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How do you feel right this moment? ~ V.Healthy Living

Right now, I feel like shit. I woke up far too early, had only 1 cup of coffee, had a bad appointment with my psych doc, and just feel bad, dizzy and tired (not in any good way). This morning will just be bad, need another shower, more coffee, a good therapy session, and going out to supper. Sometimes I feel like the world hates me.
 
curently, i feel bloody awful. i really overdid it at the weekend resulting in a lot of problems not to mention waking up with a bad flu and swollen tonsils. i also have tons of work this week.
 
@euphoria: Nah, I've tried that ages ago. Just need to get out of this funk, get my fat ass moving again, and eat more veggies and fewer grains.

ATM: Sore. Hooked my bike up to my trainer and went for a 'ride'. Only 30 minutes, and my legs are stiff as balls.
 
I'm starting to get too far. I have been on a binge and I take full responsibility. I wanted to get far away. RIght now I feel as far away as I have ever felt. I am smoking a joint, which will help considerably. I'm eating a little dinner. I'm coming back. But I have seen new perspectives being so far away consciously from my sober perspectives. I have talked with the shadow people, and seen their quiet way of life pass before my eyes. (They are nonjudgemental.) I have had amazing sex (and practiced sex magick).... all good.

Right 'now I can barely move. I have gone too far. I'm afraid I will pass out when I stand up. I am at home and in bed. My daughter and son in law are smoking with me. My son and his soon to be wife are downstairs with my husband. I really hope they don't call me downstairs. I just looked at myself and I look so fucked out of my mind they will wonder. (I pretend I'm sleeping at night while listening to music. I slept last Thursday night. Procurred meth on Thursday for the Friday morning first wave. I am out of meth now and have benzos for later.)

I railed my last lines today so I am not too sure about sleep tonight but I know that Tuesday and Wednesday I will not wake up for anything but urgent pees.

The overall binge was worth it to me, for the way I felt, and even for the very odd way I feel now. One of my eyes is crossed. I just keep following the river of thoughts through the moments of time. Each day has been increasingly spacey obviously. Tonight is straight up there... although there is no "height" in the UNIVERSAL sense because there isn't up or down out there. Everything I experience sober is within the earth and of the earth. I spent time hallucinating being off the earth and in the universe, everything is so different than it is here.

Don't laugh. I know. It's weird to think about these things but that is exactly the point of a chemically enduced journey. If it's LSD or Ecstacy or a binge, each time is about something different. I cannot tell from re-reading this, but if this seems like a pro drug sort of thing that the mods don't like, feel free to pull it.

When I started out Sunday morning, by then plenty high, I had a wonderful time deep cleaning baseboards and such like. (Holidays are coming.) While I was cleaning I listened to Leave my Body by Florence + the Machine.

I'm gonna leave my body going up to higher groundGonna loose my mind history keeps pulling me down

I did. It did.
 
Not feeling very well. I feel very lazy and lethargic. I need to start being active again but I have no time or energy due to school. I slept for almost twelve hours last night and I still feel absolutely drained. I've been living on caffeine for the past week since I've been averaging six or seven hours of sleep a night--Which is nowhere near enough for me, especially while I'm on my period. I also feel rather stressed though ignoring the whole project is helping a bit. I have a huge project due tomorrow, and I have not gotten a lot of it done. I can't devote the entire day today to it either, since I'm going to my grandma's 90th birthday party for a few hours.

I guess I should get off BL and go work on it... :-/
 
addictivepersona - hugs <3

dude you sound like me a few months ago when I was finishing up my big senior thesis and it was literally the bane of my existence. couldnt get it done because I was so tired and irritable, didn't have time to really go sleep or exercise, so it was just a cycle of lots of caffeine, being unproductive, and being upset about it.

hang in there! you're almost done! YOU CAN DOOO IT! :D give yourself lots of pep talks!
 
shitty, depleted, worthless. dont know what i need ? church ? love ? a new body ? move country ?? cut off all my hair and my skin is looking awful since it turned winter and theres no sunshine. i spent the day doing yoga, weight lifting, and then drinking tea to avoid eating much. had family dinner with some family friends nd an auntie....... i dont understand, i should feel good, i did everything "right" today, but i'd rather just drown
 
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Sick.

Looks like this is going to be a serial cold year. Haven't had one of those since I started getting flu shots. :\
 
huolesoh said:
shitty, depleted, worthless. dont know what i need ? church ? love ? a new body ? move country ?? cut off all my hair and my skin is looking awful since it turned winter and theres no sunshine. i spent the day doing yoga, weight lifting, and then drinking tea to avoid eating much. had family dinner with some family friends nd an auntie....... i dont understand, i should feel good, i did everything "right" today, but i'd rather just drown
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i have those days pretty often lately.... hang in there! don't give up. and it's true, you are doing all the right things! Just give it some time, you'll feel better again. You're allowed to take a day off to do 'nothing' you know ;)
 
thanks ! yes you are correct ! i slept OK and am feeling much better today. had some nostalgia, did some light exercise, generally feel more OK
 
I am feeling a heck of a lot better despite getting about three hours of sleep last night this morning. Finished the project and can't do anything now about the "oh, I should've done this"s or the "I could've done that"s, so there's no use worrying myself over it. All I have to do tonight is finish handwriting the patient write-up I typed the other day (lol, it's supposed to be done the other way around but whatever :P), attend clinical tomorrow, make it the five or so hours, and then I am away from school for five whole days! Also get to spend a couple days with my girlfriend and her family this week. :D
 
wow, today was a complete fucking disaster. i had to benzo myself to stop shaking and crying so i'll have to elaborate later..... fml fml
 
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