• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Self-harm support thread v. 3

Had a bad day yesterday, and ended up extinguishing cigarettes all across my hand.
 
Didn't realize how long some of these cuts will last. The majority have faded, but my leg still has some marks from that night.

Good reminder of how easy it really is to let yourself get out of control. Or it is for me at least.
 
The cuts I did on my thigh awhile back stayed for MONTHS. I've never had cuts show that long. I mean, it was seriously over 6 months and you could still see them pretty clearly.
 
^ Oh dear... can you return them to the store that they were bought from?

It might be a wise move. Lots of people seem to return unwanted gifts after Christmas, anyway.
 
^^ That's actually a good idea hun. Or spork, can you ask a friend to hang on to them for you? Please be careful and really think about what you're doing if you ever get the urge. I find that when I get the urge to cut, by putting the thoughts forward in to my concious mind, out of the subconcious realm, often that helps me to really calculate the risks and consequences resulting from my actions, and I decide not to cut. We have the choice to not act out our urges.
 
I can return them and did consider it, but I do actually really need new knives to cook with.

I guess I'm just going to have to try to control my impulses more and trust myself not to cut when the feelings come. Knives or not, I'll still find a way to hurt myself if I really get the urge to. :\
 
spork said:
Knives or not, I'll still find a way to hurt myself if I really get the urge to. :\
Click to expand...

That is a good point, and only further emphasises that you (we all) need to be strong when the urges come, and to know that we can get through them without giving in <3
 
fuck feeling this way. I'm sick of fucking feeling like my world is falling apart everytime something goes fucking right just because something goes worse. I feel unappreciated, pathetic & useless. I refuse to go home because I know I'll fucking cut & I don't wanna go home until that stupid cunt leaves, my fiancee is such a fucking pushover when that guys around....I only like him when he gives me my drug of choice. I am finding itso hard right now, I'm tempted to search this park for something sharp just cuz then the pain goes away atleast for a minute....
 
*trigger warning*

I have the urge to start again? I'm under so much fucking stress, I have multiple panic attacks a day lately. The other day I went to the er with bp 160/90 and a fast heart rate i was freaking the fuck out, they shot me up with ativan and let me go...i really wish they would've given me a script. i'm about to lose it. i want to burn, cut, something. but i stopped for awhile, i don't want to scar myself again...but shit man....just FUSD(F*YSDFIULFILJFLSDHFK
 
ok, so this isn't really my topic of choice anymore...or at least it hasn't been for quite awhile. i stopped cutting for almost 5 yrs. when i had my daughter, and then my son, my world began to relvolve around them. any time i thought about cutting i thought about them. i even had their names tattooed on the insides of my wrists(which was one of my favorite places to cut) so that all i had to do was look at my wrists to see how far i've come. i can still see the scars underneath, but focus on their names in pink and blue.

***trigger warning*** this part is about my most recent experience, and the consequences i've faced since then....

so lately my life has gotten pretty boring. the kiddos started school this year, leaving me with alot of alone time and nothing to do. i've been trying to get out more...and as a result...i met someone...and this is how it always starts. he grabbed my attention right away, with the black polish and black eyeliner, and all the peicings in his face (i know, my tastes are far from normal, and i'm ok with that) but this one was different. i got way to wrapped up in it way too quick. and it was a match made in hell. he knew everything about my love for the rougher side of sex and also knew i used to cut. so did he. and when he brought up the idea of introducing a blade into our bedroom play, i found the idea interesting, and agreed. it was very emotional for me and i really enjoyed the experience. and that scares me. we did it a few times, and have since stopped seeing eachother.

the problem is that now i really miss it again and have been thinking about it quite a bit. i've started wanting to do it agian at stressful moments. i quickly push the thoughts from my mind, but they keep coming back. part of me feels like its ok if its a sexual thing, and that i should find someone who is interested in it in that aspect, but i also feel like i'm using it as an excuse to cut again. i'm torn. i really did enjoy it, but where is the line drawn between SI and a sexual fetish? can i have one without the other? while we were still doing this i wasn't thinking about it constantly, only in the situation while it was happening. but now that we've stopped, its all i think about. i haven't taken the step and cut on my own yet, and i don't want to, i'm just really confused about the whole thing. any advice will be appriciated...
 
Firstly, thanks for sharing your story hun <3

In my opinion it's not okay for cutting to be incorporated in to sexual activities if it has ever been a problem for you. In my opinion it's the same thing as when you were cutting alone. You and other people might have a different opinion but that's just mine. But I think if cutting was an emotional release for you when you did it by yourself, combining it in to the world of sex and pleasure would be very confusing for you.

Have you ever spoken with a therapist about this hun?? It sounds like you might have some issues you need to deal with in order to help you overcome the thoughts of self harm. If thinking about your kids isn't getting you through the self harm thoughts any more then perhaps you need to find some other methods to work through those times. And a therapist/psych can help you do that. What do you think?


billyswifey and ZAP, how are you both feeling?? Hang in there and please take care of yourselves <3
 
I have wanted to cut as the bf hasn't been himself...just harsh. And I've been depressed, perhaps him too. But I'm too afraid. I have such a nasty scar that it limits what I can wear. Sleeve HAVE to come down to my wrist. Thank god it is winter. I'm not sure that this is bad...but I fear it.
 
TRIGGERING:

I cut my arm pretty deeply with a razorblade after having a fight with my parents this evening, to the point that blood was running down my arm and onto the carpet. They threatened to kick me out of home cos of my drug use and "bad behaviour" when they know I can't look after myself and will probably starve to death on the streets. If they kick me out, that will be the end of me. I'll kill myself and leave a note blaming them for my death. Sorry, but my BPD symptoms are totally out of control right now... I can't believe my own fucking parents would abandon me like that.
 
It's been hard to fight since things started going so wrong. I have a hard time knowing what to do other than some negative coping skill. But I keep looking at the scars and thinking about how I have to hide them and what people would think and say and continue to fight.
 
^^ Sometimes that's just what we have to do to get through it hun. Keep it up okay?? Be strong, just like you have been in the past <3

Sweet P, I'm so sorry to hear you did that. I'm not sure if you're going to be online to read this but I hope you're okay. Please take care of yourself lovely girl <3
 
^^ Have you spoken to your fiancee about this yet hun?? It sounds like you could really use his support to get through the hard times. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for my partner I would still be cutting regularly. But even just telling him about it when I get urges, and talking through it, really helps to overcome it.
He wants to be there for you, that's what partners are for <3
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top