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Mental Health Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v.2

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@dellad: agreed, those are what we found out here and a few other places on the net. it took the first of us who got the injection and had negative side effects/withdrawal symptoms and who suffered to heal before we could figure this out. it's more accurate than what johnsons and johnsons will give a person. though i did neglect saying usually 8-14 months and sometimes up to two years but rarely and rarely past that. two years is still better than 15 years or even not at all... it could be worse. one year (or less) is better than two years. there is no definitive time stamp to say when a person is healed. sorry it's an average and not exact. i will inform all of us who have healed to take it again and start over to shorten it. while i'm at it i will find a way to go back in time and make johnsons and johnsons not invent this drug (trust me, i rather have the last 8+ years of my life back).

i wouldn't make guarantees to the parents, friends or anyone else including yourself. we're all different (we all don't heal 126 days after we stop the injection) and invega is not an exact drug. just keep plugging along until your healed.

once you are then things are so negligent. what your experiencing now is a frame of mind you wont be in anymore. a year (or less) will go by just like that and when the receptor starts kicking in again it's like you drop the world off of your shoulders and everything is right as rain again... better than that. that's why people stop posting regardless of recovery post or not. in combination of you don't know what it's like unless you've taken it and suffered. when you don't suffer anymore your not in that frame of mind and move on with your life.

when your depressed to the point you want the whole world to stop you get nasty. when that mood passes you don't think like that anymore and do whatever you normally would do. same here but more extreme. plus it's a suffering no one has ever experienced before. it wasn't made until 10 years ago basically. some experiences in life have been close or worse but not by much and not in this way. it's sickening to say the least.

it's redundant and insulting to say this but perk up buttercup. take it one day at a time and keep doing the best you can. venting, depressing and sick thoughts happen. that's one reason we're thankful this thread is here.

anyone who doesn't like reading it (as long as we stick to the BLUA's) can bugger off cause they don't have to. we find solace in our suffering here.

i wish i could give you better words but for now this will have to do.

will someone please find the antidote so you all can stop suffering.
 
look it may seem like i'm trolling you but i would never, because this fucking shit was hell for me, the lowest I've been, and i'm not a monster: anyone who trolls here, like that princehirule bitch who told me eating baking soda would heal me (didn't do it but still, thought she was for real) and gave me false hope, deserve the shots. i get emotional thinking of what this did to me, it pains me that i ever had to go through this but oh boy has it made me stronger. I now appreciate life more than ever, i was so close to losing my will to live, because i had lost all hope of recovering, so when I did get myself back i grabbed life with all my might. and i will never let go.

i once went to the backyard, to shout and pull my hair, my sister came to see if she could do anything and i told her to fuck off "you cant do shit. i'm damned"... she was heartbroken and i felt i had lost everything. i lived with her while i went through this and she cared for me like no one else, she took all the shit, all the hate, she'd tell me id be my old self again but id get mad at her and tell her she didn't have a clue that she had no idea how bad the damage was.

i was scared out of my mind, constant panic, i'd wake up to hell, tired, because i couldn't rest in this situation. i'm still angry and sad that i had to go through this.

but yeah I've been off it for 7 months now. what i said was after 3 months i started recovering and in a week's time i was so euphoric that i was confident again socially and enjoying music again that i stopped seeing the bad and could only focus on the good, on the fact that i was recovering fast.

I only had one window, two months off, I had one day where I was completely back to normal, couldn't sleep and kept singing (im a singer its what i love the most and i had lost the thrill of singing too) all night went to the beach to watch the sunrise and feel the thrill and excitement. slowly my worries started to come back, i lost a bit of confidence and by the 23rd hour i went to smoke with a friend and as i smoked that joint the deep worry and panic set in and stayed for another month, i had some hope after the window but not much. then on the third month i started to recover, like i said before.

IDK why it was so fast for me, it was FUCKING HELL so i guess my mind, body and spirit (will, whatever) worked together to get me out of there fast because i would not stand it longer. i really wanted to die. Maybe it takes longer for most people but im pretty sure i mean im human and i recovered completely, i even learned from the experience, so if i could do it i know you can all do it too, and will do it. just

try to be relaxed try to listen to what your body tells you you need, idk a bath, whatever it is, a walk, idk. and trust that your body is more than something that can be broken by a man-made drug.
you are human beings. the realization of spirituality and intelligence, your bodies are wise and you are filed with love, even though you're losing hope your body wont stop fighting until it gets you back on your own path, which is not to live a life under the side-effects of invega fucking sustenna.
 
It's been three months off of invega for me and I'm feeling pretty good. I might end up with a job soon, if not I will go back to college so one way or another I am ready to do something. Not everything is back to pre-invega but I feel myself getting there and it's encouraging. Recent emotion I've been feeling is anger after sadness but I see it as a sign that my emotions are returning. I played a videogame yesterday for the first time in a month, it was No Man's Sky. I feel like the worse part of my recovery is over, and now it's time to take my life back and let the rest of the poison filter out. Not saying I'm healed, just making good progress a little at a time.

EDIT- I haven't returned to the gym yet, but I plan on starting small like walking and lifting light weights. I've been drinking a lot of coffee and energy drinks to speed up the brain and when I do it feels like pre-invega so I suggest it. Energy drinks aren't the best for you but they make me feel alive.
 
@We Flew Over: thank you for sharing your story. It was insane beautiful of how this poison effects an individual and gives false impressions of full recovery.

@invegauser: one thing that is coming back is my creativity. Slowly certain words just pop up in my mind without reason. It is as if I am communicating with unknown energies. I’m hopping for a full blown psychic surge soon to elleviate my symptoms.
 
Aaaaand my post disappeared. I'm not sure what I did wrong. Maybe the stuff about adderall was out of line? Oh well. Also, who was it that was saying that this is a new struggle because the drug hasn't been around long? I like that. I try to practice connecting with the emotions of music, but I feel so excluded from just about every human experience but this one. I can relate to Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash though
 
@We_Flew_Over Thank you for posting your story. I'm in that frame of mind that invegauser is describing and I also think that I'm screwed all the time and that the damage is too big. But your story gives me hope and I'm truly glad that you made it through! How many shots have you had? Were you also on an AP cocktail in the psych ward?
 
Thanks @Empty1128 for reposting accounts of people who have recovered on page 260. It was really difficult to find any recovery stories for a while, and that list has a good variety of stories. Someone completed their bachelor's degree and someone was in grad school. It's nice hearing of people like @We Flew Over who say that they are stronger and have a greater appreciation of life than before. I am super lucky that my side effects are not as bad as some people's, but I try really hard to practice everything. I try to act on emotions that I want to have, because I think that this increases them. I try to dance every time music makes me feel good.
 
@Yeshuah

i took 5 shots 100ml 1 per month
yeah i was taking other pills i dont remember which ive been hospitalized 5 frikin times lol
i was a heavy pot smoker and between the weed induced paranoia and the LOUD singing in the street i would easily fuck up and shout at some old lady or something so yeah theyd take me away haha
but now ive quit smoking and everything is great... i believe we chose our destiny and knowingly walk down the path we've set out to walk down... like before we exist we chose our future... idk yeah but thats not rly relevant here. i took ziprexa and other things.. i dont rly care all drugs are out of the picture now. i dont believe in mediction i beleve in attention and affection...
 
Nice “we chose our destiny and knowingly walk down the path” even if it is self destruction because in the end we overcome all our destructive payloads into resurrection and live to share it. It gives meaning when you sit and stare always asking “God why have I come this far to be burnt out?” Not in the sense but through the ashes live to recovery into a new self awareness of what’s is most important in life. Not with the friends who unfriended you but the ones who remained to assist and understand your pain.
 
Now that I've seen more recovery stories, I feel more comfortable thinking about my past self because before it was just too painful. While my life has been difficult enough up to this point, there has been nothing which truly and thoroughly humbled me like this. I no longer feel sexy or special or like I am too good for my family or anyone else. I used to think that my parents were crazy and dumb, but I now admire their cleverness, wisdom, mental stability, and wit. I no longer feel cool or "dope" (that word has taken on new meanings). A lot of my life has been in the pursuit of coolness, but now I am largely indifferent to it except out of some obligation to my past self. I used to get stuck in my head thinking about grandiose possibilities, and now I am forced to live my life feeling lower than an animal with few thoughts and little pleasure. I can no longer feel interesting and I almost have no concept of what an interesting person is like. Everyone seems almost equally at once boring and impressively brilliant. I can no longer think that my way of living is somehow superior because of being "deep" or "compassionate" or "rebellious." I do think it's important to salvage what you can of a rebellious and defiant spirit, because the invega makes one docile to a dangerous extent. I'm proud of everyone who was able to muster enough of that to get off the medication. I no longer have much righteous anger, and I often listen to things I would have once found ignorant and infuriating with passive acceptance. No one who can hold a conversation seems like an idiot to me anymore. I've always been quiet, but I used to be able to listen with a sense of vague superiority that I was not aware of and with the thought that I would join in if the conversation were deeper. There is no artistry to my words except as vestiges of my old habits or due to some coincidence I was unaware of. I have no idea how to inspire love in others and feel that any love that people feel for me is from projecting sentience onto my empty illusion of meaninfulness. Words still make sense in some regard, but the meaning of the words doesn't happen to me in the same way. Everything has been stripped down to what I've already used most. It feels like I haven't had a new thought since the invega except the obvious ones that come from this narrow experience. Any compliments I receive are attributable to the way that sheer habit has served me in this mental prison. I feel about as charismatic and sexy as an ikea bookshelf. Any personality that sentence had was pure coincidence. I am just a collection of old parts that have been assembled according to the most simple of instructions. I am able to function, but it's like I'm a robot that can only run the programs that have already been written. My point is why this? why that? why anything? And I don't even ask the question or come up with any new answers like I used to. I feel unimportant and neutral, whereas I once felt like a prima donna and a teacher's pet. I am forced to no longer spend my days doing what I loved most. It's like the flame of my soul has been extinguished and there are only some lukewarm coals. No more intuition. I don't even know if I've made a point here or why. But I guess I meant to say that I had a huge ego without realizing it and now I feel like nothing. Nothing. Only you guys will know how emotionless of a "nothing" that is. I'm forced to live without everything that I mentally subsisted on, and maybe it will balance me out in the long run. Maybe I will learn to keep my head down and not always see myself as "the special."
 
fwiw: you guys aren't crazy, this poison really is one of the worse things if it happens you suffer from it.

the symptom of my condition is starting to flare up more, in a couple years it will be full bore 24/7. fear, depression, anxiety and all other negative human experiences become debilitating. thinking comes to a sudden and halting stop. i barely function in daily life. a veritable living hell on earth (it's all good, i was born to take it). when it's over with it's nothing close to the relief of being fully healed but still f**king tits in it's own rights.

in comparison to invega/xeplion, my symptom is a walk in the park. you all can live through this and when you do, you will be able to live through just about anything.

i don't care who you are, you go through this trial and i got a ton of respect for you.

heal quickly. peace.
 
same here just a lil sniff and it takes the edge off.
sorry to sound like a broken record but does anyone know what will boost libido?
 
means more crying, that there was still poison in the body and now the tears can come out? I would so much hope, that there could be soon a time, when I live in the moment again and could enjoy it more than now.
 
Other people take many years medications and then after stopping they are healthy again. I had never a psychose, a wrong thought, they blackmailed me. Only because of these 2 injections I lost everything, maybe forever.
 
@Emersonny I can relate to EVERY single word you said! I couldn't have written it better. This text would have normally brought me to tears, if I was my true self, but nothing happened. But it shows that you know yourself really good, which is a good sign. You ARE special! Never lose that, it has nothing to do with Ego. You are going to know it when you have yourself back. I wish you the best the world has to offer, keep going. One day you will rise above the ashes.
 
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