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Self-harm support thread v. 3

Dragynfyr said:
Fuck school docs though, she told me I would have to go pay a real doctor off campus to get the most effective meds.
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That really sucks man, but I suspect her hands are tied by some kind of bureaucracy governed by your school.

Best of luck with getting your results back, I really hope you can stay in school. Please take care of yourself in the meantime <3


Tina Dopemau5 said:
I haven't read this whole thread, but i think this might relate on some level. I am a cutter. I haven't cut in 4 months. But tonight I am really tempted.
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Hi Tina, so sorry I didn't see your post until now.
Firstly, thank you for sharing a bit of your story with us <3
Tina Dopemau5 said:
I went to an AA meeting tonight because i figured it's a free form of support. and that's what triggered this horrible depression i'm in. I felt like such an outsider.
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Meetings can indeed be really triggering because it's kinda like forcing us to acknowledge the problems we face. I hope you're feeling a bit better since you posted in this thread.
How are you doing? <3



I hope everyone who reads this thread are managing to hold things together during the holidays. This time of year can be especially trying and triggering for those of us who face adversities. Please try to take care of yourselves, you are all worthy and beautiful individuals <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
That really sucks man, but I suspect her hands are tied by some kind of bureaucracy governed by your school.

Best of luck with getting your results back, I really hope you can stay in school. Please take care of yourself in the meantime <3
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yeah it's definitely the school

results look bad, dunno what I'm gonna do
 
Regardless of the outcome of your results, you WILL be okay. You will get through this <3
 
not with a degree or half a chance at success though. I'm gonna start researching rail lines haha cali here I come *choo choo*
 
Thanks n3ophy7e for responding to my post. At least someone acknowledges my existence. And I'm not being sarcastic. I'm crying so hard now the computer screen is all blurry.

Your right about this time of year being hard. I have been looking forward to a NYE party with some friends, but I just found out they changed their plans and I can't go. The thought of NYE alone makes me wanna shoot myself.

I feel I have no real friends and no one cares about me, except my family (thank fuck I have them). And after all I've done, and all I've always done to help my so-called friends. Where's the karma? I have been numbing/ passively trying to kill myself with massive quantities of drugs the past week.

I am seriously thinking about cutting tonight. Or maybe I should just do a massive dose of Dexedrine and hope it gives me a stroke.
 
OverDone said:
Hey Tina... you don't have to do either of those two options you mentioned. Fuck, I can relate but check this out... every time I burn myself, I feel good for a brief moment. Afterwards, the shit feelings I originally had were compounded and I would want to burn myself again to feel better from that. It's just like when we use drugs to give ourselves a temporary break. Yeah, the break feels good for a moment but then it passes (all too quickly) and we keep taking more and more breaks until the pain is essentially no longer escapable.
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So so true OD <3

Tina Dopemau5 said:
I feel I have no real friends and no one cares about me, except my family (thank fuck I have them).
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Sometimes I feel the same way hun, when I'm depressed. But you know what? Friends will always come and go, but our family will ALWAYS be there for us. If your friends have changed the plans for NYE, why not spend it with your family? There's no shame in that. They are the ones who love you most in this world, why not spend a lovely evening with them? <3
 
Damn hun, sorry to hear that :( What happened??
And it's okay, this doesn't mean you have to continue on doing it. We all have slip-ups. Just get back on track and keep going <3
 
i myself don't have a problem with cutting or burning myself, but my girlfriend still does it from time to time when something excessively overwhelming occurs. She is 32 years old and i can't believe that she still burns herself. I don't understand why she does it, or how it makes her feel better, but it makes me sick to my stomach. That's not a metaphor by the way, i actually feel like im going to vomit when i see her do it or know that she is cutting or burning herself on the other side of a locked door. I hope you guys don't think i'm being judgemental, I'm just looking for advice on how to react to the situation. We are also both heroin addicts nd are attempting to slow down and eventually maybe quit. If somebody cares to help me with some advice, that would be great. Thanks
 
Hi nicksndimes, firstly I think it's cool that you're coming in here to seek advice and to gain a bit of understanding about self-harm, so kudos to you for that :)

Secondly, I can understand how to some people it would be sickening to see or even think about someone harming themselves. Basically, she is doing it for an endorphin rush. You know how you feel right after an orgasm, or after some intense exercise? That's very similar to the feeling we get from cutting or burning. And hey, some people just really enjoy pain. It's something you can't really explain, in a way.

Does your girlfriend want to stop her self-harm habits?? If she does, and she's trying to but can't stop, she should think about getting some professional help like some counselling/therapy for it. If she doesn't want to quit, but if you feel strongly enough about it that you want her to quit, you need to tell her exactly how it makes you feel and how worried you are about her when she does it. Perhaps then she will see how it affects you and will want to quit. It can be a really really difficult habit to break, especially if she's been doing it for a long time, because we actually get addicted to the endorphin rush the same as any other drug.

I hope that helps. Feel free to ask any more questions if you need to. And best of luck for cutting down/quitting heroin <3
 
well havn't thought about cutting in a while up until now. just got off a heated phone call from my mom. and since my overdose she's fucking pissd. also my sisters pissd my dad, and my fucking step dad is just throwing gas on the fire.
my family is my lifeline to the program i'm in, i have no money, and there helping me $$ wise.
i am sober, and fucking hating it. i have no drugs, but i know something that will make me feel better.
i fucking hate this, i really wish i were dead. nothing but shit fallows me. if everyone in my family hates me then why the fuck am i still alive? i'm fucking up everyones life around me. they dont understand how fucking hard addiction is to me. shit fucking sucks.
 
They don't hate you D's, they're just disappointed. Give it time and your mum will be okay, and she will want to talk to you again. You are going to get through this. Maybe at this stage you need to go back and start the steps again, from scratch. You've done it before so you know you can do it again. I know things are really down for you at the moment but that will change <3
Self-harm is only going to make things worse though man, you know this. It's not worth it. Don't even think about it, okay?
 
i thought i had this shit under control - its very very hard for me to admit i inflicted harm on myself again. But i have to w/my therapist and I need to man up and get all the help I can.

Other night i pretty much last it - I had had enoufh of taking on shit on my sohulders - i honestly lost it n snapped. Thank god had some one to help me <3 i honestly was in a dangerous place:

my brother set me off with the a statement that got me starting auditory halucinations that i was being circled by people; I ke[ sayin its ll in my head i can ge thru it. But had a box of razor blades on the table from back in the day - - i couldnt stop i was glued to them. When i cut myself it takes me back to being 10 when i started, i couldnt fight back against rape but i could imagine hurting him. I dont know how this has continued but i still have these feelings and my mind tells me it. I stared for hour being talked out of it. I put them away but i couldnt resist i burned myself around my ankles.. i felt like i couldnt give in to HIM. I had to hurt him :(. I know its just hurting me. This is very embarassing for me pls any help pls
 
Man so sorry to hear this. I know you're in a really rough state at the moment, when are you seeing your therapist next?? Are you having weekly visits? Maybe for a few weeks you could go to therapy twice a week, just until you're feeling more stable?

I also suggest that you get rid of the razor blades. Having them in your house is just too tempting. I know you don't really want to cut yourself, it's just something that happens in the heat of the moment. And having razor blades easily accessible makes it way too easy to self-harm.

Please take care of yourself taow <3
 
everythings cleaned out of my house - therapist is twice a week. Right now im staying w/friends to get away for awhile , cant fuckin cope with everything. I need time away from everything, reality of it is - gotta man up and keep on pushing towards my goals.

thx for support man.
 
That's good!

I'm also doing much better since I last posted, although I've been to the doctor several times since and still not been able to ask for the psych referral :\
 
things are starting to change - ever since I put that razor down an burned myself , I am obsessed w/it i can't light anything w/out thinking about it. wtf. I had one problem now i have fucking two. Why do I feel lke this ? Todays not perfect but it's been going well - yet still - minute i see a lighter - I'm going crazy thinking about this. I fucking got rid of the blades. Wtf im not gonna be able use matches soon. WHY ??? Can stress and trauma in a brief period trigger sudden desires like this ??? I am seeing my therapist twice a week , we are having some areas we but heads but over all things are quite good.
 
theartofwar said:
Can stress and trauma in a brief period trigger sudden desires like this ??? I am seeing my therapist twice a week , we are having some areas we but heads but over all things are quite good.
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Yes absolutely it can mate. You just have to be aware of that, and believe that once everything settles down for you, the desires to self-harm will subside. Have you told your therapist that you've been burning yourself??


silentangst and billyswifey, I'm so glad to hear you guys are doing better :) <3
 
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