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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

Why is it that I get so filled with anxiety and worry when I think about relationships?
I keep thinking that I'm going to do something to screw everything up, even before I'm in a relationship... :\
For god's sake, why does it have to be so hard? It seems to be right there, but I won't actually do anything about it, cause I'm so scared of the consequences...
 
First: A female friend mentioned that my "I'm not socializing right now" excuse was very lame. She suggested I invent a ficticious girlfriend to soften the rejection. Any thoughts on that?
pE@K-a-TrOnIc: Using her for sex would create more problems than it would solve. In the past I have had sex with girls that I dislike....I really don't want to do that anymore! It's just not healthy. I have never been in love, but I should at least be able to like the girl and consider her my friend.
You asked: "What do you have to lose ?" Most likely nothing, perhaps everything. I made a promise to myself about getting involved with someone I know "professionally" (meaning the workplace, people who can sabotage your career, etc.): Never do it unless the potential upside completely overshadows the expected/inevitable downside. When I was a 17 year old kid working a part-time job, I never thought twice about this stuff. It is a very different story when I am 28. Go watch that Demi Moore and Michael Douglas movie a couple times. :o
"Think of the sex man ! you did say you miss it" I do miss sex. Right now it is 9:16 PM on a Friday night. So yeah, I do miss sex. But I have not taken a permanent vow of celibacy. I need to finish a few things in my life...in a few months I can start dating again. I am hardly the most disciplined person in the world, but if I am gonna accomplish even a few of my goals, I really need to get some shit done before I start wasting time with girls I don't even like.
"As long as both parties know what they want from eachother is does not have to be a bad thing that should be avoided." That shit is usually a lie. The girl I "dated" in 2000 was like that. She agreed to an arrangement where we met for dinner about once a week. 95% of the time we would go back to her house for sex and drugs. I would not spend the night, and usually would not call her again until I wanted to arrange another date.
She was lonely, I was horny. I gave her companionship, she gave me sex. Sounds like a nice agreement? Well, at least until a mutual friend informed me that she was saying she loved me. I broke it off. I did like the girl as a friend, but now I get to live with the fact that she was loving me and I was just fucking her. Sort of screws up my karma, right?
Edit: I am not trying to monopolize the conversation, but I am trying to add the perspective of people who have opportunities and pass them up. I was inspired to write after reading about miss apple's "blind date" with the guy who has a good job. It is not like she is undatable (*), she (like many of us, I would guess) has the problem of finding a worthwhile relationship. And not to insult the couple's thread, but most of their relationships are far below my standards and expectations.
Has anyone else passed up opportunities recently?
___
(*) = A certain European Bluelighter showed me a picture of miss apple, and she certainly didn't look undatable to me.... ;)
[ 29 June 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
 
Originally posted by Catch-22:
First: A female friend mentioned that my "I'm not socializing right now" excuse was very lame. She suggested I invent a ficticious girlfriend to soften the rejection. Any thoughts on that?
You asked: "What do you have to lose ?" Most likely nothing, perhaps everything. I made a promise to myself about getting involved with someone I know "professionally" (meaning the workplace, people who can sabotage your career, etc.): Never do it unless the potential upside completely overshadows the expected/inevitable downside.
[ 29 June 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
A ficticious girlfriend would be the better way if its a colleague and you have to see her all the time and still want " no hard feelings" between the two of you .The "not socializing right now" does sound like a bit of a brush off .
Now I see what you mean ! I would not get involved with someone I work with either .The risk outweighs the gains with this one and would definately not risk my job on sex with a co-worker! and yes I have seen indecent proposal :)
NO your not trying to monopolize the conversation ,infact there is finaly something worth replying to in this thread ! I hope things work out for you catch-22 and I look forward to reading more of your posts .You have given me alot to think about ,thankx
good luck :)
p.s Taliana I know where its @ my friend ...call it my deep seeded fear of commitment or whatever but thats just all I can give in the relationship scene atm and have not given much thought about the consequences ,no one has ever said anything or perhaps I was just not wanting hear it :(
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I have to agree with some of Catch-22's sentiments...
It seems to me that so many people are in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship, not because they are looking for something meaningful in their lives...
Every time I think about persuing a relationship with someone, I think about what my reasons for doing so are. Why I'm interested in that person... So many times, I've looked at a person, and thought, "I can't be with them, cause I'm not going to feel fulfilled with them..."
It's a very rare situation that you find someone that can feel completely and utterly content with, but when you do, you've really got to reach out and grab them.
Which reminds me, I should probably make my feelings know to those I'm interested in, as opposed to suppressing them because of my fear of the consequences...
 
And not to insult the couple's thread, but most of their relationships are far below my standards and expectations.
ummmmmm, not really sure how you can say this - i'd say a lot of what get's posted in the couples thread gives very little indication of what the relationship is like. for example, i think i wrote something about "my boy and i are still making each other purr"..... doesn't really tell you much. in actual fact maxi and i have been going out for over 5 months now - we were best friends for over a year before that and i couldn't be happier with him and how our relationship is. our relationship has all the things i want in a relationship - love, communication, honesty, sex, friendship (he is still my best friend) and is just heaps of fun..... do these things meet your standards and expectations catch-22?
i'm not meaning to have a go, just letting you know that not everyone in the couples thread thinks it's all abou the **huggles**, **smooches** and **running into threads** ;)
bk
:) :) :)
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*mooch looks at all the threads in social*
*nothing doin*
*mooch sees singles thread*
*hmmmmmmm*
*mooch drags in beanbag and a case of beer*
*hmmmmmmm*
tick tock tick tock
*hmmmmmmm*
WHY WONT SOMEBODY LOVE ME?????
*hmmmmmmm*
:(
 
*sits down to have a beer with moocho*
Honey you're one of the most wonderful, loveable people around, and the truest of friends.
I'm still here, still not interested, it's nice to be in such good company.
[edit] deeCee - yes i have sisters, and as much as i love you honey, there is no way i'd let you within 50kms of em [/edit]
[ 29 June 2002: Message edited by: PsychoKitten ]
 
/me sits down next to moocho and helps herself to a beer.
No one loves me either :(
*sigh* theres got to be someone in sydney for me....
If i werent soo picky but then why should i settle for second best?? people who settle for second best their relationships most of the time fail so wot was the point?
 
Originally posted by Catch-22:

Has anyone else passed up opportunities recently?

Still a Greenie but I thought I'd post something useful before my twenty posts were up. 22, male, happily single. I had to end the only remotely meaningful relationship in my life because she had a drug problem bigger than the Golden Triangle (smack).
Last month I was seeing a really cool girl, things were going good, we had the 'casual' thing setup and going. The deal is she's lonely, horny and wants company, in return I get free pot and speed. Throw in her kickass vibrator and handcuffs and I am the luckiest goddam guy on the planet.
Until two Saturday's ago, spending the night at her place. About five AM she reveals to me that she needs to call her dealer and get a fix. Okay, so I know she's using needles but up till then I thought it was just speed. Anyway, I left after that and haven't called her back and she understands. I can't deal with watching someone use that shit again, too much history and sadness with that stuff.
What's worse is that we really connected well uhh.. physically, and as a single guy while casual sex may cum and go (excuse the pun), the chance to make love with someone doesn't come along all that often. That's what we had :(
Casual relationships are fraught with difficulties and more often than not if you can find someone you get along well with, even if you both have busy, demanding lives and don't want relationships, you may well find feelings develop regardless. Of course when you both do, then it's time to reevaluate your lifestyle. (Wow! What incredibly deep insight! I know, I know...)
Also to the point of being set up by friends/families. Unless it turns out disastrously, just play along and have some fun. Two weeks ago, I was chased around a pub in Mornington by a scary, short and very drunk Irish woman my friends had decided I would like to meet. Fun! :D
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div166.gif

I'm baa-aaaack.
 
wHy DoNt yousE ALL JussS GeT awAy from all MY Piss and Leave ME Alone....!!!!
Hehehe, nah just kidding, help yourself!!!
*throws beer around*
*DONK!*
Oops, sorry dude!!
Yeah well life is moving along slowly as far as da ladies are concerned, still. Ugh - so much to offer noone to offer it to! Oh well, these beers aint gonna drink themselves... :D
 
*Grabs Beer * This is going to be a right royal piss-up in here very soon.
Maybe we should have a singles meetup at Utopia.
No, I’m serious.
*Chuck us another long-neck Moocho*
 
*Cheers Moocho!!*
Now to get serious. I also think the idea of ‘fuck-buddies’ just wouldn’t work. I am really good friends with one of my ex-girlfriends now, and while we have had sex, I don’t think we could ever do it again.
Someone always gets attached, even if it is just to the great sex.
*Moocho, that’s a VB. Get me a Melbourne ya bastard. Stop hogging them!*
 
Hey Leecie, heads up!
*flings rocket fuel*
Get into that one, should fix ya up good ;)
Fuck buddies, yeah i aint a fan. Someone always gets hurt, usually the person who suggests it in the first place. Oh what a world, let's get sloshed! :D
 
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