• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Got up at 5:45 but wasn’t awake for the first few hours, just walking like a zombie. Got to work 20 min early and just cried until I had to start working 🙃 Then I put my big girl pants on and did my job.

We have been slammed since last Friday due to a recent outbreak but today it finally settled down- I guess people don’t went to get tested and have to isolate over Christmas Day (the audacity of some of them I swear).

People and businesses have also sent a lot of stuff to us- food, lollies, fudge, soft drink, fruit, gingerbread, Christmas pies... it’s very nice. Feeling a bit better now.

Have to leave early to meet up with HR to sign my official risk assessment and maybe have a date to start on the ward maybe...

Fingers crossed.

Not working Friday so I get a three day weekend at least.
 
madness00 said:
Hi all,

This thread should be a safe haven for those with MI, where we can chat with each other and talk about how we are feeling for the day.

I have Bipolar Disorder, and today i feel pretty stable. I've been sober for a week now because i have a probation piss test coming up, but will soon do some meth. The thing is, i stay up all night when on it, so it could quite possibly make me hypomanic.

But what's wrong with a little hypomania when your on Lithium, Lamictal and Vraylar? Can't be that bad of a crash. I mean, i've done meth before on these meds and i was fine.. I obviously don't recommend it but self medication is such a big part of my life, unfortunately.

Anyway, hopefully i can get to know some of you and we can talk about problems, successes, and just anything that's on your mind.

:D
Click to expand...
Today is my birthday and I woke up crying. Wanted to be numb...so I did brain numbing things with friends.. now I’m home and semi numb. I know that I need to make some healthier decisions but I’m exhausted from attempting to be strong. My family is toxic asf and I’m very isolated. I wish this were all a dream.... I know that I can’t control others but im
Not going to lie, I envy people with family support and parents that love and support them. I’m not going to do anything stupid to myself. I’m just very uncomfortable emotionally and mentally... I know frying my brain with stimulants isn’t the answer and I’m at the point where I don’t even think they work anymore ... I’ve got to do something and be more responsible 😑
 
LaQuishaFontaine said:
Not going to lie, I envy people with family support and parents that love and support them.
Click to expand...

This probably won't help you, but I found the strongest support within myself.

My family don't even know my problems and my mates only know parts of them and have offered checkered assistance in the past with the bits they do know of.

I learnt to rely on only myself.

I know this is may not be entirely helpful, but I just want you to know that the best source of strength comes from within. <3
 
Having a great day today.

Yesterday, just after posting the above, just before starting work, I got a call from HR saying they’re ready and to come in that day! So I got to miss a couple of hours of work to go to the meeting and get told I officially start in neurology on the 4/1/21! Exciting. I’m sure it won’t be all fun and games though- apparently they get a lot of code blacks (aggression/violence) so we will see how that goes.

The day was really great though, the amount of people getting swabbed dwindled right down. We had a Christmas lunch with tonnes of food.

I just have today then I have a three day weekend. Was also told by HR I could take the public holidays off as per the fact the drive thru isn’t open on those days so I should get a bit of a break!

Fun times.

My family want to come over for Christmas... so I might get them to bring weed lol and have an actually good one.

☺️
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
Update: The new stuff I sent in was so good that he's still in custody! They were only 2 hours from letting him go when they got the new evidence. This is starting to feel like a movie plot lol. Trial might be in january. All the ups and downs is exhausting. PTSD is getting worse. Hopefully soon it will all be over.
Click to expand...
Dang, that was a close one! It's great that you were able to get the evidence sent before they let him go!

Hopefully January will be the month that we both overcome our legal problems!
 
I seem to go through periods of like... being super uninterested in this site. Like, I try, I log in to see new posts but see a bunch of shit and close it within a minute each time cos it’s all boring... So I thought this time I might bother to make a post. That’s my story!
 
SunriseChampion said:
This probably won't help you, but I found the strongest support within myself.

My family don't even know my problems and my mates only know parts of them and have offered checkered assistance in the past with the bits they do know of.

I learnt to rely on only myself.

I know this is may not be entirely helpful, but I just want you to know that the best source of strength comes from within. <3
Click to expand...
It does help! Thank you. Peace and blessings.
 
schizopath said:
I dun slit my wrists!
Click to expand...
Bro please tell me you didnt?
Damn... been wondering wtf ya been. Fuck me, man. Damn....
How is your head atm and do you feel up to posting today or are you still fucked?
Benzos are a true beast ime and I try to stay on point with those little buggers.
Love ya bro.
One
 
schizopath said:
Not my wrists. But Last time i do benzos ever. Sold my pc and stuff. Fucking hell.
Click to expand...
me too i fckn quit that garbage. It's not that i don't like them though. But ONE is too much. Even when necessary. Well maybe not. See.
I still like them though.

They are weapons and warfare. They made my head broken and now I have headaches when I fuck with any kind of medicine BECAUSE xanax is no different.

happy new year. btw. RIGHT.

I still need my pain medication. Though this is why god gave me sativa thc dabz and indica. Gratitude new year !! 🌳🍃🌺☀️
 
schizopath said:
Last time i do benzos ever.
Click to expand...
This is promising. Although I never say never, with benzos it's like a polar drug imo. The best and worst one would like from a drug. And throw in all he unkown substances used to create sellable bunk... it just becomes a liability if fucked with long term or on a regular basis. This is hard for me to see when "under the influence" and that is maybe the most damaging aspect of benzo abuse in my case. I love benzos but have started to believe that any use other than when absolutely needed is abuse as it hits back with some funky ass footwork that bedazzles it's abuser. lol
Fuck it ya dont miss em unless they run out.
Glad to hear it was metaphorical but think you know you fucked yourself on the pc. That can be the hardest to bear imo so just try to move ahead and shrug any extra dead wight off as it will drag ya down or al least slow your progress... and most likely cloud your vision of who you are. Let's not forget who we are. Lors....
Always,
 
I have severe PTSD because of several traumas. My doctor says I am the worst he has seen besides those who come back from war. I feel anxious a lot and at times depressed. I tried to end my life last January yet have also been sober a year. I lost my mother six months ago. Don't even know how I stayed sober but here I am. Even with all the emotional ups and downs daily I still feel free because of my year sobriety after a 20 year habit. I wish I did not feel so raw! Who knew sober meant I would actually have to feel things!
 
i have had a shitty week aswell as u all also have, my mental state was not good for work, i said to the manager yesterday " i am not haveing a good day can i leave" and i left, ive been taking subs idk if that had negtive mind space or not for work,
im kinda fucked in the head, hopfuly next week will be better,
 
My depression's kicking in again.

It seems to come in waves, years apart, but I don't know entirely if it isn't just conditional factors. The last year was fucked. Stress from work caused me to have palpitations all spring. Then work burnt me out. I've had the last two weeks off but spent almost all of it bachanal drunk or running around. Have had maybe 2 nights of proper rest in those two weeks, which is probably a contributing factor.

But, really, I think it's psychologically structural. I'm lonely. I've been single for a decade and was ready to start dating again last spring when the plague just made that too fucked to bother with. So I haven't. Not sure when I'll have the opportunity with how shit's popping off around here.

I'm bothered by the disconnect from nature. I live on the water so at least that keeps me going, but I'm tired of living in the city. It's stressful. I need more trees in my life. Problem is, I've got myself stuck here because of a commitment to stash away enough money over the next decade so as to be able to stop working full time. Work being the reason I'm still here now. Very well-paying job and I'm not moving out of town just to have a massive commute. Been there, done that. That also did my head in, and a lot worse than living here now does.

I keep living in the past. I can't stop trying to relive past glories and gravitate to all manner of things that remind me of past experiences. Paradoxically, I'm attracted to things (this means everything....places, people, sounds, etc) that are associated with negative times in my life, though the two came together at some key moments and so maybe it's not such a mystery.
It's fine to reminisce but this shit is taking up waaaay too much mental capacity thus preventing me from fully living in the present and even planning properly for the future.

I feel like a failure still. After all these fucking years. Having completely got over it 16 years ago only to let it all come crashing down through decisions and actions that I was fully responsible for making. Then getting over it again, only to yet again fail myself and drag myself down with my cavalier and reckless attitude to living.

I haven't accomplished anything I thought I might in life and can't get over the past enough to move forward. I'm in like a giant thought loop, it feels like sometimes.

I try hard to do better and it all goes well, sometimes for a year or two even only to eventually fuck it all up in a short period of time.

Super sick of myself, to be honest. Luckily, suicide is no longer an option as I refuse to let my beautiful nieces and nephews ever find out their favourite uncle is no longer with them.

I've always used my family as a tool to keep me from suicide and reverted instead into self-destructive behaviour because it wasn't as immediate.
I'm trying to stop doing that now as well.

aaaaah, fucking hell
 
SunriseChampion said:
My depression's kicking in again.

It seems to come in waves, years apart, but I don't know entirely if it isn't just conditional factors. The last year was fucked. Stress from work caused me to have palpitations all spring. Then work burnt me out. I've had the last two weeks off but spent almost all of it bachanal drunk or running around. Have had maybe 2 nights of proper rest in those two weeks, which is probably a contributing factor.

But, really, I think it's psychologically structural. I'm lonely. I've been single for a decade and was ready to start dating again last spring when the plague just made that too fucked to bother with. So I haven't. Not sure when I'll have the opportunity with how shit's popping off around here.

I'm bothered by the disconnect from nature. I live on the water so at least that keeps me going, but I'm tired of living in the city. It's stressful. I need more trees in my life. Problem is, I've got myself stuck here because of a commitment to stash away enough money over the next decade so as to be able to stop working full time. Work being the reason I'm still here now. Very well-paying job and I'm not moving out of town just to have a massive commute. Been there, done that. That also did my head in, and a lot worse than living here now does.

I keep living in the past. I can't stop trying to relive past glories and gravitate to all manner of things that remind me of past experiences. Paradoxically, I'm attracted to things (this means everything....places, people, sounds, etc) that are associated with negative times in my life, though the two came together at some key moments and so maybe it's not such a mystery.
It's fine to reminisce but this shit is taking up waaaay too much mental capacity thus preventing me from fully living in the present and even planning properly for the future.

I feel like a failure still. After all these fucking years. Having completely got over it 16 years ago only to let it all come crashing down through decisions and actions that I was fully responsible for making. Then getting over it again, only to yet again fail myself and drag myself down with my cavalier and reckless attitude to living.

I haven't accomplished anything I thought I might in life and can't get over the past enough to move forward. I'm in like a giant thought loop, it feels like sometimes.

I try hard to do better and it all goes well, sometimes for a year or two even only to eventually fuck it all up in a short period of time.

Super sick of myself, to be honest. Luckily, suicide is no longer an option as I refuse to let my beautiful nieces and nephews ever find out their favourite uncle is no longer with them.

I've always used my family as a tool to keep me from suicide and reverted instead into self-destructive behaviour because it wasn't as immediate.
I'm trying to stop doing that now as well.

aaaaah, fucking hell
Click to expand...

Your avatar is adorable.

Tell me about loops. Tell me about cycles. I know them all too well. Between bipolar mood swings and the past fogging my mind only because old shit is never really gone. It usually comes back. Usually adapted and more covert.

Not sure if that makes sense for you as well.

How's your 2021 going to be this year?
 
It is so tough to get over depression right now. I am going to have to find what works best to get over it. If it even is ever completely possible to do so.
I am sure it can be as soon as I figure out a way. Or even want to.
I should be thankful for some things. I am eating again and I can sleep more than not now. So far I am coping just one day
at a time. And I just do that. And feel sad too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top