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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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@ panic in paradise: I agree with everything you say, but sometimes we just don't want to admit some things to ourselves, that's the hardest thing

@ Jay: see, you have a lot of good things in your life that provide enough motivation to quit your drug habit (a job, a wonderful girlfriend...). I don't have shit, I've lost everything - dropped out of school, no job, no money, boyfriend would break up as soon as he found out I'm using again... A life of a drug addict is the only thing I've ever experienced and what I'm good at. I like the excitement of getting H, holding it firmly in my hand, running back home to use and just feeling content with myself and my lifestyle when I'm high. It feels like I don't need anybody in my life or anything. Then when I sober up, it's not as rosy anymore, so I keep longing for the next high. I've already decided that if this goes out of hand, I'll finish it all with an overdose. Only ever OD'd once and I didn't find it scary, not at all, it was a very warm feeling of drowning into a black nothing.

Anyway, I'm really enjoying reading all of your posts in this thread and can relate to a lot of them. I wonder if that girl who caught Hepatitis C is coming back to update on her life, hope she's alright?
 
cire113 said:
prob about 200mgs a day....

See i dont have a supply problem i just want to stop or take a break... its gonna suck hopefully the worst will only last 2-3 days
Click to expand...

cire , also get magnesium - take this everyday. It does help w/muscle spasms. If you can get your hands on somas / flexiril - i would recommend to use these for the RLS - getting sleep is crucial. Ambien IR , the CR will not keep you sleep and you need twice the dose to get the IR amount whih will actually put you out for a few hours while withdrawaling w/the other meds metioned. Best of luck.
 
I have hopefully which I doubt now, because I had the SDPD, my family, in laws all go thru my apt. while I have been at camp med. o I really doubt all the valium and flexeril I got to come downm with will still be at home. Just wanted to say, my fucking legs are killing me. Im on day 10 with nothing to help. I want to score and can get frinted at least 6 gs. I font got time for spell check srry. My legsd hurt too ,uch. Oh but my phone is at the apt. too, so it would take me sometime to find my fucking #s anyhow. I got to go to NA tomorrow anyway because I got to leave my b=vacation a little early. AGGHHHHH. Sorry to vent
 
panic in paradise said:
the poppy/opium is here on earth for a reason, we really do need it us people.
so many people would be suffering greatly otherwise, and i do believe some people are lacking natural inert opioids in their body/mind, and compared to most any psych medication its nothing.

but but but, people exploit anything and everything.

these thoughts of yours are not naturally your own, they are societal. a state of mind that youve become accustomed to - desensitized into.
you sound like you are putting up with this guaranteed misery, because there is guaranteed sense of bliss, maybe...

its easy to be hopeless, its easy to be mean, and fear.
but thats the point, the more you brush this shit away, the right way, the more pride, and beauty you notice.

knowing how you are supposed to exert these inner traits is yours to figure out, and an awful adventure. sucking that stuff into your veins, you will only see the beauty it allows you to, while you have that temporary sense of pride.


hope this made some sense.
awesome name btw ~
prussian roulette.
Click to expand...

I was a little hesitant with the post I had made a few days earlier.

I know opiates/opioids have helped thousands of people in a variety of ways. I still believe that opiates can have value for an addict like myself, but for an addict like myself they have transitioned into a poison.


I hope I didn't make anyone who legitimately needs opiates question their usage, but I personally feel that opiates are poison (for my mind). I'm in NO way shape or form judging anyones usage, I just no longer see value in opiates/opioids.



I've spent the last several years nodding out and being part of the scene. It's gotten old. The whole cycle got old. I feel like I have something to offer this world, but I don't feel like that with opiates. I become too focused on how I'm feeling and too self-absorbed in a cycle of "How high am I?" OR "How sick am I?"

I want to give something back to this world. I would honestly die a happy man, if I knew that in someway I impacted X group or I was able to do X to help X people. It's just hard to figure out a way to help the everyman, but I'm sooo much more valuable clean than when I'm using.
 
"I hope I didn't make anyone who legitimately needs opiates question their usage, but I personally feel that opiates are poison (for my mind). I'm in NO way shape or form judging anyones usage, I just no longer see value in opiates/opioids."

well because of this, you are lucky.

the rest is just your own personal struggle, but mostly your own personal strengths.
;)


it is amazing to me how, as far as severe pain management goes, nothing, nothing is safer, especially in the long run.
but, for "emotional pain management", almost nothing is more dangerous.

except for another one of earths natural medications, a very very useful one lol(scalpel nurse?!?)- cocaine...
maybe we could of not invented the hypodermic needle,,, idiots we are.


brilliantly perfect double edged blades...
 
Carl Landrover said:
I was a little hesitant with the post I had made a few days earlier.

I know opiates/opioids have helped thousands of people in a variety of ways. I still believe that opiates can have value for an addict like myself, but for an addict like myself they have transitioned into a poison.


I hope I didn't make anyone who legitimately needs opiates question their usage, but I personally feel that opiates are poison (for my mind). I'm in NO way shape or form judging anyones usage, I just no longer see value in opiates/opioids.



I've spent the last several years nodding out and being part of the scene. It's gotten old. The whole cycle got old. I feel like I have something to offer this world, but I don't feel like that with opiates. I become too focused on how I'm feeling and too self-absorbed in a cycle of "How high am I?" OR "How sick am I?"

I want to give something back to this world. I would honestly die a happy man, if I knew that in someway I impacted X group or I was able to do X to help X people. It's just hard to figure out a way to help the everyman, but I'm sooo much more valuable clean than when I'm using.
Click to expand...



I understand what you're saying & it seems that when your high on opiates, lifes is paused around you or it seems that way & when you sober up, you realize that the ship everyone is riding has past you by.

But on the other hand, opiates are much needed for people with pain & w/o them, they would suffer tremendously in their lives.
 
panic in paradise said:
"I hope I didn't make anyone who legitimately needs opiates question their usage, but I personally feel that opiates are poison (for my mind). I'm in NO way shape or form judging anyones usage, I just no longer see value in opiates/opioids."

well because of this, you are lucky.

the rest is just your own personal struggle, but mostly your own personal strengths.
;)


it is amazing to me how, as far as severe pain management goes, nothing, nothing is safer, especially in the long run.
but, for "emotional pain management", almost nothing is more dangerous.

except for another one of earths natural medications, a very very useful one lol(scalpel nurse?!?)- cocaine...
maybe we could of not invented the hypodermic needle,,, idiots we are.


brilliantly perfect double edged blades...
Click to expand...



Are you saying that someone that takes opiates long term for pain wont get highly addictive compared to the people taking opiates for mental pain?
 
the difference in "addictions" is different.

emotional pain is something one tries to bury, physical one tries to lighten.
when you get to the point where the physical pain is gone, feeling no "high" is not an issue.
emotional pain isnt covered with out the high, and this is where the immediate danger begins.
 
panic in paradise said:
the difference in "addictions" is different.

emotional pain is something one tries to bury, physical one tries to lighten.
when you get to the point where the physical pain is gone, feeling no "high" is not an issue.
emotional pain isnt covered with out the high, and this is where the immediate danger begins.
Click to expand...




Gotcha!
 
Omg. I don't really post on here, so I don't know if I'm doing it right but I'm really going through it so I thought I'd give it a try. I am a long time opiate user - 10+ years of serious heroin use. Multiple detoxes, rehabs, jail stints, ODs, the whole 9 yards. And was never able to stay clean. Well, I guess more honestly, I never wanted to get clean. 18 months ago, I took myself out of the hood Camden, NJ, and came out to a rehab in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma. I got clean for real, and decided to stay out here. I'm in school and working, and besides being incredibly boring, things have been better than ever for me. Until about two months ago. Out here, there aren't too many opiate addicts, I'm pretty confident in saying that there is ZERO heroin out here. Anyway, turns out a good friend of mine picked up a habit with pills, and before I knew it, I was buying oxys, opanas, dilaudid, lortabs, whatever I could get my hands on. Even drove to go pick up some black tar a couple times. Well, instant habit, right away. This shit is EXPENSIVE, too. I've even seriously considered moving back to the ghetto. But I don't want to throw away all the work I've done up to this point. I have the weekend off, so I decided to go cold turkey. And this is awful. I've attempted many at home detoxes, but never made it past day one. But being out here in the middle of nowhere is a LOT different. The dope man isn't just right down the block, it's like an all day affair to get some pills. So I couldn't sleep last night, feel like shit....I didn't think it was gonna be as bad as years and years of shooting heroin, but I guess a habit is a habit. Any suggestions? I'm dying, and I have school and work tomorrow. Any suggestions??
 
^^^^^ Get some withdrawal meds that you can get OTC since they help a good bit no matter how big your habit. Lopermide is pretty much essential for the runs and it helps somewhat with the stomach cramps, dimenhydrinate aka dramamine if your the type that pukes and diphenhydramine for the runny nose and to help you sleep. Thats about it OTC really but it's better then nothing. Also gatorade and soup is also a must to pickup since you need to eat something (even if it comes up :\ ) as well as stay hydrated and ive always stocked up on gatorade if im withdrawing.

Good luck
 
I haven't posted in this thread for awhle - I am so fucking disgusted with myself. Not due to use. Due to no matter how far I get from it, I fucking want it more. I'm in therapy twice a week, which so far has succesfully brought up so many demons I have auditory and visual halucs - the stress makes me want to use more. THe good days I remember the good times using. When the FUCK does some fucking freedom from this shit come.

I'm really fucking shattered emotionally atm, trying to cope dual diagnosed w PTSD and this shit , i fucking hate looking at myself in the mirror. Not trying to be all emo, it's hard as fuck for me to admit feeling weak but I do. I hate this shit.
 
hey theartofwar,

I know you feel like shit but it will get better. PTSD is hard man. But the only way forward is through it.

I want my shit to go away. I'm ready for it to go away. Still it lingers. But it took me a lot of honesty and reflection and feeling like shit to even be ready for it to go away. I don't know if it ever will go away completely, but it's a whole shitload better than it used to be.

Are you really having hallucinations or are they flashbacks? You can have audio flashbacks, video flashbacks, body memories, visceral feelings, all kinds of stuff. They don't have to overtake you completely to be flashbacks, either.

Take it easy man. PM me if you need to.
 
I have full blown flash halucinations - it feels like you are semi out of body , or imagine being k-holed and everybody else is moving at super speed while you are sitting there rocked.

Problem is im not rocked , i just zone out - it's mainly due to sleep deprivation. When I get solid sleep,, most of it goes away.
 
theartofwar said:
I have full blown flash halucinations - it feels like you are semi out of body , or imagine being k-holed and everybody else is moving at super speed while you are sitting there rocked.

Problem is im not rocked , i just zone out - it's mainly due to sleep deprivation. When I get solid sleep,, most of it goes away.
Click to expand...

I experience this too. It's like part flashback part dissociation. And not sleeping definitely does make it worse. I've never had an outright hallucination from PTSD - although flashbacks seem like hallucinations sometimes, they are very immerse. I'm sure that is very frightening. I think you're on the right track. Somewhere you decided that living and feeling these things was more important than avoiding them and the associated pain. Otherwise you wouldn't be in therapy.

I have to remind myself of that a lot. Today I woke up with horrible anxiety, puked right away, started feeling like I didn't give a shit about anything and when will this end and is it worth it and all that. But I do know it will pass. This will all pass man. You have more control than you think, as far as working with all of this at your own pace. It's overwhelming though, I know.
 
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appreciated brother ,

I certainly am trying to work with this - you can only handle one day at a time. Thanks again though seriously.
 
Hello, so I'm comin off a year and a half long binge, Im on the 7th day of withdrawal finally got two hours of "sleep" last night.
Man I'm seriously scared. I've been using for almost 4 years, I never had a reason to quit until recently. I have the best friend I could possibly have and I've been in a relationship with the best girl for 8 months.
Both of them have had their stints with addiction in the past so they are understanding, but understanding only goes so far. I have put both of them through hell. There is nobody in the world who could get through to me except them.
I haven't gotten longer than a week straight in a long time. I can't fuck this up I'm literally terrified. I can't lose them they are the reason I live my life at all. I know if I put them through this again I wont have them left in my life.
Fuck, how are you supposed to say no to this shit. I have someone who will give me some free boy just to drive him up the fuckin street. This is a giant mindfuck.:X
 
I really have no idea where to ask this, so I'll ask here. If someone could point me in the right spot to ask, I'll post there. I've been searching for 30 minutes now and really haven't found any answers.

<snip>

Again, I apologize if I'm not supposed to ask this here or on the board anymore. I just couldn't find any info by searching.

Thanks for reading.
 
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