Any long time opiate users ?

[Bojangles69]

I understand what you are saying there, but that idea of duality; that being, any transient feeling can only be defined by its opposite, is somewhat...hmm, short sighted.

Of course, we understand much of life via comparison, but the opposite of happiness isn't really sadness. If I cry, thats not the opposite of laughter; its a physical emotional response on the same continuum of the emotional spectrum.

In truth; I don't think euphoria is happiness, any more then I think depression is sadness. When I think of being "happy" I understand that to mean calm, yielding, steady- more akin to something called "samadhi" or "satori" or bliss.

As opiate users, we probably tend to create stark opposites, given that our day is composed of that, by and large. The hit, the high, the burning off of the buzz, the endpoint, and back again...Theres very little grey in between being high and being sober.

That said, its been quite a while since I ingested either heroin or morphine (the latter being my favored opiate) as I take suboxone daily. I still get cravings that are quite intense, but life has evened out.

I think opiate addiciton is a disease of the spirit; it and all the symptoms of it can be conquered by allowing oneself to simply exist- even pain can be accepted. Have you ever been in the grip of withdrawal and actually really tried to quantify what you feel?

That said, I've had some strange withdrawal experiences, one being: I had used morphine maybe 3-4 times a day for four months and, when going c/t, entered pretty bad withdrawal. After that, I caved in and used again for a few months; on a whim, I decided to quit, and meditated deeply for several hours following the decision. I experienced no withdrawal at all- a mild headache, a bit of restlessness, but really nothing to concern myself with. The only difference is that I accepted what I was doing, and etched that acceptance into my deepest self.

Of course, I ended up strung out again within about 2 months...

Helluva life, this one...

Thats a solid fucking post right here seriously.

The whole thing about stark opposites is completely true. And the following concept about "just existing" is really mind boggling for me at this moment in my life. You are exactly right though imo. It IS a "disease of the spirit". Because you know what I noticed? Lately I've been focused on nothing but just living life and establishing a routine. Doing things I use to do. Volunteering at places, working out, getting back into a healthy diet. And I don't make excuses anymore to just get high and starve myself all day. If theres food in my stomach, I'm less likely to even want to get high.

I AM now "existing", with somewhat of a life, and I notice the compulsion and desire to continously identify myself as an addict, and behave as one, are completely fading away. I really think you nailed it and thats pretty fucking deep imo if you really understand the context in which you mean "existing". Because the weird part is this time around I chose to exist first, before I chose to quit, and not getting off the opiates has become enormous easier. Not to mention wds have also been much easier to. This lifestyle is truely fucked up if you think about it. Drugs take away your spirit, and reason to have one. And the only way to really get past the drugs imo is to fight to death to get that spirit back, wake up and get out of bed, and go TAKE your spirit back. Really feel where you're coming from on so many levels. Good read.


edit: Just want to note I have even more evidence to support your spirit theory lol. But there was a member on here by the name of hamclamp who tapered off pods back in sept and I for sure did not think he would manage to stay clean all by himself. But he noted to me on several occassions how he's stopped heroin in the past and just gone on to getting back to a normal life and staying off the drugs.
EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of his sobriety is something that in someway invigorates his spirit. He even said he was going to stop posting on BL because he winds up identifying too much with addict emotions, will start to take on those emotions himself (learned helplessness I assume) and start using again. And has been gone from BL since early fall like he said.

Well the guy told me it was actually 3 poppy related forums he had to stop posting on to get clean. As well as changing around much of his lifestyle. He's managed to stay clean now all by himself since sept. And when I talked to him about his recent sober life he has literally replaced every single addict behavoir he had, with a behavoir that helps keep his spirit and motivation alive. He builds guitar amps at night rather than post on the internet. And limits himself to an hour a day to use the computer. You can tell all these things helped him a lot, cause his spirit sounds stronger than ever, and he's managed to not relapse one time since he quit. He literally just stopped one day, then fought his ass off to stay busy and start doing new and different things. I have been taking much of his advice lately, and soon I think I'm going to have to stop posting here too. But all I know is it does work. If you want to stop opiates, you must start life. That doesn't mean just going to your job everyday like you did while on opiates (if you even managed a job) that means taking all those little addict behavoirs you did throughout your day, and replacing them with something more productive and positive. But either way, I agree with everything you wrote.

 

[nervousone]

Well the guy told me it was actually 3 poppy related forums he had to stop posting on to get clean. As well as changing around much of his lifestyle. He's managed to stay clean now all by himself since sept. And when I talked to him about his recent sober life he has literally replaced every single addict behavoir he had, with a behavoir that helps keep his spirit and motivation alive. He builds guitar amps at night rather than post on the internet. And limits himself to an hour a day to use the computer. You can tell all these things helped him a lot, cause his spirit sounds stronger than ever, and he's managed to not relapse one time since he quit. He literally just stopped one day, then fought his ass off to stay busy and start doing new and different things. I have been taking much of his advice lately, and soon I think I'm going to have to stop posting here too. But all I know is it does work. If you want to stop opiates, you must start life. That doesn't mean just going to your job everyday like you did while on opiates (if you even managed a job) that means taking all those little addict behavoirs you did throughout your day, and replacing them with something more productive and positive.

This is key. Like they say in NA "nothing changes if nothing changes". You can't just stop doing drugs one day with nothing to fill the void. It is essential to pick up healthy activities to fill your time. I notice many opiate addicts stop doing all the things they once loved to focus on getting high. When using is the most important thing in your life and you quit there is a huge void to fill once you stop.

 

[jake99]

that is one thing im totally struggling with .............besides goin to meetings or library or visiting my mom and grandmom , or few friends from n.a. i know and see occasionally i dont know what to do with myself , i look for a job every day but i dont have anything i feel "replaces" dope. in a way i feel nothing really could except maybe if i met a great girl and fell in love

 

[theartofwar]

that is one thing im totally struggling with .............besides goin to meetings or library or visiting my mom and grandmom , or few friends from n.a. i know and see occasionally i dont know what to do with myself , i look for a job every day but i dont have anything i feel "replaces" dope. in a way i feel nothing really could except maybe if i met a great girl and fell in love

the chase / whole process is easily the most addictive parts for me. No matter how far from it I get, I still can rationalize the shit too, addiction is a fucking bitch. It takes the very strongest points of my personality, scews it, leaves me abandoned and helpless.

Meeting a great girl, being love, it does help for sure. But you have to do it ultimately for yourself... I look at it like this - if i use it's a big problem , but if I don't go back the next day , it's a victory in itself. I'm so tired of beating the shit out of myself over this stuff......you wear down all over and eventually it becomes very very easy after the years pass to say "fuck it" and give in to not caring anymore.

I always think about the drives to picking up, and how excited and happy you are, honestly it makes me sick how crazy I am about opiates... I don't know who I am in the world of opiates, I just can try to stay as far away as possible. They destroy my life , no way around it.

 

[dirtyoldman]

happyness

Havent been using long but I do have some comments to add. Curt Cobain was a rich & famous singer doing all the heroin he wanted & that didnt stop him from commiting suicide. There are people out there that are happy with doing opiates all their lives & living a productive life but I highly doubt it would be alot of them. Eventually the opiate you were using will stop working the way it was working before for you that was making you contempt with how life was treating you.

There are productive alcoholics that drink all their lives & do it well. Probably half of the House & Senate & im sure there are opiate productive members of society that do well also. Doctors, nurses, lawyers & judges that are life time opiate users. Can they sustain the habit all their lives & be happy is the major question. I would say it is slim, very slim.

Hi,

the thing is what drove them to do the dope in the first place...

is THAT fixed?

for example a severe chronic pain patient can be using opiates for decades successfully (and well legal you avoid most of the problems of chronic opiate use)... it fixes the problem.

if you're using because you're depressed and it eases your depression when you're not using will whatever causes your depression still be there?

 

[swilow]

that is one thing im totally struggling with .............besides goin to meetings or library or visiting my mom and grandmom , or few friends from n.a. i know and see occasionally i dont know what to do with myself , i look for a job every day but i dont have anything i feel "replaces" dope. in a way i feel nothing really could except maybe if i met a great girl and fell in love

Maybe, instead of looking for external things like drugs/jobs/girls, you should look internally. Things like meditation could be of great benefit to you...

Personally, I keep myself happy by constantly researching various things that really intrigue me; the occult, Zen Buddhism, Taoism, shamanism, and then practise the stuff I've learned. I have some older friends who have been involved in thelema/chaos magick "cults" and, with them, have had some extraordinairy spiritual experiences. I also find that meditating for a few hours a day is really beneficial. I get anxious, and have found simple breath meditation to be really effective in causing the anxiety to subside.

I also love music, and either constantly listen to it, or make it, guitar, piano, keyboards, synth, etc. These sort of things are so beneficial; they thouroughly capture the mind and cause a tremendous desire to be alive; fuck, there is so many interesting things about the world, so much good music, so many good books, etc. that I NEED to stay alive and relatively sober so I can devour these things!! :D My mum recently taught me how to do some knitting, and I've been tie-dying stuff for ages; currently, I'm making a psychedelic beanie sort of thing for my darling girlfriend....

Do you like painting, writing, drawing, music, sewing, jigsaw puzzles (ie. anything 'creative')? This sort of thing can absorb you; and creating THINGS is like a drug, but with only positive side effects....

Peace

 

[ElectricCity]

Ijust want to randomly say to jake- that reading all your most recent postings and thoughts and feelings... The clean jake sounds SO introspective and lovely! I love what you are saying jake- you're a smart and likeable dude, and we are getting so much more of your real raw feelings and perspectives here! I remember always wanting to just hear more from you than one word questions or replies when you brought up issues in TDS.
Dude, I may not have ever met you, but there is a HUGE and positive glowing difference from you in this thread of yours as opposed to the older ones when you were still high.

Good for you dude! I just wanted to let you know it shows And even though you are depressed internally, I hope it helps you to know that the best parts of you are coming to surface more and more, and hopefully that will extend to all aspects of your life.. thus lifting some of the weight of the world and allowing you to enjoy life and what it's got to offer you!

ok i gotta stop before I get too cheesy, but I just had to tell ya what I have observed.
Take care jake, always rooting for you dude!

 

[Canis aureus]

Well, I'm long term... I dn't have enough time to post well enough to prove my point but still need to say that it is not always so simple as using and not using. I'm not thinking about opposites of using and not... I think I had something like endorphine deficiency or similar akin to it in the beginning, and when I first took opiates, it didn't feel like being somewhat high, I felt especially natural (in absence of right wording) and was able to feel complete plus clear-headed.

So I could not think that topic with dichotomies of using (wrong and dirty) and not-using (right, somewhat clena and pure)...

Opiates have not been problem to me, only in terms of their absence. I mean, of course I'm physically addicted (better term being dependent) and all (had to do illegal things to support my life style) but I never did anything out of rational justification; I thought about consequences... did what was needed but suddered alot too.

At one point I justified the use to myself, because woth opioids I'm SIMPLY a BETTER PERSON to others and myself (don't do excessive things like without opiates). I simply need them to feel somewhat complete. That's strange, but I think that there are some of us in this world, and maybe in this forum too.

I have found something (evidence) in scientific realm
There. appear to be studies of people needing opioids. But I must admit that
talking about it is slightly uneasy. Most people just assume that that's just some damn strange junkie talk and some far out ad-hoc scientific bullshit.

Well, at some point I don't even care what people think... I have done master of arts degree on opiates (self supported 'piate use at that period), and now I have workled in several jobs (non academic) while I'm on methadone... These things hardly anyone could call scumbag's monkey business anymore.

Sorry, gotta go!

 

[IvvySaid]

I write a lot, in a journal. But only when I am using. Everytime I go back and read the shit I have written it seems unreal. When I am using all I ever think about is how "happy" I am and how I never want to stop. I got away with it for so long I honestly didn't think it was a problem whatsoever.

I would try to get clean and fail, over and over again. Eventually I realized that my life was falling apart because of the dope, not because everyone else in the world was a fucking idiot. I was. I could not admitt that to myself for a long long time, even to my journal. Finding ways to justify my using and ignore the fact that my life was slowly falling apart was my specialty.

Now I have been clean for 1 week. Yay. And I find that clean time is really the only time that I can get honest with myself. I really did feel and think I was genuinely happy while high, but that was the problem. I had to be high. Once it became clear to me that if I had to have drugs, money to get more drugs, and the ways and means of doing so to stay happy something was wrong.

You may feel happy only while you use, but its not true happiness if it only exists when you have whatever it is that keeps you well. Being happy and clean is extremely difficult for me, even on what seems to be my millionth go at it. BUT eventually things will get better. Relapse slaps me in the face a few weeks after I stop using everytime. Why? Because, if I am not "fixed" (undeniably happy, with a good job, and fantastic boyfriend/house/life) in that short amount of time, its because I needed the drugs all along to be happy. Wrong. It just takes time. I really dont know how long it takes, different for everyone I assume, but it definately takes more time than I have ever allowed.

I think its so hard because the more time it takes, you must be thinking its not working. But you have to give yourself the time to get back to 'normal', whatever that is. And try not to put a time limit. "If I am not happy and satified with being clean by next month I will use again." Life doesnt work that way. As much as it sucks we all have to give it up someday, or die trying. Good luck, hun.

Not trying to preach, since I am clearly in the thick of it myself, just layin out my experience. I always have AT LEAST two cents on hand.

 

[Canis aureus]

Why the hell you think so?

Why the hell, if you were genuinely happy and you are not happy now (possibly never could be), why the hell you have to punish yourself? I mean, what is initially wrong with taking drugs?

What is wrong in the idea of medication?




I don't think like that and won't!

The war on drugs is bullshit and leads you to believe all sort of shit...


I know this is dark side forum so what the hell I'm doing here. I'm not dark at all.

I was dark when I didn't have any opiates, but now I'm on methadone and although life is not the easiest (life never is the easiest), I am as happy and as full human as I could be.

What the hell is wrong with being medicated, I mean ultimately?


On the oter hand I know it well...I was using opiates and I tried in every possible way not use them... It always made me very sad and I know I was sad, but I tried not to use, because every one told me not to use. I knew I was not sad with opiates and on opiates and I saw I needed them to make my life complete, but I knew at the same time that illegality of them and cop-game and people hating me because I used, was big part of being unhappy when using. because there was some sense of not so good feeling while I was using illicit opiates. It was hard to feel OK, but at the same tie I knew that vops were chasing us and almost all poeple were hating that sort of people.

Finally I tried to think the other way: namely that I was right in the very idea that opiates aren't wrong. I questioned the game behind people wanting me not to use... But I knew couldn't use illlicit opiates and be happy because this shit is built so that it breaks you no matter what yo try. Finally I realized that only way is to go to bupe or methadone... first on bupe, didn't work... then 'done... It is OK.


Sorry, I don't want to be mean, not angry, but it seems that some people need something and this fucking society and some fucking pervert masochists try to lead people to think it's OK to be damn sad and low... AS LONG AS ONE DOESN*T USE anything.

What if the wrong is in our societies, and in the way to think like that?

And what if there is something wrong in that that no medication is allowed? OK ,now methadone is allowed and it is allowed to me. And I think I need ultimately some sort of outer opiate/opioid.

It's finally very easy to live with, because we need so muchfrom outside to keep us alive, happy and weel. WE need food, H2O, we need oxygene, we need other people we need talk we need some sort of harmony, we need peace of mind...

So one little opiate, coming outside of me, wasn't hard at all to accept and not fight against. It is just a physical need, like drinking; I guess we need these receptors to be filled with something. ANd if nature doesn't fill them by itself, we could well fill them ourselves and with medication.

 

[jake99]

Wow this is intense.................@ Canis. I totally feel you . all the years i was using i told myself "well ive been on almost every anti depressant there is and none of them worked so if opiates work theres no reason i shouldnt be able to use them" But like you said , society doesnt accept them and that led me to a few years in prison which seems real harsh for gettin caught with dope ( i did do some dumb stuff like stealing that i admit is wrong but never was really a crimiinal ) So i have had clean time in last 5 yrs or so (im 29 now , started weed around 15, dope around 21) . I do think AA/NA have a lot of good stuff, but ive always had a hard time with the higher power thing. (i kinda believe in God but have so many doubts) so for last 2 yrs or so Ive been back and forth between dope, suboxone, methadone , etc............The suboxone helped a little as far as not being sick but not so much with mental cravings, the methadone i couldnt stand bein on the clinic and goin every day for it and was more scared of methadone w/d than heroin w/d , the dope thing obviously i dont wanna get locked up again and the money to support a habit is pretty nuts.........So im gonna give this non opiate life another shot and maybe if i take the suggestions from the AA people as much as part of me says "Oh its b.s." who knows , it could work ............I do think our world still doesnt need to look down so much on opiate users whether im clean or not......There actually are drugs that in my opinion are "worse" or make people way more nuts than opiates do (methamphatamines, crack, etc........) Anyway thats it for now . Peace

 

[oliphill]

Canis -

You may feel great on methadone. Good for you. If you have seen Jakes posts over the last few months you would see that he has a different story.

Early abstinence based recovery is often tough, but the results are often very rewarding.

You associate the war on drugs, the government, the law, etc with the reason people in recovery programs want to be abstinent?

No one is forcing you to do anything. Where did you get that idea?

If anything, well in the UK anyway, the Government, National Health Service, etc are very much pro methadone, subutex, etc. And the people in abstinent based recovery programs are just people, not just basing their views on stats, crime rates, etc, but their own personal experience and the quality of life they are experiencing.

And Jake -

With regards to the higher power thing, you don't need to believe in 'God'. I don't and the program works for me. The treatment centre I got clean in, we had a presentation on "The Atheists Guide To The Steps". I'll see if I get it and post it up on here. For me, even though I don't see my self as an atheist (more agnostic), it helped smash the final excuse I had that NA was a religious program. Sure there are some people in NA who believe in a religious God, good for them, but it is not a religious program at all. To work the 12 steps you don't have to have any non-logical concept of a higher power. Times are changing. Apparently now in Egypt they don't use the word God on their translated literature. People in my area are pushing to get a some literature printed to explain about NA being non-religious, etc.

 

[villian]

What the hell is wrong with being medicated, I mean ultimately?

Nothing if you don't have a problem with it. That is your choice. I will say that you seem to be trying extremely hard to justify your use to others (to yourself?)

That being said for many people in this forum we have discovered through our own trials and tribulations that being an opiate user is certainly not the answer and is often the cause of our problems.

 

[Canis aureus]

Well, what I had in mind -- I admit expressing my thoughts little hastily and harsly because of limited time frame I had -- when referring to drug war, wasn't that people are strickly coersed to abstinence. I said it is inbuilt in our societies that abstinence is valued over all other forms of being... It is seen the only way to adult-like behaviour and adult way of life, other forms -- using some substances -- seen as infantile.

Well, I don't have any problem, if people try to be or live in abstinence, if it really fits to their way of life and ends much better than the form of life including substance use. Only problem seems to be that sometimes -- should I say very often -- evaluative connotations shine through the reasoning behind abstinence based life style (ie. that it is more desirable way of life in general, meaning to everyone, very rewarding, very meaningfull, deeper way of life).

It just seems that those notions which stand as justification of abstinence are unclear and fabricated, and after all abstinence based life is just "unrewarding" in the end. Well, it didn't offer anything special to me.... vice versa.


And very often abstinence seems just too hard to achieve to these people in question, ie. it seems that much energy is spent (wasted?) trying to maintain abstinece, while it could have been better if one has spent it to something else. Because there are many things which are hard to reach and rewarding, if accomplished, so it's far better to spend time on these things (be it art or whatever).... After all, life is too short to spent in hitting ones head to the wall (couldn't resist )

Well, and I myself had to try abstinence (it was must, put forth by our society) and I did spend too much time in trying to accomplish abstinence without any success... So and thus, I try to inform others not to waste their precious time. That is one reason why I am probably little too critical towards abstinence based forms to handle addiction.

That being said, life is hard task anyway... So, be it spent to abstinece or whatever, it of course could be rewarding journey, though tough one. So who am I to tell anybody anything but some most important rules. One rule being the Golden Rule, or it's refined form Categorical Imperative, which very often is forgotten or neglected by homo sapiens (although no other specie has the capacity to formulate such rule).

In one way or another, my thoughts on opiate use and life in general are some forms or ways of that maxim put forth by myself (thus slightly incomplete, defective and imperfect).

 

[jake99]

I see both sides of this discussion................Would be nice if opitates (such as dope) werent illegal and were affordable . it would take out the whole criminal element of it , making it easier for many people to live "normal" lives without worrying about going broke or getting locked up , but i just dont think that is going to happen. i do think that in a way Methadone is as bad or worse than heroin but why is it that in other countries they have more success with heroin clinics than methadone clinics ? users can gradually lower their doctor administered doses as they do with methadone here.............but the way our society is , i doubt in america Heroin will ever be anything close to legal or have clinics..........That being said , I think it just sucks that it takes a long time for our brains to adjust to feeling good again after long term dope use, but i guess with a lot of hard work it can be done , and i hope i can do it .................
But i do see canus's point , life does seem more enjoyable a lot of times with dope , but not when the consequences catch up to you

 

[masspain]

It seems like I have been doing opiates for a long time, but it has only been 4 years......

It all started when I got back from Iraq........

 

[oliphill]

I see both sides of this discussion................Would be nice if opitates (such as dope) werent illegal and were affordable . it would take out the whole criminal element of it , making it easier for many people to live "normal" lives without worrying about going broke or getting locked up , but i just dont think that is going to happen. i do think that in a way Methadone is as bad or worse than heroin but why is it that in other countries they have more success with heroin clinics than methadone clinics ? users can gradually lower their doctor administered doses as they do with methadone here.............but the way our society is , i doubt in america Heroin will ever be anything close to legal or have clinics..........That being said , I think it just sucks that it takes a long time for our brains to adjust to feeling good again after long term dope use, but i guess with a lot of hard work it can be done , and i hope i can do it .................
But i do see canus's point , life does seem more enjoyable a lot of times with dope , but not when the consequences catch up to you

They have legal heroin prescriptions here in the UK: http://www.national.slam.nhs.uk/ser...pervisedinjectingclinic/eligibility-criteria/

However, I know for sure that if I had ever gone on that, I would just be buying more on top, just end up with a bigger habit. I personally just have no control over drugs, I've been trying it out for years trust me.

For an addict methadone, maintenence meds etc dont work. I was never stable. It didn't seem like you were either Jake, reading your posts you could never get stable on a script, you were up and down, using in between, wanting to get off, etc, etc, just like me and many other addicts.

I agree, some people who can somehow control their usage, stick to their script and get on with their life, great, really happy for them if that's what they wanna do. But the fact is that very few people who have a reason to get on methadone to begin with are able to get stable on their script. I mean think about what it's like at a methadone clinic, one I used to go to I would say 80% of the people used on top, sold their scripts, etc, etc.

 

[Canis aureus]

Well, I tink those mentioned 80% are mostly beginners... Long timers use less in my experience. In the clinic where I'm at, there are long timers who are on steady dose, and those don't sell their meds, rarely use anything, and are mostly living quite steady phase of their life.

Those statistics often show up slightly worse than the situation really is, because there are those who are new-comers, who of course use... who haven't reached anything like staple dose etc etc.

After all, I'm not big fan of clinical setting and clinics, I just like that medication. To me, methadone is completely OK. I like long acting opiates, because of those stabile effects, blood-saturation, and because there are no ups and downs there. I liked shooting short-acting ones, but those have major short-comings. I never liked those downs, though ups where sort of fun, hahaha.

Of course, when one gets older those ups don't play so important role anymore. It's nice to feel kicks, but it's much nicer to be calm and feel the steady state (have certain feeling of holding of medicine). With those things present one could do other things, concentrate on living, not worrying about state of being; drug doesn't play so important part in living.




So, what I had primarily in my mind was to say and state, that t here really is a firm part of people who gain benefit of methadone and who live succesfully in their "treatment" without titrating dose up and down.

In fact, I have been on steady dose almost six years now, and it holds me well today. I am on relatively high dose (there is no high dose, only the right dose, lol), but I simply need that dose; otherwise I am sick in the morning, craving in the evening...

I get maximum take-homes, so I don't need to visit clinic daily.

I am not having other medication and I was just visiting doctor, having bloodtests and everything (I'm over forty), and every test became back with very good results. No infections (low CRP, not much white blood cells), liver is doing very well, no blood sugar problems, high hemoglobin etc etc. I have not gained weight (that people always claim to gain on methadone), I don't even have any horrible constipation (though never diarrhea either) and the story goes on...

I walk much and eat quite healthy (not trying to eat uber healthy though). I am very active, either reading, moving or thinking all the time. I take naps, when I want and have that time to enjoy those; I simply like this phase of life...

There are things in life which put me thinking, pondering, serious and even sad state of mind (like death of some friend, and near ones...), but that's not

the question now

 

[theartofwar]

I think it's a head game - you remember the good times, the good highs. Meanwhile, reality is you will NEVER get that first rush back again, you will never ever have the same nods - any long term user knows that it's not just tolerance that goes up , it's an inability to even feel the same high... still day in and out it's always on the tip of my brain. I know personally no matter how long I stay clean when I use it's just not the same, I trick myself into thinking today will be different, today I'll get that high etc etc... the warm euphoria is no longer there, you might get a bit but nothing like what it once was.
Truthfully the only way out is to keep busy and hope the time between use grows, allowing you to manage life in the meantime. I hate / despise opiates , at the same time I love them. It's fucked.

 

[jake99]

Yeah it really is crazy how you can get so used to dope or whatever you are doing that is becomes feeling "normal" But i still think for a lot of ppl that "normal" is better to them than the sober "normal" (make any sense? ) But the same thing happens with methadone /subs as well, so i just dont know.............Lol..........all i know is life is hard sober and life is hard trying to maintain an addiction ...........so basically there is no easy way...........If only an opiate could be created that was legal, safe, and cheap , and didnt leave you sick when you dont have it .........imagine that !