Help. i got a girl I work with preganant. She deceived me and told me she was on BC.

[B1tO'RoughJack]

To be honest OP - it sounds like you need to convince her to do something about it.

I'm not saying get an abortion but at least think about what to do. Don't tell her what you want her to do, just ask her a series of questions which makes her think clearly about what she wants to do, and the questions must elude to the consequences of this and that...make sure she thinks outloud almost while you're with her -guide her train of thought.

Either you're honest with your feelings about it and how it's not right for you, or you face up to the consequences - you are possibly going to be a daddy - any in between and you are a spineless dickhead...lying to manipulate such a situation...pshh..

Try not to play the blame game - although if you are anything like me, I would've already thrown a fit about her lying about being on BC - that's fucking dark...but hey, each to their own, it still takes 2 to tango and get someone knocked up don't it?

You might have to just face up to the fact you're about to become a dad! Good luck with whatever happens, tell us what's happening, and most of all, be happy with it!

9months later, bloodtest -- you could find out IT'S NOT YOURS!!

EDIT: I have just read backwards a lil - a shitload of dishonesty - suggestions to be dishonest and devious, coming from people I didn't expect it - quite frankly I'm disgusted...this is about child - he should've fucking pulled out or whatever - coz unless I see a girl taking the pill - I am ALWAYS pulling out.

NSFW:

And the guy made a equally as stupid decision. 8)

We go could in circles in this argument forever.

I will have to say this is bullshit though - if the OP asked the lass, and she fucking LIED to him, then tbh she fucked up way more than he did...it was misinformed not stupid decision.

C'mon. You can't be serious. If someone's dumb enough not to take the precautions of wrapping it before you tap it, the fault is even!

Do you always believe everything people tell you? Have you ever not put on a condom simply because she says she on BC?

yes I have - of course I have coz you have to trust people. BUT it is totally your responsibility if you get taken in by someone's lie - just because someone lied doesn't make it any less your problem haha...if only.

why do we still find so many guys trying to get out of using a condom?

Stayfaded? - why? Because it's fucking unnatural to wear a condom, that's why - because the rhythm method is the most natural thing in the world...and because sex with a condom on feels fucking stupid - I'd really rather not bother.

And this is why I don't think a man should be held responsible for a child for 18 years if he objects to having it.

If a woman wants to have a baby against the father's will, she should be willing to do it on her own.

I hear ya - I don't think it should go down like that though - essentially, he had the sex...he now needs to deal with the consequences of teh sex.

 

[Tripman]

You do realise "pulling out" is probably the most useless method of "protection" there is...

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

^ just do your research before you talk about things you have no real clue about...rhythm method. GO!

 

[Tripman]

I think perhaps you should do some research of your own before attacking me. Heard of precum?

 

[Dizmal]

Look they were both adults, they both knew the possible Consequence of unprotected sex. It's both of there responsibility.

I feel for the OP if he really was lied to and he gets no say. Thats kind of like playing god with a human life, but accidents happen(ALOT OF THEM)

Obviously a highly emotive subject for some, but the hostility should stop

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

^ just do your research before you talk about things you have no real clue about...rhythm method. GO!

I thought the rhythm method basically tracks when the girls were in their most fertile and non-fertile stages. Making it completely useless for a first time encounter or a fling thing like the OP is talking about. Also, there's not much a guy can do other than take her word for it, and for the girl it's a lot to keep track of. I just remember reading about some girls' experience with it here and it seemed like a good natural way to go, but a lot of work to keep it up.

 

[LuGoJ]

I fucking love the rhythm method

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlCREjYgFEs

 

[shahab6]

Why would any young girl wants to be a single mom anyways.it sucks being one.

 

[Mel22]

One thing I hate: a human life, the birth of a child is considered by some to be a "consequence" of participating in a natural, beneficial and healthy act.

IMO, a woman should be on birth control unless her sexual partner is ready, willing and able to raise a child. Otherwise, if you are not willing to have an abortion, get on birth control and MAKE SURE your partner is on it too.

Women quite happily have sex when their partner is using a condom, and the OP in this case did the exact same thing - he trusted that she was on contraceptive as she advised. He could not visually tell as you can with condoms, and I feel this level of deception is disgusting. Convince her to get an abortion - do whatever you have to do. It would be horrible to be linked forever with a woman capable of this.

I take full responsibility for my own contraception. If I happened to fall pregnant to someone due to either my irresponsibility or sheer bad luck, I would have an abortion. I could never live with altering someone's life in such a drastic way when they're not ready for it. A potential consequence of sex is a child? Bullshit. The potential consequence for me would be to have to have an abortion. Not saying that everyone should have abortions obviously, but if you would 100% definitely not have an abortion, then you better 100% sure as shit be on top of your birth control, and ensure that your partner is wearing a condom also.

Thank goodness I am a woman, and I am lucky enough to be in control.

Guys - I genuinely feel for you. The double standards that inevitably come up in every discussion regarding this topic has never ceased to amaze me :/

 

[Slappyfinklestein]

^The cock is becoming increasingly obsolete in this day and age where Dildos are in plentiful supply.

lol hilarious ! ha

 

[Cyc]

Regardless of the outcome, I would still carry on and go to grad school. You may end up having to pay eventually, but it won't be until your future is secure and hopefully you're doing something you enjoy.

 

[hiphophippy]

I highlighted that because in no way were the decisions being made on an equal level. She could be characterized as having willfully deceived him in order to have a child and leech off him for the rest of their lives. This most likely isn't the case, but, the facts being the facts, you COULD make an argument for this scenario. He made a stupid decision, but I wouldn't say it was equally stupid. I'd say hers was a manipulative decision while his was monumentally stupid one.
I agree with Miss Vanilla that you can't just take people's words for it when it comes to this sort of thing.

Lol, because child support typically covers the cost of everthing a child needs in life.

 

[Chemical Samile]

Regardless of the outcome, I would still carry on and go to grad school. You may end up having to pay eventually, but it won't be until your future is secure and hopefully you're doing something you enjoy.

I totally agree. If you ditch grad school because of an unexpected pregnancy then there is the potential you'll resent the kid because of it. Finish up school whatever the outcome.

I hope it all works out for you.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

Lol, because child support typically covers the cost of everthing a child needs in life.

I never said it was good planning, it's just one possible way to interpret the events.

 

[modern buddha]

WOW. Your mom got $800 a month from your dad? WOW. My mom tried for $50 a week (so, 200 a month) for BOTH of us, and getting that was like pulling teeth. She typically would get it for a few weeks, then he'd skip a few weeks, she'd take his butt to court and then get it for a few weeks, thennnn not get it and take him to court, so on and so forth.

$800/month for two children is a hell of a lot better than $200/month for two children. Esp when high medical bills are taken into account.

Man, I still can't get over that. Eight hundred dollars. What a dad you have.

Seriously. I think my mom got $50 a week from my dad... And you know my mom's personality!

Of course I'm being serious. If the "fault" is even than the decision on what to do with the baby should be too. Every time this debate comes up I always hear "It takes two people to make a baby". If it takes two to make a baby, why does only one get to decide the fate of it?

Women shouldn't be popping out babies the father doesn't want unless they're willing to take care of it on their own. And people wonder why society is so fucked up. I bet half our problems can be traced back to the collapse of the traditional family unit and all these kids growing up in broken homes.

Would you be willing to fork out the money for the abortion? And, I'm going to ask my question again: do you trust every woman you cross that tells you she's on birth control?

IMO, a woman should be on birth control unless her sexual partner is ready, willing and able to raise a child. Otherwise, if you are not willing to have an abortion, get on birth control and MAKE SURE your partner is on it too.

I do not agree with this. You must have been on BC for much of your life. I have heard many, many accounts of BC overriding the hormones so much that it changes the personality of the woman. Also, no thank you. I'd rather try anal sex and do that as a means of birth control.

Finally, let me do this mathematically. REGARDLESS of all of these stupid things human beings have come up with over the years,

penis + vagina + orgasms = pregnancy.

So what if it's "like wearing a raincoat in a nice hot shower"? If I had to take the risk of getting some girl (that I don't know is telling the truth!) pregnant or being safe and wearing a condom, each and every time, but it didn't feel quite as good, guess which one I'd pick?

Must just be my personality! WOW.

You can't control or prove what other people are doing. The only thing you can do is protect yourself.

 

[GenericMind]

Would you be willing to fork out the money for the abortion?

Of course I would.

And, I'm going to ask my question again: do you trust every woman you cross that tells you she's on birth control?

Yes.

 

[InstantNoodles]

Reading through all these posts it's quite sad how many people are saying the condom is the be all in protection.
With my experience with comdoms they are only effective untill they break, then your in the same shit as the op.
The only guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy is keep your dick out of that hole and the one next door due to spillage.

 

[hiphophippy]

Reading through all these posts it's quite sad how many people are saying the condom is the be all in protection.
With my experience with comdoms they are only effective untill they break, then your in the same shit as the op.
The only guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy is keep your dick out of that hole and the one next door due to spillage.

Birth control does not stop the propagation of STD/I's

 

[modern buddha]

Of course I would.



Yes.

I don't trust anyone in that regard. I trust myself to make smart decisions and to protect myself. I guess that's where we differ.

 

[billdeserthills]

Plan B doesn't cause miscarriage anyhow. It only prevents the chance of a fertilized egg from implanting. Once a woman is pregnant its not going to do very much other than make her sick.

So then what, one a them day after pills?