Males feelings about having intellegent/educated SO's

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

if a guy doesn't like having an intelligent, educated girl as his girlfriend he can go fuck himself. literally.

 

[Mariposa]

I just reread the initial post.

Anyone that says "fuck you" to me in an argument automatically loses, and by loses, I mean loses my respect. It's fair game from then on out, and that's no rule by which to play when you're talking about a relationship.

 

[Infinite Jest]

^
Tell us, please

conscious/unconscious mind? But those aren't 'brains', and there's a fair old debate about whether they exist or not...

We've certainly got more than two lobes....

 

[Benefit]

I am going to use my one and only brain to predict that whatever answer he gives will be either untrue or a distortion of the truth or an unproved (and probably inaccurate) theory.

 

[satricion]

Doppleganger:

Uni isn't just about learning lots of facts in a certain area.

A university education provides you with the worldview and (importantly) critical thinking skills that give you the attitude and capacity to better tackle issues.

That's what I think the problem is here...Nihilist's worldview is just broader than that of her boyfriend...university changes you in a qualitiative way...anyone who's been there has to come to terms with this because sometimes it's difficult...sometimes people become elitist, or frustrated with the people they used to like.

Uni's not just about learning facts...you can learn facts in a book...it's about becoming a better thinker.

 

[aanallein]

Uni's not just about learning facts...you can learn facts in a book...it's about becoming a better thinker.

Nonsense.

College/University is nothing more than a series of hoops you jump through to prove you are capable of paying attention and getting tasks done over a 4 yr program (or longer). Higher education in my experience has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Yes I've gone through it. I'd actually say I was smarter BEFORE college. College just tought me discipline.. well mostly just aranging all my things to do in a calender and making sure I didnt miss anything. That was really what I learned for all the time I spent there.



Intelligence isn't quantifiable. I'm a hell of a smart guy but I'm braindead sometimes as well about some things. I know people who are 'not that bright' who are doing a hell of a lot better than I am in life. And vice versa.

Overall I think that focusing on a person's intelligence is moronic for a number of reasons. First of all, who's to say what's going on in their head? You don't really know. Even the person you are closest with in the entire world is not an open book to you. You can't read people's minds so you can't honestly know what level they are on. Secondly, intelligence covers an amazingly broad spectrum. I'm really good at math and other subjects but suck at some other stuff.

I don't know. I just hate when people hold themselves above others because of their perceived intelligence when there is so much more to a relationship than that.

 

[lady grey]

I think you will also find that not everyone gains these skills from university. Just because someone goes to university doesnt automatically make them intelligent.

 

[randycaver]

Uni's not just about learning facts...you can learn facts in a book...it's about becoming a better thinker.

Nonsense.

College/University is nothing more than a series of hoops you jump through to prove you are capable of paying attention and getting tasks done over a 4 yr program (or longer). Higher education in my experience has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Yes I've gone through it. I'd actually say I was smarter BEFORE college. College just tought me discipline.. well mostly just aranging all my things to do in a calender and making sure I didnt miss anything. That was really what I learned for all the time I spent there.

All you learned was how to arrange things in a calendar?

Well, obviously it didn't teach you how to spell. There are lots of people out there, myself included, who learned a lot more from college than simple time management. I didn't even learn that. It's a shame that's all you got from college. You must not have taken advantage of all the opportunities available at a university setting.

There are many different kinds of intelligence. I'm sure we're all familiar with booksmarts, streetsmarts, etc. People are often smart in one thing, and not in another. That doesn't make them any less intelligent. In my opinion people are better off with a combination. Obviously just because someone went to college does not make them 'smarter' because plenty of smart people do absolutely idiotic things.

First of all, who's to say what's going on in their head? You don't really know. Even the person you are closest with in the entire world is not an open book to you.

That may be true, but I'm sorry, if I can't figure out what's going on in someone's head at least a little bit, and we're supposedly really close, then I wouldn't consider them much of a friend. I'd like to be able have a conversation on lots of things and if I can't, then.. eh, frivolous friend. Someone to party with, not much other than that. We are all free to judge and decide who is worthy enough to be our friends, mates, etc. If I find someone intolerable, bye bye. Life is too short to waste time being with someone you're not on the same level with.

 

[Infinite Jest]

Nonsense.

College/University is nothing more than a series of hoops you jump through to prove you are capable of paying attention and getting tasks done over a 4 yr program (or longer). Higher education in my experience has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Yes I've gone through it. I'd actually say I was smarter BEFORE college. College just tought me discipline.. well mostly just aranging all my things to do in a calender and making sure I didnt miss anything. That was really what I learned for all the time I spent there.

Then, with respect, I don't think you got as much as you could have from your education.

I'm in agreement with satricion. Higher education teaches you thinking skills. I can't remember much at all about my undergrad psychology or English lit - I couldn't tell you the plot of Great Expectations or talk about marriage in Pride and Prejudice. But I sure as hell learned how to closely examine a text, understand what was going on, draw conclusions and present them succintly. Pretty damn useful skills when you go on to work with information/policy. Same with reading psychology research papers. I can't remember any of the content, but I can critique and pull apart someone's writing, see where their arguments are weak and where they're fudging things to cover the weak points.

YMMV. There are plenty of jobs for which one doesn't need these skills - where the ability to lead and motivate, to work in groups, or to get on with people is as important, or more important. But universities are teaching useful skills for at least some occupations.

[Wow. That was a total derail. Sorry mods ]

 

[randycaver]

^^ +1 There are many skills i sharpened in college, and I also came away with a lot more understanding about many issues. Everything from social interactions to academics.

I too am in agreement with satricion.

 

[satricion]

Well...I'll be honest here but I'm going to sound elitist...

As a university educated person I don't usually make friends with people who aren't university educated. Why?

They're usually more naive, less socially and politically aware...I just find that I can't relate as easily. They're just not interesting...of course this is true also of people who've been to uni, but not as much. All my friends are uni educated.

 

[lady grey]

Does this mean you believe that people who dont go to university will never be able to learn these skills? - serious question

 

[ifonly]

sorry, i dont have enough time to read everything in this thread, but ill just comfirm that intelligence, depth of thought and such is a a massive turnon for me also, and i am 17. however it is so fucking rare, or at least it is with girls who are above average looking. (smart ugly chicks are cool as friends , but friends only.... i cant ignore my dick totally)

however one of the biggest turn OFFs is any sort of superiority issue. i havent found though that this is commonly linked to intelligence. moreso, in highscool, it is linked to looks/popularity.

with intelligence, you can be smarter then your partner, and it can be in the open, without it being a bad thing. i find that most girls i date arent really at my intellectual level, (and im not really at their physical level) but it hasnt ever really be an issue. i only think it would be, if one partner had the wrong idea about his or her intellectuality.

i find that most people know where they are at in terms of smartness. if i meet someone smarter then me, i realise it, and take the opportunity to learn, not to try and compete. i find people do the same to me if i am more knowledgable then them (often only on one particular subject)

anyway, what im really trying to say, is yurple nandanabas.

edit: wow i sound like an elitest prick. im not, i just couldnt find a way to get my point across otherwise

also, i will agree with satricion that good friends are best when they are close to your education level. this doesnt mean that you cant hang with others; i enjoy spending time with lots of dropoiuts etc whop are unimaginably fun to be with and fuck around with. same with a few fucking geniuses i know. but spending prolonged amounts of time with them ends up in conflict, whether it be in the open or just in your thoughts. and if there isnt conflict, theres learning, which is when one person realises they jsutd ont know as much as the other. this is beneficial again in small amounts, but after time, both parties get sick of it.

as a result i find that my main friends with whom is pend the most time with, are most similar to me. then there are peiople on either side of that, who are also fun, but not as close.

also, the more time you spend with someone the more they become like you, and vice versa. so once you find a certain main group, if your with them for long enough, you find that you get closer to them, and the closer you get, the more time you spend together, which thus increases c losesness, etc etc you get the idea.

 

[randycaver]

I don't either (re satricion). I think it just comes naturally. Townies exist for a reason...

A lot of people that I knew that didn't go to college became very family oriented.. the rest of us went to college and we're more focused on other issues, careers, politics.. etc. It's just a different set of values, and a different bedtime Kinda hard to hang out with people who've got a 3 y/o at home. I don't have anything to talk about with people who have kids or family lives.

I'm sure this is going to piss off some mom's on the board and thats not my intention - but I just would like to say that it's a bit different in my experience relating to older mom's (ie, 30s, 40s) rather than moms in their teens or 20's, because they have more life experience in general. The younger ones don't, because they generally jumped into parenthood right out of high school, ime. I'm referring to ppl I know, my age range.

 

[satricion]

Does this mean you believe that people who dont go to university will never be able to learn these skills? - serious question

Well no, but university is such an intellectually stimulating environment that if you take advantage of it it has a tremendous impact on a person. An environment with these opportunities is rare.

At uni you're surrounded by people who make learning and research into a career...courses are structured so that you learn to think as well as learning facts...it's hard to beat.

 

[Beatlebot]

As a student currently working her way through her final studies, I have to say that having tertiary education under your belt does make a big difference.

University forces you to critically evaluate academic and social discourses and present your own findings in a clear and concise manner. You wouldn't believe the amount of boring shit I have to wade through before I get to the good stuff, but the good stuff is there. It's introduced me to a wide range of issues and taught me invaluable research skills.

Has it actually made me smarter? I don't know, in some ways I think our actual intelligence is innate. However, it has changed me and given me a much wider world view then some of my less well educated friends. It's given me different tools and allowed me to think in different ways about certain issues.

I think I subscribe to DD's advice in this thread though. I don't see this so much as an intelligence issue as a respect issue. He's trying to dumb you down and shut you up. Not acceptable.

EDIT: I don't think typing skills have anything to do with intelligence, personally.

 

[lady grey]

I have to agree with you beatlebot, satricion & randycaver. ive never been to university but i can see for the people that do go and make the most of the experience they do gain a lot more than the average person in terms of intellectual thinking processes.

I however also think someone who has never had an education but handled everything life has thrown at them and learnt from it - they are intelligent.

I believe intelligence means having an open mind. The capacity to acquire and apply knowledge, especially toward a purposeful goal is what it means in the english dictionary - i dont think it should matter what that goal is. Be it religion, politics, art or life

sooory way off topic

 

[aanallein]

Meh, randycaver I didn't get anything from all the classes and stuff I took I don't get from reading in my own time. I read a LOT (through college I was reading over 1000 pages a day on top of my coursework) and was way ahead of everybody else in highschool so when I got to college all I had to do was do the assigned work, show up to class, take the exams, and leave with a diploma. It was all time management and discipline yes. I didn't learn much academically I couldn't learn anywhere else just as easy. Actualy the most important stuff I learned in college never happened in a class room it happened with friends and people I met. Socially I grew a LOT as a person, but academically? Not really. Once you figured the system out college was a joke. Figure out what the professor wants. Give them it. Get a grade and move on. Its pretty basic.

And if you think you can read your partners mind, thats great. Personally I'm not that naive. I can't hope to ever completely understand another person's inner workings, let alone my own. People are immensely complicated and confusing. Even if I could hear their internal monologue I probably still couldn't completely grasp the things going on upstairs.

And who cares about spelling? I do most of my posting from work so don't have a lot of time to proof read.

 

[randycaver]

I certainly don't think that I can read my partner's mind, don't put words in my mouth. Off to work, where I can't post from.

 

[aanallein]

Ah ok you said,

That may be true, but I'm sorry, if I can't figure out what's going on in someone's head at least a little bit, and we're supposedly really close, then I wouldn't consider them much of a friend.

But I mean, ya ok you can see a little bit into somebody's inner workings, I never said that can't be done. I was only trying to point out that from the outside you can have a perception of somebody and think you know whats going on in their brain and all of a sudden something pops out of their mouth and it blows you away. Eyes are the windows to the soul but honestly, they are somewhat deceptive. Even the people I'm closest with remain somewhat a closed book on many levels. People are just confusing. Hell I can't figure out myself most of the time!

edit, not to mention my S/O is a female and I'm a male so theres a lot more going on that I'm not going to fully understand in her head. I think I have a somewhat decent grasp on some stuff but then something will happen and it feels like I'm back to square one. Trying to figure out her 'intelligence' when I hardly have a clue whats going on behind her eyes seems beyond me at this point...