members, most people who go are court ordered to and don't want to be there. I never experienced this in AA. But every meeting and every area is different.

Yeah. I don’t like participating in recovery/rehab activities with people who are just there for legal reasons or compelled by their families. They often give off a lot of negative energy and inhibit people genuinely wanting to work the process. Sadly, I was a bit like that first time I went to rehab and just sat there arms-folded exuding a ‘this is all bullshit and you are all losers vibe’ - fortunately a counsellor told me some home truths that made me see myself honestly for the first time and I got with the program.

The court ordered people are also the ones most likely to try and hook you up with some dope after the meeting.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

I have this almost constant feeling of stress inside me. I guess it's from the mdma abuse. It's worse the days after I've taken quentapin to sleep, even if it is just 25 mg. Now when I think about it it's actually no wonder im stressed, low serotonin or not bc everything in my life is quite stressful now so..

Getting quite jumpy and paranoid as well. I get scared everytime a car slows down in front of my building.

Oh how I wish I could just leave everything behind and start new in a new place, preferably a new country or continent ughhhh

 

[HoldBack]

Yeah. I don’t like participating in recovery/rehab activities with people who are just there for legal reasons or compelled by their families. They often give off a lot of negative energy and inhibit people genuinely wanting to work the process. Sadly, I was a bit like that first time I went to rehab and just sat there arms-folded exuding a ‘this is all bullshit and you are all losers vibe’ - fortunately a counsellor told me some home truths that made me see myself honestly for the first time and I got with the program.

The court ordered people are also the ones most likely to try and hook you up with some dope after the meeting.

I hate those people that are in that weird space of denial where subconsciously they know they need to get better but consciously they aren’t ready to put the habit down.

and it turns into a situation where they’d rather see everyone else fail than for them to succeed.

it’s like how public schools push every down to the lowest common denominator rather than help lift the gifted to reach their potential.

don’t get me wrong, even the most obstinate rehab-goer deserves a chance At getting help but families and the courts need to recognize that, especially in the earlier stages (first 5-10 years of dependence), addiction is incredibly self-destructive and many junkies reach a point where they don’t intend to kill themselves but they lose the instinct for self preservation.

qBeen there, it’s scary looking back.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Had at nice day at my moms place. WAte dinner and watched Devs with my mum , later on I drank some wine with my brother, watched some dayz gameplay and smoked a few spliffs.
Then my husband called and was mad I bc i waited 10mins to call him up even though i texted him saying i was taking a cig with mum. those things really gives me warning signals but i guess im just paranoid gonna leave this shit behind as soon as i have the energy for it we dont want the same things in life and has way different values anyways and he would be way better of without me,also dont wanna fuck up his sobriety again
Man idk what i would do if i did not have bluelight to express myself on it really makes me feel less lonely just rambling in this thread lol

 

[Shady's Fox]

Had at nice day at my moms place. WAte dinner and watched Devs with my mum , later on I drank some wine with my brother, watched some dayz gameplay and smoked a few spliffs.
Then my husband called and was mad I bc i waited 10mins to call him up even though i texted him saying i was taking a cig with mum. those things really gives me warning signals but i guess im just paranoid gonna leave this shit behind as soon as i have the energy for it we dont want the same things in life and has way different values anyways and he would be way better of without me,also dont wanna fuck up his sobriety again
Man idk what i would do if i did not have bluelight to express myself on it really makes me feel less lonely just rambling in this thread lol

Surround yourself with what you need, don't be an emotional tampon.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Surround yourself with what you need, don't be an emotional tampon.

I have severe separation anxiety, I mean S E V E R E but thats no excuse to ruin another persons life. Im gonna try to have the "talk" as soon as possible just postponing (spelling??) it. We will have to split up our four cats though and it breaks my heart

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Man i think it's the fucking weed making me depressed , atleast 50% of the time I smoke I feel worse than before and quite often suicidal. Being without makes me anxious too though but that what it means being addicted soo ???. just waiting for the psilocybe mushrooms to grow so i can try microdosing instead ugh. but before that a big trip to confront myself bc this aint working

 

[Jabberwocky]

For me when i trip i need to be in a good head space or else shit gets weird.

Be careful, get comfy and enjoy.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Well my last piss test had amphetamine in it... So there goes the adhd meds for now. Shiet. Got bupre running through my veins atm and relaxing me but little tired from not sleeping what my meds "require" me to ~12 hours.

 

[Kara Kava]

Angry, because i can't escape racism
Not even here

 

[Jabberwocky]

Angry, because i can't escape racism
Not even here

Your reported posts have been noticed and taken care of.

Thanks for the reports.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Angry, because i can't escape racism
Not even here

It's not fucking racism to hate gypsies.

Had at nice day at my moms place. WAte dinner and watched Devs with my mum , later on I drank some wine with my brother, watched some dayz gameplay and smoked a few spliffs.
Then my husband called and was mad I bc i waited 10mins to call him up even though i texted him saying i was taking a cig with mum. those things really gives me warning signals but i guess im just paranoid gonna leave this shit behind as soon as i have the energy for it we dont want the same things in life and has way different values anyways and he would be way better of without me,also dont wanna fuck up his sobriety again
Man idk what i would do if i did not have bluelight to express myself on it really makes me feel less lonely just rambling in this thread lol

Sounds pretty hard. I think you should talk about these things with your husband. Relationships need to be micro-managed on very little things all the time, so little things don't stack up and turn to bad things.
There have been studies about how in relationships where there are less than 2 or 3 negative interactions for every 8 good, it will lead most likely to seperation.
I'd rather take the risk of fight with my woman, than let some shit annoy me for a long time and try to ignore it.
Wish you're well, neighbor.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Thanks for the advice @DeadManWalkin' im gonna try to talk to him. And I should really try to talk the truth this time. I don't really even see a future with him, but THE SEPARATION ANXIETY ugghhh, can't ruin his life bc I have that though. Who knows maybe some things resolve themselves if I just talk to him.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

For me when i trip i need to be in a good head space or else shit gets weird.

Be careful, get comfy and enjoy.

I don't think i'll ever bee in a good enough headspace haha. But if I decide to take a big trip imma have some kind of trip killer available. Mushrooms is much less intense for me in a way compared to LSD but that really depends on the dosing. Probably gonna try the microdosing for a couple of weeks first.
Looking at the weather for the next 14 days, it seems that maaaybe they will start growing in a week or two, if the weather keeps being this cool. Can't wait go go out and start picking

 

[Shady's Fox]

I don't think i'll ever bee in a good enough headspace haha. But if I decide to take a big trip imma have some kind of trip killer available. Mushrooms is much less intense for me in a way compared to LSD but that really depends on the dosing. Probably gonna try the microdosing for a couple of weeks first.
Looking at the weather for the next 14 days, it seems that maaaybe they will start growing in a week or two, if the weather keeps being this cool. Can't wait go go out and start picking

It's gonna be okay, shorty.

 

[Flynnal]

I started this morning feeling ok but by the afternoon I am feeling very upset. Not suicidal but wanting to bawl my eyes out. But for some reason I am unable to cry.

I saw the counselor yesterday but I guess I didn't cry and that's why I am still hurting. I need to release the pain. I don't need to cry once - more like 100 times.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Feeling good @ 4 days meth free. Last time made it to 5 days so here's hoping tomorrow is a stress free day. So far no cravings or major depression etc. The only downside is I have developed symptoms of Tardive Dyskinesia and I don't know if it is from lingering effects of heavy meth abuse, the antipsychotics I've been taking to help avoid comedowns or the relatively small doses of Rx d-amp I'm still taking for ADD. Seems like I should stop taking all of them and just let my dopamine system recover naturally or maybe with some Tyrosine.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I started this morning feeling ok but by the afternoon I am feeling very upset. Not suicidal but wanting to bawl my eyes out. But for some reason I am unable to cry.

I saw the counselor yesterday but I guess I didn't cry and that's why I am still hurting. I need to release the pain. I don't need to cry once - more like 100 times.

Does you think listening to music might help?

I don't usually cry at love songs i tear up during a great guitar solo or something but it can be equally as cathartic.

Feeling good @ 4 days meth free. Last time made it to 5 days so here's hoping tomorrow is a stress free day. So far no cravings or major depression etc. The only downside is I have developed symptoms of Tardive Dyskinesia and I don't know if it is from lingering effects of heavy meth abuse, the antipsychotics I've been taking to help avoid comedowns or the relatively small doses of Rx d-amp I'm still taking for ADD. Seems like I should stop taking all of them and just let my dopamine system recover naturally or maybe with some Tyrosine.

Might be overwhelming to stop it all at once, but its a great goal.

What do you do for fun?