As a gender non confirming person myself, my take is always that preference itself isn't where transphobia is located, it's the way in which that preference is articulated. If you're declaring "no trannies" or saying smth like transgender women are just dudes, etc then yes it's discrimination.I wanted to respond to this but the mods have not reopened the other thread. It was a dumpster fire anyway and I'd start a new civil conversation because I think it's important. Whomever decides to partake in this thread, please avoid name-calling and passive-aggressive nonsense.
I don't agree that not wanting to sleep with a trans person makes one transphobic, if the reason they're not sleeping with them is because of genital configuration. Transphobia implies prejudice and hateful discrimination. I'm personally a gay male and I won't sleep with a man who doesn't have a penis. Some other gay males may feel differently. For example, I know gay men who would accept a blowjob from a woman under certain circumstances because "a mouth is a mouth," but I wouldn't. It doesn't mean I hate women. I want everyone to be happy and end up with someone who is into them.
Claiming that because I won't sleep with trans men that I am transphobic is like saying I'm misogynist (or "heterophobic") because I won't consider sleeping with cis women. If I am not attracted to vaginas then why would I have sex with somebody who has one? There is no -phobia involved. It is literally about where my carnal attraction does or doesn't happen. There is no ideology driving it.
I also don't agree that this is exactly the same as refusing to be with someone based on their race. If you are not physically attracted to someone then you're not physically attracted to someone, but if you specifically have ruled out an entire ethnicity then that is racist because people come in all kinds of configurations within an ethnicity. Trans men on the other hand all have vaginas (or fake penises) and if my requirement is a natural penis then that naturally means I will not be able to be with trans men -- anymore than I would be able to be with cis women. It is physically impossible for me to be turned on by a vagina.
Claiming this incompatibility is equivalent to racism is delusional. It is also the erasure of sexual orientations. It's pretending that human nature isn't real.
The double-standard here is interesting. Trans social movements claim that gender and sex are separate issues yet I am not allowed to say that I value trans men as people even though I am not attracted to their vaginas without being called transphobic. To me that is cognitively dissonant and a tell-tale sign that there is something wrong with the politics and psychology driving this.
SJB, I understand your sentiment about how in an ideal world you could be with anyone. I think that is very ideological, and the kinds of people who tend to talk that way are somehow bypassing animal realities. Sexuality is very hard wired and also very personal/individual. A pansexual person who can be with anyone is not more enlightened than someone who has very narrow sexual criteria. They are just different species in the same ecosystem and they are both valid.
There's no reason to announce those things. And when it's in person, you can just say you're not into that particular individual, that they're not your type. And you don't even have to explain further. Just say thank you, but we're not compatible!
