Best Excuse to tell Authorities Of Why You're In Da Hood...

[The Straight Dope]

lacey k there should be like some sort of sticky FAQ or something that you wrote on what to do if you get pulled over in the US in legal discussion or something, and you can take PMs from people on suggestions, FAQ should also outline the differences in attitudes of cops from low income urban areas, and cops from elsewhere like state troopers and such. A street smarts FAQ instead of a book smarts FAQ. Something that people actually can use when dealing with corrupt ass cops for the sake of harm reduction, cause as we all know cops can be harmful as hell.

I was thinking of a repliable sticky post, but I don't know how well that would go down.

I am honestly still amazed at how much people really do stick up for that ACLU know your rights bullshit, as much as I wish it would it really really really doesn't work that way on the street in the real world.

But yeah it would be cool to have a "how to talk to the cops" sticky FAQ that actually gives some practical advice on what to and what not to say to police officers, it might actually save someone a shitload of pain and suffering, and if it manages to even prevent some pain and suffering for one person I would feel very happy, because that really is a lot of pain and suffering prevented.

 

[caseface99]

Why? What's wrong with being in a certain part of town? We do have the freedom of movement and freedom of association, at least where I live. If a cop ever pulled me over to ask what I'm doing in the hood, I'll tell him it's none of his business, cos it ain't! I'll also ask him which section of which crimes act I'm being pulled over for.

You assume that cops in the hood follow all the rules that cops in rich ass white suburbia follow. I've seen a cop run up to some black guy in the hood who happened to be walking past a parked car with white kids in it (but didn't sell them drugs, he was just walking past) then proceed to deck him in the face HARD and throw him to the ground, cuff him, and throw him into the back of a cruiser. Litterally just because he happened to walk past the wrong car. I know people who have had their cars searched and the cop pulls out a bundle that wasn't actually in the car, but good fucking luck proving that in court.


I could name more scenarios from first or second hand experience but i don't see why, the point is that cops in the hood are fucking horrible people who DESERVE any and all bullets that find them. I seriously can't even fucking believe some of the shit i have seen. I really can't.





I just realized i need to correct myself, not even all cops in white suburbia follow the rules, i know people who have gotten bags of weed planted in their cars, and people who have gotten pulled over for no reason and the cops claims to smell pot and searches, etc.






And it all just depends on when and where you are. In the part of paterson i go to (Please dont list locations that you cop at yo, anythin other than the name of the city aint allowed, with the info u had posted people can use that to figure out where they can go to cop at, and we dont want people to be using BL for that. so now u know for next time ) , and in my experience you mostly just have to worry about plain clothes cops and unmarked cruisers. The labeled uniformed cops have never fucked with me, and i pass right by them or have one randomly end up behind me in traffic almost everytime i go down, considering that im down there almost everyday and not uncommonly down there 2-3 times a day i feel like if i had to worry about them then i would have gotten hassled by one by now. But i have only been fucked with by the plain clothes douche bag fucks who think they're hot shit. I'm surprised i haven't been arrested yet because i CANT FUCKING STAND these pricks. They are such horrible people i swear to god, and i fucking tell them. I ask them if they actually think they are a good person and doing good for the community and shit. I seriously can't fucking stand them, they are THE bane of my existence. I guess im lucky since my dealer is legit and its faster than ordering a cheesburger from mcdonalds once i get there, i never have to wait he's always standing there waiting for me. The only times i have gotten fucked with in the past is when one of the fucking hood ass hot shit pigs drives by when im sitting there, so since i never sit there anymore i never get fucked with. I have yet to get pulled over after going to the hood in the hundreds of times.

Don't get me wrong though, i understand where these cops are coming from, considering shit like the other day when there was a couple gunshots within a 2 block radius of where i was. I know why these cops turn into such horriblely disgusting excuses for human beings, but it doesn't change the fact that they are such fucking scum. A child raised as a nazi that grows up to murder hundreds if not thousands of jews ended up like that because of how they were raised, but does it excuse their actions? Hell fucking no it doesnt.

 

[axl86]

when in Camden, I usually like to think of an excuse. I dont know if these would work for other places.

Basically think of a landmark near by.

I would use these, but knock on wood so far I havent been pulled over and the one time I did get pulled over in CMD I was in the passenger seat. Would not have been good if we got searched.

1) My grandmom is in Cooper Hospital, im trying to find it but I made a wrong turn and all these people ive asked are really unhelpful and scary, can you please help me find it officer!? (shes getting a knee replacement is what i would say if they asked)

2) Oh sir, im sorry, I was looking for Rutgers University. I plan on going there in the fall and was looking to get some info on registering for classes. This is my first time here, can you please give me directions?


Idk if they would buy it. Depends if they saw you just driving. If you were creeping slow with the windows down and get out and go down an alley then you better start swallowing that shit or put it in ur underwear i guess.

 

[opiakitty]

classic lol.

thats exactly what i say! but another time i said im new to town looking for a place i think im at the wrong spot and kinda lost now i got out the car cleaned out purse locked it in car. wasnt too too friendly but friendly. then said i manage a strip club. a crazy ass stripper told me a fake address!! is really cheep. make sure that you apeer to be the cops peer not less than. then ask where hed recamend. of course u got charges they will check then search at that time i did not. we got lucky we were infront of a crackhouse not a heroin house my buddy had a 2yr old heroin/ charge for boy but no girl. so we got directions wrote it down after willingly handing my purse over and nething illieagal n my vjj. thats how u handle it. have a female n car ev. time. got gave us mre secrate powers than u know. lol.

 

[Tommyboy]

^^^ In English please

 

[Khadijah]

thats exactly what i say! but another time i said im new to town looking for a place i think im at the wrong spot and kinda lost now i got out the car cleaned out purse locked it in car. wasnt too too friendly but friendly. then said i manage a strip club. a crazy ass stripper told me a fake address!! is really cheep. make sure that you apeer to be the cops peer not less than. then ask where hed recamend. of course u got charges they will check then search at that time i did not. we got lucky we were infront of a crackhouse not a heroin house my buddy had a 2yr old heroin/ charge for boy but no girl. so we got directions wrote it down after willingly handing my purse over and nething illieagal n my vjj. thats how u handle it. have a female n car ev. time. got gave us mre secrate powers than u know. lol.

Tommy: here is ur translation.

originally posted by the broad who posted before tommy.

"once i got pulled over and told the cop i am new to town and im lookin for a certain place. i think im at the wrong spot and now im lost. i got out the car, cleaned out my purse first so i could let it be searched, and then i locked car so nobody would go thru it. i wasnt too friendly but i was friendly enough to not be actin suspicious. i told the cop that i manage a strip club and that some crazy ass stripper told me a fake address of where she live at.

make sure you come off as bein the cops peer and not as his enemy or as somebody lower than him you want to seem like you are on the level with him. then i asked where would he recommend (note from lacey: Dont know WTF this means, recommend for wat? where to find strippers at?? yea, thatll get you far with a cop, lol, but anyways let me continue my translation.) of course if you got charges for the drug you tryna cop, and you in that drug area, you gonna get searched and fucked with but at the time i did not. we got lucky becuz the guy i was with did have charges but they were 2 years old and only for heroin. and we happen to be in front of a crackhouse, not a dope house. and neither one of us got any coke charges, so it made us look better infront of the cop becuz we had no charges for the drug that is sold in that area so it looked less suspicious.

so we got directions and wrote them down to show we are serioius in front of the cop. i had handed my purse over willingly and ask if he wants to search it, to make myself look more legit. i had anything illegal that we did have on us inside my pussy hidden. you should always bring a female with you everytime you cop cuz god gave us more secret powers than you know lol. (meanin...girls are handy to have around cuz they got "the snatch spot"....its one step up from a stash spot. even if you bend over and cough, nothin is gonna come out of there as long as you aint got a loose ass pussy. its a great hiding spot so its good to have a girl with u and let her hide the shit.)"

 

[SilverFeniks]

"I live here, mothafucka, what are YOU doing in MY hood?"

goddamn .. I typed out the fucking BlueLight Manual on Surviving Police Encounters, and my Internet connection dropped.
Fuck you guys then. I'll give you advice in Legal Discussion once you get screwed.

 

[Receptor Bound]

I had a GREAT excuse when I was pulled over mere SECONDS from the highway entrance after picking up but the douchebag whom drove me used an excuse completely different than I. Oops ~ shoulda read fellow BL'ers advice on this one. Would of saved me 2 weeks in one of the worst county jails known to man (and I now believe this fact to be true)! Thank God my charges were dropped because I was searched w/out reasonable cause!

R*B

EDIT: I know - compliments on my 'almost a month' bump

 

[yyyoder]

I'll tell you a real life story

My man , who had no license and was on probation , got stopped at a check point (it was daylight). He pulled one of these, "Dude, -- this chick is at home waiting for me -- I 'm on my way to 711 for a condom -- throw me a freakin bone here" ... the cop was like ... okay - get outta here and didn't ask to see his license.

 

[stuckinaloop]

I'll tell you a real life story

My man , who had no license and was on probation , got stopped at a check point (it was daylight). He pulled one of these, "Dude, -- this chick is at home waiting for me -- I 'm on my way to 711 for a condom -- throw me a freakin bone here" ... the cop was like ... okay - get outta here and didn't ask to see his license.

i got hassled by a project in paterson, said i was eligable for section 8 now and wanted to see what it was like if there was any remote chance a white kid like me could survive in there, cops pretty much just called me a crack head and said i better not move or theyd punch my fat gut, then just pushed me down the street and said get the fuck out of here you loser crack head dont ever come back

(mind you I dont smoke crack or do coke lol or look anything like a skinny crack head).

Also he said I had track marks above my ass??? i mean really, who do you know who IV's in the veins above their ass, what woudl I do bend over backwars lookin in a mirror or something>? fucking stupid as fuck police

they gave me like a front and back wedgie hardcore

i had 50 in my wallet, they are like wtf you dont even have any money

im like fuck these dirty cops took my money, but he just like crumpled it all to one side (not sure waht the point of that wass)

but yeah IMO, just NEVER officially admit your there to buy any type of drugs.

i bet if I mentioned ANYTHING or admitted ANYTHING about looking/buying H or even weed they woulda gave me that misdemeanor loitering which intent to purchase a cds. just hold your ground on your corny story and hope for the best.

thats the 2nd time I got cought outside a project, first time i said I was askin the black guy for directions and just stuck to my corny story, still avoided that ticket

then again i guess maybe im gettin lucky

but why anyon ewould admit to anything...baffles me.

 

[declarkified]

I don't use excuses for shit...The best method when getting pulled over in the hood looking like a feind is...rdy for it...laughter. Joking around with the officer will show you got nothing to hide...trust me ive seen task force come outta no where allready seen the drop made...i seen how everyone in the cars hands started shaking and didnt know what to do. ME for example...i aint scared of no police, i hate them,they are on my shit list, they can all die for all i care. But being in legal troubles since i was 13, i know how to talk to a cop and i know the methods to cause no suspicion to them. Some of them are dumb, some are smart but for the most part most of them DO not give a fuck. Especially when it comes to inner city neighborhoods. I get caught with a fit in the hood, they didnt even send me a summons for it because i told them i had it in my pocket *big no no not to tell an officer you have a syringe in your pocket, your just asking to get your ass beat by these big city cops where im from.* I've been through so much legal troubles, i have noting but straight resentment towards cops and they can all die, that's all i gotta say.

 

[axl86]

I have been making sure I go into the hood with less than 1/4 tank of gas. If I get pulled over my dope is goin under my balls and im gonna tell them I am on my way to this girls house and I need some gas, and I cant fucking find a gas station to save my life. Thats why I asked that dude standing on the corner but he didnt speak english

 

[Khadijah]

i got hassled by a project in paterson, said i was eligable for section 8 now and wanted to see what it was like if there was any remote chance a white kid like me could survive in there, cops pretty much just called me a crack head and said i better not move or theyd punch my fat gut, then just pushed me down the street and said get the fuck out of here you loser crack head dont ever come back

(mind you I dont smoke crack or do coke lol or look anything like a skinny crack head).

Also he said I had track marks above my ass??? i mean really, who do you know who IV's in the veins above their ass, what woudl I do bend over backwars lookin in a mirror or something>? fucking stupid as fuck police

they gave me like a front and back wedgie hardcore

i had 50 in my wallet, they are like wtf you dont even have any money

im like fuck these dirty cops took my money, but he just like crumpled it all to one side (not sure waht the point of that wass)

but yeah IMO, just NEVER officially admit your there to buy any type of drugs.

i bet if I mentioned ANYTHING or admitted ANYTHING about looking/buying H or even weed they woulda gave me that misdemeanor loitering which intent to purchase a cds. just hold your ground on your corny story and hope for the best.

thats the 2nd time I got cought outside a project, first time i said I was askin the black guy for directions and just stuck to my corny story, still avoided that ticket

then again i guess maybe im gettin lucky

but why anyon ewould admit to anything...baffles me.

becuz it works and they fuckin hate it when u play some corny ass story. Im tellin u the things that have hapened from my experience, and alot of other ones of us are too.

Its like, if you aint fucked, and you cool then I guess you stick to your guns....But word bond.....You fucked, you better just admit it and roll wit it.

once they got you and you and them both know that they got you, you only gonna be able to help yourself by bein real.

When they seen you sittin on a side block for 20 minutes bleeping your dealer waitin for him to tell you to roll up to the spot, you pretty much caught in the act of tryna cop...if u got anything on you, needles, etc....Be real...Yea, I was waitin to cpo but i aint cop yet, heres my money, etc....

When you give them a LITTLE bit, then helps...

You dont give them nothing, you could be hiding having a brick on you, or you could be hidin just the fact that u was coppin, they gonna assume the worse.

when u give them somethin, throw them a little bone, its like aight, well he told us he was tryna cop why would he do that if he was really guilty, etc that woudl only make him look worse...and so on...

I udnerstand both sides and i do understand wat u saying...But nothing pisses off the undercover narcs more than when you run your mouth repeatin some stupid ass lame story that yall both know aint true, becuz they take it as a disrespect. "You think im fuckin stupid buddy!?!?!" and so on....you "be real" with them to a certain extent and it works a lil better in MY personal experience.

Sometimes, you are just fucked. When you caught in the act shooting up, etc, that type shit, its just a wrap. but when its a situation where it can go one way or the other, and u ARE holdin, etc, u best off just tryna be real and play it off , not play some corny bullshit that will just make them mad. and like i said...My experiences is with Paterson cops....so I know the drill yo....

 

[wtblife]

Favorite I've read so far was the chicken one, hilarious.

EXXCEEPT maybe the "im lost one" --but thats only if you look a certain way and got a decent car.

That is the one I'd go with, got a decent car and I don't dress with super preppy clothes out of preference, but I think I look cleanly enough etc. I'll also have a reason to be somewhere near there, just sorta wandered/took a wrong turn, w/e.

Being me I might kind of wonder why I'm not allowed to be there even though I might be scared as I'm a clueless white kid, but it's probably best to not bring it up.

 

[cj]

The only thing that ever worked for me was honesty I am a young white college kid I asked him to please not ruin my life and they obliged. Cops exact words we aint trying to ruin kids lives we want the dealers got let go scott free he took my cell number down but I never heard anything about it. Pretty damn lucky for real.

 

[axl86]

The only thing that ever worked for me was honesty I am a young white college kid I asked him to please not ruin my life and they obliged. Cops exact words we aint trying to ruin kids lives we want the dealers got let go scott free he took my cell number down but I never heard anything about it. Pretty damn lucky for real.

yea you are lucky. Im sure this may happen where I cop sometimes too but when I got caught it was the wrong time. caught charges bc of one fucking stamp bag. I talked to the cop who arrested me at a concert about 2 months later. Said he woulda let me go in a second without a drug charge if his lieutenant wasnt there that day. So all it took for me fucking up getting a decent job the rest of my life was this dudes fucking boss being there. Dont count on this happening everytime bro.

 

[love2party]

Say you met this fine ass hood chick and you came for your weekly booty call.

 

[Khadijah]

you think cops are that stupid?

the next question that comes after that is "Ok, where does she live at? wats her address?"

some cops will be like "if thats ur girl then go up to the house and tell her to come outside". they wont just say "Derrr, OKAY! you can go!" I have heard a cop say "If i tell you to go walk up to that house right now and knock on the door, will the person who answers it know you and let you come inside?" Or theyll say "ok, then call thsi girlfriend of yours and ask her to tell us where she lives at and why you in this neighborhood" etc.....you dont just get off all easy like that.

When i use to visit my one friend she lived on a block of paterson that was a dope block , u could cop like at the corner of her block a few houses down. i was never coppin dope there, i legitimately was just there to chill with her , she would have cookouts, etc and wed chill ....but there was mad cops in the neighborhood. i was always scared of gettin pulled over on her block on teh way back from her house, so i would always tell her to stand by til i got outta there and be on the chirp, so if i got stopped i could chirp her and be liek yo, please tell these officers that i just left from your house and you my homegirl and that i aint here to cop drugs...

youll never get away with bein like "im here to bang this girl" it aint no different or better of a excuse than "Uh, Im here to uh, se my...Friend! yea, my friend lives here!" 8(

 

[Keaton]

"I'm drunk and I'm buying drugs... Leave me alone cuz if that dealer don't get his money he's gonna cap you too, not just me."

 

[Tommyboy]

"I'm going to get my haircut".

They really do give the best haircuts in the hood. Nasty fades. I saw them talking about that on Jersey Shore, and it reminded me of how I really did used to goto the hood for my haircut.