Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[Changed]

Well, it's 7 days into my experiment... perhaps the longest time I've gone without drinking since I turned 21.

Wednesday night is our pub's kickball night (competing against hundreds of other teams around the city), and we preface the games by drinking at the pub, drinking during the game, and drinking hard after the games... I made it through the night while being heckled for drinking iced-tea. When we went to the pub I figured it would be a nightmare of boring-ness being sober, but I found it is pretty much just as enjoyable as when I was drunk. I held a nice long conversation with a girl that wanted to fuck me, I had the most meaningful conversation I've ever had with a female co-worker, and generally did not find the conditions detestable.

Health wise: I wake up every morning remembering what I did last night. In conjunction with the 4 Hour Body lifestyle, I've probably lost around 5 pounds (amazing what eating healthy and not drinking tons of beer can do). I've been taking supplements and vitamins and I think my Achilles tendon may be healing.

I've been able to (finally, I believe) rid myself of a dysfunctional relationship (something I didn't have the balls to do while drinking). I'm also able to sit down and read again... read Into Thin Air last week and I'm halfway done with Hitchhiker's Guide... this week.

There are periods of boredom and loneliness ('Hey, lets go to the pub and drink!'), but I fill them with video-games, reading, The Walking Dead, exercise, etc...

Perhaps my favorite part of not drinking is the money I save. I'm going to hit $9,000 in my bank-account after tonight's shift, and will be pushing onward towards 10k next month.

The biggest uncertainty comes when this month is up... I'm going to continue to follow the 4 Hour Body, which says that 2 glasses on wine a night are permissible because they do not encourage weight-gain (not to mention the positive effects of the anti-oxidants). Will I be able to limit myself to 2 glasses of wine? Who knows...

 

[stardust.hero]

Thank you guys so much. Today is day 4. (counting my eggs early)

I do use meatonin and it typically will work for me when I am free of anxiety. IE: I haven't drank in a few days so no lingering anxiety or restlessness caused by alcohol.

I used to use sleep aids (diphenhydramine) on comedowns from Mephedrone and I would take far too many 5-8 of them. I would never end up falling asleep either so I'd be coming down and experiencing weird diphenhydramine effects as well. Needless to say I get flashbacks and MORE anxiety if I take even one sleep aid so they're useless to me.

Trazadone was by far the most useful sleep aid I have ever taken. I ended up running out of my rescue supply a few months ago. I really need to see a GP 8(.

Vaya I haven't been able to stare into my own eyes in the mirror in ages. That is by far the scariest of all things to do. I suppose I should try and force myself to though. Maybe if I get past that I can stare into other peoples eyes also. My boyfriend always calls out my lack of eye contact.

When we were looking at a house to buy he's like did you see that ladies eyes they were so bright blue and I'm like oh no I didn't notice and he's like that's because you don't look people in the eye. And i'm like, oh yeah, ugh.

Changed, your experiment seems to be going really well. That is really inspiring. Man oh man the 2 glasses thing. That is my loophole to failure. I am looking forward to seeing how you do. They always say in AA that once you're an addict/alcoholic you can't have ANY. I somewhat believe it from looking at my past failures when I try to have a "little". If you make it, I think there is hope for us all. I'm rooting you on so hard.

 

[Flabu]

Hi folks....I am currently battling a nasty heroin / binge drinking habit. I was doing well on MMT till about 3 weeks ago....since then I have dropped over 700 dollars on drugs / alcohol.

My basic routine is to score about 6 hits of heroin per day, shoot up 3 at a time and to grab a 6 pack of tall 16 oz beers. Fun times right? Yeah...not really. I am so messed up by the end of my routine that I have passed out in my computer chair multiple times for hours.

My heroin habit has been going for about 5 years or so, been drinking since age 15. I am now 27 years old and am getting very sick and tired of killing myself and every good thing in my life is going to shit.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi Flabu, so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. Was there anything in particular that is/was going on in your life that triggered this latest binge?
Please take care of yourself, you are worth it

When my mind is in a bad place and I started obsessing over negative things, the urge to drink does cross my mind. I guess I had to go through what I did in order to finally be able to tell myself that drugs and alcohol will inherently make it much worse. Without substances, I'm kind of forced to pursue healthy ways to truly address my problems, instead of blocking them out (thus allowing them to build up and progress). As soon as I pick up a drink, I've thrown all of that away.

I can totally relate to this blahman. Whenever I'm feeling stressed or anxioius, my brain still automatically goes to that thought of "Fuck I would really love a few drinks right now to just switch the fuck off".....but then when I catch myself thinking that, I force myself to remember that I DON'T need alcohol in order to cope with my negative emotions. I can deal with them just fine without alcohol. Sure, negative emotions are uncomfortable, but they're also completely normal. It ISN'T normal to be constantly running away/numbing negative emotions just because they feel bad. Every human has the capacity within them to effectively deal with the bad things that happen to them. I really need to remember this whenever I crave alcohol. It helps.

 

[harlans]

fuck it all; fuck me, fuck you, fuck booze. epic fail after more than 50 days. i could kill myself. i drank a pint of 100 proof vodka and then went to buy more. the stores are now closed around me so i'm about to go for my mouthwash. done it before, but it's way nasty.
kill. me. now.
seriously, can i take a hit out on myself?
oh, listerine...

 

[harlans]

did it.
hate myself.
for all that i've had to drink, i don't feel drunk.
that's always my problem
hate my body
hate my brain
hate everything to do with me
my doc finally gave me drugs that will kill me. i'm not going to do it, but that's what i thought of when i saw the overdose warnings.
my beautiful tuxedo kitty is giving me her purring love and licking my face. i don't deserve it
still don't feel drunk but that listerine feeling messes with my esophagus and stomach
hatemehatemehateme

 

[Vaya]

fuck it all; fuck me, fuck you, fuck booze. epic fail after more than 50 days. i could kill myself. i drank a pint of 100 proof vodka and then went to buy more. the stores are now closed around me so i'm about to go for my mouthwash. done it before, but it's way nasty.
kill. me. now.
seriously, can i take a hit out on myself?
oh, listerine...

harlans, my heart goes out to you.

Does that sound generic? If so, I certainly do not mean it to be. For I have been in your shoes so many times, I can't bother to count them any longer.
For the addict, for the alcoholic, self-deprecation is so much easier than accepting compliments - not to mention giving yourself compliments. When was the last time you gave yourself honest credit for something positive you've managed to do?

In the throes of an alcoholic obsession, life appears uniformly bleak. You're struggling, but even the most informal browsing of this forum ought to show you quite clearly that you're amongst company that can relate, quite specifically, to how you feel at this time.

Simply put, we are different people than if we were to be sober. Therein lies the root of our addiction. The using Vaya was more like a schizophrenic - emotionally labile, eternally self-loathing and reproachful/resentful of anything that I did.
That was then, though.
After an arduous five months of working towards something better - and consequently, a life I can be proud of/don't want to end - the clouds are parting. Succumbing to alcoholic tendencies, in my mind, is not an ethical or moral dilemma for which you, solely, are responsible. You are not responsible for your addiction - but you are responsible for your recovery.

Have you read of others' struggles in this forum? Do you believe you deserve a better life? If you believe you deserve to be happy, then you are in the right place at the right time - and many of us are here because we want to help. Open up a little more to us. My belief is that, given the appropriate amount of self-disclosure and honesty, you will soon come to realize that there is a better way. I believe this with ever fiber of my being, and would be happy to share my experience if you were to be interested in hearing it.

Life isn't over, and you can recover.

~ Vaya

 

[Cyc]

fuck it all; fuck me, fuck you, fuck booze. epic fail after more than 50 days. i could kill myself. i drank a pint of 100 proof vodka and then went to buy more. the stores are now closed around me so i'm about to go for my mouthwash. done it before, but it's way nasty.
kill. me. now.
seriously, can i take a hit out on myself?
oh, listerine...

Please don't drink mouthwash. The additives they put in along with the denaturing process and 'wood alcohols' are very unsafe. Just wait until the stores open.

 

[phactor]

Please don't drink mouthwash. The additives they put in along with the denaturing process and 'wood alcohols' are very unsafe. Just wait until the stores open.

I have to emphasis this, from all that I have read, drinking "products" is extremely dangerous. This goes for things like Vanilla Extract, Hand Sanitizer and Mouthwash. Those are three products that i have heard are used sometimes.

harlans - You do not deserve to live like that. I know for a long time I would tell myself "Well, you were meant to be a hard drinking junky" and shit like "this is what you deserve". I can tell you that neither of us deserve that. All human beings deserve to be happy. I still have to work very hard to not be too hard on myself, my problems stem from childhood issues. But I have been working at it and it has gotten better... not perfect but better.

 

[blahman8000]

Has anybody else experienced difficulty in conversation and "being yourself" after sobering up? I feel like all my confidence has kinda plummeted. When I was drunk, I spoke well and clearly. I articulated myself better and wasn't so hesitant and full of self-doubt. I feel like such a bore sometimes lately, like a very toned down version of myself. I feel like my personality is tedious and boring. It's like I have nothing to say, or when I do have something to say, it comes out wrong and it sounds stupid. I used to be considered a really funny guy, and now it seems like all my wit is gone for good. Like that part of me has dried out.

For the most part, my health is better than ever. I'm more motivated than ever. But I feel like a big part of me has been emptied out ever since I quit booze and drugs. I want to be fun to be around again. I don't think anybody even really likes me at all. It seems like people who talk to me or hang out with me (very few) just do so out of boredom, when there's nothing else to do. I highly doubt it has anything to do with me as a person. Hell, I've hung out with people that don't interest me before, in an effort to get out because it gets embarrassing staying home as much as I sometimes do. It seems like I'm just filler for a few other people's lives. Usually now, when I've said something, I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut. When I finish a conversation, I feel like I made an idiot out of myself the whole time and I wonder why the other person wanted to talk to me at all. When I get home from going out, I feel like everyone I was around just thinks even less of me now.

 

[stardust.hero]

I actually have the opposite reaction..possibly because it wasn't booze that affected me the most..my choice was opiates and stims. I feel as though I had a fantastic personality before drugs. I was outgoing I had a good ability to listen and then react to peoples conversations. But at this point no matter our DOC we are both in the same boat.

It seems like I'm just filler for a few other people's lives. Usually now, when I've said something, I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Under the influence of alcohol I think you can tend to believe that "you" are the life of the party. Even if you aren't you tend to get the feeling as though you are an equal and great contributor to it. I think being exposed to that for long periods of time, when you aren't as bold and belligerent and no longer intoxicated, you may seem as though your place in a group or conversation is much more withdrawn.

I think if you keep subjecting yourself to these situations sober you will learn how to react to others without alcohol and you'll find your old self again.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Has anybody else experienced difficulty in conversation and "being yourself" after sobering up? I feel like all my confidence has kinda plummeted. When I was drunk, I spoke well and clearly. I articulated myself better and wasn't so hesitant and full of self-doubt. I feel like such a bore sometimes lately, like a very toned down version of myself. I feel like my personality is tedious and boring. It's like I have nothing to say, or when I do have something to say, it comes out wrong and it sounds stupid. I used to be considered a really funny guy, and now it seems like all my wit is gone for good. Like that part of me has dried out.

This was a very big concern for me before I got sober...anticipating how boring a person I'd be without alcohol. I have to admit it was actually one of the reasons why I put off quitting for so long, that I was worried I'd be boring and unlikeable without alcohol.
But it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, occasionally in conversation I am awkward and can't think of stuff to say, but that is actually quite NORMAL for most people. And anyway, most of the time I handle it just fine. I think for me it helps to distinguish the person I was when I was drinking, to the sober me. Kinda like, that's how I was back then, and this is how I am now, rather than trying to directly compare the two personas. Do you think that thinking of it like that might help you relax and be more comfortable with who you are without alcohol?

 

[blahman8000]

I actually have the opposite reaction..possibly because it wasn't booze that affected me the most..my choice was opiates and stims. I feel as though I had a fantastic personality before drugs. I was outgoing I had a good ability to listen and then react to peoples conversations. But at this point no matter our DOC we are both in the same boat.

I can relate to some extent, actually. I mean, before I got into drugs and alcohol so much, I think I probably had a much more engaging and interesting personality, in some ways. But that was so long ago. And as a drunk, I just think I could carry on a conversation and get my point across much better, and I could make people laugh more easily. I didn't constantly monitor myself and feel so self-conscious.

This was a very big concern for me before I got sober...anticipating how boring a person I'd be without alcohol. I have to admit it was actually one of the reasons why I put off quitting for so long, that I was worried I'd be boring and unlikeable without alcohol.
But it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, occasionally in conversation I am awkward and can't think of stuff to say, but that is actually quite NORMAL for most people. And anyway, most of the time I handle it just fine. I think for me it helps to distinguish the person I was when I was drinking, to the sober me. Kinda like, that's how I was back then, and this is how I am now, rather than trying to directly compare the two personas. Do you think that thinking of it like that might help you relax and be more comfortable with who you are without alcohol?

I think I know what you mean. I try to just accept that this is me now. And really, I guess I'm an overall more tolerable person now that I'm not drunk so much, because at least I don't have black outs where I make a fool of myself. I guess alcohol just brought me out of myself more, and sometimes that turned out good and sometimes it didn't. But it seems like now more than ever, I'm lost as to how to be me. Before I was a drunk, I think back then I still had an ability to put myself out there and be myself. I had more confidence. I guess maybe all the drug and alcohol abuse kind of obliterated all that confidence and I came to depend on substances to replace it.

I appreciate the responses and support. I'm just really not having a good day.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I think I know what you mean. I try to just accept that this is me now. And really, I guess I'm an overall more tolerable person now that I'm not drunk so much, because at least I don't have black outs where I make a fool of myself. I guess alcohol just brought me out of myself more, and sometimes that turned out good and sometimes it didn't. But it seems like now more than ever, I'm lost as to how to be me. Before I was a drunk, I think back then I still had an ability to put myself out there and be myself. I had more confidence. I guess maybe all the drug and alcohol abuse kind of obliterated all that confidence and I came to depend on substances to replace it.

The other really important thing to remember, that I forgot to mention before, is that you may be suffering some Post-Acute-Withdrawal Syndome (PAWS), whereby your moods are fluctuating quite a lot, and you're experiencing a bit of depression/anhedonia and impaired social skills. The good news is that over time you will definitely improve. You abused alcohol a fair bit, it's going to take time for your brain to heal

 

[harlans]

ugh, i wish sooo hard that i didn't drink the other night. now everything is fucked again. every day i wake up and beg myself not to drink after work. every day i've talked myself into drinking by the time i get home. i don't want to have to try to commit suicide to get sober. i've only ever been able to stop the times i've been hospitalized. i can't afford to lose my job and that IS what will happen - not to mention the suicide thing. alcohol makes me want to kill myself. no matter how depressed i've been in my life (i've had a rough one) it's only booze (and years ago crystal) that makes me take the steps to try and die. it's not my normal me, just my drunk me. so fucking frustrated

 

[enjoyprogress]

Enjoy Progress

For everyone out there trying to overcome alcohol.

I want to let you know. You can do it. It can be the most challenging accomplishment of your life. YOU CAN DO IT. Minute by minute & day by day of not indulging.


I used to have a severe problem with booze. No matter how much more my life went to shit I still couldn't quit. It didn't matter that I froze my ass off in a dilapidated travel trailer from the 70's. It didn't matter I didn't have food to eat. It didn't matter how many times I blacked out and humiliated myself. It didn't matter how much I really wanted to stop and better myself. Becoming homeless really didn't help. Doing mushrooms and discovering buddhism while homeless only served me enough inspiration to go back and live with my parents. Surviving a near death experience of being hit by a truck driven by drunks while riding my bicycle only gave me so much new inspiration for changing my life. It just didn't matter. All that mattered was more booze. I could not listen to myself. I couldn't act on my own thoughts. It didn't seem to matter that my life was going nowhere.

Well what finally did work for me was separating myself from all aspects of my party life and falling into more depression. (Not by choice.). I ended up moving in with my grandparents several hundred miles away from all my friends and life. Even then in the start. I still somehow managed to be an alco. Getting money from my grandparents to get more booze. (I still feel like scum for doing that.)

Then I got lucky. My cousin invited me to go party with them at Glamis for new years. So I somehow found money and stocked up on lots of fancy beers and booze and we headed off to the dunes. So after three days of non stop drinking and blacking out. We were cruising in the sand rail and the bastard machine died on us while were very far from more booze. So a few of us decided to hoof it through the dunes for a very long time.

There I was in the middle of nowhere feeling like shit because of the non stop drinking combined with wanting more. I realized I had no reason to exist. Suicide seemed like the best option I could ever have. I was more than sick of myself. I had just survived an accident that could have taken my life. I had to do months of physical therapy to be able to function normally and I was still throwing my life away even though I told myself I wouldn't.

So while I was contemplating my death. The sand car was running again and I got picked up. So now I started thinking about how I was going to drink a beer as soon as I got back. Then It hit me. FUCK MYSELF. Years of my life wasted from drinking & I couldn't even stay with my idea of killing myself. WOW. I really am a piece of shit.

It was then when I decided that I would not drink for a year or kill myself. Simple as that. The seriousness of my thoughts got to me in a profound way. I was scared of that small side of me that was still myself and very sick of what I had become. I knew that If I fell back into booze I would off myself. I didn't want that. Not at all. (While drinking I would black out and do things that I felt was another part of me. I would write myself sloppy notes on paper about how I really felt about myself. Then In the morning I would read them and feel like shit & then find more booze so I could escape. I really did fear that if I blacked out this other part of myself would quickly do the dirty work of getting rid of myself.)


I don't know if this method will work for anyone else out there. Or if it is even advice. But I managed to get back to camp and not drink more of my supply. I then went home with my cooler and put the booze in the fridge and not touch it. (That was the biggest step I had ever took to overcome my problems. Never before had I ever been able to let any amount of booze just sit there. It took me a long while to understand that I needed to praise myself for small steps like that. I kept hating myself for wanting what was in the fridge.)

I was still stuck at my grandparents. I had to do something to keep myself occupied. So I started a garden and fell in love with it. I had no other choice. I convinced myself of all the doomsday theories of 2012. I told myself If I don't learn to live from the earth now I will be a goner. I immersed myself in books and information online. I went way overboard and planted way to much and could barely do it all. Though that was best I needed to be fully occupied in something. There is something very comforting about playing in the dirt.

The other way I helped myself combat my restlessness was exhaust myself by riding a bicycle. I learned that If I would go out riding for hours and push beyond what I thought were my limits. I would get a runners high that felt amazing. Also I would feel a little better about myself because I did something I thought I couldn't. I would then try and shove that thought onto how I should be feeling about not drinking. Though for first few months of going sober cold turkey I still loathed myself.

[UT]he point of my story is:[/U] How I stopped drinking was by letting my life turn to utter shit over and over and over until I finally got so sick of myself. More than ever before and then threaten myself in a very serious way. If I could not listen to myself. What is the point of living a life where you not in control? I didn't see any & I knew I would off myself if I kept going forward.

Keeping myself over occupied with house chores, the garden and reading self help books way to much forced my thoughts into new patterns. I had to learn to love the slow process of progress.I hated it in the start and It took me a long while to start to enjoy it.

From there I went 8 months of being sober. Got a job and saved up to move back to my home town. Got a real job. Kept up being sober even around the party scene that all my friends live in.

Until I took part in a toast with a person who I looked up to. We toasted to life and all there was to be happy about. I felt that I had changed myself so much that taking part in this toast would't ruin me again. So I took in that small shooter of champagne. (I had lost contact with this mentor of mine while being a severe alco and I was very proud to have reconnected) He gave me a funny look when I took the champagne instead of the apple cider. I then started drinking beer minutes later. Got wasted and my family drove me home in a hurry.

I kept up drinking the next day. I mean I earned it. I WENT 8 MONTHS SOBER! So I did keep it up until I almost lost my real job because of it. I was drinking every night. Going in drunk and drinking on the job. (While being sober I was a work a holic and managed to get myself in a super easy position as a paint booth operator. I watched clear coat being applied to cabinets and made sure it dried correctly. YEP. I got paid to watch paint dry for a living.)

So I got a grip of myself and remembered all that I just went through. I stopped drinking for about a month.

Then I started back up again but I wasn't as bad. But I did feel I needed it.

Then I stopped again. This continued again and again for about 5 more months. Until I slowly tapered off to the point where I really don't care about booze anymore.

If I do have a beer. I can stop after having one. I never thought that would be possible. Ever.

This process of changing myself took years to complete despite how much I wanted to change the whole time. I was the most frustrating thing I have ever done in my life. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It is my biggest accomplishment.

Because of It I have developed my strategy of ENJOY PROGRESS. I am now a twenty four year old that is starting over. Trying to assemble a life that I want to live. And now just because I don't drink. It doesn't mean that my life is amazing. Not at all. But I have learned to enjoy this. I have made so much progress. So allowing myself to go in any direction other than forward is a direct slap in the face of all that I have accomplished & overcome.

I still have problems with substance abuse. Though I am dealing much better with it because of all that I have taught myself. I am not allowing it to fuck my life over. Though I still find myself justifying substance abuse. When I catch myself doing that. I remind myself Im getting hight because I want to get high. Not for any other reason. I could have spent the money on something much more useful. It's very easy to stop drinking and fall into something else to take its place. (For me it has been everything and anything including Weed, Spice, Chew, Hookah, Meth. Ill have a habit of overdoing it whatever it is.)

If you do replace it with something else after doing all that. You have to do that all again.

OR THINK ABOUT WHY YOUR DOING THIS & TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR BICYCLE.

Calm down and contemplate your next move as the biggest choice of your life. Every action leads you somewhere. You the only one in control of where you go.

 

[enjoyprogress]

The other really important thing to remember, that I forgot to mention before, is that you may be suffering some Post-Acute-Withdrawal Syndome (PAWS), whereby your moods are fluctuating quite a lot, and you're experiencing a bit of depression/anhedonia and impaired social skills. The good news is that over time you will definitely improve. You abused alcohol a fair bit, it's going to take time for your brain to heal

Thats the tough part. It took me a long while to feel normal again.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Hi folks... its me again.
Back to one 750 ml beer a day
alot of shit had dropped ive kept working out till two das ago.
now im feelin like more but need to fight the urge or im gonna end up messy otherwise.

n3o Am real proud of how ur doing wish i had ur strength ur such a wonderful person
stay well folks.

 

[motherofearth]

In the post-opiate world, alcohol is not my friend.

 

[sarcophagus.heels]

I've done a couple of days of an IOP program...sorry for the rambling that is about to follow, but I would like to get some feedback if at all possible.

While hearing other people talk about their various issues with drugs and alcohol has been helpful, I think this program is way too AA-centric. Drugs are very much a symptom for me, not the problem. Although seeing a new psychiatrist is probably helpful. It’s obviously too early to say anything, and I really should give it a while longer, but I’m not sold on it. The program works through AA…and I have some issues with the AA program. The relapse rate after AA is really not great, and while they tell you that you don’t have to be a spiritual person, the whole “higher power” bit makes it awkward to deal with.

And as someone brought up today, when do you deem it appropriate to stop going to meetings - 5, 10, 20 years sober? The woman leading replied that questions like that are dangerous and put you in a bad mindset, that you should take it one day at a time. I don't know what to think about that.

Also, I brought up the concern that you could develop a codependency on the program to displace your drug problem - and while that’s obviously healthier, it just redirects your addictive tendencies instead of working to alter them. She replied that while that certainly happens in some cases, it shouldn’t if you go through the brunt of the 12 steps correctly - it should break your dependent personality. She also brought up something that seemed a bit pointed towards me - intellectuals tend to have a much harder time with 12 step programs because they are quite simple, and people of an intellectual bent want to analyze it, understand why it works, etc. In her opinion, they try to make things more complicated than they actually are, and this interferes with what is a very simple, albeit difficult, process.

I recognize that I over-analyze things - it’s a huge character flaw of mine - but albeit my emotional instability, I am at heart a deeply rational person. Telling me to just accept that something works and to go with it is deeply unsatisfactory, and smacks of the same blind acceptance that put me off of religion years ago. There’s a world of difference between “simple” and “simplistic”, and I am unconvinced the 12-step process can truly be described by the former.

She basically ended by saying that the 12-step program is the most difficult for intelligent, intellectual binge-drinkers - the reason for the latter being that binge-drinkers regularly go long periods of time without drinking, so whereas with daily drinkers the biggest step is breaking the habit so that they can then work on maintaining that sobriety, the habits and thought processes that lead you to binge-drink after a month of abstinence is more difficult to address. Seeing as I squarely fall into that category, that made me feel pretty hopeless.

I dunno...have any of you wonderful Tumblr peeps had experience with 12-step programs, positive or negative? I'd love to hear about it.