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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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Here's my story, albeit shortened.

Chronic pain, 240mg oxy + 32mg hydromorphpone a day. Wheelchair bound, from IV use, still on the needle. Addicted to opiates 4 years, 22 years old.

I'm looking at 6 years for conspiracy to commit robbery (g4 truck robbery, cash in transit). Desperately considering eating all my oxy and shooting D until I fall into forever blissful sleep. Been to prison, 3 years, pharmacy robbery, paroled in 2 - no fucking way I'm going back, not doing minimum 4 in a wheelchair.

Need some encouraging words, something, someone to talk to...

I'm not strong enough anymore.
 
you are strong enough, the fact you put this effort into posting tells me that. You want help. Shit is awful in life, its very hard, i dont know how ill be down the road with PAWs but I can tell you that life is short and you don't can blink and lose years. Keep up brother -- PM if you want i don't mind one bit, i fought that rabbit hole for 8 years.
 
Kurrupt said:
Here's my story, albeit shortened.

Chronic pain, 240mg oxy + 32mg hydromorphpone a day. Wheelchair bound, from IV use, still on the needle. Addicted to opiates 4 years, 22 years old.

I'm looking at 6 years for conspiracy to commit robbery (g4 truck robbery, cash in transit). Desperately considering eating all my oxy and shooting D until I fall into forever blissful sleep. Been to prison, 3 years, pharmacy robbery, paroled in 2 - no fucking way I'm going back, not doing minimum 4 in a wheelchair.

Need some encouraging words, something, someone to talk to...

I'm not strong enough anymore.
Click to expand...

I did 4 years in prison myself. I am not in a wheel chair but will say older guys and handicapped people seem to not have a hard time as long was they aren't kiddie fuckers. Robbing a cash truck in a wheel chair, you'd get stupid respect where I was.
 
I'm accused of conspiracy, planning the robbery lol there not saying I actually did it. 2 robbed $120,000 and one got caught with $7,000 and turned Crown witness for 2 years. Case relies on his testimony. Fuckin' rat maaan.
 
Im feeling the post withdrawal symptoms now thats for sure. Boredom, depression, the heebie jeebies all around really. That and im even more pissed off with everything then normal. Fuck i hope the next few days until i get more go not too badly.
 
Well, I've given up on stimulants altogether now...

...and now I've replaced them with opiates and benzos again. The circle of life...
 
I can't get off this goddamn drug. I swear I wish I had never tried heroin before. If I could go back to the first time I tried it I would take it back. I wish I didn't know how good it is.

I've been using on and off for the last three weeks after about 8 months with only two relapses. My boyfriend has told me he can't be with me if I'm going to use so last Wednesday I decided I was done... but then I relapsed on Monday and again last night. I called him last night crying and he said he would forgive me as long as I am trying to get off...

I think I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about going on naltrezone. I've really tried every route to get off this stupid fucking drug and I feel like I need some medical assistance. But I swear, IV is a whole other addiction in itself. I love sticking a needle in my arm....

When I went to court today I forgot there was a syringe in my bag and it went off when they scanned my bag. The woman took it out and my dad saw, asked me if I was using again... I said I didn't know where it came from, it wasn't mine. He asked me if I was carrying around an old purse and I said yes... poor man just wants to believe so madly I'm clean he'll try and fool himself. It makes me sad how much my parents have suffered from my addiction and how little that seems to affect my ability to not use.
 
hooligan78 said:
So I've been on Suboxone for over a year now. It's all in all been quite succesful, aside from a couple of relaspes, which were planned as you have to stop dosing for like three days. Triggers are hard and seem to come when least expected.
Click to expand...

Im addicted to hydrocodone.bad ! I take like 15 or 20 7.5/500 mg pills a day! Would suboxene be an option or work for me? my liver is feeling the effects of all the apap and I cant even cop a buzz anymore. Ive been plugging 5 pills at a time and that seems to work better but I wanna kick this shit. Im taking way more than prescribed and its getting expensive and I know its gonna kill me eventually.wld suboxone or methadone be better for me? anyone got any suggestions? I am also addicted to xanaxx and halcion but idc abt that I love benzos and see no down side and always have steaady supply and perescriptions and they are dirt cheap. but how can i kick these hydros. I went cold turkey in hospital for 4 ddays and they finally gave me iv fentanyl and weaned me off but I got out and with in a week was poppin the hydros again!

I feel ya man!!! get that opiate tolerance back down and so you can get high on them for a day or 2 and then withdrawel and back to benzos. I feel ya i feel ya I just plugged 5 7.5/500 hydros and am feeling it but I know im gna pay for it when I run outta pills Im praying I can make em last through the holidays! I wld hate to be withdrawing on christmas. I have around 200 pills left but I cant limit myself or ssay im gna just take 10 a day, I get the urge to plug and grab a handfull and go at it! ya kow what I mean im sure! Im just rambling cuz Im lit on hydros!
 
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well i had 11 months caved in and got a perscrition to oxy's :(.... fuck here we go again?

I must say after 11 mos' clean the high is pretty amazing... Lets see if i can somehow not get physically hooked LOL

GOOD LUCK..

Ive only got 5,000mgs left... hmmm
 
i've been worried someone would find out about this so i didnt post (since ex once found by BL account just by putting my email in a search engine... :/ ), and some may know about this i rather not, but i'll admit it now.

been on sub ~3mg/day. dependency sucks; this has been steady for a year and a half but before that, years of off and on junk. i was clean till a car accident. got on sub so i'd just maintain and stay away from other stuff, since it helped with pain and made me feel normal; at first. now, its just a pain. i think it is really dulling me down and increasing depression. i've had some temporary success tapering to ~1.5mg but lately with stress it went back up.

what a lousy thing... takes a lot out of me. at least i hope its the sub. cause if not, it means i'm more fucked for life than i thought.
 
Advice/Support

Hello Bluelighters,

I have been clean from a 80-160mg oxy IV habit for 6 mos now. I used benzos, good pot, and some GHB to get through the 10 days of acute wd. I wanted to try the suboxone route, however, in the KC area the docs wanted big $$$ and I didn't have it. After the acute phase I settled into a black,soul-crushing depression. Then a friend called up and said she heard about using Kratom for opiate wd. I went down to the local head shop and bought a trial size bag. Wow! I immediately felt 100% better. I could talk, clean the house, feel more or less normal. Completed an outpatient program (not my first rehab) and got on that pink cloud.
Fast forward to 6 mos clean. I am still taking the Kratom 2x daily. I use about 4oz a week. A modest habit I believe. So one month ago I decide I'm gonna get real healthy and quit smoking which I have done heavily for 17 years. After 2 weeks not smoking I have once again become severely depressed. I also have SERIOUS cravings for opiates. To the point I know oxy is hard to get for me I was thinking of taking my very white, suburban housewife ass to the ghetto to try to score some real dope. I'm scared. The kratom isn't really working anymore. I don't want to get on an SSRI. I think getting on suboxone now would be another mistake. What to do? I know starting smoking again won't help. Is this yet another "wait it out" period? I love my family, but I desperately want to get high. I don't have visions of sugarplums dancing in my head now, but needles and pills : (
HELP-SOS
 
Kratom, especially the extracts can be just as addicting as opioids (because it contains mostly a pure agonist).

I know someone who took extracts a few months, and spent 3 weeks in his bed in withdrawal, couldn't even walk his dog. He said it took him about 3 months to feel ok again.

Be careful with the kratom. I'm on sub now, and can say I totally regret not just being on it to taper. I listened to a recording of a former anestesiologist who got addicted to fentanyl then went on sub, basically his point was, if you are on sub longer than 3 weeks its harder to get off than heroin. I believe that. Sub can be a great taper tool though if done properly, since it can block out effects of other op8s.

Just hang in there, you can't keep living like that, rxprincess... if you need maintenance though and think you'll just keep relapsing, i guess sub is a better option than methadone. i buy it off people who are rx'd it cause i dont want to deal with it being on my record.
 
cire113 said:
well i had 11 months caved in and got a perscrition to oxy's :(.... fuck here we go again?

I must say after 11 mos' clean the high is pretty amazing... Lets see if i can somehow not get physically hooked LOL

GOOD LUCK..

Ive only got 5,000mgs left... hmmm
Click to expand...

Cha-ching!
 
Reality Of Mental Pain & How To Cope

I would like to start by saying that a friend of mine has had a traumatic past mentally & physically & he uses opiates to escape the past & present thoughts that become reality once he starts to think of what has happened & knowing there is nothing he can do to change the past.

They say time will heal wounds but its not very comforting knowing you cant change what happened & having to live with the consequences. People will always say that using drugs will not solve the problem & we all know this to be 100% accurate but for him, its escape from reality, if not for the moment &/or the several hours he is under the influence. To him, its all he has to look forward to.

So with that said & not much of details as to what the problem he has is, opiates have helped him deal with his problems more than any doctor could with any SSRI's. Bottom line is he has had some comfort with using opiates.
 
Hi LostBoys, I'm sorry to hear of your friend's difficult past. Since this thread isn't really asking a specific question or anything, I'm going to merge it with our current Heroin/Opiates Discussion megathread, as I think the regular posters in there will appreciate hearing about your friend's experiences.

I understand that your friend has had some relief from his problems with opiate use, and it's a fair call to say that SSRIs may not have helped him as much. SSRIs (and any other anti-depressants) aren't for everyone.
But without proper help, as you said, he really isn't ever going to get to the root of his problems. Has he ever tried any counselling or therapy?? If he just self-medicates with opiates his whole life he's really only running from the problems, which will eventually catch up with him at some point. In my opinion therapy is really the best way to come to a life-long solution for people's problems.
 
I recently bruised one lung mild puncture on the other - broke ribs - I was on fentanyl in the hospitaal. I honestly was never in so much pain in my life. I'ts become a real problem - withouth a large dose (well my RX dose which is large for me, and SOMAS) I cannot falll asleep. My entire body is whiplashed. And to top it off I have a a rather hefty RX for multiple very strong opiates. I have locked them in the safe - gave the combo to someone I trust.

The other night I was talking and I could barely make a sentence, once the pin subsided i was having no problems atll all.

Please thoughts ? I'd rather hurt then go back to being a junkie :(.
 
^^^

Have you talked to your doctor about your concerns? It sounds like you're going to need the pain-killers longer than was first thought, so you need a new plan.
 
Good Old Heroin

I have deleted this post for a number of reasons, the two main reasons being:
- I re-read it and decided I needed to make a number of changes.
- I wanted to "bump" it so more people read it and give me support/suggestions on how to cope
 
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