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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0

toothpastedog said:
Agreed, I mean we all live under different circumstances, so some of us can afford to be a bit more open about it while others would be foolish for doing so. That said, I find that I am much happier since I learned how to safely "come out" (the parallels with sexual identity here are striking in terms of stigma and ivnorance in the western so-called civilized world) regarding my struggles with addiction when it comes to friends and family. Basically when it comes to people I love and know well, and who I want to be loved by and known well by, I have had to learn to be honest, frank, and, most importantly, educate them about addiction and my struggles to find meaningful, lasting recovery.

Right now I find I benefit most from learning to become more self compassionate, to learn to really begin to love myself for who I am, to allow myself the space to grow, the curiosity necessary to discover what it authentically means to be the genuine me, the bravery to educate others about who I am and the courage to try, to always keep trying to reach towards my potential, armed with the insights gleaned through self discovery made possible by becoming skilled at being kind and gentle with myself - it is all about loving yourself at the end of th day. That is why they say it is actually good to be selfish in such a way, because only through such "selfishnees," what is actually self compassion to more trained eyes, is it possible to experience the wonders and joys that come in truly loving another unconditionally. But one must begin with one's self.
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Nicely put @toothpastedog.
I would not say selfish but I understand we must respect and love ourselves first so we engage in healthy relationships and find the space you need to grow.
 
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So I haven't thought about this in ages, but did anyone notice their alcoholism spiral out of control while taking an SSRI? I was an alcoholic beginning at the age of 17. At the age of 24 I started taking Zoloft, and stayed on Zoloft for 11 years. Prior to Zoloft, I could quit drinking when I needed to or wanted to and didn't have cravings. About six months into Zoloft, alcohol became fiendish - not only was I obsessively thinking about it and craving it, the amount that I would drink literally doubled.

I keep thinking that Vivitrol is responsible for me no longer having cravings, but I quit taking antidepressants in 2014, the same time I went to rehab and then started taking Vivitrol, which I stayed on for a total of 8 months. Has anybody noticed a similar reaction?
 
Regarding the term 'Functioning Alcoholic' - That was me. My biggest problem was that alcohol gave me energy and cleared my head. It made me fearless and creative to the point that my family and even co-workers knew how much I drank( about a liter of whiskey a day, every day for 15 years) and they would always make sure I had enough booze. My boss gave me liquor at Christmas and my kids would remind my wife to stock up when my favorite beer was on sale.
I was kind of an angry depressed ass when I tried to give up the booze. So by any definition, I was a serious alcoholic AND more than functional.
Having said all of that...... I always knew that it was a dead end road. I was lucky enough to find a way to quit 16 months ago and I don't have any desire for it anymore.

Anybody who convinces themself that they can function forever as an alcoholic will eventually get caught by the inevitable truth that alcohol damages every aspect of your life. Most people (employers, spouses, your kids, etc) will look the other way for a while. Then they will accept an apologie or two. Then give you one more chance if you ask for help and admit you have a problem. Your body can take a lot too.

My advice: don't wait until too much damage has been done to your body and your relationships. I was lucky. My kids/wife/boss still like me and I am healthy. Too many BlueLighters have a different story to tell.
 
I am just so happy to hear your naltrexone injections have been working so well for you Moreaux! It is amazing how much certain medications can help, not just harm, not to mention how they have the propensity to affect each of us in such radically different ways sometimes.
 
Moreaux said:
It was so hard, and it's no way to live. I probably spent 20 hours a week trying to compensate for the drinking to remain functional. That was on top of a 60 hour a week job, and having to maintain a house as I was single and a homeowner, so I didn't have help with household maintenance (house cleaning, yard work, etc). I tried to maintain that lifestyle for 10 years and it almost broke me. I would not recommend it to anyone.
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Hence is it a myth that you can be an hard drinking alcoholic and manage life without overcompensating? Guys and Girls, can anyone of you drink hard one day and then do a full day's work next day like nothing happened?
 
Moreaux said:
I have to say I don't agree with the term "functional alcoholic" for two reasons...
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I kinda agree with you. This is why I asked the question if anyone can function normally with a hangover (in the post before this one).
 
Squeaky said:
Regarding the term 'Functioning Alcoholic' - That was me. My biggest problem was that alcohol gave me energy and cleared my head. It made me fearless and creative to the point that my family and even co-workers knew how much I drank( about a liter of whiskey a day, every day for 15 years) and they would always make sure I had enough booze. My boss gave me liquor at Christmas and my kids would remind my wife to stock up when my favorite beer was on sale.
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Would you say that the persons like you are very rare? Yes, alcohol will catch up eventually, but having a liter of whiskey and it cleared your head and made you creative??? Wow, I drink that and I am mentally retarded for 2 days after that. So do you think your case is a relatively rare one?
 
There are some famous people like Larry Hagman who managed to do good work in their career despite maintaining a BAC of over 0.2 all day every day. Personally, I'm not able to keep drinking that much for over a week or two, because I get so bad alcohol gastritis that its impossible to down any more booze. And I'm definitely not "functioning" when I drink.

Now I've been sober for two and half months. Last year I had a sober period of 4 months. :)
 
Thats great polymath. Accomplishments should be reconized. Im not patronizing you, thats a long time. Keep it up and were here for you anytime
 
Thanks for the kind words, toothpastedog and closeau.

Three years ago, my alcohol addiction was so bad that sometimes if I ran out of money during a bender and couldn't buy more beer or vodka, I drank mouthwash or denatured alcohol to ease the hangover/withdrawal. Then I was in rehab for a month, and after that I've been on Antabuse for most of the time and I've had only two or three drinking binges a year. The problem was that I occasionally abused Lyrica, codeine or poppy tea as a substitute. When I took Lyrica, I always lost control just like I do after taking the first drink, and ended up using two weeks worth of the meds in 3 days.

But now, no alcohol or drugs for over 10 weeks, and I feel good. I'm able to do productive things I like to do, e.g. computer programming, art or writing about science (see my thread in S&T). I also practice zazen with a local meditation group. I'd still need to stop smoking cigarettes and start vaping instead, though... I've got a bad chronic bronchitis from smoking, and I'm only 33 years old. Last year I vaped nicotine for a month and that didn't give me smoker's cough like cigarettes do, but then I accidentally broke the vaporizer. Got to buy a new one soon.
 
Ahhh zazen. I used to be a meditator myself. Actually got pretty deep into it. I did vipassana. And i practiced the forest tradition of Thai Buddhisim. I went on many retreats the last one being at a monastary. I was so in love with it i started the process of becoming a monk. 2 year process so i stayed there as a resident then went home and my overanalytical mind got the best of me and i went and bought a bottle, you know one last drunk. Well that ended it for me and i was back deep into my alcoholism. During my meditation practice it made me not want to do anything negative and then i officially took the precepts from my meditation teacher who was a monk. I had to chant in another language. It was crazy. But 5 was no intoxicants so i didnt drink or drug or smoke and ate well and felt better than ever. But alcohol is cunning and it got me. Now i dont live in a quiet place and im disabled and it hurts to sit in several different positions. I spoke with my meditation teacher not long ago and he has his own Sangha about hr from me. He invited me to come to one of the hr long sitting sessions. I probably will cause i need peace in my life.

Ive heard the warnings about Lyrica but never heard of someone struggling with it. So it was like booze to you? Thats scary. Im so happy you have 10 weeks. The smoking will come. You just quit a lot so give yourself a break. I smoke way too much. I vaped the other day and i wondered why i dont do this more often. I have cinnamion juice and hits great. I live in a house where everybody smokes inside. Its gross but its also nice just to reach over and light one.

So how long were you in active alcoholism. Feel free to pass and im not nosey, just curious. What led you to stop and stayed stopped for 10 weeks. Im doing research about alcoholism so your input would be helpful. Its just such a nasty disease. Addiction in general but alcohol i think is the worst. How it changes your brain chemistry therefore changing you. My landladys boyfriend is an alcoholic and just like mr very nice and smart sober but some booze in us we turn into monsters. Women get beat, its a horrible drug but its socially acceptable so its legal and ok. Heroin kills a lot of poor souls but alcohol kills the most. I drank 25+ yrs and was in AA for 10. I dont go anymore for many reasons but liquior hasnt touched my lips in 13.5 months. I havent been drunk in years and for some reason last year i took a sip on my bday and it messed my ostomy bag up so i stopped. They took my colon out last summer and drs said alcohol was not to blame but i blame it. All the liqiour i drank had to have at least started it. Now i shit into a bag the rest of my life.

Anyway polymath, i really do congragalate you on your 10 weeks. It takes certain moxy to do that. Sorry this is so long. Its a problem im trying work on, lol. Keep posting and let us know how you are. Keep it up buddy
 
Congrats for your 10 weeks polymath.
Somehow I have always found it more difficult with cigarettes.
I could only quit when I didn't compromise not to smoke ever again.
People are different and find other ways to get rid of their addictions, with time you'll find yours.
Good luck!
 
^^ I was drinking actively for only 5 years, but the problem worsened really quickly and in spring of 2014 I was in detox three times... Last summer I relapsed and had a 10-day drinking binge that strained my body so much that my immune system stopped working and I got a blood poisoning from some bacterium. I was in hospital for two weeks and was given intravenous antibiotics. Every time I drink, I take a risk of death.

My father is an alcoholic too, and he also needed colon surgery at one point (diverticulosis) and had a stoma for a year and defecated in a bag...
 
Sorry to hear that. Addictive is hereditary although I haven't met anyone in my family who has been considered one. Still, that makes me concerned about my children. I know it's mostly about education and example but it makes me wonder about my DNA role in their lives...
 
^ My sister has absolutely no addictions, not even for caffeine, so genes don't seem to always make a person to become an addict. However, last time I was in detox, there were two girls, about 20 years old, who were identical twins and they both were alcoholics and had both ended up in the detox clinic the same week. That was kind of spooky...
 
Both naure and nurture have been proven to increase the likelihood one will develop addiction sometime in life. It is amazing everyone is not actually an addict. I believe that, while by no means everyone a hardcore addict, everyone is an addict in one way or another, to one degree or another. Some are just more obviously so than others, or at different points on their path to health and recovery.
 
Yes, and with time more and more people will inherit the "genes of addiction", so to speak. It's plain statistic.
It's like watching an obese family. Most of their kids are born 'bigger' than they should and they will have this natural tendency to get more weight easier than those who come from a non obese family.

If you really think about it eating is also a form of addiction for a lot of people, specially after the 90s. Even in TV we see the classic scenes where people are sad and drawn in chocolate and ice cream. I read a book once called "From Chocolate to Morphine" and up to now I remember people being identified as possible addicts when they were kids and their favorite game was getting dizzy. Somehow at that early age they we trying to get a buzz from dizziness. Of course this is just a very simple an out of the book's context example but it illustrates what I mean.

If you come to think about it, it's not only alcohol and drugs that makes an addicted person. Sex and food can also be addictive. Same as shopping or games. Even internet. And supporting groups are popping out everywhere. From shopaholics to gamblers who get their rush not because they win but due to the role ritual of playing.
 
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