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Self-harm support thread v. 3

^^ Sorry to hear that wihn :(
Being angry at yourself is just fuelling the fire though, it will only lead to more desire to self-harm. I really hope you can try to curb that way of thinking, in to a more "healing" process of thought, if you know what I mean.

whatishername said:
1 step forward, 3 steps back
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I have OFTEN felt like this over the years, especially with my problems with self-harm. But you can break the cycle.

Have you got a plan to stop cutting?
 
Things are tough. School is such a trigger. I have NO CHOICE in the fact that I have to take these courses that are hard for me and I hate. I have the same urge to cut, but now, I'm just to scared. I keep have flashes in my head of when I took it too far. Now what am I to do with myself. I acutely aware at this moment that my coping skills are sadly deficient.
 
I havn't cut propperly in about 5 years, did kinda relapse a little about a year and a half ago, but managed to pull myself through it. For thoes who feel like your trapped, it can get better. There is light at the end of the long and dark tunnel (sorry for the cheesy line).

I still have my scars up my arms, but it kinda helps me remember the place I was in back in them dark days and how much better I feel in myself now that I am through it. The temptation is still there at times, I had issues with anger and dealing with emotions, and still do somewhat, especially the 2nd of the 2. It takes time and work, but it can get better (IME).

Best of wishes to you all still going through it x
 
Thanks RoG, it's always great to hear success stories <3
So awesome to hear you came through the other side, the "tunnel" if you will (the perfect analogy :))
 
I've been feeling better, I go through the other night without a scratch, I think I went to sleep after my post. I've started leaving the house when I think I might cut.
You guys really help me through, it's good to know someone will listen to me whinge about everything and not judge me. Thanks. xx
 
I stopped cutting March 08..I think. Before that it was a very long two years. I have the worst scars, and I have my exs name burned on my arm, which I feel like a total fool for doing now. I don't have any urges to do it anymore thank god.
People don't seem to see that it is actually a really big problem
 
*sigh*

It's been like awhile...Maybe 9 months or so. But I'm getting into self-destruct mode again.

It's like with one behavior comes the other two. (the three being ED, SI, and drugs)
 
today/tomorrow is the anniversary of something very special to me, which i think noone else in this world will remember apart from me.

i dont want to go into specifics, it would be too difficult for me to express exactly what i was trying to say. if i had to try explain how it feels, i would compare it to the anniversary of the death of a loved one. someone who everyone else in this world has forgotten, forgotten they ever existed, and forgotten that they ever loved this person. it feels like i am standing here holding a candle at their grave, and everyone else has betrayed this persons memory, has taken everything back, moved on and forgotten. im left here screaming silently trying to remind them of the beautiful times and perfect memories, and they walk on by, oblivious, uncaring. i never once thought they'd ever forget.

maybe its because the anniversary and that time in my life when i self harmed are closely linked. i feel the urge to cut again, to add another scar alongside the rest of them. to show that someone remembers. to show how much i care. to dull the emotion that comes along with these memories. theres nothing else i can do.

my forearms already bear several long scars, explaining a fresh cut would be impossible to dismiss as another accident to anyone with any sense, and thats whats stopped me in the past... right now im beyond caring.
 
versd said:
my forearms already bear several long scars, explaining a fresh cut would be impossible to dismiss as another accident to anyone with any sense, and thats whats stopped me in the past... right now im beyond caring.
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This is what stops me from doing it again as well so I can really relate to that statement. I sincerely hope you find the strength within you to get through this difficult time versd. There are other ways apart from cutting that you can pay respect and memorial, please take care of yourself <3
 
Hi all, having never self harmed but worked with those that have i think this thread is amazing. A place where all can talk and support each other imo has to be a step in the right direction.
I'm not sure who said it earlier but people don't SH to get attention there has to be some driving force behind that thought to trigger such a behaviour. Respect to you all and take care.
 
I never had cut before.

I didn't really know what it was about, a release of pain I heard.

I cut my forearm with just a few small cuts a few weeks ago. It sucked cause I was worried about someone seeing.


I was all coked out/subbed out last night and cut up my thigh pretty good. There's about 60 vertical and horizontal slices over it. Looks pretty bad. Felt right at the time though.
 
Carl - most people are more likely to cut when they are on drugs. Alcohol is a bad one for me.
I think you need to take a step back here. We say don't start cutting, it's like saying not to do any other dangerous activity, but I really can't equate it to anything else. There is so much pain in cutting. Like I said before, I got 7 stitches this month and I really didn't have any other option (the top layer of skin isn't healing either... :() There is so much pain and sadness in the act, the thinking and the scars. Get out while you can.
I feel like the people that told me to get the hell out of meth while I could. I'm glad I listened. Hopefully you will take our words to heart also.
 
^^ Great post hun <3

Carl, I can understand the mindset you were in when you did it. I've been there too. But there are so many other ways you can vent your emotions, other ways you can express your frustrations/sadness/pain. It's not worth getting in to the world of cutting. If you ever feel like you want to do it again please try to divert your thoughts to something else. The urges to cut do subside reasonably quickly if you try.

Please take care <3
 
Yeah, diverting your attention to a task that you need to do will often allow the feelings to pass.

Cutting crossed my mind today. Just feeling not-right, rather inadequate and fearing the worst in situations. I so wanted to smack myself over the head. It's like "Are you effing kidding me?! Look at what you did to your arm and that isn't even healing right! People are ALWAYS going to know. And you want to go to the same behavior!"

Jeez....*shakes head*
 
Thanks for the responses! <3

Haven't really had an urge to do it and I'm still not sure why I did it. I just remember sitting on my couch really fucked up, just slicing at my leg. I had been so upset that night....felt right at the moment I suppose.

It wasn't painful at the time, but it fuckin' stung the next day when my pants kept hitting it. Looked really bad at first, but it's healing quicker than I thought it would.
 
one night my ex made me really sad and i was completely shit faced so i walked in her bathroom pulled my little case with my razor in it i always carried it around wherever i went at that time and proceeded to cut myself about 50 times in a small box on my chest about 3in wide and 6in long it still looks horrible but its a reminder to myself about how much pain she has caused for me so every time i think of her i just look at that scar and think god i have such a love hate relationship with that girl

never told anyone that story just wanted to share but its been about a month since my last cut iv just been staying away from razors but im back at home now were i can go get a fresh blade any time i want so we will see how long this lasts
 
positive move would be to dispose of the razor. my craft knife sits on my desk and i should really get rid of it. ive started cutting on top of old scars. at least that way after its healed. no more questions apart from the ones i already get. is that triggering? sorry.
 
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