• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0

Thank you Erikmen and toothpastedog. Your words mean a lot. Yes, im trying to organize and write more so i can have a 5 song demo by the end of the year ir sooner. Im thinking about buying a recorder and a drum and bass machine. This way i can rerecord till its right instead of paying outrages fees for studio time. Its my passion and i def hope i can do something too. Trick is to get it out there in companies hands. Trust me ill stand out bc my music is crazy. Thanks again guys
 
Thank you toothpastedog. You are pretty cool yourself. Like I said, you have the energy and have grown mature while you still have an entire life ahead of you! :)

@closeau, I really wish that your talent be recognized. Sometimes it's a matter of time and patience. But as I see this, it's a win win situation where you know what you want and also happen to know the drill. So good luck!

Take care!
E.
 
Yup, I am working so hard right now with my mentor, and tomorrow I am going to try and find myself someone within the Against The Stream community who can fill the role of something like an NA sponsor, just because I don't do the whole 12 Step thing. I am gonna try and see if I can chat with Noah Levine tomorrow about it for a few minutes. I spoke with him months ago about another matter,vhe is such a nice guy.
 
Noah Levine? Awesome dude. He sounds like such a cool guy and hes been thru it too so he knows. I heard he had something going out there like that. Dharma Punks. Wow. If you get to work with him youre in there. I like the Against the Stream. I was told at my vows and precept ceremony i was a stream enterer. Man, im blown away. We gotta talk tomorrow. Say noon your time. Check your message from me. I need something from you. If you read it just message me back with it. Good luck with everything and i can live vicariously thru you, lol
 
Buddhism as a way to understand how our minds work. It should be very interesting.
 
Ive never been closer to figuring out my crazy mind as i did when i practiced Buddhisim. Those temples you see overseas wherr people burn stuff to have a good next life is not Buddhisim. I practiced forest trsdtion . Its from Thailand but northern Thailand in the jungle and they practice the way Buddha did all those yesrd ago. I guess ortodox Buddhisim. The rawness and simplicity dree me to it. Ajhan Chah was the head monk and he was instramentsl. In letting westeners come practice at his monastary. Hes since passed but they have a monastary in thr redwoods of cali called Absyagiri and its all westeners. Bunch of white boys, lol. Their monk sent me a 4 page letter on requirements for brcoming a monk. A very hard 3 yr process. Living a monastic lifestyle is bery hard. But when i practice i got to know myself so good it still lingers today. I so wish i could get back into it but my sitting posture hurts and my love for heavy metal music too, lol. Theres no better way to look inside yourself and lrarn about your mind but Buddhisim!!!
 
It's interesting to understand how your mind functions and be able to meditade and shut down for while- although it's still very difficult to take everything out and try not to think at all. I read that Psychology today uses some of the budhism principles adapted in the psychotherapy sessions.
 
Doesnt surpride me. Buddha erote the abidhamma. Its complezc phycological stuff. Buddhist scholars disect it the best thuy can. His enlightment made him the smartest man on the planet snd there eas o big deal when hrvdied inlike other religions. He calmy said to his head monk, "strive on with dillegace."
 
SergeKopla- Of course I am the exception to every rule. I would be puking into a cup while driving in the morning on the freeway from drinking the night before and still outpreform my co-workers both mentally and physically. I was by anyone's account the smartest and strongest guy anyone knew, and I was always either drunk or hungover.
I was the reason other guys drank too much. " If he can do it, so can I" I was never proud of that.
 
That's the routine in every bar. Don't feel bad about it. If you don't do it, someone will do it with you. That's one of the reasons people drink together in certain places. They want everyone else to be on the same level you are so it's fun. This is what goes on when we have problems with alcohol.
 
When i started i was the guy. Always make ya laugh and buy you a round. When i would have to move for work this is how i would make friends. It worked a long while till my disease progressed and that handsome, well groomed life of the part stated falling off stools and puking on the bar and all that. Thats when i locked myself away and drank alone. Even after all these years of recovery it still haunts me. Isolating to get drunk or high. Such lonliness!!! I feel for anybody whos living like that. Theres a way out. If your out there and wanna come out into the besuty just letvme know.
 
There's always a way out. The problem is that one needs to want to stop. Doctors, family and friends can only convince on a rationally level. The fear itself sometimes works as a motivation but it's not the best way out either.

Unfortunately some of us need to lose everything, go deep rock bottom to realize the time is now, the moment to stop is always right now. I believe there is no problem in the world that doesn't become worse when you are drinking too much.
 
I agree with that Erikman. I used to think getting drunk would fix things and long before i quit i realized that wasnt so but kept going cause i was addicted to alcohol. So many different people tried to help me and i woulld tell them what they wanted to hear to take the heat off. Even in AA relapse after relapse. Even people who knew me well in there didnt know what to say. I wasnt ready. The key piece to getting better from any addiction, even hoarding. The person has to be ready or all the drs and sponsers are not good for nothing. Good post Erikman as usual
 
Thanks closeau! I believe that when you come that moment where you really want out, some important things tend to align and suddenly everything gets better. Like a different life regardless of how difficult it is you know you are in a better place. ;)
 
I agree. I can even tell you where it was. I left a meeting and headed to the store for some liquior and pulled off to this playground and got out and climbed t thevtop of the slide. Sat there and just thought ans i became very emotional then everything calmed and everything felt easy, you know? Not so heavy. From that point on i didnt have a problem anymore.
 
Erikmen said:
I believe that when you come that moment where you really want out, some important things tend to align and suddenly everything gets better. Like a different life regardless of how difficult it is you know you are in a better place. ;)
Click to expand...

I agree Erikmen. I struggled for years to get sober, but subconsciously wasn't ready to accept I could never drink again. Eventually the pain and consequences of drinking were to painful, and I no longer cared if I could drink, I just wanted to stop. I was able to get into rehab to detox and dry out and the rest is history. However, before getting to that moment I was caught in an addiction cycle of stop start stop start and it was hell physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually. It almost killed my soul, I used to fantasize about death because I couldn't do it myself. I am so glad those times are over. I haven't had a craving for alcohol in over two years, and I hang out on Bluelight just to spare other people all the pain and suffering I endured from this insidious disease.

Regarding 12 step programs, they were an integral part of me getting connected resources to get healthy. They also restored hope in myself to realize I was not so abnormal that I wasn't the worst person on the planet, because prior to going to the meets, I had no faith in myself and felt I was just wasting oxygen by being alive. I am not religious, and felt initially antagonized by the spiritual aspects, but just tuned those parts out. I accepted the Lord's Prayer and the Serenity Prayer like I do religious references during Christmas and they no longer antagonized me. The meetings also made me realize I wanted to rise above the addiction - I didn't want to be a lifer - one of those people who gets sober and then goes to three meetings a day and spend all their life on recovery. I didn't want to be stuck living with my addiction as my identity. My addiction was a temporary illness in my life - it is not who I am and does not define me. I feel people who just live for the meetings are always standing in the relapse line and stop progressing forward so they are always in danger of relapse. I feel for them, it's easier to do the meeting than fixing the underlying issues that drove the addiction. Just my opinion, not trying to knock anyone or the meetings.
 
Moreaux, what a wonderful post. I wholeheartedly agree with all you said. I knock 12 step now but I never really put the effort into it. I would say in my 10 years in there there was a span of 11 months where I busted my ass and did get results. My beliefs just do not line up with AA anymore. But I haven't had a craving in a long time. So much easier to live without that monkey biting in your neck. I had that ephipany that got me out of that cycle you spoke of. That ephipany told me to not be dependent on anything. Money, food, car these things obviously your dependent on but you know what I mean. I see those people who go to meetings all day everyday and I didn't want to become like that. Dependent on the program just like alcohol. I really liked that cycle you described. I lived in that for 12 long hard years. I didn't lose everything but came dam close and did lose things I'll never get back. But I can live with that. I think that's important point, what are you willing to go without. Of course booze but material items or relationships. During my alcoholism I was engaged twice and bc of alcohol they fell apart. They were beautiful wonderful people and I think how my life would be different if it had worked. I would presumably be married instead of renting a loft in a crappy house at 41 yrs old. But I'm willing to accept consequences of my actions and live without. Last summer they took my colon out so now I have ostomy bag for life. But same thing, accept consequences and live without. The bag is a huge adjustment and I do have s hard time with acceptance but I got rest of my life to accept it

I like what Erikmen said how about when you want out things align and get better. I know I just let go finally and things got extremely better. It wasn't long after that that I noticed that massive urge to drink wasn't there. I didn't know if it was temporary but it's been permanent. God I prayed so much for this curse to be lifted. I refuse to say my prayers were answered but something def happened. It's funny to how all my good "friends" in program stopped contact when I left. I have one guy I talk to and he's my best AA friend but the rest nothing. I've even called them and left messages and no return. That turned me even more but I'm not gonna waste this post slamming meeting. I'm just speaking from my heart. Addiction is a plague on our society and I'm glad I lived thru it. Right now I'm on 13 different Meds and 3 of them are controlled substances but I have no problem at all with them. If I did I'd get off quick. I think the point is those of us who get better know in their heart their better and there is no doubt in the heart. I'm glad you survived too and for all of us who can log on and share our experience with eachother is awesome. I feel very close to you all and way to go getting past this affliction and live to see happier days. Take care
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top