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Self-harm support thread v. 3

n3ophy7e said:
Hey ILikeSub, sorry to hear about your troubles man. It's great that you've stopped cutting, and 2 years is a huge achievement for that! <3
Are you getting any counselling at the moment, or have you had any in the past? Sometimes we need help from others to stop the cycles we've developed. It's good to be able to cut down or quite drugs, but if you don't work through the underlying issues that are causing you to use drugs in the first place, you're likely to just end up going back to drugs when those issues flare up again. Know what I mean?
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TY.

No I am not having any counseling.

Your words made me realise something important.
Thank You.
 
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^^ No worries man, that's what we're here for <3
If you ever want to talk to someone about it, please feel free to PM me okay?

perfect haze said:
e2a: back from clinic....Course of antibiotics to see if nerve crap is caused by swelling, hope so....Failing that I guess it may be a lil more serious. good to have a bit of peace of mind though :)
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That's really good to hear you got it checked out, you did the right thing <3
 
perfect haze said:
Cool ta N3o, I gotta get to the docs in the next day or two anyway to re-engage with MHS so hopefully I can just get it checked out then, I dunno about the instancy of the numbing as I passed out straight after and since have had more overriding pain to actually notice this numbing until recently. It's weird though, never had it before from any cuts. Just dont want it to fuck up my dexterity. My guitar playing is shit enough as it is!

Thanks for the reassurance, I'll report back if there's any news. x
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The last time I nicked a cable was with a flash-knife at the plastics factory. My kelvar cut-glove had bunched up at the wrist, and my plastic forearm-guard had worked it's way up off the wrist. I was working the knife making inside cuts on Corvette air-box covers for grommets, and the knife slipped out and sank about an inch into my wrist. On it's way through it tagged a tendon, and not only could I barely move my fingers, it felt like my wrist & hand had been beaten with a baseball bat. It hurt like that for about a week, and then for another week or so, felt like a bad charlie horse whenever I tried to move my fingers too much.

That's how you know if you've just nicked a tendon. :o
 
Its felt like forever since I last cut myself and I felt no urge to for a long time but it's back again. I started smoking cigarretes everytime I got an urge but put one out on my hand when that didn't work too well...

Could just be the stress of working twice as much and starting college. My new gf loves psychology and she thinks I have something called schizoaffective disorder, and when I get into fits from that is when I really want my knife back. I don't want her to have to worry about me so much and idk how else exactly I could help myself.
 
^^ Have you ever spoken to your doctor about this, or had a formal diagnosis? Psychology is indeed a very interesting field (I'm a Psych student), and we can endlessly postulate about which disorders we have, but without a formal daignosis and correct treatment plan, you can't really get very far in improving your situation ;)
Your girlfriend sounds very supportive though, that is awesome <3
Does she know you self-harm? Does she know you're tempted to go back to doing it regularly? I really think you should talk with her about this, just so someone knows what's going on.
 
last night I was furious with my whole situation, I'm bipolar and right now rapid-cycling like no other, and had a shit night with my (ex)girlfriend - I'm not even sure anymore. anyway I ended up cutting my shower curtain to smithereens, and accidentally sliced my hand open in the process. seeing the blood got me back in that mindset, and I gashed my thigh once with the knife, and then again the following afternoon after she had left, and after another session of curtain-slicing. I feel like I want to mutilate and disfigure myself, but maybe not all at once, it's so satisfying in slow degrees. I wasn't drunk or anything either times, but a glass of wine or two at night is the only thing keeping me sane. I feel it all slipping away, and I almost feel like ending it before I end up taking her down with me too.
 
^^ leiphos, if you are an immediate threat to yourself and/or your girlfriend you need to get help right now. Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist? If so, please call them to book the earliest appointment possible. Also, are you taking your medication correctly? Your psychological condition is taking control over you, but it doesn't have to. Please get some help before you do any more harm to yourself okay? <3


Divine Moments, sorry to hear you gave in after 4 months :( This doesn't mean that you have to make it a regular thing again though, it's just a one-off <3
 
And it burn, burn, burns...

It's the switch... As I loose control over my ED, I cut or brand. It had been awhile but as soon as I got my hands on some benzos and got stuck in the middle of nowhere in a different state without internet access, the tool kit came out and I brought on that deliciously overwhelming pain that numbs. I am SO upset. As long as I was "nursing my ED back to full power" (what a concept contradiction that is), the cutting/SI urge was be lessened, almost non-existent. Since I went on a week long B&P cycle, after every binge, I just HAVE to cut. Ahh...I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Being ashes floating in a radioactive sea seems more appealing that then hell in my cerebral cortex. Death may not become me, but it does beckon.
My shrink has me signed up for double appointments with him, as well as a couple of specialists (sleep, anxiety) so hopefully, one out of three professionals can help me...or at least drug me into a coma where I can do no harm to myself...
 
Awww lgb I am so sorry to hear you're in such a bad place at the moment :( *big hugs*
I really hope that you can at least find some relief or solution to your current situation with the psych and other specialists. Be strong, I know you have it in you to stop harming yourself <3
Keep us updated okay? <3
 
Danke, N30

n3ophy7e said:
Awww lgb I am so sorry to hear you're in such a bad place at the moment :( *big hugs*
I really hope that you can at least find some relief or solution to your current situation with the psych and other specialists. Be strong, I know you have it in you to stop harming yourself <3
Keep us updated okay? <3
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My back issues have been incredibly painful :( and so I just received my second steroid epidural in hope of managing the pain. I am hoping taking the edge off my sciatica pain will make the cutting less appealing. At the same time, I know my mental health is far from being just that: healthy. I am seeing my psychologist twice a week now and he will be sending me to a sleep and anxiety specialist who can play with my brain chemistry via drugs since he believes my SI stems from a combo of chronic pain, personality disorder, negative self esteem and heredity 8)
So, in a nut shell, no relief yet, but I AM trying, despite the fact that blades, blood and oblivion seem like paradise in comparison to my life.
Much appreciation and love, pretty lady!
<3
 
It's great you're seeing your psych twice a week, hopefully that will help you find some kind of relief <3
Let us know how it goes at the specialists hun <3
 
I've lately been burning myself with cigarettes, holding down firmly for 5-10 seconds to deal with emotional pain. I burned the word loser into my leg where only I saw it until the infection got so bad I had to go to the doctor.

I tried to seek help from a mental hospital for my severe treatment resistant depression at the insistence of my doctor and psychiatrist, but they would not take me because I wasn't suicidal or homicidal.

I haven't burned in 3 days but it would be so easy to do when my emotional state gets really bad. I'm sure I'll continue the practice as I am deeply depressed.
 
ugh... that's why cigarette burns are bad.

I've been branding for a long time and have never got an infection, or seen one develop even with proper aftercare. Burns are still touchy beasts, regardless.

Did you have a written referral from your PCT? as far as I know, hospitals won't take you for in-patient treatment without a referral (or involuntary commitment 8) )
 
Been tempted lately but no where near as much as I used to, it's more of a passing thought

Unfortunately I've been running to the bottle and drinking away my pain with the same dedication I used to cut and burn with

I need to get into another appointment at student mental health.. This will be like the third or fourth entrance exam I've gone to if I go.. I've never made it to the second appointment they schedule after the screening though, I always give up on it and don't show up or call back
 
I think cutting is a stigma in our society, where its not taken seriously and is deemed as attention seeking because many believe its to do with suicide attempt when it isnt imo.
My arms are full of white scars from razor cuts which i often see people looking at in the summer when i have t-shirts on, i have become embarressed about this and cover them with concealer make -up.(im a man btw!)
as the above poster said and many others , booze can make cutting all that more easier to do as it can make you seriously depressed ime.
I never used to tell people i cut for years and years, and worn jumpers etc to cover my cuts, it was never about attention but a release of pressure +pain that had built up in my mind.
anyway , wish all the self harmers well and remember dont be ashamed , after all your hurting yourself only, not like some violent members in our society
 
I have self harmed off and on since I was 15 (about seven years now) and I haven't self harmed since last November. We all hit bumps in the road...I still feel the urge to self harm now and then when I am very depressed and upset. I found my outlet in music. When I get frustrated I either disappear into my iPod or play my guitar. You will make it through, and there may be relapses and dark moments, but it does get easier...and its not overnight.
 
The longer I go without hurting myself the more intense my urge is getting. Its getting to the point where I'm scared to drink with my friends because I lose control when I do. Lately I have taken to biting my hands in various places to fight the urges to burn myself cause I'm sick of people looking at the big round scars on my arms, but thats not really fighting the urge anymore, it feels more like encouragement. How do I leave this behind and get away from it?
 
Sploooj, it sounds like you need to find an alternative release for your pent-up emotions and thoughts. We all need to vent our troubles and frustrations, and when we bottle everything up that's when we start to take it out on ourself with self-harm and substance abuse etc. Do you have a close friend or family member who you can talk to about how you're feeling? Perhaps you could even consider getting some counselling or something?


iceicebaby, I agree hun, music is such a wonderful way to express ourselves and to release emotions. I'd be either insane or dead without music <3


donnie, well said man, I agree <3
 
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