• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Looking for "the answer" - MERGED

I kinda feel like that, maybe more in a personal fullfillment way or somthing. I think it makes it harder to enjoy things though. I'm young and in college so there is no reason I shouldn't have oppurtunities I'm looking for. I need to learn to relax and just have fun any way I can.
 
I believe there is an "answer", but the human mind is not able to comprehend what the question even is
 
Yeah i dont know what the question is ., i just know life isnt how i want it to be .............
 
I agree, thinking there is an answer or purpose to being here only shows how selfish humans really are. We think we are so important that we were put here to do something special. But we are no better than a goldfish, or a tree, or air, as we are all just microcosms of an infinite universe. Thinking there is a "purpose" is thinking there is an "end", because we mark it as the end of our human lives. But we don't really see the world goes on without us. We serve it no purpose. We are just staying here for a short while in eternity, so we might as well enjoy it.
 
funny, at the Pain Clinic the other day, the doctor acknowledged my awareness of my body, and education about my diagnosis and other health care theories and terminology. lots of doctors dont like when their patient is aware and educated it seems. ive experienced this, and have rad articles on the subject haha.

when the doc said that, i chuckled and said that i have to educate myself about whats going on, understand it, and be,,, amazed at how fragile, and finely balanced our physiology is.

i dont believe there is "an answer"...

i dont believe GOD wold of created us to be his/her muses. looking for the answer to me, is a waste of my life, and imo the answer is living loving and learning. we are alive and on this planet to full fill a biological quest, like all other living organisms, and hopefully make advances by harmonizing with nature.

the answer, and religion, is the same as magic. it doesnt work if dont believe...! anything can be holy, and sacred to you - bring you peace, clarity, hope. just by believing in an/any object/entity, you will, by your own will, do what you pray for, for you now do not feel limited in your capabilities because, of this super-natural being rewarding you, and giving you the confidence and courage to keep on.

its sad to me, you can do what ever you put you self up to, we all have our limitations, but, have faith in your self before anything else, and you will be amazed, as accomplished, and proud of yourself, because you did it on your own. you do anyways, but instead the credit goes else where ie. religion/the answer.
 
I dont know why when i get clean or when im in a depression , that is when i look for answers , I think its mainly because im so scared of something going wrong in the future , that i want something to take that fear away , and without drugs i dont know what it is
 
^
exactly.

thats why most people sitting in jail/prison/rehab will cling to the bible, and then drop it when they get out... i feel that is 1/3 the bibles purpose, to give one a sense of hope, and light where there once was none.
 
jake99 said:
...im so scared of something going wrong in the future , that i want something to take that fear away , and without drugs i dont know what it is
Click to expand...
jake, drugs or no drugs you just cannot control the future and stop anything bad from happening. you know that, i know you do. yeah, that fear is a wicked weight to carry. everyone has to figure a way to carry that fear and get on w/ things or you get stuck and paralyzed, just waiting for something that may or may not happen. and then you ain't even living anymore, you're just existing cuz fear has all the power over life.
you can't stop things from going wrong but you can minimize habits and stuff that can contribute to things going wrong... like wearing your seat belt and getting/staying clean ;)
hang in, jake. you will get through. like pip said, "have faith in your self before anything else"
-izzy
 
just got fired from another job i get so much anxiety that i cant do a good job anywhere. dont know where to turn . family doesnt know about my addiction and doesnt understand my depression . im so lost. dont wanna do dope but probably will
 
jake i gave you this advice so many time, why don't you get on methadone or suboxone?? I bet that when you have opiates in your system you do better at work. You probably don't have so much anxiety or depression. I think you feel that opiate replacement therapy is a bad thing. It's for people like me and you who can't function without opiates. I couldn't even talk to anyone without opiates and when i wasn't high i felt like i was all by myself in the corner in a fetal position with everyone judging me.
 
after reading many (probably every) of your posts, I think you are about the perfect candidate for MMT, at least until you can get your shit together. I've read you don't want to be chained to a clinic, but the suboxone/dope thing you have going on obviously isn't working, so maybe consider it?

One other note. I've hated on SSRI's for over a decade. I was prescribed them tons of times by my benzo doctors but I just threw away the scripts for everything that wasn't benzos..well, my depression and anxiety was so bad that on April 5th I actually decided to try Celexa, why not, I had done every other drug known to man.

After about 4 weeks on Celexa, I felt much better. I feel more "mentally stable" then I have in years..I just got a job again actually!

Consider taking Celexa or Lexepro man, a lot of people will shit talk SSRIs (I was one of them) but they have made a drastic change in my life.
 
Ive been on many SSRI in past and never seemed to work . ONly benzos do but i know id get hooked on them , i remember having Ativan script for 90 yeats ago and i did it in like 3 days ................But i now need to decide if im gonnna stay on SUboxone , which i should because i keep relapsing with Dope , but Subs are so expensive it sucks ,
 
hey man,just wanted to let u know im still clean 2day makes it 1 month and you were really a big inspiration for me to get here.I was checking your mega thread evreyday and i think it was 17 days u had on subs and u said u wer feeling much better.I was only on like my 3rd day n i was so jelous of u lol. Then u said u relapsed n i said shit i almost gave up hope also,but u know what i said fuck it n continued to stay clean. You know what really worked for me i only took subs for the first week or so and stocked up on soma n benzos so i can sleep at night. I cant say i didnt suffer cuz it was a quick kick wit only a week or so of subs. So i stayed away from subs and evrey opiate 4 like 2 weeks. I always said subs r shit n they never work for me. So after those 2 weeks of no subs no nuthing except for a stick a night and rotating between soma one night and xanax another just for sleep i never took it during the day. So i tried alittle piece of a sub for the hell of it n i got high as a kite i really wasnt expecting that. Anyways nowa days i started doin alittle sub taking like 1mg in the morning and it has bin working wonders for me i feel almost normal now when i take it and i can also skip days im not hooked on subs wuts so ever. So basically what im saying is mayb u should try to do what i did. Im not sayin its easy but it works. Do your subs for a week and then try n go 2 weeks wit nuthing and then start again wit small doses of subs i mean if u can do it witout the subs again that would b great but subs r def better then dope. You should really try to giv this a shot man i know ur scared of benzos but dont b as long as u know ur not abusing them its ok. Trust me ive bin tempted to tale the benzos during the day but i always told myself that im doin it this time n i wil not abuse them and i really didnt. Sorry for talking so much but i just wanted to let u know that u wer a real inspiration for me and u really helped me out wit sharing ur life story wit me n all of us and i am clean for 1 month thanks 2 u n a bunch of other bluelighters.
i wish u the best man u can do it good luck! : )
 
TOTACh
thanks for writing. I am still struggling with staying on Subs and away from Dope.
I have about 45 subs left So i need to come up with a taper plan so that I can eventually wean off after a couple months
I cant afford to keep paying the Dr. for more
I wish i had benzos , i may try to go to a regular dr. for them
the depression is hardest part of staying clean for me
 
graugeist said:
Have you ever considered that there may not be one answer to find? I take it that some of the answers you thought that you had found in the past turned out to be things that harmed you in some way? I am only basing this on your comment about how you had thought heroin was the answer at one point.

If you go through life believing that you must find the answer to everything, you may lose sight of everything that really matters.

I never found the answer when I kept looking for it. I found drugs. I thought that would give me the answer, especially psychedelics. I ended up in a pretty bad situation because of that mentality. Almost dying and coming to realize my own fragile mortality didn't help me get any closer to finding the answer. Even stopping drugs did not find me the answer.

One day I just stopped looking for the answer and started living, setting goals and reaching them, trying to improve myself, finding hobbies that I enjoy and returning to old hobbies that I once loved, and trying to appreciate life. So far that has been working out for me pretty well. I had to suffer through a lot of crazy times to get to this point, though. Hopefully something that I have written will help you out.
Click to expand...

This is a very good post!

jake99, regardless of whether an answer exists, one should enjoy and feel rewarded by the process of trying to find such answers out. Or find out if such answers can exist at all. Philosphy, religion, experience, etc...it should all be fun and rewarding, not scary and frightening.

I've been tormented by this stuff for a while now. Questions about God's existence, man's purpose, how the universe exists, etc....all the way down to whether morality is absolute, if certain deeds are inherantly "bad" and so on. I used to love reading philosophy and religion, and mixing drugs (mainly psychedelics) with it, but after a while I just got too in over my head. I wasn't finding anything definite, because there was always an argument from the other side made by someone smarter or more well-read than myself, and it made me feel kind of lost/pathetic. So I quit looking for the big answers and kind of adapted to a point of view like graugeist.

Granted it's not always worked, and some days I do feel quite intimidated by unanswered questions, unaswered questions about unanswered questions, etc. But I try to live for the moment more often now and leave that for people in better mindsets to try and explore. Maybe at a later age I'll get more back into it, but for now I am trying to live for the immediate and not the profound.
 
:DI love all this positive energy with everyones posts. I like to know that other people are further ahead of the game and I am willing to try other methods to keep my head on straight I see that it can be done and behind this disease there are some of the deepest thinkers, I bet that there are 1000 of artistic geniuses that are here, and we all have to be thinking a hole lot clearer then we were when our addictions were rageing ... it is a big help to see there is light if you open your eyes wide. I used attend meetings and when they tell you it is a process they were on the money...it is a process. I like this stage of the process.:D ;)<3<3<3<3;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top