Males feelings about having intellegent/educated SO's

[Nihilist]

"Intellegence"?

*LMAO* Oh lord, could i have made a bigger dick of myself if I tried??!!

Ah, it was like 4am, so sue me! Seriously though, I really must quit smoking so many bulbs - mi speling iz gowing doun tha drayne!


Interesting replies, guys - keep em coming.

 

[satricion]

This is why people tend to end up with people of the same standard of education as themselves...

I mean, you probably are from different worlds now...a university education gives you a broader world view and more refined critical thinking skills...it's inevitable that it will change your relationship.

To be honest he sounds like a complete dick to me. I'm university educated, my girlfriend is as smart as me and if she wasn't I doubt the relationship would work. I want to be with someone intellectually stimulating and with whom I can discuss whatever interests me in a way that both of us enjoy. Not being understood, or even worse being shot down because I'm 'too smart' would be a dealbreaker for me.

Men who want women dumber than themselves are a waste of time. You've got a degree now...you shouldn't have to dumb yourself down so he can feel okay about himself and his mates.

 

[Nihilist]

The conversation usually revolves around the size/shape of her tits and ass

Well that's comforting to know *sarcasm* Still you're honesty is appreciated...

 

[satricion]

It simply isn't an issue for guys. None of my male friends ever speak this way about their girlfriends. The conversation usually revolves around the size/shape of her tits and ass, how hot she is in general and what things she's willing to do in the bedroom (anal sex and blowing on her face are the holy grail here).
.

I'm a male. I don't talk or think like this. Neither do any of my friends. People who do talk like this generally get classified as 'fuckwits' by myself and my social circle, men and women included.

I guess, Nihlist, the bottom line is, what do you want out of this relationship?

Do you want someone intellectually stimulating who is capable of talking about thing's you're interested in on your level? Clearly this isn't a priority for some people (ie Beamers) but if it's a priority for you you'll probably need to find someone of comparable education level to you, or at least someone who's open minded enough to engage with you.

 

[Noodle]

I've noticed that a majority of men in our society do not like to be bested by women.

The need to be superior is deeply ingrained into our psyche from a very early age. I also suppose that there is a strong genetic disposition toward this attitude.

I think women of intellect begin to know this when their success brings them into direct contact/competition with men.


"In a man's world...simian aptitudes are rated high, and so not too many women get in. To succeed as a lawyer, for example, a woman would have to throttle two of her chief attributes: her disdain for the petty accumulations of useless knowledge, and her sharp feeling for the truth. What men in their imbecility consistently mistake for a deficiency of intelligence in women is merely an incapacity for mastering small and trivial tricks." - H. L. Mencken


"You want a wife who's intelligent, but not too intelligent." - Richard Nixon

 

[NickyJ]

It simply isn't an issue for guys. None of my male friends ever speak this way about their girlfriends. The conversation usually revolves around the size/shape of her tits and ass, how hot she is in general and what things she's willing to do in the bedroom (anal sex and blowing on her face are the holy grail here).

Girls talk about, his personality (charming, witty, funny), whether or not he is intelligent, his profession/income and the status involved with that. What he is currently or is planning to study, anything that gives a certain "coolness" factor i.e. he DJ's at blah blah or he surfs.

We don't give a shit about these things in women. We don't think like you at all.

Whilst I have at least 3 very independent, intelligent, close female friends I have never been with one and don't see it as a goal or necessity. These girls seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Most girls seem happy to have someone to look after them and take a passive role.

I couldn't disagree more.



I won't even be friends with a girl is she doesn't have a reasonable level of intelligence. And a SO definately has to be intelligent. Wheres the fun in try to have a conversation with the human equivalent of a lamp post?

 

[MoeBro]

I'd rather see a girl who I'd be capable of having a decent conversation with, time and time again, rather than an airhead.

I'd likely feel a little awed by someone with a vastly superior intellect to my own, but that applies to nigh on everyone I meet. Regardless, I'm sure that would change after repeated exposure

 

[Belisarius]

My points:

1.) There are a lot of men who don't want to feel inferior to their SO, even if it's as something as simple as age. For my part, I'm skittish about dating someone older than I am...

2.) For my part, I want someone who's attractive (to me), interesting and smart, and I really don't care if they've gone to college or not. However, my reclusiveness precluded me meeting many of those either in college or on my own. C'est la vie.

3.) If you feel that you're forced to be artificial around him and his friends, he's probably not for you. However, I think you should watch your own relationship patterns, especially if you find yourself getting involved with a series of guys with lackluster educational backgrounds compared to your own.

 

[rm-rf]

I think many many men prefer women they view as dumber than them. something to pat on the head, so they can take lead, take care of them, be there for them.. be the protector in at least in an emotional way. It's the whole macho thing.

I get extremely aroused by a woman that can challenge me at an intellectual level, and who is extremely well and broadly educated.

 

[socko]

Flakes, twits, dizzy blondes, spaced out girls, stupid girls, the female equivalent of your neanderthal boyfriend, whatever you call them, are a turn-off. I've had some bad experiences with them. I only like girls who are smarter than me. A woman who can win an argument without getting emotional, nit-picky, or pointing out my personal failings is good.
As for being discriminatory, I think it goes both ways. If one half of the couple is as smart as a Walmart clerk while the other has a university degree, there just isn't gong to be much of a common ground to have a deep relationship.

 

[satricion]

So a lot of people are coming out saying they like "intelligent girls", isn't that a little discriminatory? Whats wrong with someone of average intelligence that has a heart of gold. It's a little elitist and doesn't differ much from basing someone's date-ability on their looks? comments....

Well um...yeah it's discriminatory...I don't see the problem with that...nobody will just date anyone, you discriminate according to what you find important.

Someone with a heart of gold is great but if they're stupid I'm just not going to find the relationship fulfilling.

And if my SO talked down to me when I said something they didn't understand or told me to act stupid around their friends I would leave them.

 

[Mariposa]

*LMAO* Oh lord, could i have made a bigger dick of myself if I tried??!!

Ah, it was like 4am, so sue me! Seriously though, I really must quit smoking so many bulbs - mi speling iz gowing doun tha drayne!

Interesting replies, guys - keep em coming.

LOL, I was fucking with you, I hear the 4 AM stuff... doesn't exempt you from the wonders of spell check though.

I think people of more or less equivalent intellect make the most compatible partners. I know people who are pretty much functional idiots who are paired with other functional idiots, and they are happy. Likewise, I know people who are working on Ph.D degrees who are paired with others at an equivalent educational level, and they are happy.

That said, I don't think someone who fails at a basic college level can be compatible with someone who's academically successful in a long-term romantic sense - unless they could put aside any resentment and find something to talk about. I couldn't see most law school grads with most fast food employees in a long-term romantic relationship. Resentment would eventually develop on one, or probably both, ends.

It doesn't take a massive amount of formal education to be able to function and hold down a conversation, but what it does take is a basic command of the ways of the world and an ability to communicate. Like it or not, like attracts like.

 

[Joeof1]

I'm the supportive type. I like women that can think for themselves. I probably will not share the same views as many of them, but that's a good thing. I want a woman that can help me make informed decisions. That requires intelligence, and a proactive role towards anything I may decide to do.

 

[Infinite Jest]

I tend to find that intelligent men don't mind having intelligent partners, because they aren't insecure about their own intelligence. Also, people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to them - so intelligent guys will want intelligent partners. Less intelligent guys will be intimidated or bored by more intelligent women. These will be the guys who are pretty much only interested in whether their girlfriends will have anal sex with them.

With your guy, it sounds like it's your education as much as your intelligence that's the problem. You're at university - he isn't - he maybe feels that he hasn't had the chances to be there and wouldn't belong there - but at the same time that he's just as good as anyone there. So he feels resentment. And maybe some jealousy. You have a life, friendships, experiences, that he doesn't share. Even something as banal as needing to pull an all-nighter to finish an essay - you know what that's like, so do your university friends - he doesn't. So it's natural for him to disparage this.

(Btw, I'm going to agree with the others who say that your relationship doesn't sound very healthy).

 

[Facekhan]

I am sometimes really attracted to and sometimes highly repulsed by smart girls. It depends a lot on their attitude.

I'd like to think I want intelligent girls but usually they either don't like me or really don't like me so I've mostly given up on them.

 

[*=Regulator=*]

As has been mentioned, I think there are two possible scenarios at play here. One is that your boyfriend feels threatened by your education and intelligence. If he comes from a working class background, he would have almost definitely have had the good old 'man provides for the woman' mentality drummed into him during discussion of values and by example in his home environment. With you being tertiary educated and him not having finished high school, it is understandable that he may feel threatened by the prospect of you going on to be the primary provider in the relationship. Although things have changed enormously in the past few decades, it is still unusual for the woman in a partnership to be the bread winner and your bf may be worried about this happening in the future.

If this is the case, I think it's something that you could try to discuss with your boyfriend. It would be very hard for him to admit this so discussing it may be tricky but if you approach it with caution you might at least be able to reassure him that he has nothing to feel threatened over.

The other possibility is that he thinks tertiary education is a waste of time and money and thinks that the whole thing is just an indulgence for you. If he feels that you are wasting time learning useless things when you could be out working and earning money, he is likely to be dismiss your education as pointless. If this is the case, maybe you could try to make him realise that you are working very hard and that once you finish you will be able to get a much better job than you could have if you didn't go to college?

To be honest, from what you're saying I think that most likely it's both of the above that is driving your boyfriend's behaviour. Irrespective of these possible reasons, your boyfriend is just being a straight up asshole by not supporting your ambitions. Even if he can't understand why you're doing college and/or if he feels threatened by it, he should support your decision to do it. Supporting your partner's goals comes down to basic respect. He is criticising and belittling a major part of your life which is not something you should have to put up with. How would he react if you started criticising him for being a high school drop out and having limited future prospects?

 

[doofqueen]

thats nothing... i once dated a guy who when i was reading actually said to me "What are you reading for? Reading is stooopid"

Oh my fucking god! and he always told me uni was a waste of time but thats only because he had control issues and couldnt keep an eye on me there and thought i would find a new partner

wanker

pffttt

 

[Joeof1]

Found this image, and thought it might be appropiate for this thread.
mods please delete it if it isn't.

 

[Doppelganger]

I can't believe nobody's thought to question what kind of things the O.P is saying to be misunderstood by people of working class background? What topics are you discussing? Do they even have anything to do with your University degree? In order to [hopefully] make a correct judgement on the situation... it's of pretty significant importance!

I mean, the level of one's intelligence can have very minimal to do with one's level of wisdom! When I think of a typical University student, I don't think of someone of superior judgement... I think of someone who is learning to be educated in one specific field. One specific field in a world of countless opportunities!!!

Certainly, if that's all they have under their belt, they'll get no praise for their intelligence from me. WoopDeDoo! Srsly! However, if they can also apply wisdom [read: comparatively advanced common sense; a quality everyone thinks they have, but few do] then I may consider them 'bright' and depending on the person perhaps 'gifted'... and THAT is when I'd consider them of noteworthy intelligence. Otherwise, they're probably just average! Average is common! Many average people go to University!

Whilst a University student should have a higher aptitude in their area of expertise [although there's no guarantee's ]... with anything else they tend to know as little as the rest of the world. Important point: Most people know very little!

Therefore, it's impossible to make a judgement over whether you, Nihilist, are actually speaking sense to these people of an IQ too low to understand - or whether you do just come out with some tripe! It's my understanding that regardless of social class, on a superficial social level, people respect intelligence. Obviously, if the relationship or involvement in discussed topic is deeper [as is the case with your partnership] problems may arise! People of differing intellect have trouble understanding each other, this is true and has been proven! However, it's important to be honest with yourself over whether this is indeed the case.

Obviously you thought your partner was smart enough to date! Do you consider him your intellectual equal? I actually got the impression from your post that you think he's intelligent, but also the rebellious type who rebels against social standards/ expectations. If this is the case, then it's just as possible that you're naive to his points of view! This would explain why he's reluctant to praise you for your education, and actually confirms his personally held theories on the stupidity of it all.

Basically, it's impossible for anyone to on this board to know the truth of it all. The best we can do is assume that you're incompatible together! I, however, don't assume that this is neither his fault nor your fault from the information that's been provided. There's too many possibilities that have remained untouched for that.

 

[randycaver]

I can't imagine dating someone I couldn't conversate with on a variety of topics. I also can't imagine dating someone who would belittle me for having a brain. I can't imagine taking it, being a halfway intelligent person.

I can't help but wonder about the OP entirely, considering her "jealousy" thread, as jealousy is not exactly a desired trait and the OP defends it, and doesn't see anything wrong with being jealous. Walking hand in hand with the green eyed monster? WTF?

From the sound of it, they belong together.