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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

DecENDber / LESScember

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I have one month off my methamphetty yesterday, yaya :)
No drugs at all this weekend, which I'm happy about, and no gambling either.
This month I have actually been doing shit - and fuck it makes such a difference when it comes to staying clean. I set the goal of paying all my bills - and I swear, when I cleared the very last one, I got an *almost* drug rush I was so happy they were all paid. Keeping busy, I've noticed, also makes me want to stay busy. Now when I have down time I actually feel like playing drums or going for a run, rather than just lazing around doing nothing.

Cravings have been super high this past week though, especially since I haven't worked out what I'm 'allowed' to do over xmas, new years yet...
 
^^ Thank you so much, I am so happy too!

Two weeks off cigarettes is great! I've never smoked, but I think it must be such a hard thing. I can only imagine if every next person I saw was puffing on a crackie, and I could smell it on their clothes etc how impossible it'd be to quit. Well done!
 
Hey all, signing in to this thread after misserably failing in the Octsober and NOvember efforts and ending up back at drinking 1L+ wine a day. I'm doing a lot better this month; in the last fortnight I've had a total of 4 beers (work X-mas party). I was amazed at how tipsy I felt after just a few beers having had a break for a few weeks!

I've had a ton of codeine/dihydrocodeine but only on weekends though.... I'm craving a drink pretty badly at the moment, would kill for some whisky.

^^^^ Nice work ocean and footscrazy :)
 
I am going stir-crazy (still have a sprained ankle, and am geographically isolated from basically everyone I know).

For the past week, I have had more nights not drinking than drinking, I've smoked weed once (:!:!:!) and though my holidays are not all that happy, I haven't touched hard liquor. I have only had some beers and a bit of wine.

Other than Octsober, this is surely a record.

I can't exercise or drive yet, so I am taking this time for some good hard introspection and self-improvement. My relative sobriety at the hardest time of the year and one of the most personally difficult times of my life is going to benefit me in the long run. I just wish I weren't so bored and it didn't get dark so early, and that I was around more people in my peer group. :(

I will be more busy later in the week and am looking forward to that. :)
 
so glad to see so many doing well esp. at this very difficult time of year.
f/c, a month free of meth is awesome.
ocean, imho cigarettes are one of the most difficult addictions to break. good all over you, girl.
mariposa, this is such a difficult time of year and being isolated makes it moreso. like cigarettes, the accessibility of alcohol adds extra difficulty to an already tough road to sobriety. glad you're doing so well.
i just came off an extended run of 12hr shifts. i'm tired as hell, too tired to bother with anything but hot baths and deep sleep ;)
-izzy
 
Hanging in there ocean, thanks for asking! Christmas eve I had a slip up and drank a whole bottle of wine (which is way too much for someone like me). So, I am going to have to be extra cautious with the drinking come New Years (and anytime really).
How are the cigarettes going ocean? It's been 18 months since my last cigarette and I can honestly tell say it was just as difficult in many ways than any other addiction I have had. I am now at the point where I can hang around cigarettes and not fiend for them or have the least amount of curiosity. It takes a long time (and sometimes several tries), but you CAN get over them.

izzy has the right idea about hot baths and sleep. sometimes the most simple pleasures in life are the most euphoric.

*turns on the hot water in the tub*

Happy Holidays to everyone!!!
<3
 
OverDone said:
128 days.

I'm trying to find a way to remember how it was without dwelling too much on it. Tips anyone?
Click to expand...

Good question.

For me, I have to find a new hobby (or re-kindle and old one) that I have great interest in to get my mind off those things. For example, basketball season is back and will fill my mind for a few months because it's my favorite sport.

Anything that is interesting to you that is healthy to somewhat obsess over should do the trick.
:)
 
Yeah, I don't want to forget how I was in my addiction but I don't want to obsess over it as well.

I'm noticing a lot of people that have been clean for long time periods have forgotten where they came from. I don't want to be one of them. Their cockiness and ability to look down their noses at active addicts (and even newcomers to the 12 Step thing) is unappealing and, for lack of a better word, unacceptable.

I don't want to forget that I was a dirty, smelly, thieving, lying junky but I also don't want to beat myself up or glamorize about it
 
^I agree.
The fact that you can type that out about yourself shows that you have the ability to be objective and gives you a better shot at actually keeping this type of viewpoint. We all need to be reminded at some point. Maybe you can copy the link to threads like these, save them and then when you feel like you might need a reminder, read what you wrote today. It will also show you how far you have come. Heck, reading some of my first (and last) posts here reminds me how gross I have been.
;)
 
w01fg4ng said:
Maybe you can copy the link to threads like these, save them and then when you feel like you might need a reminder, read what you wrote today. It will also show you how far you have come. Heck, reading some of my first (and last) posts here reminds me how gross I have been.
;)
Click to expand...

I like that idea. Thanks, man!
 
B9- Glad to hear it <3 <3 <3

wolfg- Well, don't be too hard on yourself about the slip up and just take it for what it is- What are you expectations for New Years? Those types of slip ups are completely normal and part of the recovery process for some people......
When I quit doing coke, I had been off of it for months and then had a few days with some friends and my comedown was hell, my stomach told me it had had enough of it and after that- I never touched it again.
I have done the same with pot- quit but smoked here or there and everytime I think to myself- why did I just do that? And then left it alone.....
Point is, It is okay as long as it does not become your excuse to dive in head first again.
Keep your eye on the prize :)

OD- As far as forgetting.....I understand this- sometimes it seems like a different lifetime for me- and sometimes I can remind myself by thinking of stories, like what I said above- Thinking of (briefly) the problems it brought me, the pain it caused me, the heartache and the loss of soul. For me the memory of robbing houses, helping people rob stores, having no values or morals what so ever- reminds me that being consumed by drugs robbed me of all things I can respect in a person......
Reminding myself of the positives I want to see in myself (virtue, loyalty , honesty, understanding, love, humility, grace, forgiveness , connectedness to the earth and sympathy) and the inability I had when on drugs- makes me never want to go back.
Try thinking of the positives- and like suggested above by wolf, hobbies are good- Do things that you like, that you have maybe never tried but wanted to-
For me the earth, nature and spirituality help alot- Just taking 10-15 minutes out of my day to be outside smell the fresh air and remind myself how lucky I am to have time on the earth to enjoy human things (touch, scent, taste, sound and that feeling I get when looking at something naturally beautiful- that overwhelming sense of something bigger than me being there- if that makes sense)

I'm rambling......
But get out there OD, out of your comfort zone and find something new to focus that energy on <3
 
Fiending so bad for something, anything right now .. Of course I know anything within reach will have me feeling worse, not better.

Sitting in front of the Capitol steps, staring at the gray sky, intensely resenting all my so-called friend will have to do ..
I always seem to forget that even when I clean my bloodstream of the remnants of addiction, the boredom of sobriety is even harder to kick, no matter if things in life are otherwise good. Distractions are just that; momentary.
Somewhere along the line cause/effect become blurred, but removing one doesn't eliminate the other.
Rock and a razor blade.
 
Ok this month was a total blow out for me as i had intended really. I hate this time of year to be honest and if it wherent for drugs id be more miserable then i normally would.

I didnt have anything to drink other then a glass of wine christmas day so thats a good thing. The last of the dilaudid went in my arm yesterday so thats gone for another few weeks anyway. Thats not entirely a bad thing as i don't intend to make IVing dilaudid a habit. I have enough problems already and i certainly don't need a doctor noticing any track marks. Im pretty sure id run out of veins before id totally run out of my dilaudid script anyways because that shit is like crack. I want another shot a hour and a half after the last one.

All in all the depression has been a far bigger problem for me then anything.
 
I have been lurking on these boards for just over a month now. I figured I should come out and post once in a while. I hope this is the right board for this post.

My DOC is alcohol and my use/abuse of it has been pretty severe in the past. Back in Feb of 2006 I had a siezure when I stopped drinking. After that I cut back and got a doctor, who did not know about it, to percribe me lorazapam. I used this to counter withdraws symptoms with mixed degrees of success. But as time went on my drinking got progressively worse and worse.

Anyway last month I realized I was just too fucked up and physically sick to stop drinking without medical help. I checked myself into a hospital for 3 days and then rehab for 11 days. I have not had anything to drink since Nov 10th and I feel just great.

Sure I miss it but I don't miss having to worry about whether or not I will have a siezure while I am in line at the grocery store. Maybe in time I will try to drink in moderation like normal people but for now I know that I have to be 100% sober.

Could things be better? Sure. But things are going pretty well now and I really believe will be even better if I just keep my mind and body clean from that poison.

Without getting into details, let me just say that I was a fucking mess. and if I can stay clean I think a lot of people can too!!!
 
My goal - although i cant accomplish it within a month - is... well there are two.

1) GET THE FUCK OFF MY FUCKING KLONOPIN (this one is killing me lately)

2) Make my girlfriend happy
 
Wow I can't believe how many people have problems with alcohol, alcohol is the one thing I grew to hate how it made me feel.
That buzz feeling, and complete cut off from reality, I hate it. Its dull and gloomy, never got any inspiration from alcohol.

So I turn to opiates instead =]
Anyway, todays the first day I've made it in 6 years w/out a cigarette. I miss my physique, was at the gym today just thinking how I use to look, how ripped I use to be, how drugs and time have began to control my spirit, how clear things use to seem when I was sober.

Yeh I felt pain, and had to cope with things back then, but it also gave me strength to know I COULD cope in the first place.
I think sobriety is def where its at.

And for me its mainly a battle against time. Do I actually try to live a long healthy live, or do I sabatoge it, living Chris Farley style, squeezing as much stimulating as I can in before I od.. or die from drug related health problems (only 27).

In the end, the crazy thing is it doesn't really seem to matter how we chose to live our lives. I just can't pretend that when I'm lying on my death bed dying from all the drugs I've taken, that I'll be ok with it, that I won't regret it. Its not going to happen.

I've honestly believed my whole life, that addicts don't use drugs because they are addicts. I personally don't even really believe in the word addict.
But I do believe there is something very common that drives us all too drugs.

After seeing as much as well all have through time, we MUST know drugs are not good. We MUST know they will kill us on a long enough timeline.

So we MUST be using them right now, because we really haven't decided, or made up our minds that we even want to live yet. Not so much that we want to die.

But more like we were thrown in this world w/out our own permission, and its taken us 20..30..40.. years just to decide we want to stay (sobriety) and even when we DO get sober, a bus or train can take our life tommorow.

Its so back and forth this thing called life, but I think thats what happens when you really just don't have strong beliefs, and I think I need to BELIEVE that sobriety will be worth it.

I need to stay on these pods for now, but the dose continues to go down by the day, I just can't drop the effort and turn my back so quickly like my past has dictated. When I stop recovery, I STOP recovery. I forget in 5 secs it was ever even part of my life. I need to avoid turning my back, and I need to walk forward into the sun, the light, and not be afraid of what lies beyond the haze..
 
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