I don't need two threads to get confused lol.
But confusion is not something I experience consciously or subjectively.
Curiosity, wonder, hypothesis but rarely a frowned brow.
I didn't trip. Wisely. Flu has me down more than my daily drug taking enables me to appreciate.
And a gigantic wave of stress this week effectively on the active backside of 1700 Micrograms has caused ripples. My will for the moment is gone.
I've been sleeping mostly since p.m. (10.47 now), unable to do anything but go back to bed, only waking up constantly for the toilet.
The dreams were too real, too intense, too hallucinogenic.
Physically no way on earth did I need to even contemplate a mg plus dose.
In a normal year, a normal flu, normal near-November, approaching a normal winter, prospect of a normal 2022, I would normally have a plan here.
Basic survival one, involving strategy and just needing commitment and will to execute.
My will is gone. I don't mean irretrievably but more than ever.
I haven't ever lost my will actually.
Lost my witts. Regained them. But there has always been a little will.
I'm sure there are people all around speaking, have spoken mirroring rhetoric, already fallen or still trooping, currently and since.... who have never taken a Microgram.
So in their cases, LSD is not easily and immediately labelled as the culprit.
Because the World is the real problem for them, and life's arduances (cool word for hardships if valid).
Same as me. I know too many people will find it irresistible to link any potential circumstantial outcome here to LSD intake.
It's just so hard easy and convenient. I feel it would be an injustice to LSD and the life I battle through entirely independently of it.
Because it will surel be 2 + 2 = AutoTripper when it's 16 + 15 x 96 - 11 and still going just not strong.
This really bothers me though. I can't change or influence that and I won't fret about it.
But I do hope somebody can appreciate the point I try to make here.
I will aim to ride out the remaining flu (about 16 days in, exoecting 42).
My will as I say though is crushed. I am up at least. I cannot take any more dreams for now, and the stress this week has escalated the pneumonia again.
I am oil pulling with coconut oil. Actually I do have a plan.
Raw garlic. I never had any today (today is such an alien word for me, it has little applicabilty personally).
It will help, a lot, with respiration. Plus turmeric and cayenne.
Kava awaits after I had to leave it earlier and surrender to sleep.
So that is the plan now. Relieve, breathe, medicate, and eventually again sleep.
I just am urging peole to look at the bigger pictures. It does trouble me knowing that the real big picture of my life will not even be contemplated with such an easy "AutoTripper took too much acid. It was literally the 500th milligram that did it, after 25 years.
Lyme, long Covid, severe stress, planet Earth + + just coincided.
To me, knowing my own body, mind, experience, obstacles, it is the other way round.