Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[blahman8000]

So Thursday through Saturday I binge drank ostensibly starting a few hours after I awoke each day. I'm realizing my body can't handle this anymore as I feel I've given myself acid reflux and my mouth is raw from getting so sick. It's been a couple days now since solid food has even been an option.

This is exactly where I was for the last few months before I ended up in the hospital. I was sick all the time, I couldn't stomach any food and drank day and night instead, and there seemed to be no end in sight. It's seriously fucking awful and not worth it. In a rational state of mind, it's easy to see that. But unfortunately, alcohol takes rational thought away from us if we let it. I really hope you allow yourself to recover and call it quits with booze, because it only gets worse, in my experience, and it fucking sucks.

On the other hand, congrats on a week off heroin. That can't be easy and it definitely takes strength to stay off H, booze or no booze.

 

[phactor]

@ phactor... one of our large beers is 2.7 standard drinks.

I did a little better today just one can. maybe only 1.3 standards

Ahh.. my apologies. Math has always been far from my strong suit. That being said, is there a smaller unit you can try to get for a few days? If you are struggling to not drink daily that is?

 

[phactor]

So Thursday through Saturday I binge drank ostensibly starting a few hours after I awoke each day. I'm realizing my body can't handle this anymore as I feel I've given myself acid reflux and my mouth is raw from getting so sick. It's been a couple days now since solid food has even been an option.

Once again, alcohol is not my friend in the post-opioid world. At least I'm almost back up to a week off heroin and somehow I still feel strong about that. But alcohol has never been this harsh on me. I'm reeling in pain and surprise, although I shoulda seen it coming....

It is very very easy for opiate users to get caught up with alcohol. I know that my drinking would almost always increase when I wasn't using opiates, at least for awhile. My major problem was this, my drinking would ramp up after I tapered myself off opiates (again). I would start to cut back on my drinking, but then would start feeling like going on an opiate run (again). Taper myself off of opiates (again) but start drinking heavily (at least for me) (again). Over and over again. This entire time I was functioning, not well but I was. Which added into the whole denial/rationalization shit.

If you really are ready to stop the opiates I suggest trying Sub. I had to stay on it for a year and a half, but I haven't touched an opiate (or any other hard drug) since. I was totally clean for over a year and that really helped put things in perspective. I was very physically dependent on downers, but I also made my problem seem way worse. That way I would have an excuse to keep using "at least something".

 

[Cohesion]

Herbavore you have a way of writing, deeply felt.

Thanks for checking in, the meditation retreat was A+. I love being able to "be a part of the conversation" with these people who have continuously accepted me - as well as turning me away when I was out of sorts.

I have 5 days (today is day 6) and last week I had 4 days. So 2 drinks in 9 days!!! Last night I had some cravings and wanted to go to a coworker's house. But it feels gross to think about going and purchasing alcohol. So that part was what held me back.

I am not going to be strict on Abstinence, but just going longer and longer in between. I'm happy with 4 or 5 days, then a few drinks, then 4 or 5 more days, etc. Just a month ago I was struggling with "every other day".

n3o it sounds like your motivation was not at all in the wrong place. I think you're good

 

[S.M.F.G]

Off for an errand or two soon, all i can think of is "Am i gonna end up with a drink in my hand today?" The got 10 bucks just wanna go have a beer and push the change thru the slot machienes and thats gonna be ok mentality building. But no constant exersise and lots of smokin got me feelin kinda ill. I supose it will be a good test... I'm so totaly over getting mesy fucked up on the shit, yet the culture here is to have a drink everyday. So I suppose todays goal is to do something i rarley do but rather enjoy (have a bash on the pokies with a few bob) but not get fucking wasted. Hell maybe il just get a coke, but i detest that more than beer. Maybe i wont go. Wont know till laters

 

[RedLeader]

It is very very easy for opiate users to get caught up with alcohol. I know that my drinking would almost always increase when I wasn't using opiates, at least for awhile. My major problem was this, my drinking would ramp up after I tapered myself off opiates (again). I would start to cut back on my drinking, but then would start feeling like going on an opiate run (again). Taper myself off of opiates (again) but start drinking heavily (at least for me) (again). Over and over again. This entire time I was functioning, not well but I was. Which added into the whole denial/rationalization shit.

I always had the problem that even putting one beer in me would have me on the way to go score some heroin (in fact when I got arrested in 2010 for heroin it was largely because I went to the bar to attempt to drink instead of use, and after a few mixed drinks I was on my way to the ghetto, and I was being CARELESS about everything). I could use opiates to substitute for alcohol, but not the other way around. I just liked the opiate high more. I have no clue how opiate addicts are weak enough to let themselves get addicted to alcohol, but strong enough to not relapse on opiates when drunk.

This actually works as an extremely effective deterrent from me even trying to drink one beer these days. I cannot use opiates on most days or I could face serious consequences, but I know that this all goes out the window if I have even one drink.

mami - Glad to hear that you've got things under better control now. So you're feeling a lot better overall in life, not just with regard to your drinking? That's great to hear!

I got 6 months today free of alcohol!

 

[n3ophy7e]

I got 6 months today free of alcohol!

Red this is amazing, so proud of you mate
I'm at 6 weeks and 3 days
(definitely not counting the taste of spirits that was forced upon me on Sunday :D)


I had another session with my psychologist last night, she is so great. I'm so lucky to have found her.
I conveyed to her my deep concerns about relapsing on alcohol. I've made it to 6 weeks. Since I became an alcoholic 8 years ago I haven't gone for more than like 2 weeks without drinking, ever. So to make it to 6 weeks is pretty amazing, considering a couple of months ago I couldn't fathom going for like 2 DAYS without drinking!!

However, now I'm reaching that point where I'm comfortable being sober, but maybe a little TOO comfortable?? Like, I've caught myself a few times this week thinking "Just one beer won't hurt, right?" or "I can have ONE night out on the booze, then get back on the sober wagon the next day....right??"
My mind is totally trying to trick me in to thinking it's okay to relapse.
I guess I just need to be really really aware of all of these thoughts and subtle cravings etc, and try to avoid it from eventuating. Cos like, thoughts are just thoughts, and it takes a LOT for it to turn in to actions, and for me to actually have something to drink. But at the same time I fear that it could be way too easy.....

 

[Cyc]

I've been kicking around the idea of starting a thread in TDS about the merits of abstinence-only vs. controlled drinking. I have various studies to reference, in particular those conducted by Mark and Linda Sobell at Patton State Hospital in California in 1972.

I only mention this because there seems to only be support on BL for abstinence-only measures. There is another side to this story. I'm just wondering if posting these studies might be triggering or detrimental to other problem drinkers.

 

[justsayknow]

^I for one would like to see the studies, I'm not a big fan of either the abstinence only model or the once an addict always an addict point point of view.

Maybe put it in a new thread though?

 

[b4rd]

Hour 6 no drinking,

went on 16 day bender of alcohol (4 cases of beer , sixteen 750ml bottles of cheap vodka/rum) (roughly) (and 6 day bender of heroin black tar) . Feeling crazy and like shit right now . legs and muscles twitching and neck and brain have the creepy crawlies and feels like theyre "numb" and "tingling" . Almost like seizure coming . But i have never WD from alcohol but it feels a lot more scare than dope withdrawals thats for frickin sure,

Id choose dope WD over ALCH WD any day . but then again I have been drinking longer than doing dope on this stint . want to be clean tomorrow will try to stay posted. borrowing friends computer for the night cause hes nice and knows i wont be able to sleep and i Pawned my laptop .... for FRICKIN DOPE .

 

[Cyc]

Hey b4rd, I might consider keeping someone around or at least on call for the next 48 hours. The amount you've drank puts you at high risk for DTs and seizure. Ideally, I'd look at an in-patient detox but I don't know where you live to know whether this is an option.

 

[b4rd]

hi . im surprisingly calm this morning. Not really shaking and tinging is to a minimum (prob 2 out of 10) 10 being worst. I just dont have that as an option due to expenses . im doing ok i just cant go buy some beers today.

 

[Cohesion]

Cyc. Perhaps I did not go deeply into BL psychology, but I respectfully disagree.
As BL is a harm reduction site, these have been the glasses through which I've viewed even this thread.

We meet each other *where we are* and encourage one another to take the next best, loving step in the moment.

This thread definitely isn't foaming with abstinence-only ideology. Though comparing the 2 would be a great discussion!

 

[Deleted member 175441]

speaking of abstinence only ideology I think I might take it up to quit smoking ganj for the time being.

 

[Mariposa]

Cyc, I'd welcome studies that examine controlled drinking v. abstinence. I don't think it is realistic for me to be abstinent my entire life.

I'm not running into problems with drinking, as I am in a period of abstinence. Someone close to me recently 'came out' as being a person who 10 years ago gave up drinking entirely due to a near-brush with the law. He's been abstinent ever since, and his mother is presently dying of alcohol and drug-related cirrhosis and stage 4 liver cancer. Drinking around him would be a huge slap in the face, so I don't. I've hidden 2 drinks over the weekend, which is alcoholic behavior on my part. But I have not had any in almost 72 hours. I'm going to see how long I can hold out this time. I gave my bottle to a non-alchy friend to hold onto. I don't have much desire to drink at present, which is good. Even if I drink again, for now I am abstinent and focusing on other things.

I'm wondering what will happen when I go out next and don't drink. Yikes.

 

[thujone]

However, now I'm reaching that point where I'm comfortable being sober, but maybe a little TOO comfortable?? Like, I've caught myself a few times this week thinking "Just one beer won't hurt, right?" or "I can have ONE night out on the booze, then get back on the sober wagon the next day....right??"
My mind is totally trying to trick me in to thinking it's okay to relapse.
I guess I just need to be really really aware of all of these thoughts and subtle cravings etc, and try to avoid it from eventuating. Cos like, thoughts are just thoughts, and it takes a LOT for it to turn in to actions, and for me to actually have something to drink. But at the same time I fear that it could be way too easy.....

IME it's more regretable to have just one drink and be unsatisfied with the effect than to not drink at all. Well, I spose it's possible to stop at just one, but not for people with alcohol "problems". Add to this that alcohol messes with judgment which makes it easier to rationalize having more even if your resolve is firm before you start drinking.

Lately I've been tying alcohol consumption to the caloric content. One beer is 150 cals which means two pints, the point at where I start to enter the happy zone, is closer to 500 calories which is more than what's in the food I usually have for breakfast. Instead of trying to chip away by having one beer every second day I find it's easier to just lump my full two pint consumption into one day of the week in which I eat a wee bit less in each meal and then drink as much as I want without remorse. Then the next day I stick to a long cardio workout to sweat away the hangover, drink lots of water and smoke a J then my routine is set in motion for another six healthy days without alcohol.

My favorite benefit to this approach is it gives me something to look forward to on the weekend even if there's nothing else planned :D

 

[deficiT]

I've been drinking way too much, for a many many months now. My girlfriend left me cause I basically acted like a huge dickhead to her and put booze before her. Of course this just makes me wanna drink more cause she's banging some douchebag. I've slowly started to realize that I have a serious problem, or I will soon if I don't cut back on drinking. Once I start drinking, I physically cannot stop until either the booze is gone or I fall asleep.

I feel sick all the time, both physically and mentally. Can't even really smoke weed anymore cause it makes me horribly depressed and paranoid. Lots of times I can hardly stomach food, unless I'm drunk. My best friend is absolutely no help, cause he's just as bad as I am, except he doesn't realize it. The world just seems fuckin hollow, I feel like a shell of my former self. Everything looks to be so hopeless, and even though I'm pretty young I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I don't even know where to start in limiting my intake, but could really use at least some encouraging words.

 

[blahman8000]

I've been drinking way too much, for a many many months now. My girlfriend left me cause I basically acted like a huge dickhead to her and put booze before her. Of course this just makes me wanna drink more cause she's banging some douchebag. I've slowly started to realize that I have a serious problem, or I will soon if I don't cut back on drinking. Once I start drinking, I physically cannot stop until either the booze is gone or I fall asleep.

I feel sick all the time, both physically and mentally. Can't even really smoke weed anymore cause it makes me horribly depressed and paranoid. Lots of times I can hardly stomach food, unless I'm drunk. My best friend is absolutely no help, cause he's just as bad as I am, except he doesn't realize it. The world just seems fuckin hollow, I feel like a shell of my former self. Everything looks to be so hopeless, and even though I'm pretty young I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I don't even know where to start in limiting my intake, but could really use at least some encouraging words.

Hey man. It's good that you're conscious of the fact that you have a problem and are eager to change that. Unfortunately that moment comes at a much later time for a lot of us, long after the big problems set in. It definitely sounds like you're depressed, and deep down you know that drinking is only making that a lot worse.

How much are you drinking a day? Have you ever experienced withdrawal?

 

[deficiT]

Well I've been trying not to drink everyday recently. But usually if I go hang out with friends or whatever I'll get either a case of beer or a handle of vodka for the group. On bad nights I'll drink upwards of 12 or 15 drinks, most of the time I just kinda lose count so who knows how much really. It's just gotten really difficult to cut myself off at like 5 drinks or whatever after I get a buzz. Because if I stop drinking I come down really fast and feel like dirt.

I don't think I've gone through SERIOUS withdrawal yet. But I can definitely feel it coming on. The other night, I had to be around my ex because we have lots of mutual friends. Which pretty much made me have to drink myself numb. I very stupidly drunk drove home because I was also real wired on amphetamines and couldnt sleep. It's like 6 am and its a beautiful warm morning, and I just can't stop shivering. This happens alot where if I'm sober or coming down, I feel very cold even though its not. And if I feel shitty enough I'll just lay in bed shaking and generally being very depressed.

I know my habit probably isn't as bad as alot of peoples and I haven't had the years of chronic abuse to really fuck me up, but I definitely have a pretty bad addictive personality.

 

[deficiT]

And I'm sorry if any of that is triggering or anything I just don't really know how to word it properly