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Self-harm support thread v. 3

Whenever I stop using, I start up with self harm again. I started self harming a few weeks into rehab and its gotten progressively worse-- I cut myself so badly on my leg that it almost needed stitches so they took my razor away from me. I continued scratching literally layers of skin off when I had nothing else left and when they were having to sit while they discussed discharging me I started hitting myself in the head.

I do it to suppress emotions--whether its anxiety, sadness, anger. I guess I use using to try and suppress those feelings and so when I don't have that tool I look for another one. It's gotten really bad and gross though, to the point I've infected my arms and legs and had to go on medication to fight the infecton numerous times, and it looks pretty fucking nasty...
 
mia I am really sorry to hear this :(
Are you getting any therapy at the moment? I really think you need to continue seeing a counsellor to work through all this stuff. It is completely normal to feel emotions, even really strong ones. I know that it can be really scary but it's a normal human function. You can learn to be okay with your emotions.

What are your plans now hun?? Please take care of yourself <3
 
I just read about a girl that waxes her legs instead of cutting when she feels the urge. I think I might go get some wax and try doing that instead of cutting next time I feel like I need to cut.
 
^^ Wow that is an excellent tip!!! Thank you hun! <3
My legs could do with a good waxing tonight.....hmmmm *ponders :)
 
I don't even remember the last time I've been in this position, but here I am again. Fucking hell.
 
I relapsed today.


Then I told a certain friend, and they told me to have a nice life.


I'm worthless, and the only way I can start to make it up to the world is to start sacrificing my blood.



edit: take care of yourself, hayz.
 
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you friend was just dissapointed

they/he/she still cares about you, thats why they were frustrated

relapses happen

you can make it up to the world, your friend n yourself by not using tomorrow

go n flush that leftover half bag
 
^^^i know u dont know me

but i feel as though i know you (through the social n all your pics)

I CARE ABOUT YOU

i know i dont mean as much as an IRL friend

but please take care of youself
 
hayZZ, so sorry I didn't see your post until now. How are things today? What lead up to the point where you found yourself doing it again?
Talk to you soon love <3


kc, hun, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. People can be so cruel. You need to stop this relapse now, before it gets out of hand. You've been down this road before and you now it lead to nowhere. You deserve so much more than what you allow yourself, I hope you can believe that soon. Let us know how you're going hun <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
hayZZ, so sorry I didn't see your post until now. How are things today? What lead up to the point where you found yourself doing it again?
Talk to you soon love <3
Click to expand...

It's okay <3 I actually felt myself after that night, and feel back to normal this week. I don't think I will do it again, at this point in time or anytime soon. <3<3<3 for you rosie. <3
 
I cut on Thursday for the first time in ages, pretty pissed with myself. sorry for the useless post just needed to spill this shit somewhere.
 
<3 hAyzzZZ <3


perfect haze, sorry to hear you cut again. What lead up to you deciding to do it? Do you feel the need to do it again? Or was this more of a one-off?
I know it's easy to turn the anger and regret inwards on to ourselves, but try not to be angry at yourself. That will only add to the vicious cycle of self-harm.
 
Hey I hope its ok to ask a couple of nooby questions here (If not or if they are deemed too stupid please remove my post).

n3phy7e - you made mention in your earlier post about punching the walls with both fist as being a warning sign. Do you mean a warning sign that your pattern of self harm is starting, does the wall hitting slowly progress into cutting yourself? Now down to the actual cutting - can you tell me what you gain from it? I understand that cutting is usually out of frustration / emotional turmoil (is it?) - does the cutting/hurting bring satisfaction - or is it done thinking if you can hurt me so can I but worse OR is it down to the healing process, looking after your wounds etc.

I hope you don’t mind me asking such personal questions but I would love to understand a bit about the subject.
 
I tried to stick a knife into my stomach like they do in movies last night. It's much harder than it looks.
 
^^ kc, why did you do that hun? How far did you take it? Are you okay?? <3

Bearlove said:
n3ophy7e - you made mention in your earlier post about punching the walls with both fist as being a warning sign. Do you mean a warning sign that your pattern of self harm is starting, does the wall hitting slowly progress into cutting yourself? Now down to the actual cutting - can you tell me what you gain from it? I understand that cutting is usually out of frustration / emotional turmoil (is it?) - does the cutting/hurting bring satisfaction - or is it done thinking if you can hurt me so can I but worse OR is it down to the healing process, looking after your wounds etc.

I hope you don’t mind me asking such personal questions but I would love to understand a bit about the subject.
Click to expand...

I am more than happy to answer your questions :)

My concerns about me punching walls comes from past experience. There have been 2 periods of self-harm (each ranging from 1 to 3 months) in the last 3 years, which both started with me punching walls to vent emotion, and very quickly escalated to cutting.

When the brain registers pain, it releases a huge rush of endorphins which as you know assist in natural pain-relief and also elevate our mood. I am really interested to research the exact pathways of the pain -> endorphin mechanism, but at this stage I only have my own personal experience to comment from. But in my opinion this is the main factor in the repetitive act of self-harm, whether the self-harmer knows it or not.

The endorphin rush is quite addictive, and it can be found in a lot of different areas of human activity, not just self-harm e.g. extreme sports. Obviously their motives are usually entirely different from a person who is self-harming, but in my opinion the mechanism in the brain is very similar. So it is for this reason that self-harmers, once they have discovered the rapid relief they get from cutting/burning etc, resort to it the next time they're feeling overwhelmed/depressed/angry/etc.

In my personal experience cutting is an extremely personal thing, which I have been absolutely mortified for others to find out about. It is my personal way of coping with immense and seemingly uncontrollable amounts of emotion. I do not do it out of spite nor do I do it for people to notice and comment on (i.e. for attention).

I can only speak from my own personal experience though, but I suspect that my self-harm experience is a pretty common case.
 
n3ophy7e said:
<3 hAyzzZZ <3


perfect haze, sorry to hear you cut again. What lead up to you deciding to do it? Do you feel the need to do it again? Or was this more of a one-off?
I know it's easy to turn the anger and regret inwards on to ourselves, but try not to be angry at yourself. That will only add to the vicious cycle of self-harm.
Click to expand...

It had been building for time, the threat is prevalentoften when my mood is mixed, i needed to release....stupidly the trigger was fucking politics onthe telly, quite irrelevant and unimportant really - luckily i was sober at the time so didnt cut too deep or frantically - the pressure feels like its released somewhat now so I should be good for a while...

Thanks for the kind words and advice nophy7e <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ kc, why did you do that hun? How far did you take it? Are you okay?? <3



I am more than happy to answer your questions :)

My concerns about me punching walls comes from past experience. There have been 2 periods of self-harm (each ranging from 1 to 3 months) in the last 3 years, which both started with me punching walls to vent emotion, and very quickly escalated to cutting.

When the brain registers pain, it releases a huge rush of endorphins which as you know assist in natural pain-relief and also elevate our mood. I am really interested to research the exact pathways of the pain -> endorphin mechanism, but at this stage I only have my own personal experience to comment from. But in my opinion this is the main factor in the repetitive act of self-harm, whether the self-harmer knows it or not.

The endorphin rush is quite addictive, and it can be found in a lot of different areas of human activity, not just self-harm e.g. extreme sports. Obviously their motives are usually entirely different from a person who is self-harming, but in my opinion the mechanism in the brain is very similar. So it is for this reason that self-harmers, once they have discovered the rapid relief they get from cutting/burning etc, resort to it the next time they're feeling overwhelmed/depressed/angry/etc.

In my personal experience cutting is an extremely personal thing, which I have been absolutely mortified for others to find out about. It is my personal way of coping with immense and seemingly uncontrollable amounts of emotion. I do not do it out of spite nor do I do it for people to notice and comment on (i.e. for attention).

I can only speak from my own personal experience though, but I suspect that my self-harm experience is a pretty common case.
Click to expand...


Thank you so much for that - I was just reading a few of the comments on this thread and people were mentioning (and getting frustrated) that either their 'friends' or 'Parents' didn’t understand it. From an outsiders point of view (removed both emotionally and physically) from the people in the thread I also couldn’t understand the motives. Is there a breakdown in family communication where the person harming cant speak to the parent/partner so the only form of 'release' is self harm?

When you personally were suffering (is this the right word?) from self harm – what would kind of ‘trigger’ would set you off – I.E x happened that led to you cutting yourself. Then when you actually cut yourself how did that change your feelings? Was it the physical pain/endorphin release you wanted.

I’m really sorry for sounding so clueless about this – and I apologise if my posts sound stupid. I can assure you thought that I’m not mocking or taking the piss and I am genuinely interested.
 
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