• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

How do you feel right this moment? ~ V.Healthy Living

Good luck^

All day I've felt pretty tired - I think I got too much sleep...or woken in my REM sleep - whatever happened until the evening when I had a cuppa I been a bit off. Generally alright though - it was a beautiful day today, and things are going pretty well.
 
Mmm. Warm and tingly, only 4 hours of work today splitting wood and i didn't have to drag it up a giant hill this time. So it was much easier.
my boss was nice and gave me some coffee and an apple, i'm a little worried about the future, a little worried about money and isolation, but keep on keeping on and I know the universe will take care of me. <3
 
^ You've already heard all of my advice on the matter. It's still unfortunate that you're stuck with bills you cannot pay with a job that won't give you more hours. "Buy this car to drive to work. Drive to work to pay for this car."


I feel a bit stupid and sleep-deprived. Nearly poured steel cut oats into my coffee instead of the bowl. When they made it to the bowl, I noticed this weird shiny thing in the oats, so I went to pick it out and then realized it was the back of the spoon poking through. *Laughs* Today is going to be a lonnnnng day at work (once I finally make it there--Slept in a half hour, so I'ma be a half hour later than usual).
 
I am so horrible right now. I'm exhausted and strung out, my eyes hurt from crying. I can't fucking believe i took MXE yesterday, I can't believe I ignored my obvious warning signs and still tried to hang out with my "friends" despite the knowledge that it would, and did, end with me being shitty.
I walked headfirst into a tree last night waking home dissociated and hit my head really, really hard. Hard enough to make it bleed hard enough to cover my entire face in blood.
I'm going to the clinic today to see if i damaged the insides. I just want to fucking cry. I try to be social for once with people that I don't often see specifically because i'm lonely and depressed and they trigger emotional upsetness in me and what do I do? Addictive mind numbing drugs, I wait until the coldest darkest loneliest point of the night until I hurt so badly that I can't stand it anymoer to go home, and I walk headfirst into a tree and split my skull open.

FML i want to kill myself.
 
^ Well, that's sure a lot to take in from one incident!

Yes, you may have made a mistake by taking MXE, since it led to you being hurt. However, crying because you took MXE last night isn't going to help you. If anything, beating yourself up over slipping and taking the drug is hurting you even more. Take good care of yourself and get to the clinic, stat. Get your head bandaged up and make sure you find new friends whom you don't feel pressured to take drugs around.

Good luck. <3
 
Thanks guys. A paramedic came over with my friend to give her a ride to work unexpectedly and checked my noggin out. it wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it was, but that was mostly from fairly extreme dissociation and wobbliness and head bleeding like crazy.

Physically injuring myself is one thing that really triggers depression for me and I was already in a super low state, and dissociated, so the combined metaphor of self-failure really..hurt alot when I smashed my head.

The last few days i've felt better, I've managed to get mysefl to do boxing forms in the morning and afternoon even if my body is kind of sore. I really need to get on the stretching more. I'm smoking alot of spliffs again and eating more than I should be / late at night, but I also started writing in my journal again (took a few days off of that and that felt kind of shitty), so today, this morning I feel stable and calm. Sore, but calm.
 
Good. A really happy kind of sore in my biceps, back legs and core, from digging fence post holes and mixing cement in a wheelbarrow with a shovel yesterday.

Feels hella good man. :)
 
^this.

Went to the gym yesterday, ate healthily, and had my second successful day of not complaining about work/coworkers to other coworkers. It's rampant in my company and I don't like how much I bought into it for awhile.

Day 2 of no booze.
Day 3 of no pot.
 
been really healthy lately, eating well, exercising a ton, generally treating my body right.

today im in a shittastic mood and my friend just asked me to go out drinking, and honestly I feel like getting fuckin rowdy and just blowing off some steam.

but I know that this is just part of the cycle I cant seem to jump out of.....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top