update:long as usual (worth it if u remember my old posts!)
Hello...My name is Lauren and this is my first post here ... I am a very private person and dont normally post or put my business out there for everyone to read. But it has gotten to the point that I really need to get some things out of me , all the feelings and emotions that have been bottled up and sealed up for the past I dont know how many years. May be connect with other people who are going through similar experiences and struggles.
I've been a heroin addict for a little over 10 years and considering I am only 29 years old that's a lifetime. I am currently homeless, roaming around the streets of New York's Lower East Side with no purpose it seems other than getting enough for the next bundle .It looks like the only thing that makes me feel alive and somewhat happy and content is my old , familiar friend , that goes by many names but without a doubt and hesitation wreaks havoc and destructs everything and everyone on it's path that is either too stupid or careless to answer it's seductive whisper.
I also have an awesome and wonderful boyfriend PhillyDedHed, who in the past few months became a partner, lover, a friends and a source of great strength to me. And for that I thank him. It is hard to be on the street and strung out , but it is even harder to be in the same predicament with a partner that you are romantically involved with. We have been hustling doing this and that and somehow managed to stay in the hotel that is not a complete crack/whore/wino production. That I must say was a real treat. I am not sure what tonight will bring , but the drop-in center is closing right now and the only thing that I want to do is run out of here and put every single unit of energy that I have in my body towards getting more bags.
I'll probably write something else tomorrow , until then , for everyone who is in the similar predicament..STAY SAFE AND WARM..
~Lauren
welcome - its gd to hear from u - and also to know that 'phillydedhed' is still live and well even if he IS still using (and u r)
u dont hav to live like this
i was a heroin addict - now im on methadone.....its sure taken some playing around to get the dose right and im still struggling with other drugs but its a step ahead not hanging out evry time i wake up ffs....let alone some of the shit i had to do for smack (u may know wat im talking about - smacks at least $3000 a gram here - for china white anyway.....and thats wat i did so u can piece it together and think of me wat u like, but thanks to methadone my lifes actually changed round eh)
some ppl call methadone 'liquid handcuffs' - god knows i get annoyed bout having to dose daily and centre my life round a pharmacy too.....but its a gd in-between method of getting u off heroin and normalising ur life (and its cheaper than heroin)
holly - again, regarding hep C.....i wudnt know how bad interferon is cos i opted not to hav the treatment; its got some pretty low success rate (50%?) considering the side effects
yea i wake up with nausea/fatigue/etc - ive got used to it i guess
check out the post i put in ur thread about finding out u hav hep C - why not try ibogaine? got nothing to lose there....and there sure rnt any bad side effects (again....this works with heroin/any other kind of drug addiction - i think it has a 75% success rate)
if ur intrested PM me and ill send u some sites with gd info
gd luck - my advice is listen to those who hav bn there, and hard as it is, try not to feel that 'poor little me' feeling....i felt that for a long time (i had hep C on top of a million other things to deal with this yr - it hasnt exactly bn the best yr of my life, and yes i did feel incredibly sorry for myself.....but that didnt
help me; it wud b understandable u feeling like all the shits bn doled out to u but there comes a time to move on and just look life in the face and say 'ok this is wat uve tossed me....ill deal with it this [way u choose to deal with it] way') - btw. not saying ur being 'poor little me', just saying dont get the way i ended up!
just my opinion
(and like i said in ur thread u can PM me anytime if u want to talk to someone else in the same position - only this week im going down to our familys lodge so....if u send one this week....u may not get a reply til next week!)
hep C does suck - i had to give my beautiful horse (my best friend really) up for lease cos i was too sick to ride, partly due to hep C.....i felt like i had nothing for a long time (luckily i met someone special....just wen i was on the verge of topping myself, so u never know wats round the corner!)
last time i posted in this thread i was in a mess cos i was on a fairly high dose of methadone (probly round about 150mg back then - im now on 190mg) but still not comfortable....of course im coming off valium so im aware that i will most likely b readjusting my methadone dose each time i put down my valium dose but i was
always never fail, dope sick in the morning/during the night:
-dilated pupils
-yawning
-runny eyes/nose/sneezing/swallowing phlegm
-crying a lot/moody/irritable
-hot/cold flashes and sweating through the covers/sheets
-achey bones
-restless legs
-diarhoea
i finally got a serum test done by the methadone doctor (the one i used to go to was such a prick - he just kept telling me i wasnt on a high enough dose......come on, im 5'2, i weigh 50kg, i went thru detox.....why shud i need so much methadone?)
turns out ive got the fastest metabolism theyve ever seen - by the time i had my second test done (4hrs after dosing) i was already significantly low in methadone levels (for someone on - at the time - 167.5mg), so the doctors (instead of splitting my dose) just added 20mg at nighttime (so i was on - all up - 187.5mg) but said he supported me in going as high as 200mg cos my levels r just so low (due to the speed i metabolise it)....
i dont particularly want to b on 200mg so i am taking it as slowly as poss (creeping up 2.5mg evry time i absolutely have to) and im pretty comfy on 190mg.....wish i had a horse to ride!!!!!!
dunno why they didnt figure i wud hav a fast metabolism - most ppl with ADHD do and im pretty skinny, even wen im not using crank.....(which is most of the time these days.....)
so thats my gd news
the hep C still makes me feel like shit, as do the diaz wds (day 3 down to 24mg) but hey its better than life was waiting for my next smack fix
) - I was on outpatient w/bupe for year and half, I failed maybe 2-3 tests myself, although I used a lot more often .. they had scheduled tests once a month wasn't hard to get around haha. Anyway, 3rd time in that 16 month span and next thing I know they transfer me to the methadone - it literally took me the next 3 years to get my shit together and get off, nice 6-7 week w/d later, and I manage about 2 weeks of clean time - now im trying to quit the horse all fucking over again. I do know a lot of people who have struggled w/hep c at my old clinic , it's certainly no joy ride
. 
- shit sounds brutal, all gelly. Yuck.
