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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Looking for "the answer" - MERGED

I'd like to think I have the "answer". I've seen and heard visions of how things will be in the future, and right now, everything is how it should be. Things will get better and worse for everyone, but there will be paradise when the final days come. It won't be tied to any current, mainstream religion. It will be civilization as one beating heart, one drop of life.
 
jake99 said:
just wondering , i feel as if i am the only one who feels like a lost soul in the world. always scared and alone, even when you are with others.............looking at other people thinking " how do they have such great lives and im such a screwup ?
i suffer with depression , anxiety /ocd , addiction etc...................................
29 and have no career , cant even keep a crappy job
smoke cigs and dont eat healthy
family life is messed up
i am ALWAYS in fear of whats gonna happen in the future. i WORRY all day long
Click to expand...

It's like reading something I might have said myself. I'm pretty depressed myself, addiction and subsequent anxiety. I've always felt very much alone and am working at a dead end job that I hate with a passion, but I won't try for anything else thanks to the drugs. I smoke cigs and don't eat healthy, I dropped like 5lbs in the past couple of months and I really don't have the weight to spare - I'm like 6'2 and weigh in at a ridiculous 135lbs. Lastly, my family life is messed up too. I hate it and don't even want to think about it all. I have chronic pain on top of all of this and sometimes I just feel like giving up and am tired of worrying about everything all the time.
 
I feel that way all the time, it's always a struggle but occasionally I'll have great days. Things did get better when I decided to get professional help and my daily Klonopin and even just being aware of my anxiety disorder when it rears it's ugly head all help (of course being dependent on the klonopin is no fun). I literally daily look at all the seemingly happy people who seem to be so naturally happy and wonder if I am missing some crucial gene or something. It's tough, some days I do better than others. You just can't give up. You're definitely not the only one.
 
hey man i feel better to knon im not alone. On top of all this crap , i have done jail time in the past from my addiction so now i have a record which makes it even harder to get a decent job. Plus i went to school for almost 2 yrs for something that I think was totally the wrong choice and that I am not even good at................I try to do "one day at a time" but the anxiety just makes it feel like nothing will ever work out.
 
^ Yeah I know exactly what you are talking about, I am very dysfunctional a lot of the time, have lost both my jobs I had at the same time, am addicted and right now I'm struggling with school due to various mental problems and a vast conspiracy against me.

Do you go to therapy? Have you talked to anyone about this?
 
If your upset that you smoke and don't eat healthy and do lots of drugs...there's only one way you can solve that problem. I mean if you like doing those things go for it. But theres no reason to be depressed over something you can do something about.
 
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i feel the same dude, when im at school i look at everyone life how can they be that happy? and im feel so shity
 
it isnt so easy to quit smoking and eat good.....................or to quit heroin and suboxone. wish it was
 
jake99 said:
just wondering , i feel as if i am the only one who feels like a lost soul in the world. always scared and alone, even when you are with others.............looking at other people thinking " how do they have such great lives and im such a screwup ?
i suffer with depression , anxiety /ocd , addiction etc...................................
29 and have no career , cant even keep a crappy job
smoke cigs and dont eat healthy
family life is messed up
i am ALWAYS in fear of whats gonna happen in the future. i WORRY all day long
Click to expand...


Man i'm the same way!! but most of the time i'm going thru withdrawal also and it's hell!!
 
jake99 said:
it isnt so easy to quit smoking and eat good.....................or to quit heroin and suboxone. wish it was
Click to expand...

nothing worth doing is easy. your the one that is going to have to deal with the consequences whether positive or negative in the end.

not tryin to preach at you man- my life is pretty fucked too but the only way its gotten any better is by facing my demons and standing up and taking care of myself. life is a struggle.
 
/\ HAHA! Tell me about it. Its just too hard when your younger to really expect that your life would one day be ruined by it. At least for me it was. It was all fun & games in the begining but then one day it becomes a major life priority to get high.

I still think you think way too much Jake. Seriously. Its very odd that I use to have these thoughts when I was in prison. I use to sit around all day thinking about my purpose in life, whether I should just end it all, what the point of everything was. And you learn VERY quickly at least in prison, that those thoughts WILL break you which is what happened to me.

I would wake up so many days devising different ways to kill myself, I realized it was because I was ALWAYS thinking. It depleted my well being so much I didn't know how to relate to people anymore. And THATS what wound up creating a change in myself. Because I was always thinking other people had it better, or like other people were just born knowing what their purpose was, I would display a lot of signs of mental weakness.

That led to me getting the shit kicked out of me 3 times (one fight was debatable). Right after the last fight, I realized a blood was actually plotting to stab me ( I thank the co's for finding the shank in the guys bed who I had gotten into it with -after that I was isolated to pc and transfered 3 hours to a south jersey prison). And I think it was because I was so negative I made other people feel weak, and they hated me for it. One day I think I officially "broke", I'd stare at the walls and a single thought wouldn't pass through my head.

It was largely me dissassociating from thought, because thought was responsible for so much pain in my life. And I just got sick of it all. You can do this shit everyday for the rest of your life and not really suffer physical harm like I did, but the toll it will take on your mind will trump any pain you can think of.
STOP THINKING.

If you can NOT stop thinking, then you have an addiction to learning and don't realize it. Take your brains focus from your OWN LIFE, and put it into something more constructive. Some people are just born NEEDING to always be taking in information from the world.

Feeling lost is just a sign that your mind is in a weakened state for whatever reason. When your strong you really don't give a shit if your lost, OR if you ever really find something. You really just don't care or think about it. How are your thoughts right now creating happiness in your life? If their not, I suggest you start thinking differently. Get psychocybernetics from Maxwell Maltz or Frogs to Princes from Richard Bandler. These are classic books that explain very clearly how different thoughts affect your well being, and they give you a crapload of insight into life and how to be happy. I'll admit they helped me A TON myself to start thinking better because now I don't really ponder of give a shit about life questions that really serves no purpose but to make you miserable.

Consider some of what I said and see if you can get one of those books. NLP (neurolinguistic programming) is a field of pseudo psychology that can help you A LOT if you get into it. I know you said something about Buddhism before and I agree Buddhism can help, but I really think a mind like yours could benefit a lot from NLP and other similar fields of study.
 
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