>"Yea they did pray for me in a circle. It made me feel like fixing up a shot."<
Hee! hee! On more serious note, though: when people beg me to quit/cut down on something (from tobacco to food, etc.), it ALWAYS immediately makes me use at least 50% more...
>"I honestly think that ONCE im off of methadone, I will be able to shoot heroin 1x every week or two. Now i will see if i can hold true to this, but i really think that i have a good chance of achieving this."<
Things change, and you might be able to--even if you come to enjoy periods of sobriety. Ffor example, now that I've been sober for 4 months, I'm REALLY enjoying music like I haven't in quite some time, so I'd like to not use for a bit longer, though I crave, say, a 36 hour oxy binge...
>"Methadone and diazepam withdrawals have instilled a near phobic fear of withdrawals, and i do not think i will put myself in the same situation again. Again i can only speculate, but i feel strongly that i will not put myself in the same situation again."<
Right: I had strong suicidal urges this last w/d--luckily, though, I couldn't even budge from my bed! Don't want that again; but, deep down, I'll run back to extended use, eventually. Your situation has been of extended trauma, though, so your aversion might serve you better, as it's more deeply ingrained...
>"BUT, i do have a fear I will be sober for a long period, then something bad will happen, like i get into a severe car accident, a parent dies, i get divorced or some incident that puts me into a deep emotional state where i no longer care about the withdrawals, and may succumb to addiction."<
Fortunately, it's not a definite response, and you may simply choose to suffer through the loss completely sober. Once you're sober, you may want to stay that way--at least during the grieving process (get the grief over with first, then use again).
Yeah: the car accident--I have the same nightmare fantasy: I'm so crippled that I'd commit suicide immediately, except that I want to get on a laptop and tell negrogesic, et al., my exact IV dosage, etc.--bragging, even though my life's irretrievably ruined...and they aren't even impressed by my dosage

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