MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[I hope it gets better]

Hey guys!

I haven’t been here recently because I’ve been feeling completely fine again. I hope I can stay like this.

You all will feel better soon. I’m sure. I wish you all the best.

I'm happy for you bro,and you will stay like that, a lot of people on this website recovered ,and the knowledge of that alone makes you recover.

 

[lionheart90]

Has anyone experienced something like this before?

We all have man lol. All of us here have been through or are going through the same damn thing.

panic disorder with dissociative features.

BTW the panic attack is the enemy and causes the damage. For most people the MDMA or weed or a scary situation causes the first panic attack, from there it's the panic attacks that do all the damage and cause all the symptoms. It's not MDMA damage, or any form of damage, it's an imbalance in the body created by panic attacks.

its not usual, obviously it wouldn't be called a disorder if it was normal, but for a small percentage of people it happens. Usually people get one panic attack and it goes away without issues, but for a small percentage of people the panic becomes permanent with episodes of severe panic (panic disorder), this leads to a sense of dissociation as a way to feel some kind of calm and sense of peace. The constant dissociation then becomes its own issue.

bottom line. drugs fucked up the balance in our bodies. Now the symptoms we feel are a result of a body that is out of balance and is trying to find balance again.

if you read the previous posts (in the beginning of my LTC I read close to 100 pages of forum threads and it only took me like an hour, read god damn it, read!) you'll see that most people recovery strategy focuses on regaining a sense of balance and peace in their life through disciplined routines and habits. Wake up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, create structure in routines and visiting friends and family, exercise, etc. Its all healthy habits, yes, but its also done in a structured way.

I have tried to just do healthy things in an unstructured way and the results fucking suck. If you do the healthy habits in a structured way you'll feel norml again very quickly. especially if you start the day with cardio. Early AM cardio is my #1 recommendation for dealing with anxiety, and late evening meditation or yoga is also helpful.

 

[lionheart90]

I'd suggest leaving it out, unless the neck jerks are completely getting in the way of your daily activities. I'm over 2 years into my long term comedown, and I had neck and leg jerks for approx the first 6 months to a year - I think its "normal" in a LTC and I personally wouldn't take any medication for it unless its extremely severe. I don't want to contradict something a medical professional has advised but equally, they have very little understanding of the concept of a long-term comedown, its not even medically recognised.

The LTC is not medically recognized as a term, however the phenomenon is well documented. Panic disorder with features of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified.

9 out of 10 times it's ignited by a night of drugs, but it can also happen from a natural disaster like an earthquake or gang violence (debatable if it's "natural" but not getting into that now).

 

[rinzzlerr]

I disagree with the concept of the LTC bringing up underlying mental health issues - for me I was the happiest I'd been in my life right prior to when I took my last dose of MDMA. No history of mental health issues in my family whatsoever either.
Also, I beg you don't even toy with the idea of MD again. Theres been countless cases (posts from the 1-6 threads that were deleted so I cant source) of people on here returning due to thinking they were alright again and then taking MD. Its a bliss for sure, but one night of false joy isn't worth it.

The reason I believe this is some people have said they were slightly depressed or already very anxious people before the LTC. I was slightly depressed and very anxious, I was just a very overthinking, worried person in general. Not saying this is what solely causes it, but it could be the reason why some people get it and others don’t. I don’t know your situation, but I believe the LTC has more to do with what @lionheart90 is saying above. MDMA and ensuing panic attacks can throw a persons baseline out of whack and cause a domino effect of issues in the mind/body. It usually starts with a panic attack though. To be honest with you, I don’t think I would’ve had an LTC if I didn’t have a panic attack that dreaded Tuesday night. Everything began soon after that. Luckily I only had one, and now I’m back to normal with just my normal anxiety levels. But everything began with that panic attack: dissociation, fatigue, headaches, insomnia, etc..

And I agree I will be staying away from MD for a good while. Perhaps in the future if I’m still even interested I might give it a go once my anxieties with MDMA have gone.

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

Sounds exactly like an LTC, I definitely wouldn't worry about ALS.

Thanks for the reply Benjaha. It’s more so the physical symptoms that are troubling me, I can deal with the mental stuff, it just feels like my legs are doing 30% of what they were before if that makes sense, they feel weak.

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

We all have man lol. All of us here have been through or are going through the same damn thing.

panic disorder with dissociative features.

BTW the panic attack is the enemy and causes the damage. For most people the MDMA or weed or a scary situation causes the first panic attack, from there it's the panic attacks that do all the damage and cause all the symptoms. It's not MDMA damage, or any form of damage, it's an imbalance in the body created by panic attacks.

its not usual, obviously it wouldn't be called a disorder if it was normal, but for a small percentage of people it happens. Usually people get one panic attack and it goes away without issues, but for a small percentage of people the panic becomes permanent with episodes of severe panic (panic disorder), this leads to a sense of dissociation as a way to feel some kind of calm and sense of peace. The constant dissociation then becomes its own issue.

bottom line. drugs fucked up the balance in our bodies. Now the symptoms we feel are a result of a body that is out of balance and is trying to find balance again.

if you read the previous posts (in the beginning of my LTC I read close to 100 pages of forum threads and it only took me like an hour, read god damn it, read!) you'll see that most people recovery strategy focuses on regaining a sense of balance and peace in their life through disciplined routines and habits. Wake up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, create structure in routines and visiting friends and family, exercise, etc. Its all healthy habits, yes, but its also done in a structured way.

I have tried to just do healthy things in an unstructured way and the results fucking suck. If you do the healthy habits in a structured way you'll feel norml again very quickly. especially if you start the day with cardio. Early AM cardio is my #1 recommendation for dealing with anxiety, and late evening meditation or yoga is also helpful.

Lion heart 90 thanks for the detailed reply man. When you started back at gym were you a lot weaker than you normally would be first session back? Because physically my body feels so stiff and weak, I’ve started programs at the gym after layoffs before, but I’ve never been as stiff and weak.

 

[I hope it gets better]

Lion heart 90 thanks for the detailed reply man. When you started back at gym were you a lot weaker than you normally would be first session back? Because physically my body feels so stiff and weak, I’ve started programs at the gym after layoffs before, but I’ve never been as stiff and weak.

Have the doctors tests found anything at all?

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

Have the doctors tests found anything at all?

No not yet. I’m booked in for an EMG as well but not for another 3 weeks.

 

[I hope it gets better]

No not yet. I’m booked in for an EMG as well but not for another 3 weeks.

Yeah I think the EMG will ultimately tell the truth,but in the mean time your mentality also has an impact on your body,I lost 15kg solely because of my thoughts,your mind and what you tell yourself has far more influence on your body than you know.

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

Yeah I think the EMG will ultimately tell the truth,but in the mean time your mentality also has an impact on your body,I lost 15kg solely because of my thoughts,your mind and what you tell yourself has far more influence on your body than you know.

Yeah it’s just going to be a nervous wait until the EMG. I’ll keep that in mind and try and stay positive, thanks. Also that’s crazy you lost that much weight through
your thoughts.

 

[I hope it gets better]

Yeah it’s just going to be a nervous wait until the EMG. I’ll keep that in mind and try and stay positive, thanks. Also that’s crazy you lost that much weight through
your thoughts.

Yeah its all because I was obsessing 24/7 about whether or not id be myself again ,and that led to depression which led to me not eating and it sorta came crash and burning from there on.look man think positve ,you got this..

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

Yeah its all because I was obsessing 24/7 about whether or not id be myself again ,and that led to depression which led to me not eating and it sorta came crash and burning from there on.look man think positve ,you got this..

I can see how that would happen. Thanks man you’re a legend

 

[Elleker]

Ok so something super strange happened to me the other night and I‘ve been debating whether to write it on here or not purely due to its strangeness, but I kind of need to get it off my chest and hear others opinion’s on it as I struggle to talk to my real life friends about ltc stuff because in the past when I’ve tried they truly don’t understand.

Now I just want to preface the below by saying I’m very much a man of science, I have a degree in it and I’m enrolled next year to study a neuroscience masters (a decision majorly influenced by my ltc). That said I’m also very open to the idea that we human beings haven’t figured everything out yet, and my experiences through meditation and in the past through psychedelics have shown me that my mind and consciousness are much bigger than I previously thought, however I still believe that everything we experience originates in our brains, it‘s just that our perceptions of self and mind go beyond what we feel day by day when just looking out at the world from behind our eyes (ie our brain is creating the vast consciousness that we experience, including our environment and body, but places a false feeling of self at the centre of it inside our head to navigate it all, however that too can be by-passed to experience everything directly). But what happened to me the other night has shocked me to the point of where I’m starting to question those beliefs.

Also I don’t drink or do any drugs anymore so I was completely sober during this whole experience.

Basically I was at a wedding on the weekend and met a girl I used to know from high school and hadn’t seen in years. We were chatting and she was informing me that she had become very spiritual in the past few years. I was interested in her story in a polite way, as I don’t really mind what people want to believe, but I wasn‘t interested in a way that I actually believed she had spiritual powers or anything (like she was subtly alluding to). However, she then grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes for a while. She began to get very distressed and was shaking and crying a bit, this obviously freaked me out and I was getting ready to bail. But she then began to incredibly accurately describe my anhedonia so perfectly that I was rooted to the spot. Bear in mind here that the only 4 people outside of doctors and whatnot that I have told of my anhedonia are my parents and two brothers, none of whom would tell anyone else because they know how private it is to me. Over the course of maybe 20 mins she probed me with questions, getting me to think about my mum or my sister and then putting her hand over my heart and telling me that I don’t feel love for them in my heart. And not just love for them, but any emotions at all in my heart. This is the crux of my anhedonia since my ltc. I do actually have emotions, I cry in sad situations and laugh in funny ones and care for people around me (I also do my best to care for as many people as possible purely because it’s the right thing to do, not because a feeling is telling me to do it) but I don’t feel any of it, ie in my heart or belly (in frightening or nervous situations where you’d usually feel butterflies for example) at all. Which is where I always used to feel everything beforehand. It’s like the emotions are all still happening because my body reacts in the same normal way, but I just don’t feel any of it at all. The way I’ve come to rationalise it is it‘s as if there’s a disconnect between the subconscious emotional centres of my brain and the centres that make up my actual experience of everything.

The girl kept on staring in my eyes and repeatedly told me that she could see in them that my soul was split and detached, and was still there but I wasn’t connected to it. Throughout all this I was trying to play it as cool as possible and just brush it off because I didn‘t want to fuel her fire, and also I just desperately didn’t want to believe that someone could see things that were so deeply personal to me by looking into my eyes and holding my hands. I also haven‘t ever had any reason to believe in the existence of souls in the past. Finally she left, but not before telling me that she could help fix me, which obviously leaves me in a conundrum as to whether or not to indulge her by letting her help, while also forsaking my belief in that ltc is a nervous system problem and not some meta-physical one (I cringe at saying that).

Anyway, what do you all make of this? Did she just get lucky? Or can people really sense someone’s emotional/spiritual state through their eyes and hands? Is there a way to rationalise how she did it? Has anyone had anything similar happen to them before?

 

[lionheart90]

Lion heart 90 thanks for the detailed reply man. When you started back at gym were you a lot weaker than you normally would be first session back? Because physically my body feels so stiff and weak, I’ve started programs at the gym after layoffs before, but I’ve never been as stiff and weak.

Oh yeah man, I've never been as weak as when I started back up haha. The last time I was this weak I was like 13 years old haha

 

[lionheart90]

Finally she left, but not before telling me that she could help fix me, which obviously leaves me in a conundrum as to whether or not to indulge her by letting her help, while also forsaking my belief in that ltc is a nervous system problem and not some meta-physical one (I cringe at saying that).

Anyway, what do you all make of this? Did she just get lucky? Or can people really sense someone’s emotional/spiritual state through their eyes and hands? Is there a way to rationalise how she did it? Has anyone had anything similar happen to them before?

When angels or guides or helping spirits show up in your life, its wise that you accept them. And that is what this person is to you right now. You are in a time of need, they are a person of skill who is offering you help in your time of need. To refuse them would be a fools move. it might be scary and difficult, but I believe this person can help you. and you should measure what you have to lose vs what you have to gain by talking to this person.

And who says it cant be both? A nervous system and a meta physical one (a crisis of meaning) at the same time? What if nervous system dysfunction is strongly related to spiritual crisis, and that to have one is to have the other in some form or another? And by going through a spiritual rebirth, or spiritual work of some kind, you can also heal your nervous system? Well thats what I'm saying!

I have had a spiritual rebirth before and I was connected to a higher power for a long time, many years. This experience, the LTC, cut off my connection to the divine. So in my personal experience, having the nervous system dysfunction at the same time of my greatest spiritual darkness, seems to be too great a coincidence to deny. And at the same time, my re-connection to the divine can also be used as a thermometer of my recovery. as I have recovered, my spiritual connection and powers have returned, with a fucking vengeance I might add haha.

My take on all of this. She is the real deal. If you are worried or uncomfortable, take it slow, but at least try to accept her help and work with her for a little bit. Also come back and tell us what she is helping you with! I'm interested to hear it.

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

Oh yeah man, I've never been as weak as when I started back up haha. The last time I was this weak I was like 13 years old haha

Thanks man. That’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Everything just feels so weird and weak and it feels like my nerves, like standing and walking even feel different to how they did before. It’s such a weird unpleasant feeling.

 

[lionheart90]

Thanks man. That’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Everything just feels so weird and weak and it feels like my nerves, like standing and walking even feel different to how they did before. It’s such a weird unpleasant feeling.

I think it is due to nervous system imbalances.

anxiety attacks and chronic anxiety wrecks your nervous system and causes imbalances in it. Since exercise and working out requires use of the nervous system, when you have extreme anxiety it really negatively impacts your ability to workout.

meditation, yoga, energy practices, etc. have all been shown to heal the nervous system and restore its imbalances. It helps with working out, making you stronger, and it also helps heal your nervous system.

recovery should include 2 parts. 1. avoiding things that imbalance the nervous system (drugs, bad habits like staying up late, etc). 2. restoring balance to the nervous system through relaxation of various types. physical via massage, sauna, exercise. spiritual via meditation, prayer, reflection. emotional via talking to family/friends, or a therapist, or doing any sort of at-home emotional release techniques. (pounding on a pillow is a fun one, but difficult because it causes all the worst emotions to come to the surface and you will freak out everytime! but its also better to have it out than repressed inside).

 

[Lookingforanswers25]

I think it is due to nervous system imbalances.

anxiety attacks and chronic anxiety wrecks your nervous system and causes imbalances in it. Since exercise and working out requires use of the nervous system, when you have extreme anxiety it really negatively impacts your ability to workout.

meditation, yoga, energy practices, etc. have all been shown to heal the nervous system and restore its imbalances. It helps with working out, making you stronger, and it also helps heal your nervous system.

recovery should include 2 parts. 1. avoiding things that imbalance the nervous system (drugs, bad habits like staying up late, etc). 2. restoring balance to the nervous system through relaxation of various types. physical via massage, sauna, exercise. spiritual via meditation, prayer, reflection. emotional via talking to family/friends, or a therapist, or doing any sort of at-home emotional release techniques. (pounding on a pillow is a fun one, but difficult because it causes all the worst emotions to come to the surface and you will freak out everytime! but its also better to have it out than repressed inside).

Thanks man. Did you also get really pale skin? My skin has been pale as and I look really gaunt.

 

[lionheart90]

Thanks man. Did you also get really pale skin? My skin has been pale as and I look really gaunt.

no I didn't but pale skin and looking gaunt can happen from missing sleep for 2 nights in a row. Overall I don't view it as a symptom of illness as it can be caused by like 99,000 other things.

 

[I hope it gets better]

Hey guys I just wanted to ask is it normal for heart palpitations to last over 2 months?, I never used to feel my heart beat before MDMA but now I feel the heart beat through out my body..