Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[Carl Landrover]

Id consider being on bupe clean. It really does save peoples lives and takes away all the bullshit and dangers addicts have to deal with scoring off the streets. So if bupe helps you it's well worth it.

Some people seem really puritanical when it comes to what they consider "clean". If you go on bupe and don't get high off it why are you not clean? As long as they are avoiding the dangers of scoring heroin and the dangers that go along with using street heroin thats all that matters isint it? Or atleast that's the way i look at it. Just my opinion .

If I didn't take any sub while I was on it, I'd feel sick and then taking it would be like getting high since I would feel so much better.

It's partially a matter of being dependent on something that makes it seem like you're not clean imo. It's definitely way different than doing heroin or oxy or whatever daily, but it is still a substance that you're using daily. Sort of a gray area where you're not really clean, but not really using.


Fuck opiates is what I say. Maybe in a grand scheme they've helped me gain a lot of perspective on a variety of topics, but fuck them.

 

[Swerlz]

Has anyone experienced massive mood swings while in recovery? The other night I was with my girlfriend, we were both leaving from having dinner with her parents. We were in my car, she was picking up the various bits of trash, commenting on how dirty it was, first I said please dont touch anything, then not even a second later I snatched whatever she had in her hands and forced it down. I dont know what came over me. I feel bad about the whole ordeal. She's been nothing but supportive and helpful, she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

I'd feel totally cool and happy, then BAM I'm angry and irritated. Am I alone on this, or do you guys have similar feelings?

 

[paranoid android]

It's common to feel pretty moody when without opiates even when the sickness is over. When im without morphine and dilaudid i get pretty goddamn pissed off sometimes right out of the blue. My moods go abit crazy alright. I have bipolar disorder and the opiate withdrawals make my moods worse. Also the pain comes back for me so when im in pain i can go apeshit pretty damn fast.

But this all seems to happen to people who have no mental disorder or chronic pain disorder when coming off opiates. It seems to be pretty normal. Either that or you feel emotionally dead for awile which is worse if anything .

 

[Swerlz]

I've been opiate-free for a while now. It's recently that my cravings and irritability has skyrocketed. I do what I can to stay calm, but sometimes I cant control what I say or how I come across. It's really affecting me how I've been treating my girlfriend. She's the best. She does everything she can for me. I've been trying to stay positive, regardless on what happens. She gets kinda pissed off at me for taking everything so lightly. We would fight one night, then the next day I would act like nothing happened. I try my best to avoid a fight or bringing up something that'll start a fight. Sucks acting like this

 

[theartofwar]

I remember some dude calling me a hypocrite at an NA meeting for being on "suboxycottin" lol - I just don't see why so many people put so much energy into being negative, deal with your shit - life is hard enough. Just look @ this thread - I agree w/ Carl, fuck opiates, I might have learned a lot but it's royally fucked my life up - I just want to put em down for good.

 

[paranoid android]

Some people put so much energy into being negative because they are cunts who get a kick out of it. It seems to be more of a high for some twats then hydromorphone is. So ya plain and simple there are just some royal cunts out there that breathe negativity. Best to either avoid them or ignore them if possible. Don't let them get you down either way.

 

[slackboxed]

I wish heroin was never invented. It is a very powerful pain killer but the abuse potential is just too fucking high to be left into the hands of everyday people. I had no wish to use heroin at all but after trying it once I was hooked and here I am today. Heroin changes people and I wish it were never invented.

 

[theartofwar]

I'm tryin to kick the shit myself today, haha, feels laughable - the mood swings are so ridiculous , add to being mildly hypo manic I'm a sure fire cannon to go off today!!!

 

[Miss Hollywood]

checkin in....

still clean, despite being diagnosed with Hepatitis C a few days ago...

I even have morphine sulfate tablets that my best friend gave me almost a week ago and they are still sitting on my dresser.

it's amazing when you get a deadly disease and suddenly you must make a choice to fight for your life to stay alive or to say fuck it and lay down and die, how quickly you make the choice to fight.

i've been taking better care of myself since my diagnosis...watching what I put in my body and whatnot.

I start the chemo-therapy to rid my body of the virus next week.

I have 4 suboxones left and no re-fill because i no longer have a sub doc.

what i'm wondering is if i should go to another sub doctor to continue my script or if it would be a waste concidering i'm going to have a lot of procedures done to me and i'm not sure if they are going to need to give me anything to help with pain through it,and if i'm on sub it will block it and i'll be in even more pain...

guess i'll find out :/

 

[theartofwar]

I'd recommend always having bupe on hand if it's a possibility - I'm very sorry to hear about your situation . Beauty of bupe to me is that you aren't in line at 5:30am like methadone, you can NOT take it that day if your pain is flaring up .. granted it's half life can make it a lil tricky, still would suggest to have it instead of not. Best of luck.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

I'd recommend always having bupe on hand if it's a possibility - I'm very sorry to hear about your situation . Beauty of bupe to me is that you aren't in line at 5:30am like methadone, you can NOT take it that day if your pain is flaring up .. granted it's half life can make it a lil tricky, still would suggest to have it instead of not. Best of luck.

Thanks mate

Yeah, I was thinking that it would be better to continue on it. I really don't want to go through suboxone withdrawl on top of going through this chemo which is gonna make me sick already ya know? So, I'm gonna talk to my doctor about it monday and see what he thinks. But bupe has kept me clean, so I think I should stay on it. Now is definately not the time to relapse and go back to using again. I need to stay as healthy as possible for this treatment to work!

Thanks for the best wishes! :D Hope you have a good day!

 

[Z Y G G Y]

mood swings.OMG. I've been off daily opiates for 6 weeks or so and I seriously have almost no dishes at home. They are all broken by me going apeshit for nothing. I was on opies for 2 years daily before that and was prety much dead emotionally, then once I quit all my emotions came back with a vengeance. No kidding. Plus I also have chronic pain and that doesn't help.

It was worse thou and getting better now. I'm becoming more stable with each day.

Even thou I don't want to take opiates everyday I don't think I can live like this. I like myself much better with a clean mind, but this pain is just insane. I was hoping since I've been on opiates for so long that the pain subsided, but no luck, 6 weeks of almost no use and last nite the pain was the worst in the last 2 years.

I'm getting some suboxone for bad nites like those so I don't end up relapsing. Also getting more tramadol and hydro.

Makes me angry I have this stupid pain.

paranoid android, do u have non medication ways of dealing with ur pain. I'm thinking of going to a pain clinic and doing physical therapy, acupuncture etc. It sucks cuz my pain has no known origin therefore doctors don't really have definite proof I'm not lying just to get meds. I was told to go see a shrink. Non opiate meds don't help at all. I want to cut my legs off sometimes or just off myself it gets so bad.

 

[eon_blue]

I'd recommend always having bupe on hand if it's a possibility - I'm very sorry to hear about your situation . Beauty of bupe to me is that you aren't in line at 5:30am like methadone, you can NOT take it that day if your pain is flaring up .. granted it's half life can make it a lil tricky, still would suggest to have it instead of not. Best of luck.

Back when I got clean for the first time, I kept my script of subs around "just in case", ya know? Then 9 months later when the cravings came back full force, I gave in and I remember very vividly telling myself, "fuck it. If I wind up dependent again I'll just taper off using the subs I still have around."

Horrible idea that was, I mean I did end up horribly dependent again and was able to use them to taper off once more, but once that was done I made the decision to throw the rest of my subs in the trash at the local gas station, lol.

I'm not saying that having those subs on hand MADE me justify my relapse, but it certainly helped. That was 7 months ago now that I got clean again and threw them away, and any time the cravings come calling now I just tell myself that if I give in I'll end up back in rehab trying to detox because I don't have subs anymore.

Rehab/detox the first time around was such a negative experience for me that the thought of having to do it again really does keep me straight. So personally, I don't recommend having the subs around "just in case", because when your teetering on the edge of a relapse it just might be the one thing that makes you go over.

My .2cents

 

[theartofwar]

I understand what you mean, having something there could make it that much easier, im not sure which is better for harm reduction. I'd still prefer to have bupe, knowing myself and knowing that so far I've never managed that far. Maybe that's my problem though.. I keep the door open just enough. Still in MissHolly situation, knowing you're going to deal w/pain and knowing that w/d's ontop of chemo could push any person over the sanity threshold.. I'd recommend it in that situation. My own.. well that's just another bag of worms :/

 

[theartofwar]

mood swings.OMG. I've been off daily opiates for 6 weeks or so and I seriously have almost no dishes at home. They are all broken by me going apeshit for nothing. I was on opies for 2 years daily before that and was prety much dead emotionally, then once I quit all my emotions came back with a vengeance. No kidding. Plus I also have chronic pain and that doesn't help.

It was worse thou and getting better now. I'm becoming more stable with each day.

Even thou I don't want to take opiates everyday I don't think I can live like this. I like myself much better with a clean mind, but this pain is just insane. I was hoping since I've been on opiates for so long that the pain subsided, but no luck, 6 weeks of almost no use and last nite the pain was the worst in the last 2 years.

I'm getting some suboxone for bad nites like those so I don't end up relapsing. Also getting more tramadol and hydro.

Makes me angry I have this stupid pain.

paranoid android, do u have non medication ways of dealing with ur pain. I'm thinking of going to a pain clinic and doing physical therapy, acupuncture etc. It sucks cuz my pain has no known origin therefore doctors don't really have definite proof I'm not lying just to get meds. I was told to go see a shrink. Non opiate meds don't help at all. I want to cut my legs off sometimes or just off myself it gets so bad.

tough situation mate, it took my specialists months to figure out I had crohns and that explained the pain. Still no script for opies .. which is really lame since I'm blacklisted - honestly I do much better w/a script than having to score off the streets .. turns me into a different person altogether. Bleh.

 

[paranoid android]

paranoid android, do u have non medication ways of dealing with ur pain./QUOTE]

Nope i don't unfortunatly. I have trigeminal neuralgia which is a very painful neuropathic pain dosorder that occurs in the face. So opiates along with gabapentin are the only thing that controls it really. Im not having any brain surgey because although i hate my brain on occasion i still need it. The side effects from the various sugeries range from numbness in the face and one side of my face dropping to actually making the pain worse or death.

Neither of which i like the idea of so if it ever get's bad enough where i need surgery i think i'll be checking out on my own terms. Hopefully it won't come to that though.

 

[Mora Fiend]

One thing that has always helped me through my withdrawls is exercise. Once the physical symptoms have subsided exercise can really be a huge help. Join a gym, meet new (drug free) people, and learn how to start treating your body in a healthy way. When I got clean the first time it was amazing just how great I felt everyday from exercising. My one friend told me that tearing muscle tissue releases endorphins, im not sure how true that is but I am sure that I felt a hell of a lot better from doing it. When you're an addict it's easy to overdo things you love, which can be a good thing if you learn to love exercising and living a healthy lifestyle.

Just my humble advice to help with the worst part of addiction, the psychological torture. Best of luck to everyone, my prayers are with ya, and if anyone wants any further info on really good workout routines feel free to PM me, Im a personal trainer.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

I understand what you mean, having something there could make it that much easier, im not sure which is better for harm reduction. I'd still prefer to have bupe, knowing myself and knowing that so far I've never managed that far. Maybe that's my problem though.. I keep the door open just enough. Still in MissHolly situation, knowing you're going to deal w/pain and knowing that w/d's ontop of chemo could push any person over the sanity threshold.. I'd recommend it in that situation. My own.. well that's just another bag of worms :/

I'm really scared man Even if I do find another sub doc, I'm afraid I won't be able to get in soon enough before my subs run out. Another thing I'm worrying about is that I won't be able to find one that was as affordable as my last one. Unfortunately, my last sub doc was a total fucking tool and we never seen eye to eye on anything. He would always single me out in front of the rest of the patients,and this isn't something that was "in my head" either...the rest of the patients agreed with me and even started to lose respect for him because of it. For the first 5 or 6 months or so in the program I did very well, despite my emotional struggles that naturally come with getting sober so he would piss test me every fucking week but the rest of the patients maybe every few weeks and thats because, being HOLLY...the person that has ALWAYS been singled out my whole life(no joke, in highschool if I did the same exact thing that somebody else did they would get away with it and I would get in trouble and be suspended in a heart beat...the past couple years all the people I hung out with did drugs but guess who was the person singled out as a "junky piece of shit!omg!she is SOOO not kool to hang out with anymore!"?...you guessed it...ME. For some reason, people just have this beef with me. I just don't get it. I've always been a nice person...hell, I've only been in maybe one or two physical fights in my life but for some reason when I do something it's this HUGEEEEEEEEEEE deal...I'm a piece of shit...blah blah blah.

So anyways, I pissed dirty ONCE the entire time I was being treated there and my doctor INSISTED that I go to an IMPATIENT rehab center even though I was still clean after the fact. It literally was a one day relapse...and my dumb ass did it a little too close to the time I was supposed to go to the doctors so they popped me. He told me if I didn't get treatment, he wouldn't treat me anymore. Obsurd if you ask me. I'm paying you to treat me for the disease of addiction and then your going to THROW ME OUT of the program because of my disease! I never understood why people get thrown out of treatment programs for relapsing. That's like throwing somebody out of chemo therapy because their cancer isn't going away!FUCKING LUDACRIS!

So I don't want to have to go back to Dr. Tool to say the least but I might not have much of a choice if I can't find a doctor with a reasonable price. My parents would be once again paying for my treatment, so that is another reason this whole thing isn't competely in my hands. *sigh*

All this on top of this stupid fucking hepatitis c and the horrendous chemo treatment i'm going to have to go through. I turn more yellow and sick by the day....oh, and I get to lose my hair now too. I'm going to be a yellow and bald freak...

I'm just starting to get a little scared I guess....all this is really finally hitting me after I've had a few days to process it all. I guess I should be thankful my HIV status is negative but, having Hep C isn't anything to be happy about.

I spent Halloween at home with the constant nausea and fatigue I have since becomming sick with this disease. It was depressing...so therefore, I'm kinda depressed tonight.

Man....I haven't wanted to use so bad in my life. EVER.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Me and my girl broke up...or well were on a 'temporary break until the semester is over' whatever the hell that means.

I had just gotten through to my first days without being achy and actually starting to sleep and get normal and then this shit happens.

I didn't realize a broken heart actually caused physical pain. I felt like I was WDing again after that. All achy, depressed, couldn't sleep, couldn't gain interest in things. Well, actually, I gained an incredible amount of interest in drugs.

Have NOT used any heroin, thank goodness, but I've taken suboxone again a bunch of days this week and now I might have to go through some WDs again.

I can't get rid of this shit!



The whole of October was full of discomfort and now there's all sorts of new pain. I went through getting off sub because I wasn't happy on it, now I'm alone and unhappy.

I know I have a very good life and things could be SOOOO much worse, but I feel like there's no point in trying. Every time I pick myself up, I get kicked down again.

 

[theartofwar]

I'm really scared man Even if I do find another sub doc, I'm afraid I won't be able to get in soon enough before my subs run out. Another thing I'm worrying about is that I won't be able to find one that was as affordable as my last one. Unfortunately, my last sub doc was a total fucking tool and we never seen eye to eye on anything. He would always single me out in front of the rest of the patients,and this isn't something that was "in my head" either...the rest of the patients agreed with me and even started to lose respect for him because of it. For the first 5 or 6 months or so in the program I did very well, despite my emotional struggles that naturally come with getting sober so he would piss test me every fucking week but the rest of the patients maybe every few weeks and thats because, being HOLLY...the person that has ALWAYS been singled out my whole life(no joke, in highschool if I did the same exact thing that somebody else did they would get away with it and I would get in trouble and be suspended in a heart beat...the past couple years all the people I hung out with did drugs but guess who was the person singled out as a "junky piece of shit!omg!she is SOOO not kool to hang out with anymore!"?...you guessed it...ME. For some reason, people just have this beef with me. I just don't get it. I've always been a nice person...hell, I've only been in maybe one or two physical fights in my life but for some reason when I do something it's this HUGEEEEEEEEEEE deal...I'm a piece of shit...blah blah blah.

So anyways, I pissed dirty ONCE the entire time I was being treated there and my doctor INSISTED that I go to an IMPATIENT rehab center even though I was still clean after the fact. It literally was a one day relapse...and my dumb ass did it a little too close to the time I was supposed to go to the doctors so they popped me. He told me if I didn't get treatment, he wouldn't treat me anymore. Obsurd if you ask me. I'm paying you to treat me for the disease of addiction and then your going to THROW ME OUT of the program because of my disease! I never understood why people get thrown out of treatment programs for relapsing. That's like throwing somebody out of chemo therapy because their cancer isn't going away!FUCKING LUDACRIS!

So I don't want to have to go back to Dr. Tool to say the least but I might not have much of a choice if I can't find a doctor with a reasonable price. My parents would be once again paying for my treatment, so that is another reason this whole thing isn't competely in my hands. *sigh*

All this on top of this stupid fucking hepatitis c and the horrendous chemo treatment i'm going to have to go through. I turn more yellow and sick by the day....oh, and I get to lose my hair now too. I'm going to be a yellow and bald freak...

I'm just starting to get a little scared I guess....all this is really finally hitting me after I've had a few days to process it all. I guess I should be thankful my HIV status is negative but, having Hep C isn't anything to be happy about.

I spent Halloween at home with the constant nausea and fatigue I have since becomming sick with this disease. It was depressing...so therefore, I'm kinda depressed tonight.

Man....I haven't wanted to use so bad in my life. EVER.

Ugh I'm sorry hun - that's brutal. If I want back on a bupe doctor it'll cost me $1600 or waiting lists (months here in boston, everyone is on smack i swear ) - I was on outpatient w/bupe for year and half, I failed maybe 2-3 tests myself, although I used a lot more often .. they had scheduled tests once a month wasn't hard to get around haha. Anyway, 3rd time in that 16 month span and next thing I know they transfer me to the methadone - it literally took me the next 3 years to get my shit together and get off, nice 6-7 week w/d later, and I manage about 2 weeks of clean time - now im trying to quit the horse all fucking over again. I do know a lot of people who have struggled w/hep c at my old clinic , it's certainly no joy ride .

Carl man, I see so fuckin eye to eye with you it hurts my heart to hear where you are at bro. I hope for now the bupe will tide you over and those close to you can BE THERE for you now as you need to have some positive influence in dark times. Hope things can work themselves out for you my friend, take care guys