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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

I made a bad move yesterday guys. This last week I’ve felt like I’ve made some real progress, mentally I was feeling more relaxed and able to feel things much better, plus I slept a whole night without waking up and I actually felt refreshed. This positive relaxation seemed to be releasing the tension on my muscles and starting to relieve the muscle weakness issues I’ve been having. Then last night I used the shotgun a few times on our farm at my fathers continued insistence and now it’s sent my nervous system into a spin again. Another very stupid thing to do in hindsight! I’m writing this in the middle of the night after waking up feeling non refreshed and seemingly heaps of adrenaline still running through my body. My leg muscles feel stiff and weak again, and it feels like I’ve undone some of the progress I’ve made. So frustrated and filled with regret right now!
 
Lookingforanswers25 said:
I made a bad move yesterday guys. This last week I’ve felt like I’ve made some real progress, mentally I was feeling more relaxed and able to feel things much better, plus I slept a whole night without waking up and I actually felt refreshed. This positive relaxation seemed to be releasing the tension on my muscles and starting to relieve the muscle weakness issues I’ve been having. Then last night I used the shotgun a few times on our farm at my fathers continued insistence and now it’s sent my nervous system into a spin again. Another very stupid thing to do in hindsight! I’m writing this in the middle of the night after waking up feeling non refreshed and still seemingly heaps of adrenaline still running through my body. My leg muscles feel stiff and weak again, and it feels like I’ve undone some of the progress I’ve made. So frustrated and filled with regret right now!
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At least you know now that you can get better. Everyone regresses in recovery, but try to not beat yourself about it, comeback and continue your healthy habits again.
 
itzgonbeaite said:
At least you know now that you can get better. Everyone regresses in recovery, but try to not beat yourself about it, comeback and continue your healthy habits again.
Click to expand...
Thanks mate. It’s not as bad as taking drugs I guess! Although it sort of feels like I’m on a mini version of a high because the gun firing made my adrenaline spike and my senses are through the roof.
 
Lookingforanswers25 said:
Thanks mate. It’s not as bad as taking drugs I guess! Although it sort of feels like I’m on a mini version of a high because the gun firing made my adrenaline spike and my senses are through the roof.
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I don't know your full story, but along with a healthy lifestyle, professional help might be worth it. Someone in my post suggested I go to a therapist for my issues, which I will be doing.
 
Macenroe said:
What are your other symptoms? Why you stopped the antidepressants?
Click to expand...
I would say that most of my other symptoms are related to anxiety like dp/dr, constant low level hyperventilation or shortness of breath and heart palpitations.
More symptoms are extremely low tolerance to stimulation, very low stress tolerance, generally feeling miserable and ill in the morning, a lot of brain fog, low tolerance to cold temperatures, brain zaps and almost constant vertigo.

I stopped the Antidepressants because I came to the conclusion that they were causing me more harm then good.
In my opinion it is a bad idea to treat a brain which has been unbalanced (damaged?) by chemicals by adding more chemicals.
Plus the side effects were simply unbearable and I was only on a low dose.
So I decided to quit them as fast as possible to avoid having to go on a very long taper.
But I think after two months on them it was already too late and they made my brain dependent.
At the moment I cannot differentiate if my symptoms stem from the MDMA LTC or the Antidepressant withdrawal or both.
From what I am reading on this forum and on survivingantidepressants.org the symptoms seem to be very similar.
 
ZeroLuck said:
Ladies and gentlemen :) don't wanna bring any negativity, but quick question... Any one of you who had bad memory issues, but now fine?

There's zero improvement there for me, everything else is alright.
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The only thing that I notice is I don't have confidence in my memory.

Sometimes my memory will serve me with all the correct information, but I have this sub-conscious shadow hanging over almost every mental thought that comes along. And that doubt goes into my mechanical memory too. Like I know 8 x 8 is 64, but after the LTC its like my brain now questions everything, even if 8 x 8 is 64.

I think the issue is like this,

the LTC caused some severe issues with our brain. We saw issues where there were none, and so to adapt to that we had to learn to ignore a certain amount of what our brain was saying.

Now that we have some degree of healing, we still have that issue of adaption. We still have the habits we used to survive the LTC, even after the LTC has healed though and now its becoming an issue.

During the LTC, it was beneficial for me to ignore most of my panicked thoughts or paranoid thoughts.
Now after the LTC, I'm finding that I'm dealing with quite a bit of apathy. Probably because my primary coping mechanism to the issues of the LTC was to just be apathetic to them.



Seems like this is a recurring issue with any form of trauma or pain. In order to deal with very abnormal experiences (like the LTC), people adapt in certain ways to deal with the abnormal side effects of that experience. Then once the episode or issue is gone, if the coping mechanisms that were employed during the trauma are not dismantled, then a new issue arises of the problematic coping issues becoming engrained in the body, brain, and behaviors.

Basically, to cope with the LTC we learn all these things, and not all of them are helpful in the large picture of our lives.
In order to truly heal from the LTC, completely, you have to learn to put down what helped you through the LTC but will not help you in the long term of your life.

example. I was avoiding a lot of places before. During the LTC that helped me to avoid triggers and episodes of panic. After the LTC, it's just causing me to isolate and feel lonely, which eventually leads to coping with drugs or some other negative coping mechanism. to heal all I have to do is setup structured exposure events (walking my dog 3x a day, taking new routes often) (going hiking at least one weekend a month for at least 6 hours).
 
lionheart90 said:
The only thing that I notice is I don't have confidence in my memory.

Sometimes my memory will serve me with all the correct information, but I have this sub-conscious shadow hanging over almost every mental thought that comes along. And that doubt goes into my mechanical memory too. Like I know 8 x 8 is 64, but after the LTC its like my brain now questions everything, even if 8 x 8 is 64.

I think the issue is like this,

the LTC caused some severe issues with our brain. We saw issues where there were none, and so to adapt to that we had to learn to ignore a certain amount of what our brain was saying.

Now that we have some degree of healing, we still have that issue of adaption. We still have the habits we used to survive the LTC, even after the LTC has healed though and now its becoming an issue.

During the LTC, it was beneficial for me to ignore most of my panicked thoughts or paranoid thoughts.
Now after the LTC, I'm finding that I'm dealing with quite a bit of apathy. Probably because my primary coping mechanism to the issues of the LTC was to just be apathetic to them.



Seems like this is a recurring issue with any form of trauma or pain. In order to deal with very abnormal experiences (like the LTC), people adapt in certain ways to deal with the abnormal side effects of that experience. Then once the episode or issue is gone, if the coping mechanisms that were employed during the trauma are not dismantled, then a new issue arises of the problematic coping issues becoming engrained in the body, brain, and behaviors.

Basically, to cope with the LTC we learn all these things, and not all of them are helpful in the large picture of our lives.
In order to truly heal from the LTC, completely, you have to learn to put down what helped you through the LTC but will not help you in the long term of your life.

example. I was avoiding a lot of places before. During the LTC that helped me to avoid triggers and episodes of panic. After the LTC, it's just causing me to isolate and feel lonely, which eventually leads to coping with drugs or some other negative coping mechanism. to heal all I have to do is setup structured exposure events (walking my dog 3x a day, taking new routes often) (going hiking at least one weekend a month for at least 6 hours).
Click to expand...

Thanks for taking your time and write this nice comment.

Have two questions,

How you explain that my memory issues don't fluctuate much, gives me the feeling that's something broken, not just psychotical or chemic imbalance.

Second question... I've forgot (no pun intended, loool)... Ok here I've remembered. In the beginning before I knew what's LTC or even the effects of MDMA my memory was trash, back then wouldn't make sense I've talked myself down so much.

Cheers
 
Chaotnr.1 said:
I would say that most of my other symptoms are related to anxiety like dp/dr, constant low level hyperventilation or shortness of breath and heart palpitations.
More symptoms are extremely low tolerance to stimulation, very low stress tolerance, generally feeling miserable and ill in the morning, a lot of brain fog, low tolerance to cold temperatures, brain zaps and almost constant vertigo.

I stopped the Antidepressants because I came to the conclusion that they were causing me more harm then good.
In my opinion it is a bad idea to treat a brain which has been unbalanced (damaged?) by chemicals by adding more chemicals.
Plus the side effects were simply unbearable and I was only on a low dose.
So I decided to quit them as fast as possible to avoid having to go on a very long taper.
But I think after two months on them it was already too late and they made my brain dependent.
At the moment I cannot differentiate if my symptoms stem from the MDMA LTC or the Antidepressant withdrawal or both.
From what I am reading on this forum and on survivingantidepressants.org the symptoms seem to be very similar.
Click to expand...
Do you feel good at night? I feel shit in the morning and I usually get better by 3 PM with almost zero symptoms at night.
 
Hello there

I´m in year 6 now and using professional support of therapists.
i realized that some symptoms are rather rarely among LTCers.
if you have any of the following symptoms, please contact me:

- intolerance to sugar
- extreme head pressure
- disorder of time perception
- extreme fatigue
 
Hope y'all get better! 7 years ago felt like shite for almost two years, it goes away in time, get out there and try new activities/hobbies, get it out of your head, is hard because we think when we wake up next day, it'll be gone.. but everyday gets better! Cheers
 
martomat said:
Hello there

I´m in year 6 now and using professional support of therapists.
i realized that some symptoms are rather rarely among LTCers.
if you have any of the following symptoms, please contact me:

- intolerance to sugar
- extreme head pressure
- disorder of time perception
- extreme fatigue
Click to expand...
I have head pressure and fatigue
 
MrBlue13 said:
Hope y'all get better! 7 years ago felt like shite for almost two years, it goes away in time, get out there and try new activities/hobbies, get it out of your head, is hard because we think when we wake up next day, it'll be gone.. but everyday gets better! Cheers
Click to expand...
How bad were your symptoms? Did you tried medications?
 
martomat said:
Hello there

I´m in year 6 now and using professional support of therapists.
i realized that some symptoms are rather rarely among LTCers.
if you have any of the following symptoms, please contact me:

- intolerance to sugar
- extreme head pressure
- disorder of time perception
- extreme fatigue
Click to expand...
Have you recovered? Medications?
 
1)recovered partially. had some drug relapses during recovery process that worsened my status.
2)tried medication, but none worked.
3) only mentioned some of my symptoms
4) you have head pressure and fatigue. from which drugs did it came from? have you recovered and if yes, why? on which part of your head did you feel your pressure? did your head pressure also change sometimes into a tingling? i realized for myself: pressure means it gets worse, tingling means it gets better
 
ZeroLuck said:
Thanks for taking your time and write this nice comment.

Have two questions,

How you explain that my memory issues don't fluctuate much, gives me the feeling that's something broken, not just psychotical or chemic imbalance.

Second question... I've forgot (no pun intended, loool)... Ok here I've remembered. In the beginning before I knew what's LTC or even the effects of MDMA my memory was trash, back then wouldn't make sense I've talked myself down so much.

Cheers
Click to expand...

I would explain the lack of fluctuation the same way I would explain why the issues last so long.

The disorder causes an effect, and in order to create balance in the body an adaption is made. This new adaption is engrained in the body, that is to say that is embedded in the brain as a series of pathways and connections. Then when the healing has taken place, if those adaptions are still engrained in the body, then they become the new issue.

We could almost even say, the real issue with the LTC is that the body heals itself wrong. And it is our duty, as intelligent operators of the body mechanism, to go back in and fix what didn't heal right.

If you go to a surgeon and they mess up the healing, you can just go back to them. When we mess up our mind through healing, we can either do the healing ourselves or seek a therapist to help us fix our minds.

The LTC has a physical component and a mental component. It is a very complex disorder. What begins as psychological becomes physical, and what is physical can become psychological. So you see there is a lot of back and forth between the two. Potentially an endless feedback loop, if we never step in and correct the issue.
 
Macenroe said:
Do you feel good at night? I feel shit in the morning and I usually get better by 3 PM with almost zero symptoms at night.
Click to expand...
Yes it definitely gets better throughout the day.
But I can't say I am symptom free at night just slightly less anxious and the brain fog lifts a bit.

I was never a morning person so I always felt better in the evening even before the ltc, but right now I feel so much more sensible to this morning dread.
 
am I the only one who can treat his state of illness by gaining positive experiences? for me, writing a good exam note, kissing a girl and so on seems to shake up my neurotransmitter system, so I get some "flashes" and my brain starts to repair. it´s the ONLY treatment method i have, and i´m working with this method the last 5 years. improving my life - it´s my medicine i found for myself and i made big recovery processes with this. I call my method "gaining flashes". am I really the only one out there?
 
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