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Self-harm support thread v. 3

dood.... you need serious help, if you manage to harm yourself that much. That do that much damage is tantamount to attempted-suicide. If you're on psych meds, take them. They're being given to you for a reason. If being clean leads to your accidental death, then fuck it.... take your psych meds. They ARE very useful tools in some cases.
 
I cut myself a few times when i was like 13 and this was way before emo came out!
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Me? I like my blood *inside* my body, and preferrably still warm. so no cutting for meh.

Imma OG goth. screw emo. My black is far blacker than their black. LOL
 
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^^ Let's try to keep things on-topic of self-harm :)

Ixchellian said:
If you're on psych meds, take them. They're being given to you for a reason. If being clean leads to your accidental death, then fuck it.... take your psych meds. They ARE very useful tools in some cases.
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I agree with this.

Sprout, when was the last time you saw a psych specialist? From your latest post, the thing that is most concerning to me is that you're having blackouts which are not caused by drugs or alcohol, during which you're self-harming. This is a pretty big sign that something is really wrong. I strongly urge you to seek professional psych help, before you unwillingly do some serious harm to yourself.
Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this further in private <3
 
ive cut for 15 years or so and its something that will never go away for me. this was made worse(or better?) by heroin abuse / alcohol, i especially think the needle pain was a type of self harm. what i also hate is people saying its "attention" what nonsense ,when ive done it i usually tell no one.(kinda hard with the scars sometimes) and it embarrasses me a lot. i am also planning suicide by opiate injection sometime this year but im aware that no one believes you till you do it(they also think its attention unless your sucessful obviously) so there is a big difference between self harm and wanting to end your own life.
 
Wireless

Help me please said:
littlegirlblue, why not use that box cutter to cut the wires on his game system. I was a cutter 40 years ago and recently have done a bit for attention. It's stupid though isn't it? I mean why cut our bodies. It leaves scars on my tats which pisses me off. Next time I get the urge I'll go cut some wires under the hood of husband's truck :)
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No cords to cut, unless I go for the power source, which would keep me from being able to use the damn device for my requisite insomniac DVD and Blue-Ray uses. Plus, as Ixchellian alluded to, I've learned through other peoples' mistakes NEVER to mess with a man's console/car/piece/etc. That type of behavior tore apart my posse in college needlessly...

So I got some good loving from my man the last couple of nights which helped me feel important to him and basically mended our little issues. (I'm the type of girl who can get over any relationship issues by being "thrown a bone").

And yet when he went to the gym last night, I went RAMPAGING. I spent a frenzied twenty minutes gouging into the Astrix I've carved into my inner thigh after purging dinner, eating all my k-pins and smoking the rest of my greens. I just wanted to ESCAPE the hell of convalescing, being TRAPPED by physical pain. I want to DANCE but there is no dancing when you have degenerative disc disease and your sciatic nerve is so inflamed you feel fire up your legs with every step, even after a steroid epidural a week ago.

Do any of my fellow cutters out there have chronic pain issues? Am I simply attempting to "control" this pain I live with by making my own?
 
littlegirlblue said:
Plus, as Ixchellian alluded to, I've learned through other peoples' mistakes NEVER to mess with a man's console/car/piece/etc.

Do any of my fellow cutters out there have chronic pain issues? Am I simply attempting to "control" this pain I live with by making my own?
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Ah yes.... the wisdom gained through the follies of others..... 8)

And now I do. My chronic pain has pushed me much closer to branding again. Even with the drugs.
 
Now that I quit opiates, the craves to self harm are back!
Right now I feel so worthless and empty.
I was just sitting scrolling and the thought comes to me without even a trigger!!!
I feel likes this is all just a horrible plan for failure.

Sorry for seeming so emo DS.
I've made so many improvement and now I feel like I'm square one again.
 
lgb I'm so sorry to hear you hurt yourself again. I can understand the reasoning of wanting pain that you can control, as opposed to the chronic pain you endure that you cannot control. But I wish you would try some less invasive methods. You are too beautiful and too worthy to be doing this to yourself <3

Pillthrill said:
Now that I quit opiates, the craves to self harm are back!
Right now I feel so worthless and empty.
I was just sitting scrolling and the thought comes to me without even a trigger!!!
I feel likes this is all just a horrible plan for failure.

Sorry for seeming so emo DS.
I've made so many improvement and now I feel like I'm square one again.
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PT, just because you get the urge or have those thoughts, doesn't mean you have to act on it. I get thoughts of cutting quite frequently but I never take the next step and actually do it.
It's up to YOU if you actually cut or not. If you don't want to, then you can choose not to do it.

donnie080208 said:
i am also planning suicide by opiate injection sometime this year but im aware that no one believes you till you do it(they also think its attention unless your sucessful obviously) so there is a big difference between self harm and wanting to end your own life.
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Welcome to the thread man, I fully agree with you that there is a big difference between suicide and self-harm. I seriously urge you to reconsider your plans for your OD, there are a lot of options for you other than suicide.
 
SproutOnSmack said:
Well; I've kinda tried to steer clear of this topic for a while, just to basically remove cutting from my life - and that isn't working at all. I've cut about 8 times since I last posted here, and none of them have been "small" or "minor", I hit the tissue and muscle again in my arm if anyone cares to remember?
In that time I've actually pretty much blacked out twice now; and that's led me back here, the first time I was alone in the house for the weekend, I don't remember anything past 7pm on the friday, but I woke up at 4am Saturday in the bathroom with cuts up my leg and arm. Today the same thing happened but to a lesser extent, I have pretty severe cuts on my wrist and thigh that I have zero recollection of doing.
Note I very scarcely touch drugs any more, and none of them are benzos so they aren't to blame.

Well that's my story....
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I hope you dont mind me asking, but do you black out before you cut or after it happens?
It seems similiar to me although my cuts have been quite minor. I don't even know anything is happening like im completely not even there, until i realise there is blood pooring out of my leg, or arm. I dont do drugs on a regular basis, and i havent been diagnosed with any mentle illness. Ive always wondered why it was liek that. although i usually am only out of it for maybe like 20 mins i think or at least under an hour. so maybe its a little different from yours. but if you feel like ever talking about it, feel free to pm me.
 
Ahh.... sleep-dep & self-harm

Okay.... i've been up roughly 57 hours straight. So if this contains syntax and grammar errors and is more or less coherent..... FUHM

It's actually kinda hard to type right now cuase the screens lookin like its tilting back on itself. and why i'm not spacing out to some fractal light show listn'in to some assclown Dj like Oakenfold (later crap).... i dunno.

anyways..... if some of ya'll actually read my post that got deleted (it happens, but it *did* help someone), it was about self-cutting of the soul through theological strife *or* devotion. hell, there are still flagellants and variations all over....... would the vows of celibacy and silence be a version of this? So. you can cut yourself physically, and do the same to your soul/heart, or without actually causing physical injurise. i know, i've done it. but not in some devotional trance or whatever.

ive cut my heart pretty deep, and it was like I was living off the pain of suffering and despair.... caused on my own doing.... not by being hurt by someone else.... although those kinda betrayals and whatver cut pretty deep too.

guess i did it too much, cause the scars on my "soul" are pretty thick. oh that reminds me.... at 48+ hours of no sleep without the aid of drugs, things dont hurt as much.
 
Ix, I totally get what you are saying :) I swear I can feel my heart bleeding today. More than a drip, drip but not squirting yet. I'm actually so tired that I feel I might lose consciousness. Not sure why really. I have another hour before the midnight dose of Morphine so I can sleep. I hope I am awake enough that I really understood what you wrote. It's about deep pain without actually cutting.
 
Mmm, sleep-dep!

Ixchellian said:
Okay.... i've been up roughly 57 hours straight. So if this contains syntax and grammar errors and is more or less coherent..... FUHM

It's actually kinda hard to type right now cuase the screens lookin like its tilting back on itself. and why i'm not spacing out to some fractal light show listn'in to some assclown Dj like Oakenfold (later crap).... i dunno.

anyways..... if some of ya'll actually read my post that got deleted (it happens, but it *did* help someone), it was about self-cutting of the soul through theological strife *or* devotion. hell, there are still flagellants and variations all over....... would the vows of celibacy and silence be a version of this? So. you can cut yourself physically, and do the same to your soul/heart, or without actually causing physical injurise. i know, i've done it. but not in some devotional trance or whatever.

ive cut my heart pretty deep, and it was like I was living off the pain of suffering and despair.... caused on my own doing.... not by being hurt by someone else.... although those kinda betrayals and whatver cut pretty deep too.

guess i did it too much, cause the scars on my "soul" are pretty thick. oh that reminds me.... at 48+ hours of no sleep without the aid of drugs, things dont hurt as much.
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A FELLOW INSOMNIAC! Okay dude, you have chronic pain, chronic (I would assume) insomnia and you use self-harm as a coping mechanism. Additionally, we both appear to love living better through chemistry. Seriously, reading your sleep-deprived post reminded me so strongly of myself. Am I seeing a pattern here? Do the rest of you find people who can lay down at night and JUST FALL ASLEEP without external chemical help AMAZING?

As for the self-flagellation and calling back to medieval saints, I made the connection through the proto-anorexic females who felt they were worthless in the eyes of God, and should be able to exist from the gifts of the Spirit alone if they were "good enough." Although people may blame millennial cultural superficiality and excess for our twisted ways of dealing with immense stressors, perhaps there have always been a percentage of any human population that are wired like us?

I don't know if I'd still be around without you guys on the board... Love to you all <3

PillThrill and Ix, I am thinking of you right now darlings for some reason. I'd load us up some chronic and pass it to you lovelies if I could... Keep us all from our own idle hands and bump some Deadmau5 or Daft Punk... Ix, black eye liner required for you. HOT.
 
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And who is still awake at 3 a.m.?

I am.

Up for 24 hours, you'd think I was ready to rest well. No. Not me. Now I start to become afraid of my sleeplessness, which sends my mind reeling in anxiety.

An hour ago, I took an ambien, k-pin, neurontin and a couple norco after blazin' it up...Seriously, WTF:! I am getting so itchy to find a box cutter, see if another change in the brain chemistry followed by another bowl will get me asleep... Impulsive use of risk-behavior coping mechanisms because I can't sleep?

If I could club myself in the back of my head with that mostly full fifth of Grey Goose over there hard enough to pass out, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Self-harm seems justified when you just know you are going to see the sunrise, captive to consciousness. Ugh, I've gotten so worked up my stomach is being miserable. Joyous.
 
Exposing my secret

After I quit cutting back in my teens I learned about self mortification from a priest. I have practiced it since then and only resorted to cutting during extreme bouts of (choose a feeling)...

The range is so vast! One can be gentle or one can be as severe as needed.

To the mods, I am in no way saying this to promote SM. It really needs to be done along with praying and strong belief. You have to get the point of it so that it isn't simple self harm.
 
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^^^ In my opinion it is self harm plain and simple. You are still harming yourself and for what some perverted sense of the catholic faith? Why should you hurt yourself just to please some irrelevant or non existant god.

That is just my opinion and i will leave it at that. Anymore discussions of god or religion should take place in P&S or atleast via PM.
 
paranoid android said:
^^^ In my opinion it is self harm plain and simple. You are still harming yourself and for what some perverted sense of the catholic faith? Why should you hurt yourself just to please some irrelevant or non existant god.

That is just my opinion and i will leave it at that. Anymore discussions of god or religion should take place in P&S or atleast via PM.
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PA I get what you are saying however isn't this thread about self harm? We all have reasons for having done it and I see you are no different. Saying I am harming myself "for some perverted sense of the catholic faith" is not exactly correct. My beliefs say there is a God. Yours can say no or maybe or whatever you choose. I will never argue that and believe in freedom of religion or lack of for that matter. Moot point!

But back to self mortification. As I was saying it can be whatever one needs it to be. Most of the time mine never leads to blood letting at all. Sometimes not even a welt or bruise is raised. When I cut there is blood and usually a lot of it. I have no plans of explaining how to do it to anyone! There is bound to be something online regarding the subject. Our last Pope was into SM heavily.

If this post has been deemed unallowed then by all means delete it or PM me and tell me. I am unclear what this thread allows. I think we all start at the same place in that we feel so distressed at times that we resort to hurting ourselves. <3
 
The main purpose of this thread is to provide support for people who are struggling with self-harm and the problems in their life that are causing them to resort to self-harm.

We also welcome discussion regarding different types of self-harm. Discussion specifically pertaining to religion (please note I am not being discriminatory by singling out the topic of religion, it's just what we are currently talking about) should take place in the Philosophy & Spirituality forum. This is NOT because we don't want religion to be mentioned in here, but purely because we have the P&S forum for a reason, and that is so it can house all religious discussion in one place so that the people who are most interested in those topics can seek it out specifically.

The odd reference here and there to religion (or body modification, or substance use, or any other topically-related issue) is of course fine. But this is a support thread first and foremost, for the people in need of it <3


Oh, and please note the title-change accordingly :)
 
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