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Help! I'm a suicidal mess

Back to square one except it's worse than ever. Since last Friday, my tinnitus has been totally fucking abysmal. It never goes away anymore, it's constantly vacuum cleaner loud. I can't lay on my sides because it's too loud, I can't lay on my back because it gives me acid reflux, for some reason. So I can't sleep anymore. The only reason I could after my wisdom teeth removal was because of using oxycodone and codeine when I ran out.

I'm trying kava again out of desperation because I did stop taking it as it got worse. I did take some Thursday night but, I don't remember how much. Every day seems better after I take kava the night before.

If I had to go half-blind, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Seriously. I'm just all fucked up, been thinking about jumping in front of semis as I pass them. I see another ENT next month to evaluate my ears and maybe look into tubes. If they don't, well... and if they do use tubes, and they don't help? Game over. I'll let you guys know if that time comes. For now, I'm just existing, which is exhausting, and trying to use bits of psilocybin and DMT to keep myself balanced.
 
BourbonMac said:
Back to square one except it's worse than ever. Since last Friday, my tinnitus has been totally fucking abysmal. It never goes away anymore, it's constantly vacuum cleaner loud. I can't lay on my sides because it's too loud, I can't lay on my back because it gives me acid reflux, for some reason. So I can't sleep anymore. The only reason I could after my wisdom teeth removal was because of using oxycodone and codeine when I ran out.

I'm trying kava again out of desperation because I did stop taking it as it got worse. I did take some Thursday night but, I don't remember how much. Every day seems better after I take kava the night before.

If I had to go half-blind, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Seriously. I'm just all fucked up, been thinking about jumping in front of semis as I pass them. I see another ENT next month to evaluate my ears and maybe look into tubes. If they don't, well... and if they do use tubes, and they don't help? Game over. I'll let you guys know if that time comes. For now, I'm just existing, which is exhausting, and trying to use bits of psilocybin and DMT to keep myself balanced.
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👋

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now. I understand it’s not easy. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts before not due to tinnitus but due to other types of factors that make leaving this world seem like a better option.

I really don’t have any suggestions for dealing with the tinnitus though m. It’s sad that not much research goes into something that can impact people’s lives so much. You’re not the first person I have know. That has had tinnitus this bad before and they ironically felt the same way. He wore that Kanna takes away his tinnitus now but only while he’s taking it, but I found it weird because Kanna gives me tinnitus so YMMV. It’s worth a shot though along with what your doing with the doctors.

And because your pain is a different type of pain I can’t really give you advice on how to cope with it. And I really wish I could.

What I can tell you though is that you are not alone and that there’s a chance things will get better. There is hope and if you ever do feel like giving up no one will judge you for it, at least I won’t and I’m sure many others won’t.

We are here if you just need someone to talk to or vent to, etc. I really hope you don’t give up, but if it does happen. I won’t judge you. Who am I to say that if a person is in such agony that they don’t have the right to choose to escape that pain. I hope you stay though. I hope that you find hope and a reason to endure.

We are here if you ever need to talk.
 
Thank you for your input.
The kava led to no real improvements today, but I consumed a pretty small amount in general. Just 15g of medium grind and 1.5g of extract. A normal extract dose for me would've been like, 3g and then 20g medium grind or just 40g.

I did this before suddenly deciding to do DMT last night. It must have MAOI like properties because I was tripping for a damn hour. The intense part was 10 minutes as usual but then I was just tripping like I'd eaten 3g of shrooms or something for the next 45 minutes. I couldn't believe how much time had passed. I do take black seed oil extract at night which is a confirmed mild MAOI and I'd microdosed with 0.5g psilocybin but the psilo on its own produced no real effect.

When I got stoned a little while after coming down, it just made me start tripping a little again. Text was wobbly and changing colors and I had immense CEVs. I was in a very good mood.

What stood out is at the end of the intense part of my trip when I just muttered to myself, I can't give up, I'll never give up. It's not selfish but it will put some people in almost as much pain. It's more than about tinnitus, I went through a lot of abuse throughout my life, particularly from my father throughout my childhood, but also my older brothers. Sibling abuse can get pretty severe, I think people overlook that, and I was the youngest of 4 with one sister who could also be harsh but didn't beat me up or insult me all the time. Not to say I didn't get along with my brothers sometimes but, my older but not oldest was the most cruel. My oldest just ended up becoming a drug addict who'd steal all my stuff and any money I had laying around.

Anyway, I just had this weird moment where I was telling myself, I'll always matter and I always will. It was this moment that I realized I have to live. I feel better today, even my OCD feels like it's taken a hit, especially last night. I kept licking the top left gum hole where my tooth was removed all day because it's kind of a stress tic I suppose, and it can't be good for recovery. It's just odd how it's swollen and not sealing up as well as the right side. My left teeth touch down way too much as a result but I don't even know why exactly. Above the hole my gums are definitely quite scratched up and there's swelling but I don't know why that'd go down all my teeth.

I'd written more but I tabbed out and it didn't save, but unfortunately kava didn't help and I likely didn't take enough. Problem is, I have a horrible itchy rash today. It's not helped by the fact that I take kratom, if I only took kava, I likely wouldn't get problems like this, but they didn't happen for months, even with unstrained micronized with is the #1 cause of dermopathy. I took Oxy and Codeine all week while recovering, no opioid itch. Kratom on itself never gave me it either, I think I had opioid itch one or twice ever. It sucks... kava was going to become my replacement for Valium. All I can do is go back to micronized and strain it and see if it's as bad. I've taken the extract by itself and it seems to not cause the reaction quite as much, so medium grind seems to be an issue.

Sucks, I just want to use THC or kava, not Valium, but the universe hates me and wants me to just keep taking addictive pharmaceuticals instead. For now I have to keep taking it and see what happens, if my tinnitus does start to improve. I'd be half relieved if it didn't even though I know it WAS helping before, and it's so good for anxiety, and pairs incredibly with weed, hell, extends DMT quite a bit.

Edit: fuck me in the god damn ass. It did help. Today is the best my ears have been since I was still taking it, and it's been almost 2 weeks since I did. I thought surely that would be enough time to avoid this bad skin reaction, but nope, it's not... I have to quit it altogether apparently or just go for the micronized shot in the dark but given both extract and medium grind can cause it I doubt it would be any better. My skin is straight up falling apart like I'm having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic. I'm wearing black underwear today and the skin from the sides of my legs is shedding like wild. Ordered micronized as a last ditch effort, probably will be the same result.
 
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BourbonMac said:
Thank you for your input.
The kava led to no real improvements today, but I consumed a pretty small amount in general. Just 15g of medium grind and 1.5g of extract. A normal extract dose for me would've been like, 3g and then 20g medium grind or just 40g.

I did this before suddenly deciding to do DMT last night. It must have MAOI like properties because I was tripping for a damn hour. The intense part was 10 minutes as usual but then I was just tripping like I'd eaten 3g of shrooms or something for the next 45 minutes. I couldn't believe how much time had passed. I do take black seed oil extract at night which is a confirmed mild MAOI and I'd microdosed with 0.5g psilocybin but the psilo on its own produced no real effect.

When I got stoned a little while after coming down, it just made me start tripping a little again. Text was wobbly and changing colors and I had immense CEVs. I was in a very good mood.

What stood out is at the end of the intense part of my trip when I just muttered to myself, I can't give up, I'll never give up. It's not selfish but it will put some people in almost as much pain. It's more than about tinnitus, I went through a lot of abuse throughout my life, particularly from my father throughout my childhood, but also my older brothers. Sibling abuse can get pretty severe, I think people overlook that, and I was the youngest of 4 with one sister who could also be harsh but didn't beat me up or insult me all the time. Not to say I didn't get along with my brothers sometimes but, my older but not oldest was the most cruel. My oldest just ended up becoming a drug addict who'd steal all my stuff and any money I had laying around.

Anyway, I just had this weird moment where I was telling myself, I'll always matter and I always will. It was this moment that I realized I have to live. I feel better today, even my OCD feels like it's taken a hit, especially last night. I kept licking the top left gum hole where my tooth was removed all day because it's kind of a stress tic I suppose, and it can't be good for recovery. It's just odd how it's swollen and not sealing up as well as the right side. My left teeth touch down way too much as a result but I don't even know why exactly. Above the hole my gums are definitely quite scratched up and there's swelling but I don't know why that'd go down all my teeth.

I'd written more but I tabbed out and it didn't save, but unfortunately kava didn't help and I likely didn't take enough. Problem is, I have a horrible itchy rash today. It's not helped by the fact that I take kratom, if I only took kava, I likely wouldn't get problems like this, but they didn't happen for months, even with unstrained micronized with is the #1 cause of dermopathy. I took Oxy and Codeine all week while recovering, no opioid itch. Kratom on itself never gave me it either, I think I had opioid itch one or twice ever. It sucks... kava was going to become my replacement for Valium. All I can do is go back to micronized and strain it and see if it's as bad. I've taken the extract by itself and it seems to not cause the reaction quite as much, so medium grind seems to be an issue.

Sucks, I just want to use THC or kava, not Valium, but the universe hates me and wants me to just keep taking addictive pharmaceuticals instead. For now I have to keep taking it and see what happens, if my tinnitus does start to improve. I'd be half relieved if it didn't even though I know it WAS helping before, and it's so good for anxiety, and pairs incredibly with weed, hell, extends DMT quite a bit.

Edit: fuck me in the god damn ass. It did help. Today is the best my ears have been since I was still taking it, and it's been almost 2 weeks since I did. I thought surely that would be enough time to avoid this bad skin reaction, but nope, it's not... I have to quit it altogether apparently or just go for the micronized shot in the dark but given both extract and medium grind can cause it I doubt it would be any better. My skin is straight up falling apart like I'm having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic. I'm wearing black underwear today and the skin from the sides of my legs is shedding like wild. Ordered micronized as a last ditch effort, probably will be the same result.
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I'm glad to see you've found a way to keep on living <3

As for the itch, you might want to get that checked out at the clinic. I'm not a doctor but if it's an allergic reaction, maybe some OTC benadryl could help. Like I said, I'm not a doctor.
 
I do take Benadryl at night and now I'm trying claratin during the day. If the micronized doesn't work out, oh well... I mean, it's not a cure. It's relief, but it's not 100% or anything. It's just so much better than usual. "Usual" is absolutely nothing compared to how fucking awful it's been though. I can't sleep anymore without staying up all night to the point where I can't keep my eyes open and practically hallucinate. Laying on my sides is impossible, laying on my back for some odd reason gives me heartburn, so it's a catch-22. Such is my life. My right ear tends to get quieter after I shower, but I no longer get a period of complete and total silence, after shower or in general. Shit got so loud at work Saturday that a store full of people and noises were quiet in comparison, it really feels like I'm going deaf, but I can't be. There's no history of this and I've never been exposed to loud noise.
 
BourbonMac said:
I do take Benadryl at night and now I'm trying claratin during the day. If the micronized doesn't work out, oh well... I mean, it's not a cure. It's relief, but it's not 100% or anything. It's just so much better than usual. "Usual" is absolutely nothing compared to how fucking awful it's been though. I can't sleep anymore without staying up all night to the point where I can't keep my eyes open and practically hallucinate. Laying on my sides is impossible, laying on my back for some odd reason gives me heartburn, so it's a catch-22. Such is my life. My right ear tends to get quieter after I shower, but I no longer get a period of complete and total silence, after shower or in general. Shit got so loud at work Saturday that a store full of people and noises were quiet in comparison, it really feels like I'm going deaf, but I can't be. There's no history of this and I've never been exposed to loud noise.
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Benadryl has so many uses. I love it.
 
Oh man you guys! I just started having tinnitus about 5 mo ago. It started like this pitch of noise, Now it’s like a very high hisssssssss, like someone is letting air oit of a balloon maki g that screchhhhh noise at a very high pitch‼️Mine rarely goes away! Ever since I had COVID in 2021, a lot has changed for me. My ears, and my eyes. My eyes cross and I see 2 of everything, always, side by side. When I read I have to pick a side, you know either the one on the left or right. Then I’d I blink and try to correct. I then am looking across the page! It’s called convergence and it’s a bitch!
 
I have heard of people developing it from covid, and even the vaccine, but it's like 0.25% of all vaccines that have caused it and I think it goes away for most people. Mine originally started 10 days after my 2nd shot in May 2021, but my tinnitus disappeared after I had sinus surgery for 2 months, so I don't think it was related. Any boosters I've had since never changed anything.

The vision problems I don't think I've heard of, it might be unrelated? I would see an eye doctor about this.
 
BourbonMac said:
I genuinely don't know what to do. If anyone has followed some of my posts you'd know it's related to tinnitus.
In the last ~2 weeks, it's gotten so bad it's basically a constant spike, no more periods of silence and if I do get them, they don't last long.
This was the case tonight. I was at least glad to have some relief, then I went and did my sinus steroid rinse and read online that popping your ears after using it is a good way to get the steroid into your eustachian tubes. Well I did this, and immediately, the biggest explosion of hissing, roaring, ringing static came on. I thought I'd known the worst of it, but this is unlivable.

My tinnitus was 100% gone in May, June and July after I had surgery on my sinuses. I get a CT scan in 12 days, and if the results don't find anything, I think I'm genuinely going to end it. I've already been behaving self-destructively. Cutting my forearms, licking up the blood like a madman and then putting alcohol on it. I'm completely losing my mind. It's such a terrible noise.

To make matters worse... THC, the only drug that keeps me sane, causes it to spike horribly, and I don't think its temporary either. It's impossible to tell. Sometimes I'll have more than usual one night and the next morning is quieter. Other times it's the opposite, usually it's much worse the next day, and I don't understand. I've smoked weed for almost 12 years and never had tinnitus from it. Even last year when I had tinnitus, which was extremely mild compared to now, I wanted to kill myself. But even then, THC didn't really spike it.

I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do. Again, completely losing my mind... Maybe if my life didn't suck so much as is it wouldn't bother me as much. All I know is, there's a 75% chance I won't live past this month, and I just have to get that out of me. If I'm not posting for more than a week or two, you'll know what happened. I'm sorry to disturb anyone with this, it's like talking to a brick wall in a way, what even is an appropriate response?

And yes, I've tried everything. The skull tapping, vitamin b1, cutting back on THC, prednisone. Nothing works. Also tried those videos with high frequency shit which apparently works for some, but no, nothing. I just wanna strangle the motherfucker who decided it's a good idea to pop your ears after nasal steroids. Absolutely do not fucking do this. Like I can't even listen to music, it's ringing too loud, and if I turn it up too high I'll just make it worse.

The ringing really controls me, I'm a slave to it. I was having an otherwise relaxing night until this stupid popping bullshit. I go completely psycho when it spikes this bad, way beyond who I am and how I normally act. Just have no idea what the fuck to do anymore.

The results of the CT are what my life hangs on, it's the last hope. I just can't live with tinnitus this bad. Something physical has to be wrong, sometimes just burping or even swallowing can ramp up the volume. That happened this evening, my right ear was 1/10, I had a mini burp, instantly goes up to 7/10 and it remained there all evening. It went down to a 2 after I showered, it usually does go down after I shower for a little while, but it used to be longer...
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Please get help for the depression and for being suicidal. Are you seeing a therapist, or taking meds for depression and OCD?

I have tinnitus as well both from going to way too many concerts and live music events from a young age, listening to music for hours on headphones, ear wax, going to pubs/bars/dance clubs, etc. Getting your ears cleaned helps a lot and I have just learned to live with it for decades. A friend who has it told me how he sleeps with a fan or air conditioning on, and he takes multiple showers in a day.

Vitamin B-12 is supposed to help. I have taken it before but I get it from my diet and do not take tablets. Also, get some rest, exercise, and get on a better sleep cycle if you are not sleeping or have insomnia.
 
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This is beyond noise induced tinnitus, way beyond. It's like indescribable. I had it mildly to a degree in the past but this is insane. It's hard to get on a better sleep cycle when it's so loud. I'll have my fan on max, which is really loud, and I can still hear the ringing like crazy

I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment and I'm off meds. I still use THC even though it spikes it worse, only at night, because it helps keep me alive. I've also been smoking DMT pretty regularly and will likely continue to do this for awhile. I believe I'm treatment resistant as I've tried literally every anti-depressant. Microdoses of shrooms work better than anything, I don't have a plug right now though, just a chocolate bar that isn't too strong. As soon as I get a plug I'm buying a shit ton of mushrooms. I believe psychedelics are really my only way to truly keep my mental health in check.

One thing that does help is kava, but in the past few weeks, I get horrible rashes from it the next day, unbearable burning itching skin. I was going to come off Valium for this because it works so much better, forgot to mention I take 15mg of that a night, but I can't, my skin doesn't like it even though I was fine for 2 months. Took a 2 week break, came back and immediately had a bad skin reaction. I also take kratom in the morning, but that's just an addiction really, a nice high when I need it which is often. Could be worse I guess... I don't take more than 7g a day.
 
There I was complaining of tinnitus, but the real problem is the reality that getting my wisdom teeth out solved absolutely nothing. I'm in just as much pain if not more than ever and I had them out 2 weeks ago. When I woke up this morning, earlier than I wanted to, the pain around my tempomandibular joint was unbearable and radiated up the side of my head and to the corner of my forehead. Had to take a lot of kratom to get it down, ibuprofen and tylenol. Since I just had dinner, the relief from the kratom earlier is going away, so it's coming back. This was all on my left side, but I'm getting hints of it on the right. And as if the universe is laughing at me, I get the quietest days for my ears in weeks. Such bullshit. I can't believe how much pain I've been in today. I got hit by a car many years ago and this was several times worse on the pain scale, like I'm completely baffled by how bad it was.

I'm ruining my kidneys and liver with all the ibuprofen and tylenol which I've been taking daily for 4 months now. Initially I didn't need ibuprofen for pain after the tooth removal. I did have a few oxycodone but even after I ran out I didn't use ibuprofen for a few days out of the fear that it would make me bleed, I had excess bleeding post-OP likely because I'd been taking this for months and some guy also gave me 3 of them after surgery, took 16 hours to stop the constant blood. Now my jaw is all fucked up with only my left molars able to really touch down and they touch down way more than ever. So overall, getting these teeth out was kind of a mistake, or rather, I probably went to the worst possible oral surgeon to do so. Both teeth were the exact same shape and size, I could tell, and the x-rays showed it too. They fucked up. And it's not like I could sue them because it's not like they intended to. It's just very clear it was botched, my right side gums healed fine, the left side is still this gaping hole. No clue if I'm at risk for infection either as I was never given one of those syringes.
 
BourbonMac said:
There I was complaining of tinnitus, but the real problem is the reality that getting my wisdom teeth out solved absolutely nothing. I'm in just as much pain if not more than ever and I had them out 2 weeks ago. When I woke up this morning, earlier than I wanted to, the pain around my tempomandibular joint was unbearable and radiated up the side of my head and to the corner of my forehead. Had to take a lot of kratom to get it down, ibuprofen and tylenol. Since I just had dinner, the relief from the kratom earlier is going away, so it's coming back. This was all on my left side, but I'm getting hints of it on the right. And as if the universe is laughing at me, I get the quietest days for my ears in weeks. Such bullshit. I can't believe how much pain I've been in today. I got hit by a car many years ago and this was several times worse on the pain scale, like I'm completely baffled by how bad it was.

I'm ruining my kidneys and liver with all the ibuprofen and tylenol which I've been taking daily for 4 months now. Initially I didn't need ibuprofen for pain after the tooth removal. I did have a few oxycodone but even after I ran out I didn't use ibuprofen for a few days out of the fear that it would make me bleed, I had excess bleeding post-OP likely because I'd been taking this for months and some guy also gave me 3 of them after surgery, took 16 hours to stop the constant blood. Now my jaw is all fucked up with only my left molars able to really touch down and they touch down way more than ever. So overall, getting these teeth out was kind of a mistake, or rather, I probably went to the worst possible oral surgeon to do so. Both teeth were the exact same shape and size, I could tell, and the x-rays showed it too. They fucked up. And it's not like I could sue them because it's not like they intended to. It's just very clear it was botched, my right side gums healed fine, the left side is still this gaping hole. No clue if I'm at risk for infection either as I was never given one of those syringes.
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Damn, sorry to hear this. Have you reported it to the doctor? It's possible you got that dry socket. Tomorrow is Monday, I would call them up first thing in the morning. C'mon man, if you are in that much pain there is absolutely zero reason to suffer like this and not report it to the professionals who performed the procedure. Don't let complacency prevent you from having a successful recovery. I don't know how they treat dry socket but possibly they can prescribe better meds than ibuprofen and tylenol. Please don't give up <3
 
It's not dry socket I don't think, 2 weeks should be too long. Anyway thank you, I'd give a more appropriate response but I'm kind of tripping balls right now unexpectedly from a mushroom bar. I'll... form something more proper later
 
Welp I somehow broke the DMT cart, have to keep it in my dispensary battery or else it'll all just slip out. It might slowly but it seems firm. I was tripping as I was taking it off so maybe that's why, it's getting low either way. I don't think it will leak much as long as I keep it in there, I have another battery for dab carts. It broke around the metal at the bottom just below being able to leak out. Just have to keep it in there and not take it out I guess, it still works.
 
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Jerry Atrick said:
Damn, sorry to hear this. Have you reported it to the doctor? It's possible you got that dry socket. Tomorrow is Monday, I would call them up first thing in the morning. C'mon man, if you are in that much pain there is absolutely zero reason to suffer like this and not report it to the professionals who performed the procedure. Don't let complacency prevent you from having a successful recovery. I don't know how they treat dry socket but possibly they can prescribe better meds than ibuprofen and tylenol. Please don't give up <3
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So yeah, I called them all day and not one person got back to me, it's really annoying. I did however see my GP for unrelated issues like my tinnitus being so bad and wanting to test my eardrums with air again. The left eardrum was hissing badly and didn't move. When he went to check the right, he saw my eardrum was all dark red which he believes is an infection. This could be why it's been ringing so much worse the past nearly 20 days. Either way, I'm still stuck on Ibuprofen and Tylenol for pain until someone gets back to me. My GP could give me Tylenol #3 but this stuff isn't strong, it takes me at least 2 to get relief and I only got 10 last time. When it comes to prescription opioids doctors either overprescribe them or underprescribe them, there is no happy medium. Around here, underprescribed. I mean I got like, 5 oxycodone after my wisdom teeth surgery? I was lucky to have leftover codeine because I took almost all of the oxy in the first 2 days. 5mg isn't anything when you're in major pain. When my older brother got his out a few years ago he got at least 15. I only got 8 after my extremely invasive sinus surgery last May which was nowhere NEAR enough.

I hope he's right about it being infection, I mean he's not ENT but he didn't hesitate once he saw how red it was and didn't want to pump an ear full of air. I could've used antibiotic eardrops, he thought that was a good idea, but because he's not sure if I have an infection in my gums, he thought a broad spectrum antibiotic would be a good idea. This particular one is not easy on the stomach, and the last time I had to take any antibiotics I was rendered completely fucked up for a half year. However I'd taken at least 4 different ones in the span of months, I haven't been on antibiotics since mid December 2021.

This one is Biaxin (Clarithromycin), one I'd taken before without much issue and took all the time as a kid for sinus infections. I do recall getting mild heartburn on the last day or two, but I took it without food one of those mornings and with a powerade no less which is acidic enough as is. I also recall a metallic taste on one of those last days. My right ear doesn't really hurt at all, I mean I've had pain outside of it but this is an inner infection. I guess maybe I've felt odd sensations at times but I have no idea when it got infected in the first place. If it was some complication from the wisdom tooth surgery or if it really did come on around the time that my tinnitus suddenly got way worse on March 9th.

I'm not sure why he chose this one, Bactrim and I always get along and according to google is often used for them. Any broad spectrum antibiotic should be fine. He's gotten a lot wrong before like deciding to put me on Monofloxacin while taking Cymbalta. This is a serotonin syndrome waiting to happen and it happened to me, I'll never forget how awful it was and am pretty traumatized by it to the point where I don't really want to talk about it anymore. I think just the 2 days I was on that one is what fucked up my stomach the most. Fluroquinolone antibiotics are dangerous, often associated with muscle damage and in extreme cases loss of limbs. On my 2nd day, my joints were swelling up and turning purple. If I'd have kept taking it, I could've met the same fate. He told me if I noticed this to immediately stop it and I promptly did.

Oh... and get this. I was scheduled to see a neurologist on August 21st. He tells me last week there was a cancelation and gave me the wrong number. It was supposed to end in 2770 and he gave me 2270. I called and it just beeped, I looked this place up and it said they were only open Monday and Tuesday. Well, whatever it was, in my tired and at the time panic attack state, I realized fuck, I missed my chance. In reality I didn't, if I'd have just googled the local neurologist I would've realized he got the number wrong and got my MRI today. So here's to waiting another 4.5 months probably with horrible headaches... I'm on a cancelation list but they said cancelations are quite rare. I mean, I was scheduled for August in DECEMBER. I hope someone gets covid for once.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words before. I'm in a daze over all of this. Was tripping really hard last night and even whilst having not a great trip I still did DMT like a maniac. It actually made the trip get better afterward though I was around the 5 hour mark so it was dying down. I just hope I can get a cancelation. I got hit by a car in late 2016 and for all I know I could've just developed complications from that. I never truly felt like I stopped getting headaches and general facial pain after that. I thought I did, but my own journal through much of 2017 and 2018 contradicts that. I stopped writing by early 2019 and am only starting to write in it again.
 
God the fucking headaches are just increasingly abysmal. I really made a thread feeling suicidal over my tinnitus and that's nothing. I also have an ear infection, but that's not why my head hurts. I've had headaches this brain squeezingly severe for months, the pain scale is shattered. I couldn't even rate this a 10, it's way beyond. Got my letter from neurology again confirming August 21st, which fucks everything up given I was supposed to go to the midwest middle of August. I could go after, but I want results, I want to know what's wrong with my skull or if I have some sort of brain aneurism. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wish my doctor would've prescribed me more tylenol #3 like I'd asked before. I need an opioid right now.

I seem to always get these headaches after naps, it's strange. I do get sleep paralysis episodes and that might be part of it. Like me physically straining to wake up and such. I really need to fix my sleep schedule already so I don't feel the need to nap after work. Tonight is going to be my attempt at really fixing this. But if my headache doesn't get better I'll end up doing DMT probably just because it annihilates headaches, and then I'll be mindfucked for awhile. Maybe just a small amount I'd be ok.

Also, kinda sucks but RIP to one of my closest cousins 2 years ago who died at 36 from an aortic dissection. This kind of thing doesn't even affect people that young, they don't even check for this shit till you're in your 50s at least. Hurts every time I think about him, he was always so protective of me, always that big brother cousin, very kind and strong. Miss you every day Patrick.
 
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do you have POTS ? high blood pressure or other CNS symptomes ?
did you tried pepermint oil?
 
Haven't ever looked into oils really, I've mostly thrown them out as hogwash because a lot of people sort of get freaky about them and think they can cure cancer or something, but there has to be truth to at least some properties of essential oils helping.

No high blood pressure, I'm always around 110/70. 6"1, 140 pounds, no real conditions except for the chronic tinnitus and the insanely bad headaches, seasonal allergies too if that counts but hardly, I seem to have grown out of just about every allergy I had as a kid except for a few antibiotics, which happen to be some of the best ones (cillins, doxycycline, etc.)

In late 2021, these only happened for a few months and were related to my sinuses, but my wisdom teeth hurt first. That's why when in late 2022 when my wisdom teeth hurt first again, I figured I had to get the teeth out, but that didn't solve anything and if anything fucked things up more. The left side of my jaw seems imbalanced now, the teeth press down too much to the point where I can't even feel my right teeth touching. I'm told it's inflammation of the jaw muscles, maybe, but it's been almost 3 weeks since I had them removed.

It continued into today, not as bad, but still not good. This morning the top of my forehead hurt so bad that even slight pressure made me gag. I actually smoked a little DMT last night just to see if it would help and it knocked the pain from a 10 to a 3, then I got baked and was at a 1. I'm sure if I'd blasted off on the DMT it might've entirely gotten rid of it, I only did enough for mild acid trip type visuals.
 
BourbonMac said:
Haven't ever looked into oils really, I've mostly thrown them out as hogwash because a lot of people sort of get freaky about them and think they can cure cancer or something, but there has to be truth to at least some properties of essential oils helping.

No high blood pressure, I'm always around 110/70. 6"1, 140 pounds, no real conditions except for the chronic tinnitus and the insanely bad headaches, seasonal allergies too if that counts but hardly, I seem to have grown out of just about every allergy I had as a kid except for a few antibiotics, which happen to be some of the best ones (cillins, doxycycline, etc.)

In late 2021, these only happened for a few months and were related to my sinuses, but my wisdom teeth hurt first. That's why when in late 2022 when my wisdom teeth hurt first again, I figured I had to get the teeth out, but that didn't solve anything and if anything fucked things up more. The left side of my jaw seems imbalanced now, the teeth press down too much to the point where I can't even feel my right teeth touching. I'm told it's inflammation of the jaw muscles, maybe, but it's been almost 3 weeks since I had them removed.

It continued into today, not as bad, but still not good. This morning the top of my forehead hurt so bad that even slight pressure made me gag. I actually smoked a little DMT last night just to see if it would help and it knocked the pain from a 10 to a 3, then I got baked and was at a 1. I'm sure if I'd blasted off on the DMT it might've entirely gotten rid of it, I only did enough for mild acid trip type visuals.
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you need to find herbs and alternative things for you're tittinus.
try oils for into the ear , pepermint oils , PEA400mg , try to find some exersises on youtube , and stop overthinking it...
i have seen a lot of people with this issues who wanna cut there ear or othing weird things. it will settle down but you need yo change some habbits.
go to a good outcare clinic and try everything you got.
in 2024 you will laugh with this post
 
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