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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

DecENDber / LESScember

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The melatonin is working out pretty nicely, but I find that I keep waking up at around 6:45 ever since I started going cold turkey, which is making me more tired throughout the afternoon, but I find that I get a second wind without any sort of stimulants( not even coffee) at about 5 PM, if I resist the urge to take a nap.
The first night of my quitting I couldn't sleep until like 5 AM and it was only for 2 hours, but now I can go to bed at a regular hour, closer to midnight.

Also, I'm not sure how effective it is, but I have taken 5-HTP the past few days to try and battle off the PAWS.

I had gotten a few texts from my buddy asking me if I wanted and percs or Dilaudids, but I flat out told them "no." To which he said "cool."
And I also got some encouraging texts from some of my other drug buddies telling me that I was doing the right thing and how they wished they were doing that as well.
 
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Ive been doing alright this month so far , Ive been drinking a little bit and Ive tripped on drugs a couple times. Overall Im doing much better than I use to , Ive kept it to something I do every few weeks and I spend the majority of my time pretty much sober. Ive been getting along with my girlfriend alot better lately because of all this and it just gives me another reason to keep it up. Im feeling a lot healthier than I used to and Im sure with time that will just keep happening.

My mood has really improved lately , I can honestly say im not to depressed at all at the moment and If I keep my head in the right direction I can probably keep this going. I met my girlfriends mother last night so Im really relieved about that because it was causing a lot of tension in my relationship with my girlfriend. Everything went really well and my girl couldnt be happier , we all had a good time and I feel like a weights been lifted off my chest.

L<3Ve & Lite

-Charlie
 
ocean, melatonin has been working well for me as well. Also, on occasion I've taken 500mg of calcium (per an insomnia class in rehab). Seems to work but who can really tell?
On difficult evenings I take doxylaimine(sp?) succinate but this makes me groggy in the morning
 
Yeah I would recommend that anyone who is having trouble in early detox not be afraid of taking an OTC sleep med. You need to get that sleep.
 
How strange it feels to be sober at home in the evening .. I'm sure this happens once a month on average, but I don't remember it. Usually I'm half-conscious by now. How long has this been going on?
Definately won't be sleeping much this week.

My age and responsibilities are finally catching up with me lately, even if my motivation is still M.I.A.

The upcoming Holidays are going to be rough, sitting home alone on long weekends .. Maybe I'll make 1 last trip to the big city this weekend and stock up for the rest of the Winter.

So long as I can completely kick meat & booze by New Year's I'll be quite proud of myself :)
 
w01fg4ng said:
And I have gone 8 years without crying, but that has nothing to do with what chicks like. Most people in this thread are here to deal with there emotions and problems and it does make you stronger (and more attractive) to know how to.

Drug addictions more often than not suppress your emotions more than they help. When you get sober, you are faced with everything you have been hiding from yourself and it very natural and strong of you to cry.

Do not sacrifice your own stability in order to keep what you think is dignity.
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I was mostly kidding about the crying thing, hence the ' ;p '. I know all about the mixed up emotions of a newly found sobriety, hell I used to go from completely happy to mad as hell in seconds. Thankfully those super-strong emotions start to fade after awhile (or maybe we just get used to dealing with them like "normal" people).

Anyway, going to club Fluid in Philly on the 17th to see Dieselboy (drum and bass) - can't wait. Will be my second time going out to a club, and will have my gf of over a year with me, and I believe some of my other sober peeps are going as well. It's great to be able to go to a place like that and truly enjoy good music and friendship instead of what I'd be doing if I was still using - either pounding drinks at the bar till I blackout, or walking to the ghetto to cop (probably both).

Merry Christmas everyone - keep your heads up and make it through the holidays intact - I'll be thinking of everyone.
 
Cosmic Charlie: Congrats on your success with your girlfriend. In times like these, it's great to have support from every possible angle. I am happy for you!


Coffee Drinker: I went through opiate withdrawal last month and I know how long those side-effects can last. How are you doing now with the OCs and such?


`pr0digy said:
I was mostly kidding about the crying thing, hence the ' ;p '. I know all about the mixed up emotions of a newly found sobriety, hell I used to go from completely happy to mad as hell in seconds. Thankfully those super-strong emotions start to fade after awhile (or maybe we just get used to dealing with them like "normal" people).
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It's cool, I understand. And yes, it does get easier the longer we are sober and the sensitive emotions start to fade. In all honesty I still don't know what a "normal" person is though ;p
 
I haven't touched them in 9 days. Now I am facing the reality that I need to change my patterns of activity.
It's weird. My withdrawals weren't that bad since I had only really abusing them (again) since late august, and only recently got up to 80 mg/day. During the actual withdrawal period I didn't feel depressed or anything. I felt a lot more active than I do currently.
The thing is the post-withdrawal depression. I know my brain chemistry is fucked up. I can feel it. I feel tired most of the time and my motivation is totally shot. Classic symptoms of clinical depression.
It's an annoyance really. I know why it's there, I just can't seem to shake it. I guess I am just going to have to ride it out.
I haven't even smoked weed or done ANY substance other than caffeine 5-HTP and melatonin.
So I've filled my day up with some activities. Helping move furniture into storage. Putting up the Christmas lights. Doing a little exercise. Shoveling my driveway. etc.
My friends continue to send me text messages of support. I told them that I can't hope to stay clean and still hang out with them, but they are still my buddies. They took this news really well, and told me that they are proud of me.

How's everyone elses LESScember going?
 
I havent had anything to drink since i had those few beers the other week so im doing alright. My goals are to start to get back into shape by new years, cut opiate use to medical doses except for the odd high, give up smoking if i can :( and start eating healhier.

I really don't miss the effects of alcohol much except when i havent got anything else. Which is pretty usual of me 8) . To be honest i just like the taste of abit of guiness, strong bow, good beer or wine or whatever. The effects from alcohol are sadly lacking in euphoria for me these days and are just sloppy more or less. Not to mention the hangovers which are brutal :! .
 
paranoid android said:
I havent had anything to drink since i had those few beers the other week so im doing alright. My goals are to start to get back into shape by new years, cut opiate use to medical doses except for the odd high, give up smoking if i can :( and start eating healhier.

I really don't miss the effects of alcohol much except when i havent got anything else. Which is pretty usual of me 8) . To be honest i just like the taste of abit of guiness, strong bow, good beer or wine or whatever. The effects from alcohol are sadly lacking in euphoria for me these days and are just sloppy more or less. Not to mention the hangovers which are brutal :! .
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I'm glad I've had such an effect on you lol. I know you are too so... nanner nanner! ;) You're doing good hun!
 
i miss this group...

i feel like ive slipped too much to join this month. not daily by far, but i can tell the difference, and i have resolve to come back. i don't know if its the holidays, relationship stressors, going back to school, but im just not riding the sober high that i was in oct/nov...

im still inspired by everyone's stories and progress, and i send positive vibes and white light to you all...

<3 monchi
 
Hey don't let the arbitrary dates have any sway on you Monchi. :) But you know when you're ready.
I'll be sending all the positive vibes I can at you and Paranoid Android and everyone else !
 
after my last incredibly stupid attack at the end of NOvember, i was so disgusted w/ myself i can't even think of a strong enough word to pair w/ disgust. couldn't believe how the fiend got on my back so hard and i caved so fast.
18 days into decENDber and i'm good. no fiending, no craving, still tasting the disgust of my last epic fail.
truth be told, i've been on a semi-controlled binge for more than 6 months and the final stupidity really bothered me. too much good in my life to be fuckin up w/ needles.
anyway '10 should be good... on new years eve there's a full moon which is also a blue moon and there's a lunar eclipse. i'll take all of that as a positive forecast for the new year.
best to all!
-izzy
 
Surrealist- said:
I'm glad I've had such an effect on you lol. I know you are too so... nanner nanner! ;) You're doing good hun!
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Well you have had a HUGE impact on me giving up drinking thats for sure. You know full well what my goals are and looking foreward to them is enough to keep me away from the booze. I know i could never do what i want to do in life as long as im drinking too. Also i somehow doubt that you would tolerate looking at me drunk or hungover all the time and using blow as a pick me up to get going. I can actually turn down free beers without a thought now it truely is scary 8o .

I also want to get back in shape to help myself and to take better care of my health. Those few scares the summer and early fall where i thought i was having a heart attack did really scare me at the time. Im sure now it was a result of too much booze, dextroamphetamine, ciggs, that bit of coke, opiate withdrawals and just plain lousy health along with panic attacks.

Oddly enough a few years back they wouldnt have scared me at all. In fact i would have welcomed a fatal heart attack 2 or 3 years ago for what had i in my life worth living for at all? I had nothing going for me then really and nothing to look foreward too.

See how much of a difference youve made in my life sweety? <3
 
Selfishness, Drug Addiction and Health

Now that I have abused about every class of drug and I am sober off of most of them, it has taken a lot of selfishness to get me here (and where I was). I was selfish to use as much as I did, yet it took even more selfishness to get myself clean.

For example, I cut off ties with my family and friends to use drugs, and then I had to cut off ties with almost everyone in order to get clean. Now that I am, I am trying to figure out what is a healthy amount of selfishness to have; maybe it's a type of selfishness that I need to differentiate myself from.

It comes down to happiness for me. This is where my mind likes to play tricks on me. I can see the difference between working hard for my health and getting a quick fix for my own happiness (both require selfishness), BUT it's difficult for me to justify having a couple drinks or bong hit as only having fun anymore as it does lead to abuse for me (maybe not the same night, but eventually).

This is a sign of an addict. I am addicted to drugs. I am a selfish person, but that does not make me a bad person. I am learning the difference, but it sure is tricky.
 
Yeah, I've noticed the two forms of selfishness. For me doing the right thing for the right reason, building a strong foundation of positive 'self' is critical in the beginning of getting clean. If I don't have a positive, strong and focused 'me', then nothing else will matter (friends, family, helping others, etc)

The negative selfishness is more along the lines of self-centeredness. The 'me, me, me' type of thinking (buying something shiny instead of putting gas in the tank to give someone a ride, doing something for a female with the pretense of being kind when I really just want to flirt [or more], acting in a way that makes me appear kind but essentially inflates my ego).

I dunno, it takes some time to differentiate between the two. What works for me is to be as honest with myself (regardless of how much it hurts). Its painful sometimes when we take a close look at ourselves and see through our own self-deception.
 
One selfishness is just the realization that no one other than me can really take care of myself. And so I have to do what I have to do to.

The other kind...well we all intimately know of the other kind of selfishness.
 
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